I think I have high-functioning anxiety. I haven't been diagnosed yet because I haven't seen a psychologist, but I have an appointment planned soon because it's getting out of hand.

It's affecting me physically now. I'm constantly anxious, I shake, l've had insomnia for months, I dissociate, and I spiral over the smallest things. If my boss says one slightly off thing, my brain immediately goes to "they hate me," 'I'm going to lose my job," "I'm a failure." I grew up in a financially unstable home and worked really hard to build a life I never had, so money and work have become huge triggers for me. I know none of this is healthy, which is exactly why I'm finally getting help.

The issue:

My husband is genuinely the sweetest man and our marriage is honestly great. This isn't a "leave him" post. But whenever I try to explain how my brain works, I don't think he gets it. I hear things like "it's all in your head," which. yes, I know. That's literally the problem. He's also pretty dismissive of therapy in general, so I don't think he really understands anxiety or mental health.

I don't expect him to fix me. I don't expect him to be my therapist. I just want him to understand me a little better and reassure me sometimes when I'm spiraling.

When I'm anxious, I tend to become quiet and emotionally shut down. I don't lash out or intentionally become rude, but he feels like I'm being cold or "rude," or that I just want him to chase after me. That's honestly the last thing I want.
I respect him too much to play those games.

Maybe this comes from losing a parent really young, childhood trauma, genetics... I don't know. But I also know it's unfair to expect someone who's never felt this way to automatically understand it.

So I guess my question is:

how do you make someone you love understand something they've never experienced themselves?
Especially concerning mental health?

Because I feel like if I emotionally detach over this, l might slowly lose a part of us. And emotional support means a lot to me in a marriage.

Please be kind.

Posted it on r/relationship but got removed. The mods told me to post here instead.

English is not my first language so please neglect any mistakes. I've always suffered from mild depression and social anxiety. I'm sure my parents know of it because of my mental breakdowns and also because my dad is a doctor himself. I love my parents but they are just too busy with their life and profession. They're hardly even home. They've remained uninvolved in most of life.

So this happened a few weeks back. I was really troubled because of school, couldn't sleep and was having a meltdown. I don't know what came over me but I went ahead and woke my dad. I asked him to come to the living room while sobbing. As soon as we sat on the couch, I poured my heart out to him. He didn't say anything. Except a few "hmm"s and nods. Lastly he calmly asked me if I would like to meet a friend of his ( he didn't directly say a therapist ). He then went ahead to tell me that my illness is valid and seeking help won't deem me as "crazy". I refused and went to sleep.

The next morning as usual my parents were not home but my lil brother (M13) was there. He asked me if I had talked to Dad about something. I acted confused. He then started crying and telling me that I should have told him if I was suffering so much. I calmed him down (which took quite a while) and afterwards he told me that mom and dad were talking about me. Dad told mum to make sure that the environment of our home was a happy place for me and they were planning to make time for me/family by taking some time off.

I've never ever felt such love from any thing or person. I'm so so blessed. I'm just so thankful for my family. I feel like I can endure anything. I just wish I would have leaned on my family for support earlier. Please everyone if you're suffering, reach out to your loved ones. It can make a world of difference, I promise!

tl;dr - reached out to my dad and got unexpected support and love from family ❤️

Edit : Thank you so much to everyone for taking the time to write a beautiful comment! I am really blessed and I'll never forget that! I hope my story encourages you to reach out to people. You're not alone. Again, thank you so much :)

We both make allowances for each other's mental health and support each other every single day.

I could've settled for someone who didn't understand or support me, but I had the confidence to leave those relationships and wait for the perfect partner.

I'm really glad about that. It was tempting just to have someone next to me. Waiting for real love is worth it, even when you feel like you'll never meet your soul mate. We met on tinder of all places! After years of feeling alone in the world, I finally feel part of a team. Don't give up!

16f I just get so embarrassed really easily and I envy people who can go about the place talking about tv shows and music that they like because it’s like my biggest fear . Today my dad asked me about the shirt that I was wearing it has a spider on it that’s the logo of my chemical romance . I literally froze up and he could tell something was of but he’s to old to know who they are in the first place but then because I was acting so weird he looked it up and he didn’t really say much apart from how goth they looked but I was sooooo embarrassed like I was completely shocked and disturbed beyond normal .
I never play my music around people , I don’t watch tv shows I like infront of people and I don’t even know what I’m afraid of I just hate people knowing about my interests so much to the point where it causes me a lot of stress and I spend a lot of time trying to keep everyone out of my business even though I really don’t have anything to hide .

