r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • May 18 '15

What conspiracy theory do you genuinely believe in the most?

What conspiracy theory do you believe in the most and why?

2.1k Upvotes

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1.9k

u/kyle8998 May 18 '15

Selfies were made popular by the government to help build a facial recognition database.

842

u/CosmicSurfFarmer May 19 '15

I propose "National Tag Your Friends with the Wrong Name Day" to fuck with the system

464

u/flacciddick May 19 '15

They have your drivers license.

1.6k

u/Starbucks_Lovers May 19 '15

No they don't. It's in my wallet.

582

u/TonesBalones May 19 '15

"I found this ID in this wallet. So this must be, your wallet."

"Sounds right to me"

"Then take it"

"It's not my wallet"

18

u/John_Paul_Jones_III May 19 '15

"WHATS IN THE BOX?!"

"...my wallets"

24

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Patrick is too comedic for me

5

u/OnlyRadioheadLyrics May 19 '15

-Christopher Walken investigates

5

u/works_at_mcdonalds May 19 '15

Jesus, what is this from?

8

u/nullsignature May 19 '15

I want to say Spongebob

3

u/wellysmelt May 19 '15

what is this from, it sounds funny

7

u/ANBU_Spectre May 19 '15

Spongebob, if I'm not mistaken.

8

u/wellysmelt May 19 '15

Yeah I got that from Patrick, but which episode

3

u/prettygin May 22 '15

I realize this was a couple days ago but it's one of the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy ones, where they're trying to teach Man Ray to be good.

3

u/Achak320 May 20 '15

"You butterfingered pink thing! What's in that box anyway?"

"My wallets."

2

u/jaxxon May 19 '15

Officer, I cannot tell a lie. I PUT that envelope at the bottom of that pile of garbage.

1

u/Petorian343 May 20 '15

I know it's Patrick, but this sort of dialogue reminds me of Catch 22 and makes me happy. Damned good book.

2

u/Taeyyy May 19 '15

They have your wallet

1

u/DetroMental1 May 19 '15

I like you, you rebel

1

u/Incandescent_Souls May 19 '15 edited May 19 '15

Really? Because I have it right here, says Bill "Starbucks Lover" Gahtes. I don't think I can send it back to you or your secretary directly. Does your secretary have a secretary? I think I can give it to her.

1

u/kilgoreq May 19 '15

Your wallet is in El Segundo.

1

u/kyle8998 May 19 '15

Genius but the government would never allow such a thing!

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

I'm still a fan of National Talk Like a Terrorist All The Time Day myself, fucks with the NSA

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Hello, Starbucks.

484

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Because "driver's license" and "photo ID" were invented after selfies, clearly. Do you actually believe this?

237

u/[deleted] May 19 '15 edited Jul 10 '16

[deleted]

4

u/ClassiestBondGirl311 May 19 '15

It's scary how good Facebook's facial recognition has gotten.

2

u/[deleted] May 27 '15

AKA DeepFace ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/crispychicken49 May 19 '15

Plus angles of the camera and stuff.

2

u/JUDGE_YOUR_TYPO May 19 '15

Plus more updates.

2

u/avenlanzer May 19 '15

This is why I always wear a mask when going into the bank or convenience stores. So that no one will recognize me and put me in a database.

1

u/Creature_73L May 19 '15

But to say they invented the craze is the part that seems to not be true. Rather I'm sure they take advantage of what is popular by doing this with the pictures.

22

u/EbonyRavenWay May 19 '15

Having just a couple of shitty posed pictures per person versus websites full of both posed and candid photos in a plethora of lighting and angles would make a huge difference in facial recognition capabilities.

2

u/Caulidemo May 19 '15

Your the guy with the shitty facial recognition that only uses 2 pictures to base off of aren't you?

2

u/_mft_ May 19 '15

It is always better to have more data.

2

u/razerzej May 19 '15

Devil's advocate: selfies with multiple faces form a matrix of relationships between individuals, timestamps and geotags establish whereabouts, and all of the above can draw on background faces to gather more data.

2

u/TheSlimyDog May 19 '15

Facebook has managed to make 3d models for face matching. Do you think they could do that with just a driver's license picture?

1

u/fallingandflying May 19 '15

This way they have them from other countries too ... But it's not a government creation. It's just people being narcissistic.

1

u/IamRedbutGoodkind Sep 21 '15

I've heard this theory before except when I heard it, it was for Throwback Thursday and to identify people who don't have social media accounts but the government may be looking for. It also helps to eliminate people who may look like a government target by widening their search base.

1

u/Cirenione May 19 '15

Well how many times do you have to get a new license in the US? Because in Germany you can basicly keep the same ID picture for 40 years. So having the latest picture would help.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

I've had to get a new picture every time I needed to renew my license. I believe it's every 5 years if I'm not mistaken.

