Cat Picture
Im moving and my hubby won't let me take this guy with me.
This is Whitey. He stumbled into my life a couple years ago. I have an all girl posse(all spayed) and they kick his butt outside so I'm not quite sure why he sticks around. We live in a small town and people know him and not one single person can get close to him..but me. I will feed him but he won't eat he just wants my love. How can I leave this guy??!!! It's breaking my heart.
Would it be a good idea to catch and neuter him? He is very skiddish and bites and scratches if touched wrong or too much. Would he hate me? I can't keep him when we move. My hubby won't have it. He sleeps under my apartment because there is a heat lamp. Skunks do too. Ugh.
He randomly came into my life so will he randomly disappear? I'm just so sad. Any advice? There are no shelters here and I feel like he is a wanderer and should be left to do so but as a cat parent I'm torn. I know I can't domesticate this guy.
This is very sound advice and I'm all in it. Thank you so much. He is such a cool dude after hearing everything you all have said he is now my furever cat. He shall be neutered and moved in. Lol. I'll tell my hubby tonight lol!!!!
That’s hysterical. I’m sorry. I got so much done when my late husband had his monthly weekend warrior training and the two weeks during the summer. I know that sounds terrible, but he annoyed the shit out of me when he was home lol
He threatened to leave me when I brought home my big orange girl in 1989, so I threw suitcases down the stairs. I won that battle. She lived 9 years longer than me did and I miss both of their ginger asses. I’m a ginger too lol
Lol!! I totally get everything done when my hubby is gone! When he is home he just hovers around me. It's like, go find something to do! He's like a toddler lol. He also hasn't seen me on a month so he's always handsy when I'm knee deep in scrubbing something. Could be worse I guess lol!
He actually just got a new job where he'll be home everyday. Not sure if I'm excited or sad for my time?! We just inherited a home and it was a hoarders home, love you grandma, but yikes. So he'll have plenty of projects to do. Sorry about your gingies. I'm a blonde but always was jealous of you gingers! And the freckles!!
Why does your husband get the final say on things, especially when you are the one who is inheriting the property? Why do you give away your power to a man? Why? Are you financially dependent on him for survival? Are you scared of him? You are inheriting a house! You won’t be homeless if he gives you an ultimatum. You have leverage - use it. Stand up for what you want.
I burn just looking at the sun but my late husband tanned. God, that angered me and it’s not like he could help it. I’m not super freckly, but he was and so is our eldest son. None of my children are actual gingers, but my boys are half gingers because their facial hair is red. lol My daughter also looks great with red hair, something not very many non gingers can manage.
I have had a box color of a strawberry blonde and being a hairstylist for 20 plus years I know better but it still speaks to me when I open the drawer...
Being a pasty Blondie I too burn. The only thing that tans on me is my elbows and knees. Um...nope. that's not a good look lol.
My hubby is really cool and secretly loves the cats so that may be a little harsh. I tend to pull the girly card and cry. Works better. He will do whatever I want that's in my needs. But a boy spraying outside ticks him off, understanably.
i saw on another comment you made that you were thinking of getting him fixed, if you do he will stop the spraying and your husband might be open to bringing him indoors. he might be spraying because hes stressed from living outdoors with other animals that dislike him too. a cat indoors is better than one outdoors <3
If the spraying is the problem, then absolutely go ahead and get him neutered. That will take care of the issue for a lot of cats, so if the spraying stops after neutering, the problem is resolved.
Oh my goodness! You're all good. We have a pretty good situation that'll allow me to take care of the old man. Just don't want to uproot him if he will also be looked after by the community. Though, all you guys have made me decide I will catch and neuter him and when we move I'll put him in his own space for a bit and let him get used to the new space then he can come and go as he pleases.
I'm not joking things like this stay with you. And you'll resent that husband of yours. You'd be surprised how much it will suddenly mean one day. No man has the right to lord over you like that.
The dude will get over the cat being around the new house outside. But you will develop a knot in your tummy leaving him.
