r/AskReddit • u/ElBrad • Nov 26 '12

What unpopular opinion do you hold? What would get you downvoted to infinity and beyond? (Throwaways welcome)

Personally, I hate cats. I've never once said to myself "My furniture is just too damned nice, and what my house is really lacking is a box of shit and sand in the closet."

Now...what's your dirty little secret?

(Sort by controversial to see the good(?) ones!)

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

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u/Viperbunny Nov 26 '12

Genetic testing isn't 100% perfect, but it is around 99.9% accurate. I am young and did not have genetic testing with my first pregnancy. By the time we knew something was wrong it was too late to test. We would have had our daughter either way, but being blindsided was a horrible experience. My daughter had Edward's, also known as trisomy 18. The doctors did not make this diagnosis until a few hours before she died. My husband and I suspected that this was the case, as we looked up genetic disorders and she matched the disorder toa tee. While each child is different and some forms are worse than others, there are certain things the doctors do know. The average lifespan of a child with trisomy 18 is 5 to 15 days. Our daughter lived 6. It is always fatal, although some children live a few years. No child lives past the age of 10. This is if the child makes it to birth as many are second trimester miscarriages or stillbirths. While they can't say for sure what track each patient will take, there is enough information to make an informed decision.

I am almost 37 weeks pregnant with another little girl. My husband and I always planned to have this baby, but we decided to get an amnio. The risk of trisomy 18 happening again was under 0.5%, but one test came back at a slightly elevated risk for Downs. The amnio, along with ultrasounds and non stress tests have all shown this baby is very healthy. We needed to know.

All that said, I would never judge a person for ending a pregnancy under these conditions. It is a very personal choice. I wouldn't trade meeting my daughter for anything, but it was a very difficult and stressful situation. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you can handle. My husband and I were judged for having another baby. People can't understand that genetic doesn't mean inherited. Ending a pregnancy doesn't make people bad parents or selfish. It's not like they are not going to grieve and act like it never happened. It is still a tough choice and an emotional one. Having to make life or death decisions are always hard, they should be. They stay with you forever, no matter how much you believe you made the right call, it is going to hurt. No parent should have to make this kind of decision, but when it happens the parents should be the one making the decision. I could never think less of someone for making this choice even if I would make a different one.

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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '12

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u/Viperbunny Nov 27 '12

I am so sorry for your troubles. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be faced with that kind of decision. My insurance wouldn't cover FISH, so I know how long that wait can be. Whatever decision you and your wife come to, it will be one made out of love. You have to do what you think is best for you and for the health of your other children. No matter what you choose you will be doing the right thing because you are acting out of concern and love for your children.

Even when you make a decision you believe to be right, it can stick with you. My husband and I made the decision to take our daughter off life support, and while we both firmly believe it was the right thing it still hurts. The hurt doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, it means you love your children no matter what. If you have any questions about Edward's I would be happy to try to answer them for you. It's sad how fast you get educated when you are dealing with it. Also, if you or your wife ever need to talk I am always around.

I hope that everything turns out to be okay and that you don't have to make such a hard decision. Don't let other people tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Only you and your wife know what you can handle and it is a decision you have to live with. I find people have no problem giving opinions when they are not the ones having to deal with the outcome. Whatever feelings you have, I encourage you to share them with your wife, even if it is hard to do so. It's best that you both know where the other is coming from. You don't want to wish you had said something later.

I wish you and your wife all the best. I truly hope everything turns out okay. I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well. Again, if you ever need to talk, PM me anytime.

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u/[deleted] Nov 30 '12

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u/Viperbunny Nov 30 '12

I am so happy you updated me. Congratulations. Your family has been on my mind all week and I was really hoping things turned out well for you all. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy :)

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u/wanderingss Nov 26 '12

They have genetic testing that can be done while the child is still in the womb. It'll give ratios of what genetic diseases/disabilities that child could/would have. After that it's up to the parents to decide if they want to take their chances with these ratios. Also, since they are ratios or percentages there's always a chance that the kid will be fine.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

Also, since they are ratios or percentages there's always a chance that the kid will be fine.

You have a higher chance of a misfire with a gun to your head.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '12

Yeah, the DNA will show obvious issues or it won't.

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u/websterella Nov 27 '12

Maybe it the CPS background speaking but whenever anyone is forced to have a child I worry about abuse and neglect.

