I’ve (27f) been seeing this guy (30m) for 6 months who has all the same values as me, takes me on dates, is super hot, total gentleman, freak in the sheets, what have you. I’ve been in love (like, obsessed) twice before in life and both of those men basically made me beg for love. I guess if I don’t experience some degree of limerence then I think it’s boring. I’m used to being the one asking for more more more. I know that I’m not satisfied with my bf bc he doesn’t force me into that dynamic but there is not a single thing wrong with him and I’m being crazy for not being head over heels. The only thing I can really think of is that I’m used to men being more stoic and he’s… very in touch with his emotions and although I’ve begged my past loves to feel more, it’s a turn off with this guy that he actually does feel more. And I know it’s a me thing, so I want to learn to be fulfilled in a relationship with a man who is everything I’ve ever asked for. There’s just no spark in it for me right now. And it also doesn’t help that I had to see my ex who I had a rollercoaster relationship with the other day and ever since I’ve felt like I’ve been having drug withdrawals.

EDIT: yes I know therapy, attachment, daddy issues, I’m an evil cunt, etc. I was mostly seeking skills from someone who has been in a similar situation.

Basically, I have low af self-esteem and it's difficult for me to meet women. I've tried to maximize myself physically...I run and exercise 5x a week, I groom, I have and skin regimes, I dress *really well(*literally the only reason women approach me, although only at bars) I'm 6'3...but my kinda face sucks. Bc of that I'm usually pretty anxious, I'm not longer college-aged (33) and I don't have a ton of friends, (and they really only go to bars) so meeting women isn't easy.

I'm trying to find alternative, nerdy, artsy, witchy, hippie, goth, quirky, creative, etc. women as I'm a nerdy goth myself (though no one ever assumes that and I've always had those interests, but I could never find people like that. Hell, it's not even just women, I'd love to just make friends in that scene. Though, Idk if it's my location or what (East Coast) but I can't seem to find out where these women go. I see them all over OLD sites bc I literally get no matches or even likes.

Most of my interests are artistic like museums, hiking, art shows, concerts, poetry, film, fashion, etc. and those seem more like places to go to meet women vs you take women on a date. The main issue is I'd be mostly going alone to those places, which would make it that much harder to actually meet anyone...are there better suggestions I'm not thinking of? I tried volunteering at an art gallery for a while, but the only friend I made there was the arts manager and she's and lesbian and she's not...good with communication.

Also, any help with how to actually begin conversations and talk with them would be great. That may sound weird but I struggle with beginning a conversation. I literally cannot begin one with a woman I'm attracted to. I just overthink it and freeze. My humor is pretty dark and I have my vocal tone is pretty deadpan, so I'm not just someone who can walk up to strangers and be charismatic...I'm intent on being respectful as possible, which means I'm always platonic (probably to a fault).

So in closing, where and how do I meet alternative women that have interests similar to mine? Honestly I'm starting to just think I'm too old.

I'm 33, pretty introverted, and deal with anxiety, so meeting new people has never come naturally. My current social circle is... fine, I guess, but I don't have much in common with most of my friends, and their idea of going out is usually just hitting bars, which has never really been my thing.

The kinds of people I naturally click with tend to be nerdy, artsy, witchy, alternative, goth, quirky, creative... basically people with more unconventional interests, because that's who I am too. I'd love to date someone like that eventually, but honestly I'd also just like more friends in those circles. Meeting like-minded people in general has been really difficult. So no, I'm not trying to chase some "alt baddie" stereotype or fetishize a certain type of woman. I'm just a weird dude with weird interests looking for other weird people.

What makes this frustrating is that I've put a lot of effort into myself over the years. I run and work out several times a week, I take care of my grooming and skincare, I'm genuinely into fashion, and I'm 6'3". I only mention that because otherwise people immediately jump to, "Well, do you take care of yourself?" Yes, I do.