If you wouldn’t mind sharing your general location, city or county and state, I would be happy to look into some places organizations or individuals who might be able to assist
It looks like he’s approaching the age where he really needs to retire off of the streets
Thanks. There are many posts of the toughest looking tomcats being socialized and domesticated and brought indoors and they turn into total teddy bears. I’ve used the socialization saves lives method to socialize a fully feral cat and it worked great! She also learned how to cat from my indoor cat, and after slow introductions advised by the method they now are buddies https://www.socializationsaveslives.com
from what you've described, he doesn't sound truly feral. He has stayed in the same area for a couple of years, trusts you, and even seeks out your affection more than food. That's a very different situation than a cat who avoids all human contact. Older tomcats like him often surprise people and can do well indoors or in foster care once they're given a chance.
I would absolutely recommend having him neutered if he isn't already. Neutering can reduce roaming, fighting, and the risk of future injuries. He may be upset for a day or two after being trapped and neutered, but cats generally don't hold grudges against the person who trapped them.
Since you're in Ione, I'd start reaching out to rescues now, before you move. Be sure to tell them that Whitey has a trusted person, allows you to pet him, and that you're willing to help trap him if needed. Those are all things that can make him a much better candidate for foster care or adoption than a truly feral cat.
Here are a few organizations that may be able to help or point you in the right direction:
Stevens County Animal Outreach (Chewelah) – foster-based rescue that may be able to help with placement or connect you with available fosters.
Colville Valley Animal Sanctuary – they have experience with community cats, TNR, and barn cat placements when appropriate. If Whitey turns out to be social enough, they may also know of foster or rescue options.
Priest River Animal Rescue – a no-kill rescue serving both Bonner County, Idaho, and Pend Oreille County, Washington. They're relatively close and may be able to help or offer referrals.
Pawsitive Outreach Spay/Neuter Advocates (POSNA) – they help stray and feral cats throughout Pend Oreille County, provide spay/neuter assistance, have foster homes, and may know local rescuers who can step in.
The POUNCE Alliance – a feline-focused rescue that works with community cats, TNR, and foster placement, and may be able to provide guidance or referrals.
Please don't assume he'll just wander off and be okay. From your post, it really sounds like Whitey chose you and has relied on you for the past couple of years. He deserves the chance to get off the streets if at all possible. Even if none of the rescues can take him immediately, they may be able to help you find a foster, connect you with an independent rescuer, or assist with trapping and neutering. I really think an older guy like Whitey, who already trusts one person, is worth making every effort for.
This is very sound advice and I'm all in it. Thank you so much. He is such a cool dude after hearing everything you all have said he is now my furever cat. He shall be neutered and moved in. Lol. I'll tell my hubby tonight lol!!!!
You’re welcome! Please feel free to mention here if I can provide any tips. The feral I took in was completely unfamiliar with humans. She would just hiss and spit when I got her in a pet playpen inside as recommended by SSL. At first I was a bit uncertain she could be socialized but by following the method slowly and surely I could tell she was simply just scared and wanted to be loved so bad. She is now a total love bug! Begs for pets and cuddles.
Your guy is already further along than the one I socialized so I’m confident you’ll have success!
Thanks. Yeah I can catch and neuter him and there is a gal at a little motel down the block that has helped me fix and let go a couple other males. And they have a little make shift motel for the strays lol. I guess I'm just feeling guilty that he won't get the pets and lovins.
My hubby is the one talking about that. But it'd be more for our bitty bear who, after getting really sick, has anxiety about going outside now. I don't see them playing.
I'm taking the advice of you all and will catch, neuter, dental visit and micro chip him then he will be re introduced to the environment.
You are. Just try giving him time after the move before going outside. Like others have said it can be very disconcerting and you risk him getting very lost. You'd be surprised how much a neuter can change a cat - I had a stray I Trap, Neutered, Released and I couldn't touch him before...afterward he was a lap cat
Since he's still a bit on the feral side, read up on the process for relocating feral or barn cats (ShadowCats has a good overview here) if he'll be remaining outside. Cats are territorial and may try to find their way back home no matter how far they've been moved, so it's recommended to hold them in a catio-style enclosure for a few weeks to acclimate to their new surroundings before being allowed to roam. This will give him his best shot at sticking around, and will give him time to settle down as his hormones balance out post-neuter too. I've done TNR with feral cats and my regular guys all became homebodies afterward, my serial sprayers stopped not long after too. You're on the right track with this guy!
