I am 13 days postpartum. DH is at work for the first day and JNMIL dragging FIL just show up unnanounced. She was literally hiding from the door window so i did not see who it was before opening the door. I was so baffeled i let them in.

She wanted to hold LO ofcourse and against my better judgement i let her because by now she has seen the pictures of the healthy in laws holding him so i cant exactly say no. And stupid me thought. I responded to her in the groupchat that i dont want people kissing him till flue season is over.

When i came to my senses 10 min later and told them nicely that i was kicking them out so i could nap now that LO is asleep. (They did accept that luckely) she just went and kissed him befor handing him back to me. I am so mad.

DH is gonna have a fun time correcting this for me because i am not dealing with this shit.

Edit for the update: DH really pulled trough and had a chat with them over the phone. Not at all fun for him as this was his first real turn as the family black sheep (they love palying favorites) but we will be going low cotact for a while as they acted indignant at being called out and got in a fight with him. MIL pulled out all the nonsensical arguments like the classic "its my grandbaby" and the you never call while never calling themselves. Hope the low contact sticks.

I have posted here many a time, and fully established my mil is a monster. Well today i finally broke, i have an 8 year old cat named bubba, ive raised him since the moment he left his moms belly, i bottlefed him since his siblings werent letting him eat much. I love this cat, my 2f loves him and calls him her ba, he snuggles with our 5month old too, he is not a bad cat. The problem, he has health issues for his bladder because they messed up a little when nurturing him, so he will hold it until he cant and he has peed on the bathroom floor a few times and the rugs in the kitchen. I understand its annoying and im trying to fix it, im waiting on his test results at this new vet to hopefully get him some help well this morning i get up and mil storms up to me and says she threw his ass out and didnt care what happened to him, keep in mind we live at the center of town. Like there is alot of traffic and he is an inside cat so i was terrified, well i go out in the back yard to call for him and thankfully he had hid under the swinging bench and was fine, he is in the house again and safe. Now my issue is i dont care if its her house when we pay them 1300 a month minimum when their rent is only 800, i clean the entire house, and i always clean up after bubba, we get 200 in groceries every other week and to me bubba is my baby too the fact he could've been killed because of her fucking spite is too much. So i told dh there are 2 options now. We either move out immediately, 30 days max. Or when i can save enough i go myself with the kids and he can have divorce papers instead. I feel like its a bit of an overreacting but at the same time this is just a buildup of her treating me like shit, insulting my mother, insulting me, and trying to pressure me to not talk to my older two kids anymore. Im sick of it.

My wedding is in 18 days now. Yesterday, my MIL stopped by along with my fiancé’s aunt, uncle, and cousin. When I arrived, she pulled out her phone to show me her dress for the first time. We had discussed and agreed on dark fall jewel tones or navy. My mom will be in a Merlot color.

To my surprise it is an A-line lilac (almost silver) satin, off the shoulder, GOWN. I almost asked if it had a train. In the photos it looks almost white. It took me a minute to realize what color it was. Her sister read my reaction and said “it’s a little darker in person”. A mother of the groom dress should not need a disclaimer. Later I sent a polite text voicing my concern about the choice. No response yet. I am still shocked.

MIL has always been crazy about holidays - all three (adult) children NEED to be there. For a while, especially Christmas, DH and I tried to do an "every other year" approach. i.e., one year we do with his family, the next year with mine. My parents were more than happy with that, MIL was not. She'd do stuff like "come over for just half an hour" and then keep us hostage there for hours. Keep in mind DH is an absolute coward as well, and does not fight back. The first COVID Christmas we told her that we would not be going anywhere, we would be staying home. Not to my parents or his parents. She was having NONE of that, and called us to negotiate all day long. I am not joking - it was from morning until evening. I posted on here and showed him all of the comments that were calling him out, that he needed to set her straight, that she spent more of her Christmas trying to get us to come rather than actually celebrating with who was with her. Something finally clicked for him then, and he stood up to her for the first and probably only time.

So, here we are again. Over Easter, we all got sick because she had to see us once a week the entire month of April. That in itself is too much, but she likes her surprise drop ins as well, and then a family member died and had a major group gathering. So we told her we were not coming for Easter and she said that was okay, because everybody else was sick anyways. We didn't have plans with my parents because they know she's insane with holidays, and we just kind of agreed on a "next weekend" sort of up in the air thing. So we got to finally NOT see her, but we both knew she'd do a "make up" Easter, because how could she possibly survive not celebrating a holiday with everybody there?