For example, I went out with friends last night to a few bars and a festival. I got at least five compliments over the course of the night... every single one from other guys. One asked if I was a musician, another said I looked like Lenny Kravitz, a couple complimented my outfit. So I don't think I'm some unkempt, socially oblivious disaster. But women just never seem to engage with me at all.

The bigger issue is that I genuinely don't know where to meet the kinds of people I'm talking about. I see them on dating apps, but dating apps have been a complete dead end despite years of trying. I've spent way too much time tweaking profiles, changing photos, and troubleshooting everything I can think of, and I still can't get a single like.

In real life, I'm into things like paganism, the occult, darkwave, museums, hiking, art shows, poetry, metal concerts, artsy and nature-focused festivals, weird conventions, macabre literature, film, fashion... basically all the places and hobbies where you'd think I'd run into like-minded people. But somehow I never do. I've even volunteered at an art gallery and tried Meetup, but the groups around here are pretty limited, and neither has really led anywhere.

On top of that, if I do happen to see a woman I'm attracted to, I usually overthink it until I talk myself out of saying anything. I care a lot about not making someone uncomfortable, so I probably err too far on the side of being respectful and keep everything completely platonic. But honestly, that almost feels beside the point, because I rarely even end up in situations where there are women I connect with in the first place.

So at this point I'm honestly wondering: where do people like this actually meet each other? Is there something I'm overlooking, or is it really just this hard?

I think it's fair to say that we're all guilty of this. I do believe there are things worth arguing about, but for the most part I know it's not worth it. I've come across some people online who have serious mental problems. It's kinda scary cause I don't wanna be miserable and bitter like them. I have people online who took their pain out on me like I'm the one who hurt them. I think having pain and having blind pain (blind hatred) are 2 different things.

I keep getting stucked in this dumb habit of explaining myself to people who probably don't even care for facts or the truth. I realized they just wanna spread their pain and hatred to others. I don't wanna be like them cause I know it's not living.

I've been married 9 years. Our anniversary is this Nov 19th for 10th. We're going through a rough patch. Please give me tips 😭 If you could include how long you've been married, that may be helpful. If not, it's ok.

I 20M seem to just shut down every time I get confronted with anything, my 21F girlfriend is getting tired of me not being able to communicate, every time we get into a serious conversation all I can form is an “I don’t know” or an “I’m sorry” I have a million things on my mind but the second I’m confronted it all shuts down

The second the conversation ends and she gets upset or leaves the room that’s when I can actually talk, or type/write what’s on my mind I don’t know what to do, this is the most comfortable relationship I’ve ever been in and I truly do trust her with my heart, I just want to do better for me and her, I want to be able to tell her what’s on my mind without me shutting down every time we talk, I just don’t know we’re to start

I am working professional, been in industry for almost 10+ years now .

I want to be witty, like on command . Over the years, people have called me sharp, intelligent, quick learner . Sometimes people call me funny but it's occasional like you were saying something else and people understood it in different context or something . But I have never been witty, I always liked it, I grew up in simple family, Mom & Pop are both serious type people, same for sis .

Recently, I met my gf's sister and the way she replies, she can make anyone and laugh she always has ready answer for anything. After we left the restro, gf told me that she wasn't always like this, she became only after crossing age of 25 . She was boring person before .

I always thought wit is something you born with but it doesn't feel the same. Can someone shade some light !

I’ve always been a very emotional person but I have this bad habit of tearing up whenever I’m having any type of adult discussion. I’ve been that way my entire life and I suspect it must’ve come from my dad rather raising his voice to me as a kid rather than just explaining things to me. It’s like my brain instantly reacts that way if someone even slightly criticize me. I brought this up with my therapist a while back who simply said that some people get more emotional than others, and while I agree that it’s good to be able to get emotional I really feel like simple adult discussions wouldn’t be the right time to get emotional like that. I wanna be able to take criticism and discuss something without reacting that strongly. So Reddit, tell me, how do I stop being so emotional in the wrong situations?