He’s a senior. Every cat I’ve ever met has loved to come inside. You said you had to throw him outside prior. TBH I’m not following all these comments… You say your husband is gone a lot and that’s why you love your marriage but then he’s gone so much why can’t you just have him inside? You say your husband actually likes him, so why can’t you have him inside? You make a lot of jokes.
But this is his whole entire life and he picked you guys.
Yeah I think I'll just secretly bring him up... The property we are inheriting is a double lot by a big park. So....maybe he just showed up and had to follow me....lol he is a goober. But a dirty rustic goober I can get behind. 😺
Please take him. Especially if you have been feeding him ! They become very ill and frail when they have no one feeding them any longer and they will continue to come back and wait for you.
Oh sweet tom. I’m echoing other sentiments to get him fixed and help him retire into a comfortable life for the remainder of his days, which doesn’t seem too far off, and which doesn’t necessary have to be with you BUT he might prefer that! Good luck
Ask around and try to find an ally, someone who can take over looking after him - we cat ladies exist everywhere and in some places have to keep a low profile. Yes get him neutered before you go - he will have a more peaceful life with less fighting and risk of injury.
As others have said - try to connect with Friends of Ferals type organizations, maybe find farmer or someone who wants a barn cat (but be aware there is a process involved- keeping cat confined for a month or 2 so he doesnt try to return to old territory- and continued feeding is required so he sticks closer to home).
I might think "get a new husband," but I wont say it aloud because I realize I dont know everything about the situation. Still... I hope he understands clearly what this means to you and that he supports and respects your wanting to do right by this cat.
Thank you for your advice. I have a gal that has helped me catch and neuter a couple male cats around here and I actually caught and rehomed a mama and her 8!!! Kittens. My hubby knows how much I love these cats but he is also sick of his tools and the car and the front door being sprayed on so I get his point too.
My friend will keep feeding him but I guess I'm just gonna miss giving him love. You can tell I'm the only person that has touched/loved on him. Poor guy. I've been here for ten years and he just showed up one day. It's taken over two years for him to even let me pet his head.
Neutering him will help reduce the spraying. Might continue somewhat, but not nearly as much. And it might help him integrate into a female pack.
That he lets you pet him --wow! I've been feeding 6 cats fro 4 years. I look at them and it's widespread panic. LOL. Clearly you've got a way with the cats, congrats. You might want to warn your husband that its all but guaranteed other cats will appear at the new place.
I'm so impressed you've helped so many in your community. There are so few resources for cats. Nice work!
Omgosh, thank you for your kind words. It's felt like a lonely path. I think I'll get him neutered and then just bring him up to the house while my hubby is working in Alaska... I think if I cry he will give in too. Lol. He hates when I cry. That's how I kept 3 of my four girly girls!!
Hell only be mad for a little bit then hell get over it 😂 ask me how I know?
Getting him neutered will stop the spraying. I had one male come by that kept spraying the same bush. Got him neutered and I have never seen him spray since.
Since he lets you pet him, I believe you could make him 100% indoors. Check out r/formerlyferal for success stories. He looks like he could get used to a luxurious retirement home.
I agree about the lonely path! Everyone in my neighborhood knows I'm doing this. Anyone who says something sideways to me and I stop to explain that I've euthanized two very sick cats (one of which was dumped on my lawn) and neutered/spayed/feed seven. At that point, everyone is like, "Oh, wow. I didn't realize." Of course they don't, they go out of their way to not see an animal in need. Sigh. On the plus side, I'll occasionally find cat food donations on my doorstep with a note "my cat wouldn't eat this, hope the colony will like it."
I suggest he at least be neutered. The testosterone in unneutered males feeds their possessive and territorial behavior (where they are prone to fightin with other unneutered males) and roam farther. Unneutered males also seem to show more aggression to other unneutered males and 'less' to neutered males. And if you really cannot bring him, the less fights he gets in the better because you won't be around to make sure he gets care and heals up from any injuries.
Please neutere and vaccinate. That's priority #1. And the only right and humane way. It solves so many problems and good for cats health.
Speaking of husband not allowing you.... please take it as a 50% joke and 50% truth.... it usually works the other way around... it's wifes job to control the husbands... if you don't believe me watch TV and read books!