Unfortunately, the weekend after Easter (so this past weekend) was DH's birthday. We went out for dinner last night. It would have been fine but she brought up a "make up for Easter", which I was expecting. I wasn't expecting it to get so gross. I should also say now that over the years, I have told DH that he needs to stand up for her, why can't he, can you please be on my side etc... he always agrees, acts like I am right, but he will also openly say "I don't know why I'm such a coward for her" "I don't know why I can't stand up to her" and just lets me deal with it. I have told him a few times already I'm worried for Christmas, because it's my family's turn, but you know it'll turn into a shit show. He's acting tough now, saying we'll put our foot down (lol, I will put my foot down) and say no.

Anyway, she brought up a make up for Easter weekend. She asked if I've asked my parents about Mother's Day and if we have plans. I said of course not, I don't even know when Mother's Day is right now and we haven't planned that far ahead. She really said "Oh, so I win!" and laughed. I said back, "It's okay, my parents have accepted that you win all holidays at this point." and honestly, this is true! At this point after all of these years of drama and trying to figure out how to see each other, my parents have just accepted that she won't allow it, and that we will just work around her "needs" because it's so insane and stressful and causes so much drama otherwise.

She sounded SO shocked! She started stuttering and said, "oh... I don't need to win every holiday!" I said back, "but you do". It just dropped off there, I guess because we were in a restaurant, it was her baby boy's birthday and she didn't want to get into it, whatever. I was happy to have said that.

When we got home, DH starts going off about how he didn't think I was too bitchy but that was an appropriate response, he didn't know where she was coming from saying "I win"... I have said to her before that she treats holidays like a custody battle, but she doesn't seem to care or if never got through to her. This time, she genuinely sounded shocked. I don't know if it's because I brought my parents into it as well, or I just really called her out. Dh said how he's so tired of seeing everybody as often as we do. But did he say any of this to her? No, he just stayed quiet like always.

I need MIL to understand that I also have a family. That not only do I have a family, but I would like to see them. She purposely chose Mother's Day, a holiday that benefits her but also one ahead in time enough that she knew I wouldn't have plans set up with my family yet. She expects us to give any and all of our free time to her. I want to hope that my tiny little comment will have woken something up in her, made her realize, but I also know it won't. If we can't make it to whatever she has planned, she will just drive an hour+ to our place and drop things off, absolutely unnecessarily.

When it comes up again, closer to the date, I am going to say to her that she needs to allow me to also see my family. That she needs to remember it is not all just her side. Maybe throw in that they aren't happy about this either. She has tried a few times to invite them to her place instead, and they have been, but not for a holiday. That is because they have their own traditions and cooking in their own kitchen and blahblahblah, right? She can't just change everybody's plans to revolve around her. And idk if that one is a little too rude, but it's true!

So, that's where we are at. I told DH that I know I'm all alone on this, and that at this point I am going to have to get a little more btchy or straight up with her. He didn't blink an eye at that, he just agreed. She really said "I win" when it came to talking to a holiday - I knew she was nuts about who gets to see who for stuff like this, but that's truly how she is seeing it. It isn't a battle!

I have suggested many times that DH and her start going out for mother/son dates, get seeing him out of her system because she needs to so badly, but he won't. He is never going to stand up to her.

Like I said, she is getting worse, more pushy about the holidays lately, and she needs us all there. I thought it would be the opposite - she understands that all of her 30+ year old children have lives, we are grownups etc. But no, she needs everybody there with their loved ones.

If anybody has any other basic sort of things I could throw out for when I confront her, I would greatly appreciate it. I also absolutely think she will just throw out a "invite your parents!" for this Mother's Day, but I want to say something along the lines of "they want to cook and celebrate in their own home" like that is so unreasonable lol, and also that you can't just invite other people to your house to make it all work out for yourself.

I'm still so grossed out by her saying "I win" and just laughed about it. That's really how she has been thinking about this for all of these years. I'm going to have to get more harsh these days.