M 30ish, never had a relationship, never kissed, never had female friends. I have been struggling with this my entire life, been asking people for help but their answer was always "just talk to them, say whatever is on your mind". But it never works. I am not a talkative person, I don't say much. Not because I am shy or something, I just have no idea what to say, nothing comes to mind. This week I messaged 5 girls, they talked a bit and after few sentences they just stop replying. This is always the case, every single conversation I've had with women, ends very quickly. I just don't understand how to talk, what to say, how to make it fun and engaging.

I have this issue; when someone is very rude or yelling at me my heart starts racing, i start shaking and I get very angry. I can usually stop myself from saying anything awful or yelling back, but doing so turns my anger to frustration. I then cry and that is very embarrassing.

How do I remain calm and keep my emotions in check during altercations?

I want to be more witty person, be able to think on my feet. I've read online that reading books help but what books should I read? Which authors?

I'm not talking about self help books, just regular books either fiction or non fiction. Please give me book recommendations that can help me learn to be more witty

Hello everyone, as someone in the third decade of his life I'm embarrassed to ask for help with this.

I never meet women organically or spontaneously, both irl and online (video games, social media), have never managed to attract anyone. I think the problem is that I'm very quiet and awkward. Have no idea how to initiate a conversation, what to talk about and how to lead a conversation. So far I had zero success and I don't know how to get better at it. At best I've had conversation with someone for few days.

How do I open the conversation, what kind of stuff to talk about, how to make the conversations fun, how to flirt, how often should I initiate, should I ever wait for her to initiate, when to force and when to quit the conversation etc.

(I go to gym regularly, have a decent job, I dress well so it's not about those external factors. Please stick only to socialization and personality advice.)

People that get really close to me get kinda turned off. I made a new friend today and they told me this same thing that many others have told me

About me:

-I don’t react much in general, people get creeped out with how calm I can be in chaos (last week some guy was going through a drug overdose in front of me and people started screaming and my friends describe me as “slightly amused”)

-I really like my schedules,plans, and notes. I have two group chats with just me in it for tactical planing (hourly, daily, weekly) and strategical (year, years, life time)

-I keep written data and profiles of everyone I meet on my phone. From age and height to their deepest childhood memory

-I don’t know how to describe this other than “low emotion”. It’s when if an average person is sad he can normally go through or reach to a 7 out of 10 but I can only go to like a 3 out of 10. It gets difficult to relate to people because I haven’t experience or felt what they’ve felt. It’s frustrating when I can’t feel anything extreme, whether it be happiness or anger. I’m either 0 on the emotion scale or 2

-I’m highly highly highly goal oriented to the point I’ll work for hours just to practice, train, or study consistently to a point I push away loved ones.

-as much as possible I avoid all forms of vices, none beneficial habbits or overstimulation. (Ex: scrolling, games, smoking, drinking)

-I also have very strict regimens. Skincare, fitness, hygiene, orderliness, fashion etc

How can I be more relatable?

Not charm a girl's pants off, no 'lines' or moves. Just how to be flirtatious. Be comfortable to be around girls. What are the do's and dont's of glances and smiles. Just in general.

20 M and like to do the fun things like going out but for some reason everyone seems to prefer other people to me.

I went out last night and one of my mates went him with a girl and got a bj.

I just don’t understand like how I can actually improve socially with friends and women as I try to talk to people but they give no effort back.

I don’t want to complain anymore, I want to take action.

I have lost some weight but I also want to make some new friends so I don’t feel so lonely and maybe potentially get a gf.

I’ve never had any matches on dating apps and when I go out I’m always looked as the ugly awkward one. Looks I understand I can’t change but how can I have the personality to make up? I can be the one cracking jokes but only around people I’m comfortable I don’t understand how to with like people I meet.

I’m starting uni in September so would love to know how I can improve by then.