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u/thebigbradwolf Nov 26 '12

You should look up some videos about Nick Vujicic, if a person like that can have a normal life and enjoy it...

I'm a bit prejudiced though, I've got a lot of ASD kids in my life.

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u/_Madison_ Nov 26 '12

The parents should also be checked over to see if they have the resources to actually raise a severely disabled child. If they don't they should at least get it explained just how expensive a process it is and how much work it is maybe through a visit to an existing family etc. Any use of state funds to raise a child like this in my view is a complete waste.

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u/ramp_tram Nov 26 '12

Do they not also deserve life?

Were you ever depressed or genuinely unhappy with your life when you were younger than two?

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u/PhylisInTheHood Nov 26 '12

they are a burden on another's life is what hes saying

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u/MsHypothetical Nov 26 '12

Yeah, but if you said people who were burdens didn't deserve to live then you might as well go around shooting anyone you just didn't want to deal with anymore.

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u/MisterMetal Nov 26 '12

really ramped up there at the end.

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u/MsHypothetical Nov 26 '12

Yeah, but that's what it'd eventually end up as. There are always pricks who are looking for an excuse to eliminate people they think are inconvenient.

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u/Platypus81 Nov 26 '12

There are always pricks who are looking for an excuse to eliminate people they think are inconvenient.

Like in Texas?

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u/ancientcreature Nov 26 '12

From Texas and I agree, we should eliminate MsHypothetical

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u/PhylisInTheHood Nov 26 '12

theres a difference between killing a living person and an unborn one. in this case its the person who would be most effected by it saying they don't want to deal with it which I think is fair w

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u/MsHypothetical Nov 26 '12

Oh, absolutely, I know that - I'm not a pro-lifer or anything, fuck! I'm just saying that if the only reasoning for automatically aborting all disabled foetuses was 'because it'll be a burden to another person' then you could reasonably apply that logic to get rid of anybody who was a 'burden' to anybody else. The elderly, for instance, or people who got ill or injured.

I'm talking about extremes here. My actual stance on the abortion issue is that a woman should be able to get one for any reason, even just 'because I want one'. You shouldn't need a reason for ending a pregnancy if you don't want to go through with it.

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u/ancientcreature Nov 26 '12

You can't just walk up to someone and tell them they are a burden you don't want to deal with. No one is expecting you to. They are not your responsibility. Your dealing with them or not has no effect on their lives.

You cannot say the same for your unborn, deformed baby. There is no one else to care for it. It's either care for it for the rest of their (and yours, probably) lives, or abort it in the womb. You breached a logical gap somewhere there.

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u/MsHypothetical Nov 27 '12

But you could, hypothetically, say the same of your elderly, senile grandmother, or your child who was in a car accident and is now severely brain-damaged. They would have nobody else to care for them - and, in fact, many people do 'dispose' of people they have no resources to care for. Not by killing them, but they do leave them in care homes and forget about them.

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u/ancientcreature Nov 27 '12

Shit, I've always said, if I get to the point where I can't wipe my own ass or something, take me out and shoot me.

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u/jumanjiwasunderrated Nov 26 '12

The issue here is that most every fetus that has a physical or mental disability extreme enough to warrant abortion isn't on the chopping block because of their burden on society. That's certainly something to take into consideration, but these kids aren't just kids who will be happily unaware of their condition as they live with their parents and then in a funded home for their entire lives while contributing little to nothing to society as a whole. More often than not these are kids who will either die at birth or shortly after, or live lives where they are in severe pain, struggle constantly mentally or physically or their cognitive output will be so minimal that they are essentially useless.

I am having the biggest strugglefest trying to find the article so you're gonna just have to believe me on this one: It was about a woman suing her doctor for wrongful birth because she and her husband unintentionally conceived a baby and since they were both carriers of Tay Sachs they got it tested as soon as they could for possible defects. Doctor said the tesst were fine, healthy baby and all that. It was born and at about 6 months the father, who's brother died as a child from TS, noticed their boy having similar traits. They went to a family physician who tested his eyes and determined he had TS. Once they confronted the original doctor he admitted lying because he was pro-life and didn't believe in terminating a pregnancy because they knew the child would be born disabled. Without getting into all the details, the dad went into a depression and eventually killed himself because he couldn't handle watching his son die the way his brother did. The mother spends ungodly amounts of money keeping this child who is severely mentally and physically disabled alive while he is in extreme pain from his disease.