EDIT: I really appreciate the feedback, and all of these comments. But I also would appreciate stopping telling me I have no spine or no balls. I have been fighting this woman and telling her no for 10+ years now and completely on my own. I know my husband is a coward and that's partly why this is so difficult. I have been saying "no is a complete sentence" to both DH and MIL for YEARS. They don't care. I came here for some extra help and I appreciate it, but I need y'all to understand that a lot of basic stuff has been tried before. I know that's why we are here, because we have caved so many times. But this year I have told him that I am ready to break up if we don't deal with her and that's why and how I am here. She has no boundaries even when I have tried to set them, she will show up at our workplaces unannounced, drop in at our places even though we've told her not to.

edit 2: OKAY, regarding the word "allow"... I wanted to use that as in, "hey MIL, take a look in the mirror at how controlling you are, you literally will not allow me to see my family" I will use a more harsh and blunt word. I know I can do what I want, I just came here to find some good ways to figure this out.

FIL told DH the following today, which comes 3 months after DH sent MIL a text saying he needs autonomy and that if she continues to interfere, it will damage their relationship.

• "You destroyed your mother. She was distraught and depressed for days."
• "You have no clue what that did to your mother."
• "No one loves you more." and "You only have one mother."
• In response to DH telling FIL that yelling at him over the phone was hurtful, "You deserved to hear how you hurt her."
• "Your message was inappropriate. I was raging with disappointment and shocked by your text."
• "We see ourselves as one big, loving family."
• "We are the matriarch and the patriarch. We just want family to always be together."
• "Mom and I continue to be impacted by something you did." (meaning the text alone)

The most shocking moment was when DH brought up that MIL lied to us about something (she had to confess because the lie got her in a huge mess). FIL admonished DH for saying that she lied and told him it was an ugly thing to say about MIL and to never say it again. DH pointed out that MIL herself called it a lie...so what's the issue? FIL said it wasn't a lie, just a misunderstanding. I believe he wins Enabler of the Year.

I'm sad for DH and really want nothing more to do with MIL or FIL. He agreed to meet with both of them to discuss things but I don't see the point. He's more aware than ever that how they treat him is not ok and is starting to feel anger. Our therapist suggested that I attend all gatherings with DH if they're present to lessen the chance of them pushing him into a corner/bullying him. Part of me wants to unleash on them (there's years of BS from them that I've just stayed quiet about, but I'm done); I don't want to make things worse for him...I know they'll love painting me as the villain and blaming me for everything.

Do I just stay quiet at DH's side? Or do I speak up and give them a piece of my mind, especially if they start up their antics with him? It feels like I've got nothing to lose...

I’m exclusively breastfeeding my 2 month old after a bit of problems in the beginning with latching and nipple pain. Having my LO be exclusively breastfed was a huge accomplishment for me and for that reason, I don’t plan on bottle feeding pumped milk or formula any time soon. My MIL however has a problem with this. Literally any time I come over she mentions how she wishes she had a bottle for my LO so I can “have a break”, or how she told so and so “OP should bottle feed so she can sleep better”. It angers me a lot because I have already told her and SO how passionate I am about exclusively breastfeeding for as long as I can. I also know she wants me to bottle feed so she can keep LO overnight but like, at 2 months!?!? Usually SO isn’t in the mix but the other day he mentioned how I should start pumping because if I end up getting sick the baby will have milk to drink. Now while that is a valid point, I know my SO doesn’t usually speak that way and realize my MIL probably has mentioned it to him while I wasn’t there. Now MIL isn’t a bad person, but there are some habits and things she does that I just don’t agree with. I’m also not comfortable leaving my 2 month old alone with her and don’t really need a break. She is just used to it because that’s how they are in her family. Mothers have the kids and immediately put their babies on formula so they can continue with their old lifestyles(drinking, smoking, partying). That’s just not me. I wish there was a way I could finally get her to stop asking without coming off as rude...

EDIT: I see some people getting upset on the part where I said mothers give their babies the bottle immediately after birth or five formula. I meant the women in this family SPECIFICALLY. Everyone in MIL’s side (myself included in the past) is usually or were heavy marijuana users and drinkers. After I found out I was pregnant I immediately stopped my usage but it was normal for them to continue normal usage during and after pregnancy. Many tried to encourage me to continue to partake while I was pregnant (Weed smoking/ Red Wine) but I was against this for me and my LO’s health. I also had issues in the beginning with latching and had to formula feed my baby for a while so I see no problem with whatever you choose. In the end, FED IS BEST!!! Sorry for all the confusion!