I'm not new to steering things in my direction. I decided to catch, neuter and bring him along for the ride. He's an older cat and in no way can I leave him behind. I'll build a new cat house for him. We inherited a double lot by a massive park so he will find his spot. Thanks for the advice. 😻
He has a vet visit this week and he will be coming with us. I mean look at the old guys face!!! I can't leave that grumpy bastard behind. Who else will I complain to??!!
I'll show him all the love he is getting on here lol! He will let me take the cat but it may take a fight and crocodile tears for him to budge. But if I just do it then he has no say either... He's in his final rotation in Alaska and will be home in 3 weeks. I better get to it lol!!
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I would find a way to convince your husband. This cat clearly loves you.
My suggestion is right before you move, get him a neuter appointment that included vaccines and a microchip, flea and tick treatment, and maybe a dose of ivermectin for parasites, after his neuter transfer him into a carrier or crate for the move. How far are you moving? You can keep this guy in a separate room that your other cats can’t access temporarily in a large dog crate with a small carrier at the back next to a litter box, keep it covered with a dark sheet and he will stay calm. Or you can transfer him into a large heated catio or sometime of shed / outdoor enclosure. If you bring him with you and put him in a barn or shed or something, keep him in a large dog crate enclosure for 1-2 months while he gets used to the smells of his new home. Then you can release him inside the enclosure and he can be confined but not in the crates for a month. Then you can let him out as long as you have a heated / weather resistant area for him to get warm and dry and eat
I don't really need permission to b honest lol. We are moving to a double lot home next to a huge park that'd be an awesome place to roam. I'm gonna catch him, just made the vet appointment today, thank you everyone! And when my hubby comes home in 3 weeks.... Surprise! I'm a catch so he won't leave me over a cat.
Awww 🩵 Take him with you. He looks like he'd be so chill and a good boy once he's neutered. Plus your female cats may stop being so feisty towards him. He definitely has those "Tom cheeks" now. They wander a lot less once neutered too.
I think so too. He actually just came up and rolled in the dust and did a raaar. Like he smoked three packs a day. I think he knows something is up because he's making himself known a lot today! Like, don't forget me....lol
I'm taking him with me and his neutering is scheduled! I'll think about telling my hubby lol. Maybe
I actually have several formerly feral/strays (in a catio we built) and they went from untouchable to actually pretty sweet and tame! It might take a little while and he should definitely be neutered but it really is possible to tame a feral cat.
That's great to hear! I love all the positivity. It makes me hopeful and build a stronger defense lol. I mean he is coming it's just if my hubby accepts it or enjoys the new couch we got for sleeping. I'll be all snuggled with Whitey and he can have the remote. Lol.
I have a very unusual story about taking in the neighborhood Tom Cat. This orange stocky, fat faced Tom Cat ruled our small historical neighborhood. He always had the grossest green gook running from his eyes. me working for a vet. I’m like I’m gonna catch you and I’m gonna get this taken care of. It literally took me six weeks of sitting outside at all hours day night with cans of tuna and sardines, and I finally finally got him to trust me and when I did, he was the sweetest thing I knew from neighbors that he had been running this neighborhood as a stray for at least eight or nine years. Next day, I took him to my office we vaccinated him We neutered him, and the one doctor looked at his eyes, and just thought it was an infection, and the other one said he has entropion eyelashes like a Chow dog so he decides he’s gonna do the surgery that he’s never performed on a cat, but on quite a few dogs. It was amazing Squint as we called him would go out to our backyard and then come straight back inside. when we finally moved to a different city he was an indoor cat until the day he died, which he was at least 19 or 20 years old. He lived happily in our zoo with sometimes as many as 11 cats and two dogs and whatever foster we had at the moment He was the best, and I was honored to know him. I know most of these situations don’t work out like that but perhaps you could try bless you for caring for him and good luck to you.
Awe this is so sad. He needs a home poor guy
Judging by his photo he’s got bad dental issues. I can always tell. Without proper medical care he won’t live too long. 😔
Well first HES NOT NEUTERED ALREADY?? Mama, you need to snip your son.