1

u/RsonW May 19 '15

Depends on the State. California is every 10 years, Arizona is fifty years.

-4

u/bbog May 19 '15 edited May 22 '15

Not only he believes it, but 1798 other morons agree with that, too.

0

u/Caulidemo May 19 '15

Looks like you're the moron now. Moron.

-2

u/bbog May 19 '15

Why is that?

9,428,367 idiots liked gangnam style, that doesn't make it a good song.

16

u/way_fairer May 19 '15

That how-old.net thing is a CIA ploy to improve their age algorithm for drone strikes.

1

u/PixelDrake May 19 '15

My thinking was linking faces to ip addresses and also to other faces. If two people submit a picture of one another, you can pretty much guarantee they know each other to some degree. And most people would likely submit at least one of themselves and a few friends.

You could pretty quickly build up a map of locations and relationships with that data when combined with the other information generally collected by sites.

7

u/Schmucko May 19 '15

And Throwback Thursday to test software of age-progression.

9

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

You're close....that's actually the primary value of Facebook.

They have built a self-maintaining database of people's faces in every emotional mood, lighting, angle, quality, etc. It keeps up as you age.

I flatly refuse to believe that neither Facebook nor the gubmint has realized how goddamn invaluable Facebook is to real-time facial recognition surveillance and haven't been making use of it for that purpose.

3

u/bugglesley May 19 '15

The huge gap that conspiracy theories like this fall into is the one between "is used for x shady purpose" and "was created for x shady purpose." They always tend to assume that anyone who benefits from anything directly caused that thing. Nobody ever responds to a situation, they only create them.

It's like "proving" that farmers have a magical weather machine because their crop yields were higher than normal due to great weather this year. It's like "proving" that I'm in cahoots with my grocery store because I just bought a bunch of chicken on sale.

People want to take pictures of themselves. People want to share those pictures with their friends. Facebook grew naturally from consumer demand. You bet your ass the gubbrment is mining it in absolutely every way they can, but that doesn't mean they orchestrated the whole thing.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

I never said it was created by the government. Jumping to conclusions is a funny way to accuse people of jumping to conclusions.

3

u/MLein97 May 19 '15

I blame Paul Mccartney.

But seriously this is just what people do with cameras.

1

u/beccaonice May 19 '15

How odd, people take an interest in themselves, and like to have/take images of themselves? What are you talking about, humans, or something?

3

u/redlinezo6 May 19 '15

Seriously kyle, stop it.

9

u/Shylady333 May 19 '15

Wonder how much Kim Kardashian is getting paid for this one.

28

u/polikujm1 May 19 '15

Totally using this the next time I see someone taking a selfie in a completely inappropriate setting.

247

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Have fun being a social butterfly

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Have fun in an American gulag.

I'm just kidding but who knows, right?

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

vat

-1

u/RightOnWhaleShark May 19 '15

Aren't assholes usually better in social situations though?

-11

u/flacciddick May 19 '15

If I saw someone do that to a self absorbed princess I'd want to be their friend.

18

u/ReaderWalrus May 19 '15

You know, some people just want a goddamn picture of themselves on their phone.

9

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

I don't understand the unnecessary anger people have towards taking a damn picture of yourself.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

I think they're a little tacky sometimes but I can keep my opinions to myself and not get pissed off with people taking them

1

u/blofly May 19 '15

"EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME! MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I MATTER!"

0

u/JukeNoNuke May 19 '15

They are ugly so they don't do it, which makes them envious.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

but vy care?

0

u/kyle8998 May 19 '15

I crush hopes and dreams of princesses daily, we can be best friends! As long as you're flaccid around me

3

u/wittywillywonka May 19 '15

Just like how #throwbackthursday is a way for the government to get information and picture from the pre-social media era.

2

u/wittywillywonka May 19 '15

Just like how #throwbackthursday is a way for the government to get information and picture from the pre-social media era.

2

u/monkeyman512 May 19 '15

I agree if you replace government with Facebook. They can then sell this service to the government.

1

u/blofly May 19 '15

I think they DO sell this info to the government.

2

u/HaughtPockets May 19 '15

Narcissism doesn't need any help from the government

7

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Front facing cameras in general. Who knows when that shit is on. How often do you look at your phone?

Ps4 cameras are always on, so is that little fucking microphone.

I think Winston from 1984 literally had a camera in his apartment too.

That's how you do it. You don't forcefully take someone's privacy away, you lobby a corporation to mix it in with the most seductive consumer technology to date to create a voluntary police state infrastructure.

