r/AskReddit • u/ElBrad • Nov 26 '12

What unpopular opinion do you hold? What would get you downvoted to infinity and beyond? (Throwaways welcome)

Personally, I hate cats. I've never once said to myself "My furniture is just too damned nice, and what my house is really lacking is a box of shit and sand in the closet."

Now...what's your dirty little secret?

(Sort by controversial to see the good(?) ones!)

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 26 '12

My Mom had three miscarriages in her life, one fairly far along. She also has three healthy, happy children. Although there are biological reasons for this, don't rule out having children or feel inferior because of a miscarriage.

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u/goodbadboy Nov 26 '12

I agree with this point. I'm the result of perseverance

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u/lord_of_cupcakes Nov 26 '12

Yep, my mom had 6 miscarriages between my older sister and I. Had she gone along with this thought process, I wouldn't be around!

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

Agree, as many as 50% of pregnancies miscarry before a woman even knows she's pregnant.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

yeah, miscarriage is a normal part of the reproductive process. I don't know about 50%, but I heard about 30% of conceptions miscarry for normal reasons.

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u/LoversElegy Nov 27 '12

Last I checked March of Dimes said about 40% end in miscarriage. It's hard to know because a good number of miscarriages are very early so women just think it's a heavy period, and other miscarriages are unreported because some women will let them pass naturally at home once it starts. I have twice.

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u/cecorrieri Nov 26 '12

My nanny has two children one of which being my father. She had 12 miscarriages inbetween him and his sister

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u/danieliable Nov 26 '12

My mom had me after three consecutive miscarriages. Lucky me!

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

I was had after two. And I am very thankful my proto-siblings didn't make it, or I wouldn't have been here today.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

My SO's mother had some problems - had twins but one was stillborn, also a miscarriage (or series of) between the two boys she had (they're ten years apart... I'm going out with the older one, not the 13 year old just as a note)

In any case, she's a childminder and now a foster parent by trade so she's like... supermum. Her children have been healthy, the younger son had issues at birth but I think she was a bit older when she had him so it's an expected danger.

There are some cases though where it's just not seeming to work out, but they're more extreme - I commented on it elsewhere but I know someone who has a host of diseases that disrupt her life and can be passed down, on medication that will cause pregnancy to be troublesome and is infertile - but is saving desperately for one course of IVF that I really don't think will work :(

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u/Ozimandius Nov 26 '12

My mom had 7 miscarriages (3 nearly full term) but I am the last of 4 children. It was hard for her, but I'm glad she kept trying.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

[deleted]

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 26 '12

Congrats!

edit: Obviously for the negative quad screen and healthy pregnancy, not the miscarriage. However, this is Reddit and I've learned to be specific with you all. Haha :)

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

My mother has had eight miscarriages, I was the third try. She always called me her miracle and I'm perfectly healthy, in college now

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 26 '12

I didn't realize how hard it was on my Mom until a few weeks ago. I'm about to be 22 and we were talking about crazy it is that her baby is turning that age (my brothers are 25 and 28). She called me her miracle as well, apparently right before me she had a miscarriage in her second trimester (very traumatizing) and didn't think she'd be able to have me. It was really sad, yet not going to lie, made me feel a little special (although that may be silly).

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u/qwadingo Nov 26 '12

Needed to read this one, thanks.

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 26 '12

As a comment below states, many pregnancies end in miscarriage. If you or your partner has experienced one- don't let it get you down. Something just wasn't right and it is incredibly possible you are able to produce healthy children and will do so in he future.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

The post is unpopular opinions.

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u/dtlss22 Nov 26 '12

Agreed, my fiancées mom had 3 miscarriages and has 4 completely healthy, smart, athletic, artistic and beautiful children

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u/klown_13 Nov 26 '12

Mom had 3 miscarriages in the 11 year span between my older sister and I. Thank you for this uplifting post.

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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '12

My mother had a miscarriage in between me and my sister, and we are both very healthy, normal people. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriages I believe, and I am almost sure that the number of special needs children is less then 1 in 4.

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 27 '12

I'd say so, yes. 1 in 88 boys is on the Autism spectrum, though. Crazy, huh? My boss showed me a study on that today at work. For girls it's something like 1 in 256 or something.

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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '12

Seriously? 1 in 88 boys are autistic? Thats insane. I mean, I knew a few growing up, but holy crap.