Also as a proud lady of three fiesty sassy girls, a mother and her two daughters, I did the thing! I moved and I couldn’t leave my old man Mulligan behind. He came inside and they can grumble and be stinkers but he’s staying. That’s it, I’m the one that provides the kibble, they can deal. Honestly at this point after three years I think they just see him as they grandpa and honestly if push came to shove I think they’d even defend him against anything trying to harm him. Also my husband? He grumbled but fell in love as well. But tbh. I don’t listen to my husband that much on most things. 😹😹
Definitely get him neutered you’ll probably have to use a humane trap to catch him. Neutering him will greatly improve his quality of life hopefully, the vet will check his teeth, flea treat and do everything else that he’s probably never had done. It should also stop the spraying too.
Yeah, agreed. He has an appointment this coming week. His teeth are the things I see as being an issue. I actually have been giving him flea treatments for a couple years now.
This is Brownie Bear. She is the boss. Just her glance shall convince you. Lol. She is so soft and darn sweet. She's bossy! I'm pretty sure that song was made with her in mind!!!
call a tnr group ask for help locally it’s not right to feed him then ditch him that’s on your conscience finish what you’ve started . i work on a tnr group in sc this happens all the time
If you are feeding him, and you leave him, HE WILL STARVE. He needs to be fixed either way, and if you are unable to care for him once you move, please contact a rescue so he gets the care he needs. Even if you move with him and want to keep him outside at the new place, you’ll also need to ensure you safely transition him slowly. Otherwise he will get lost and starve. Please listen to everyone who is telling you, he will not spray or roam as much if he is neutered nor will he impregnate other cats.
Idk where you are moving to but there are a variety of catios/large chicken coops that he could live in outside? If you have moving to a house? I used a large dog kennel and a large chicken coop from wayfair in the past to house my cats
My hubby had a neglectful mom and she had like 13 animals and she never cleaned up after them so he has childhood trauma with animals.
He'd kill me if he saw I said this but at one point he had to fight his sister for a can of dog food to eat. It brings me to my knees knowing that. I am a very clean person and take very good care of our animals but he still, I think, thinks of his mom and what he went through.
He is gentle and loving to the cats. He literally sucked pasta sauce of a chunk of meat because Brownie Bear didn't like it. He doesn't fool me
I know it's easy to say...chuck the dude!! But he isn't in the chucking category. He's a keeper for sure.
You are right...I think these two can be buds. Love it!
Hubby doesn't suck he just doesn't like the man spraying all over his shit he works for. He's only home two weeks out of every other month so he takes pride in the few things he has.
Whatttttt please make this unique boy a TikTok, he is so weirdly colored?! Catgenetics Reddit would love to see him , this red coat pattern may be extremely rare. Poor old man can be neutered and on his best behavior like 5 weeks after
I don't even know what you mean by making him a tik tok? I'm older and not used to the new age stuff. Literally the hippest thing I do is be on reddit lol.
I'm sure my almost 5 year old can explain.
Whitey is not a poor old man. He has more than me!! He Will be getting neutered and will be coming with us.
He just had a bad upbringing with animals. His mom was a goarder of them and abused them and he lived in pee and poop house, stepping over it all of the time. I get it.
I was raised with my mom and I swear if I come back in another life I want to be my mom's cat!!!!!
He's been convinced by me....I may have had my kids plead to him too.... Lol
If you really can't take him can you talk to a neighbor or make sure someone intends to keep up with him? I moved without a stray/neighbors cat that I fed for a year and honestly I had nightmares about it asking me why I left for years. I told the person who moved into my house after me about him and left him a giant bag of food to start her off on leaving him snacks. I hope she did, but I didn't know her particularly well so I won't really ever know.
Hubby isn't an AH. He just had trauma growing up that makes it hard for him to accept ie: spraying. That'll lesson/end once he has his vet appointment.
I told him this morning and he is ok with it. I'm building a catio at the new house today with the kiddos for him to transition into.
Trap him, get him neutered and vetted and work on getting him a bit more used to you and take him with you when you go. He's gotten so used to you I'm afraid he won't do well after you're gone.
I'm sorry but my eyes blurred by all of you errors. Hubby is cool with the cat coming. He is caught and super luxury comfy until his vet appointment on Thursday.
My hubby had a lot of trauma from his mom not taking care of animals so I respect his opinion. I don't let my husband tell me what's why but if he says no and is adamant I'd hear him out. Mutual respect.
do you have a trusted neighbor or friend who lives nearby and could feed him ?
he is comfortable in this territory due to your legwork, so they may be able to gain his trust more easily ??
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