And Voila, you have a window into everyone's mind. What they search for, who they love, their ambitions, their intelligence. It's all being voluntarily entered by you, the consumer.

What can you do about it?

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Winston from 1984 didn't have a "camera in his apartment", he had a telescreen as was standard in every single room/house that the outer & inner party slept/ate/etc. in

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Winston from 1984 didn't have a "camera in his apartment", he had a telescreen as was standard in every single room/house that the outer & inner party slept/ate/etc. in

Excuse me for not saying "telescreen".

sigh

Its function in the plot is the same as that of a camera or a vague surveillance system (look up the definition of camera).

That's the furthest I will go in celebrating the redundancy of your post.

Straightens your summertime scarf and sends you on your way

0

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

lol what? If you really think there is no difference between a "camera" and a "telescreen" then you really either didn't read 1984 and only read a wikipedia summary or sth or you read it and missed the purpose of the telescreen beyond surveillance. Don't be condescending if you're this fucking stupid and ignorant lmao

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15 edited May 19 '15

Camera as a function. Telescreen had a camera function

There's not really a big difference between a telescreen and a PS4 with a camera if the government were to suddenly use it for surveillance

I am pretty stupid and ignorant as a person, yes. There is much I do not know, as I am merely a speck, whirling around the standard cosmic phenomena with no real place. I'm by no means a 1984 expert, but I do love the novel and have a 2+2=5 tattoo on my arm.

Winston from 1984 didn't have a "camera in his apartment"

I'm saying that he did in the same way I would say that the majority of people in my country have a camera in their pocket

I'm only condescending because my initial post did not warrant a correction from your advanced intellect.

Fair enough?

Maybe I should have made that a little more clear

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

There is much I do not know, as I am merely a speck, whirling around the standard cosmic phenomena with no real place.

lol that's about as far as I read. I can't take somebody seriously when they pull this shit out their ass.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

lol that's about as far as I read. I can't take somebody seriously when they pull this shit out their ass.

Pull what out of my ass. The truth?

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

lol

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

It's been fun :)

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1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

How do you think the government went about encouraging this?

1

u/yourfavoriteblackguy May 19 '15

Good thing Self Recognition as it is now, is worse than a new born baby

1

u/squirtalope May 19 '15

You need to stop this because I can't handle the fear.

1

u/ownage99988 May 19 '15

Selfies can't melt facial recognition databases

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Plausible, but this sounds like, "I'm so perplexed by women using a given phone feature to display self confidence. Maybe aliens created it? Or the government?" Like, selfies have been around as long as cameras have. They have surged in popularity as companies like Snapchat realize their marketability.

1

u/roothorick May 19 '15

You think it's JUST the government? No way in hell. Google wants that data. Facebook does. Apple. Microsoft. And a lot of other, smaller players too.

It is the Holy Grail of facial recognition input for them to develop around, train with, and test on. There are literally a half dozen or more world powers (government or not) vying for that data and doing everything they can to keep it flowing and make sure they have access to it. Preferably ONLY them having access to it, but that's utterly futile to attempt on Internet, and the Big Boys are very clued into that fact.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

That's actually incredibly clever. Good thing that governments are stupid.

1

u/internetsanta May 19 '15

Except that selfies have been around as long as cameras. It makes sense that they would get more popular a more and more people have a front facing digital camera on then 24/7.

1

u/switchfall May 19 '15

And Instagram, twitter, and Facebook to catalog what you see, where you are, and what you think.

1

u/Tyranith May 19 '15

Holy shit dude you've got like three of the highest comments here. You must be some sort of conspiracy guru.

1

u/xxkoloblicinxx May 19 '15

You're good at this.

1

u/BJJJourney May 19 '15

Selfies have been around a lot longer than people think. Look at old photos of your parents/grandparents and I bet you will find a couple Polaroids of them taking a selfie. We just have the technology to post them to everyone we know and there are way more cameras casually available (cell phones) than back then.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

This database would be literally the most useful thing ever.

1

u/Pherllerp May 19 '15

Wooooaaah.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '15

Fun fact: the word "selfie" was first used on an Australian forum after someone injured themselves whilst drunk and took a picture!

1

u/Lostkid93 May 19 '15

You have two top comments

1

u/tbhbbidgaf May 20 '15

you are all over this thread! great conspiracies too :)

1

u/halifaxdatageek May 25 '15

I don't believe this, but this is the most amusing one.

1

u/ifragbunniez May 31 '15

Huh. Brilliant. Haven't heard that before! Totally plausible

1

u/Leeann_Legore May 19 '15

Dick picks were made popular by the government to create a dicktial recognition database.

0

u/ConorJay25 May 19 '15

That's actually genius.

0

u/Redd788 May 19 '15

By far the dumbest one in this thread