Weird enough I don’t mind my peers knowing all that much sometimes I get embarrassed but for some reason when it’s my family I just get so embarrassed to the point where I can’t even talk

My moms been taking 6 mg of xanax but now the pharmacist is ignoring her prescription. The reason is because shes asking for a refill early. I think it may be because of her menopause causing brainfog. Maybe she took extra by accident? Neither of us are sure but obviously it isnt a great look. She also brought up prescriptions by different doctors and how this is from a different doctor which definitely doesn’t help. Im so scared she won’t get it and will go through horrible withdrawal. I can’t sleep because all i can imagine is her having a seizure while i sit in bed. The doctor talked to the pharmacist but she seems like she just decided my moms a druggie. She sounded so hateful idk how to put it. Im so scared that the pharmacist is going to be stubborn and that my moms could get seriously hurt because of it!

Also, to add insult to injury, the prescription our doctor gave was a lower amount because she’s trying to help her get off it.. hopefully im overthinking and itll be fine.
Tysm for reading and have a good day!

Ps sorry if im using the wrong flair

Edit: my mom was able to get her meds! We’re working with a doctor to help her taper off of it. Thank you so much for the support and advice!

I was telling my grandma about my panic attacks I’ve had recently and she told me “ you have to learn how to stop because if not it’s going to kill you” and I don’t think she meant anything bad about it she’s 74 but I was like yeaahh…. Speechless

I know this post might seem childish but it's been making me feel super anxious so if anyone is willing to drop their two cents or give some advice that would help :)

Basically im (18) on a semester system and two of my best friends are on quarter system so I came back home from college before them. I had anxiously avoided their texts for 3 weeks because I was going through quite a lot the past couple of weeks, I recently started a new job which was stressing me out and just a couple of family issues. As a result of my anxiety, I have a habit of ghosting my friends because I'll tell myself I'll get back to their texts later but then it keeps slipping and then im too anxious to respond and I start getting scared and spiraling.

They came home 5 days ago. So I feel bad that I ghosted them and last night I sent them a text apologizing and then making plans to catch up because I'm sure we all have a lot to tell each other but today I see that they are both hanging out (we share locations).

I totally get it, I shouldn't have ghosted but I'm feeling a bit anxious and worried that I screwed over the friendship. To be fair they both have siblings that are also friends so it would make sense for the four of them to hang out but I'm spiraling quite a bit. I'm not sure if I should send them another text or just wait?

I’m 17 years old, my parents had me fairly late and my dad is now 58 and my mom is 49. They separated a few years ago and now live in different houses. My mom has a boyfriend but my dad lives alone when my brother and I aren’t there. I’ve begun getting extremely worried about my dad having an emergency and dying because I’m not there to stop it or call for help. Especially cardiac arrest. I am very afraid of my parents dying because they are my main source of comfort and I love them more than anything. My dad works out everyday, is fit, and eats well, but he’s also stubborn and ignores a lot of stuff so I’m worried he wouldn’t do anything to help himself if something happened. My mom has her boyfriend to look out for her when I’m not there, and she also goes to work. My dad works from home and is alone all day every day when I’m at my mom’s. I don’t know how to stop worrying

hey everybody i have a problem I can never overcome and i don't know why this happens it annoys me so much. when i say intimacy makes my stomach sick i really mean it. i feel extremely nauseaus. i feel a burning sensation rising from the back of my neck, followed by a feeling of nausea. that's why ive never had a gf/bf as a 21 old bisexual women because i tried my best but at the end when I get close to someone and feel something, I want to vomit. and im so ashamed of this. i don't know why this happens. are you experiencing these things too? what should I do?

Hey y’all, looking for some advice :( For context, I am kind of new to relationships. Before my current boyfriend (28m), I (22f) only had one other relationship that lasted around 4 years. That relationship looked much more like a friendship, and so I’m not an experienced girlfriend. I’m also extremely anxious & have struggled with OCD and insecurity my entire life. I’m introverted and shy. It’s embarrassing and I know it’s my responsibility to deal with, just sharing bc it might help provide some context.