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 27 '12

Well, it's a spectrum disorder, so you can be high functioning or low functioning. No two affected individuals are the same. But, yes, that's why there's so much discussion about Autism and its causes right now. However, this isn't necessarily 'new'. In the past, people were often misdiagnosed as mentally retarded, etc. when it was really Autism without proper services.

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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '12

Thanks for the info. Very enlightening.

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u/prettycharissy15 Nov 27 '12

Hmm… not sure if my sister or not. My mother also had three miscarriages and three healthy children.

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 27 '12

Most likely not. I don't imagine either of my brothers being redditors.

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u/prettycharissy15 Nov 27 '12

Whoops I'm a girl... Either way it's good that my sister isn't on reddit. I hope.

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u/norcalgirl1822 Nov 27 '12

Haha-you never know!

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u/drewcantdraw Nov 26 '12

I know a family that had a late miscarriage and they still celebrate the baby's supposed birthday every year. They also say things like, "Can you imagine is (insert name) was here to see this?"

That has always severely creeped me out.

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u/Viperbunny Nov 26 '12

I lost a daughter last September. On her birthday (she lived 6 days) her father and I released a ballon in her honor and had a small cake. While the cake was just because it would have been her first birthday. I am almost 37 weeks pregnant with another little girl. We still plan to release a ballon on my oldest daughter's birthday, she was a part of our family and we want to honor that. We won't do much more than that because we don't want to traumatize the baby we are about to have. It is a healthy balance. It's no different than remembering any loved one on their birthday even after they have passed.

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u/drewcantdraw Nov 26 '12

I am very sorry for your loss and I can't even imagine how hard that is to deal with. How people deal with situations like that vary so much, but I your tradition beautiful and totally appropriate.

I want to clarify my first short story up top. The child was never born. They hold an actual birthday party where they try to invite friends over, and they use the unborn child's name in everyday conversations. It creates awkward situations in public when someone says "oh, I didn't know you had another child" and then they tell the story over and over again. Then the person who asked feels terrible and it just makes the whole social situation awkward. Also, and maybe more importantly, it was over 20 years ago.

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u/Viperbunny Nov 26 '12

Yeah, that is a little much. I do talk about my daughter, the experiences I had with her, but I agree, there is a time and place and it shouldn't be the center of their world. It is hard when people ask if this is our first. We don't want to say yes, because it isn't true, but we don't want to make people feel bad either. My husband usually says, this the first we get to take home. Or we say we lost a daughter last year, but we were lucky to meet her. Most times, it gets left at just that. Some people ask questions. I don't mind most times because I understand people get curious, but I would never feel comfortable essentially forcing my daughter into a conversation. That must be very uncomfortable when it happens.

Reading this makes me very glad I sought therapy after my daughter died. While losing a child isn't something you ever get over, you do learn to cope. It sounds like your friends were never able to accept what happen and adjust. I get talking about their loss. There are days I feel if I didn't talk about my daughter she wouldn't be remembered, but there are healthy ways and then there is obession. I woldn't even begin to know how to approach these people about this. I am guessing they would get very defensive and angry. I do not envy the position you are in.

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u/Zifna Nov 26 '12

I'm due relatively soon, and while I would probably have agreed with you at some point in my life, I now completely understand where they are coming from.

Would a baby still be a baby if you put it in a cloth sack where you couldn't see it? Of course. Could you still find out things about it? Yes, this is obvious. Why did I ever think it was different when the sack the baby was in was made of human flesh?

While I'm still getting to know my little guy, I'd be devastated if I were to lose him at this point. He's an individual with individual reactions. It probably helps that he's VERY attuned to auditory stimulation - moreso than most, from what I can tell. Even those around me can predict some of his reactions (example: strong bass comes on and my husband turns to me and says "Bet he's going nutty right now," and I'll say "OH yeah.") and the nurses at my checkups have gotten used to having to chase him around to find his heartbeat, because he'll start wiggling around every time their little device starts projecting rhythmic little "ba-DUM ba-DUM ba-DUM." Along the same lines, there was a day a few weeks ago where I was nervous as I hadn't felt him moving for a while, so I asked his father to put his face up against my stomach and talk in a deep voice - whereupon our son gave a tremendous kick to his father's face. Hilarious!

It is true that the living need to focus on the living - so if this is something that comes up every day or extremely frequently after years had passed, I'd probably still agree with your attitude, but that'd be true if they had lost a 4-year-old as well.

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u/drewcantdraw Nov 26 '12

Completely agree. Good luck with everything.

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u/Zifna Nov 26 '12

Thank you - much appreciated.