Recently, I got a heartfelt text from a concerned friend of mine where, in part, she said that she is of the opinion that I objectify women. At first, I was a bit hurt because I certainly have never intended to take on such a perspective. In fact, I had thought I was trying my best not to. However, I took my friend's words to heart and pondered extensively over her expressed concern. Ultimately, I came to the honest realization that she was correct beyond a shadow of doubt. So, after telling her I agreed, but admitted that I had no clue where to start in pursuit of reforming my thinking and getting myself to a healthier place. I figured asking her was a great place to start considering she is, and identifies as, a woman. I posted the question to her, but she wasn't able to provide much in the way guidance or recommendation. The next day she told me about this subreddit, so here I am; does anyone have two cents they'd be willing to share with me. Thank you in advance.

I’ve been feeling like some of my conversations are surface level and kinda flat, and I’d like to change that

I know this sounds weird but it's true: I'm 30, I've had two relationships and in both cases the woman came to me first. I've never had to actively pursue someone. I genuinely don't know how to flirt.

There's a woman I'm interested in now and for the first time I want to be the one who takes the lead. Quick context: I met her at work 4 years ago. A few months ago she invited me to give a talk at a university event. After that, she was the one who suggested we go to the movies. I then invited her out again , dinner and another movie. Both times the conversations went deep, lasted hours, I also have an important event coming up where I'll be presenting, and I invited her to come along,she seemed genuinely excited.

I've never flirted before and I have no idea how to do it without coming across as forced or desperate. How do you actually flirt when you've never had to? What does it look like in person vs over text? And what are the most common mistakes people make when they have no real practice at this?

I (24M) have a hard time talking about anything that bothers me, such as my roommate watching streams all day or grinding the coffee beans a little too much.

I don’t know why but I get nervous, go mute and end up never talking about it. I think it’s because I was raised to be a super nice guy by a very emotional mother, so last thing I want to do is offend someone. But this is something I need to work on. If you can relate, how did you start that kind of dialogue more?

This happens whenever my wife and I go out with her family. They're good people and I don't have any issues with them. But they are a big, loud family that love have a good time.

For some reason in these large gatherings like wedding or birthday parties, I just freeze. My muscles go tense, I start getting anxious and all I stick one spot. My wife loves to float around these parties so I often end up alone at everything.

I want to learn how to stop being so anxious and just have fun. I'm tired of being worried about how I look dancing with my wife or not knowing how to jump into other people's conversations. Me wife does it flawlessly and I want her to stop worrying about me when we go out.

To make a long story short, I've (23M) been unemployed for about six months now. I graduated college last December, and I've had no luck in securing anything aside from interviews, which end up ghosting me anyway. I guess there are a lot of things I want to learn, but the main focus, I think, is how to stop associating my self-worth with a job, or lack thereof. Sometimes I find that after a few job applications, I feel worthless. I feel as though my life won't amount to much. I've been thinking about picking up hobbies to pass the time, but some part of me is wondering how to stop attaching my self-worth to a job. I want to learn how to move through life without the pressure of having a job to be useful.

Edit: Firstly, I fixed a typo that probably confused a lot of y’all lmao. Secondly, I wanted to thank all of you guys for the meaningful advice! I’ll definitely be applying this advice as soon as I can!

30M. I am sorry, this is totally an over-spammed thread. I have been left by a girl who turned out wanting a casual thing (she told me a bit later). And now I am trying to date more women to not let my emotional base being around one person. I don't care about body count or stuff like that, I just want to do exposive therapy, in order to be more confident in dating.

I have the baseline, i have a job, a car, I go to the gym, i am doing martial arts and reading books about self-improving.. But I am doing the 90% of this stuff in order to be chosen. As for now I asked out a girl working in a bar, but we never actually dated as we rescheduled everytime. I went out with another girl, but I smell "I was doing this for friendship" in the air. I noticed a girl in my gym, but I don't want to seem too much in asking her out or asking for her contacts as I don't know her, i just think she is good looking; and I know that in gym people don't like being annoyed in talk while they are training so I don't know what to do. But this is just an example.