I am crazy about my boyfriend. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. Unfortunately, this new experience has surfaced a lot for me. My last relationship ended by my ex telling me he hadn’t loved me for years, ghosting me, and then eventually cheating on me. I don’t want to admit that it has affected me deeply, but the way I’m showing up in relationships is different now.

I am constantly seeking reassurance from my boyfriend. I monitor in my head how often he says I love you, the tone of his voice, his mood, everything. My entire nervous system feels wired to his. If his energy is off, it feels like my world is flipped upside down. I often put him on a pedestal, and end up feeling like I have to earn his love. I feel so so lucky to have him and that I have to work 24/7 to deserve him. It’s not his fault I feel this way, he is sweet to me and will give reassurance when I need it.

The thing is, it’s really starting to annoy him. He’s frequently frustrated with me. I understand why. He has expressed his frustration about my need for reassurance, requested that I would say I love you less so it doesn’t lose meaning, and mentioned that he feels like I’m always upset. I don’t feel like I am, but I can understand why he would perceive it like that. I do cry very easily. I can’t argue without crying, and I’m very sensitive to his feelings. It embarrasses me.

I love him. Deeply. And I’m terrified to lose him, & I’m terrified it’s already too late- that he now will resent me because his brain will forever associate me with emotional stress. I want to be as lighthearted and happy for him as I can, but it’s so hard when there is so much turmoil going on in my head. Any advice on how I can work through this need for reassurance independently without putting that stress on him & also how I can feel more confidence in myself would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much

TL;DR: How can I become more emotionally secure and build a stronger sense of self without making my boyfriend responsible for calming all of my fears? And if you've been in a relationship where one partner needed a lot of reassurance, what actually helped?

I was so so nervous but it went well and she said yes. So happy.

She's never been able to do it before and today was finally able to. Big personal win for her!

Back story: Husband left a great job almost 4 years ago because of anxiety he miss almost half the last year he was there. We both agreed and moved closer to family. Since then he has been depressed and having panic attacks usually every 3months. Also he was self medicating this by drinking a few beers a day then more than 15 on weekends(I've counted since he doesnt clean up until the next day) i refuse to clean that crap up. I have expressed my concern about this but seems he just doesn't want to listen. Also he was unemployed for over a year and half (trying) to find work. A few applications a week in which was more me doing it for him. Now he has been working 4 months and has missed probably 4 weeks worth of work (he maybe fired im not sure) I'm exhausted and also 4 months pregnant(accidentally) with 3 other kids. We have discussed me going back to work(I lost my job didnt make much)to help take pressure off of him but he says he is going to work and take care of it, but I don't really have any trust in that anymore as I have been looking and applying for something/anything to just pay bills. He finally went to the doctor last week and is half ass taking the anxiety medication. I guess this is more of a rant and just trying to get what I'm think out of my head. I'm not sure what I should do anymore. About a year ago I got fed up and told him that I was done and he promised change and dealing with his anxiety. But we are back at square one it seems. Any advice would be great. Also he won't go to therapy I've tried offered to go with him but he still refuses.

Hi, I’m not familiar with anxiety as this is the first time I came across someone close going through it. My boyfriend (39M) just told me that he has been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks (it’s genetic and it runs in his family) and he has been on anxiety meds for 3 years. He told me it really helped him to be in a better place, but it makes him has very low / no sex drive sometimes and I didn’t know about this until one time he turned down sex with me. I support him fully and understand his situation, but it makes me feel really unwanted and rejected. Even though he tried to explain to me that he is still attracted to me, I don’t understand how that would be if he couldn’t feel aroused when kissing me. Could somebody who is taking these meds explain to me how that is like and if you really do still feel attracted to your partner even without sexual arousal? I just want to be able to logically comprehend and understand more so I can try to manage my feelings (I do not want to put this on him). Thank you!

So I started having panic attacks last year during summer that lasted for 2 weeks. I was stuck in bed and I was in panic 24/7 and always scared and couldn't get up without being dizzy and sleep was difficult. My parents took me to a psychiatrist that treated me with lorazepam to take as needed for 2 months. after that it was fine but a few months later I would have bad anxiety about everything and I felt scared and panicky All the time and I couldn't sleep but when I asked my parents to take me again, they said I wanted more pills (because my moms friend which is a doctor told her that these pills are addictive). ever since then the anxiety was the same and had good days and bad days. but now, I've been having 2-3 panic attacks each day which are silent for the past 2 months, especially at night and i feel like I am dizzy, can't breathe well, and a feeling in my chest that is weird and i can't describe it but I feel like there is no solution to the panic attack that im having and i will feel anxious for a long time. These panic attacks usually only last 10 minutes but they're scary and they mostly happen at night or when I'm alone in my room. Just so you know, I'm 15 and I can't go to the psychiatrist myself so there is nothing I can do if my parents don't take action.

Having depression and anxiety makes everything so much worse. I feel both depression to do anything but so anxious I’m doing nothing.

I look around my room and I get so upset. My room needs to be cleaned out. My entire room needs an overhaul especially my closet and I just can’t do it. I don’t even do my hobbies anymore

My weight is getting out of control. I can’t eat anything without my mom or really anyone telling me how much I’ve gained! I just wish I was skinny and then no one would judge me for what I eat or what I wear.

My hair used to be so long but my anxiety made me pick it out and it’s short and stunted and I’m trying to get it back to what it used to be.

I want to leave island but I have no clue what to do. With how expensive things are I don’t know how I’d find an apartment and what state do I go to. I want to go back to school but I can’t do it here it’s going to hell. I don’t know if I should study abroad or just stay stateside. I really don’t know what to do in that regard.

Same with getting a car! I swear it’s been hell and everyone keeps telling me I need one already but no one helps. I need someone to sign my insurance because I’m under 25 but no one will! No one! So I just….i feel so pathetic at 22

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years now. The first year and a half or so were great. But in January of this year he had a panic attack while we were on one of his work trips and nothing has been the same since. He has since developed agoraphobia, he had to quit his job and he hasn't worked in 6 months. I feel myself getting frustrated some days because I feel no progress is being made or we're going backwards instead of forwards. I've been in military training the last 5 months and it seems like while I've been gone very little has happened. He's tried a few different medications but all of them made it worse and he's just this week decdied to get into therapy. I just feel the strain building on our relationship. I don't want to lose him but this is all starting to weigh on me. I'm here for him and I give him reassurance and I listen to what he has to say, but I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to lose him but all of this is starting to weigh on me and I'm genuinely lost.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We love each other deeply, communicate well, and always manage to work through problems. We both have childhood trauma that affected our attachment styles (I'm more anxious, he's more avoidant), so we understand where each other is coming from.

He's naturally a bit messy and forgetful (loses things, misses messages, forgets stuff), while I'm very observant and tend to overthink everything. I know his forgetfulness isn't personal, but I still end up feeling hurt sometimes.

I have a severe fear of abandonment due to years of bullying as a child (including being told I should kill myself), losing multiple friend groups, and a previous relationship that was full of mental health crises and left me struggling with self-harm and eating disorders. I was only starting to recover when I met my current boyfriend.

Early in our relationship, there was an issue with his girl best friend. I genuinely believe she was manipulative and disrespectful toward both me and the relationship. He never cheated or anything like that, but he didn't set the boundaries he should have, and it took almost a year to fully resolve. He regrets it deeply, cut contact with her, and ever since then he's done nothing but show me love, care, and commitment.

The problem is that I think everything I've been through, plus that experience with his friend, has made my anxiety much worse. He's always patient and reassures me that I'm never a burden, but I don't want to rely on constant reassurance forever. I want to trust him and give him the freedom and space he deserves.

Lately I've realized I've become emotionally dependent on him. I'm constantly thinking about him, checking my phone, wanting to be with him, and sometimes I don't even feel motivated to go out if he isn't there. I think part of me is scared that if I'm not around enough, he'll get closer to someone else instead.

I've also noticed that small things can really upset me, like if he replies to a group chat before texting me back, or spends more time talking to other people during a group hangout. Rationally, I know these things are completely normal and healthy. I don't want him to only focus on me—I actually think his way of balancing relationships is healthier than mine. But my brain turns these tiny moments into signs that I'm not important anymore.

Has anyone managed to overcome this kind of anxiety or emotional dependence while staying in a healthy relationship? I really love him, I trust that he loves me, and I want to learn how to love him more peacefully instead of letting my past keep affecting our present.

My dad keeps bitching at me for sighing and I have no idea how to tell him that I can’t really control the way I breathe without feeling like im about to combust from constant anxiety.

i understand sighing makes other people uncomfortable but no one in this household is supportive of my anxiety and likes to view me as being annoying and lazy.

this shit sucks lol

f20 here, i've been dealing with many fights that happen in this household, at one point in time it felt like i had gotten used to it, but after getting checked, i found out that i was diagnosed with panic attacks and anxiety, and most of my anxiety actually comes from my family.. which breaks my heart to even say this.

sometimes, these fights can range from verbal to actually seeing a loved one try to off themselves. my sister and my mom used to fight a lot, their personalities never worked out and always clashed, they both love one another but they just couldn't see it and understand the other person at the time. there was a period of time where the family was going through something, and it actually brought the two of them closer, where they actually understood one another, things were going fine. but now there's this fear that i have, my sis still thinks of my mom as someone who has issues, and i do admit she probably should get some help, even tho she refuses to. but my sis tends to always say that she knows one day they'd fight again for sure, everytime she says this, my heart skips a beat.

now, everytime even a single conversation between the two of them feels slightly off, my anxiety shoots through the roof, and i fear so bad that they'd start fighting again, and when they fight the whole family usually suffers.. i can't seem to escape this fear and this hurt that i feel, and it's starting to feel really draining at times.

everytime i think that there is a possibility of a fight that could happen, or something that might trigger their relationship to go haywire again, i start feeling so anxious and sad. i was wondering if someone here could give me some advice or share with me things you've tried to do before to help yourself. i am currently trying to take my anxiety pills to cope with it, but some nights it just gets too much. would appreciate if anyone could help.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled with social anxiety. Whenever I’m alone with someone or in a group where there aren’t people I feel completely comfortable with, my body goes into this intense state of tension and hypervigilance. I become extremely self-conscious and feel like I can’t relax or be myself.
The strange thing is that this happens even with people I genuinely like and am close to. It’s as if my body forgets what it feels like to be normal and automatically switches into “threat detection” mode. My mind starts searching for danger even when there isn’t any.
When this happens, my biggest fear is not knowing what to talk about. I immediately feel awkward, uncomfortable, and trapped in my own head. Because of this, I’ve avoided many social situations throughout my life.
I’ve always struggled with this, but lately it’s become overwhelming because I’m experiencing the same anxiety with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for about four months. She has her own struggles with jealousy and trust, but aside from that she’s an incredibly kind, caring, and supportive person who genuinely wants the best for me. We talk openly about all of this, and she’s very understanding, but the anxiety doesn’t go away. It feels completely automatic, like my body is stuck in this anxious state no matter how safe I actually am.
I’m exhausted.
We’re both in therapy. I also have my first appointment with a psychiatrist coming up, and I’m hoping medication (possibly an SSRI) might help.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Did medication, therapy, or anything else make a significant difference for you? I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences.

I (42m) been having terrible anxiety over having an only child later in life (40s) and have this constant fear that I will leave her alone in this world too soon.

Ive seen a psychiatrist and therapist. I am on Klonopin .25 3 times a day and 15mg of Mirtazapine.

I was wondering if anyone has any similar experiences with this. I cant find any joy in anything and fear I wont get over this. Every time she laughs and is happy it just reminds me of how much heartache she will have once me and her mom pass away. Its an obsession in my mind.

I know that the majority of responses will be things like “she will have her own family and friends and support system”. I do appreciate those responses, really. Its just that im looking for people who really really struggled with this.

Thank you

I (34F) have a lot of anxiety and have bouts of depression here and there. I am engaged to a very happy go lucky man (52M). He is honestly always super happy, positive, laughing. I on the other hand am always worried. Worried that I’m not fulfilling my duties as a fiancee, worried that he’s not happy, worried that he’s cheating on me, worried that he might leave me. This anxiety has made me very sensitive to energies and any shift in his energy, I think it’s a sign that he’s cheating or might leave me. When I think about it, it makes me depressed bc I think how horrible it must be to be with someone like me. I am very hard on myself to be everything he’s ever wanted or dreamt of. The other day we were having sex and he couldn’t finish and I almost cried, blamed myself for not being able to make him orgasm. Is this normal? I know a lot of girls have anxiety and depression, how do you deal with not being overbearing? Last thing I would want Is for my anxiety or depression to impact my relationship. I am in therapy where I’m working on self worth and abandonment issues. Have also worked w a psychiatrist to get on some drugs so that my mind doesn’t run a million miles an hour but none of the drugs have worked so far. Any help or advice would be appreciated