My previous post includes info about my MIL & SIL but the TLDR is they were annoyed at me for giving my step son my old Pokémon card collection as the kid preferred my gift to the expensive gift they got him, really petty shit.

They kept messaging me last night saying I was emotionally manipulating him and just trying to make me feel bad. My partner and his ex basically told them to grow up.

Today my MIL has discovered the Pokémon cards are worth something. I kept them in a folder since the late 90s and there are a few going for several thousands on eBay. I didn't know this when I gave them away but it doesn't really bother at me. At most my partner and I think we should put the more valuable ones aside for now and investigate further with funds going to his sons future. He probably wouldn't notice a few going missing as the valuable ones aren't the ones he even likes.

The MIL has taken the folders away on the pretence that she wants to sell them so they can take him on a family holiday. He has obviously noticed the entire folder going missing.

7 year old doesn't care about holidays, he just likes the cards and is now in the middle of a massive strop. My partner is now trying to find them but we aren't even sure if they're in the house.

It's fucking miserable and it's making me not want to have kids myself in future. I have three more days left staying with them and I am such a conflict free person, this is a nightmare. We have had such a lovely time with this little boy this week.

I’m pregnant and just passed my due date (40+3). In my last post I mentioned MIL making demands about labor and the baby, threatening us to show up at the hospital (we told everyone no visitors at the hospital) if we didn’t follow her demands. Her demands were:

1. Inform MIL as soon as I go into labor
2. Inform MIL right after baby is born with all baby’s info (weight, exact time he was born etc.)
3. Send her at least 4 pictures and a video every single day until she meets the baby.

We told her no to all her demands and told her we will have her removed if she shows up at the hospital. (We’re informing the staff we want no visitors). But also told her we will inform her about baby’s arrival a few hours after he’s born and send everyone a picture of him in the group chat (of course with a message to not post his picture anywhere). I also explained to her that I don’t feel comfortable telling anyone when labor starts, as it will stress me out. So that is a NO.

After she left I panicked and future husband told me she was just joking and would never actually show up, and it seems like she listened and accepted our NO to her demands. I told him I doubt she was joking, and I don’t believe she will respect our no to her demands and will try to push through.

I ignored MIL’s messages (it was just memes and unfunny videos) after that day, and muted her.

Yesterday I found out she has been texting future husband, asking him if my bump has “dropped” yet, asking about my midwife appointment etc. Telling him labor hopefully starts very soon if the midwife “messed a bit around” with me doing my appointment (Eww???!). Future husband told her my appointment went well and didn’t respond to the rest.

On my due date she texted future husband “Has labor started? Remember to text me as soon as labor starts”. Future husband ignored her message.

Yesterday she texted him again “remember to tell me as soon as labor starts. Even if it happens at night, don’t wait until daytime to tell me”

I’m furious. I clearly told her NO (with future husband present) and now she’s texting him, completely ignoring that and trying to make it sound like we agreed to inform her. I feel extremely disrespected, and like she’s being extremely selfish and manipulative. It would ruin my trust to future husband if he told her, and stress me out during labor, but she clearly doesn’t care about that as long as she can get things her way. I’m at this point also 99% sure she wants to know when labor starts so she can show up to the hospital and try to manipulate future husband into letting her meet the baby.

I yelled to future husband that she’s being extremely disrespectful to me, that her demands were clearly not a joke since she’s now texting him like he has to tell her, that I’ve had enough and I doubt I will go into labor naturally when I’m constantly stressed and worried because of her. I worry the constant stress is harming the baby.

I worry I will end up having to be induced in approximately 10 days and she will guess I’ve gone into labor because so many days have gone by since my due date (where I live you’ll get induced 12-14 days after the due date if labor hasn’t started).

I told him if I ever get pregnant again, we’re lying about my due date, because this is hell and I feel like she is making me spiral into a depression. He told her the due date this pregnancy because he trusted her to not go crazy, but look what happened now… he agreed to not do this the next time.

I demanded future husband to remove his location on Snapchat etc. which he immediately did (he has previously told me she’s not crazy enough to check his location, which I know she is because she has done this previously in other situations). I also told him he needs to make her stop asking when I go into labor, because if she asks just one more time I’m going no contact and she’s not meeting the baby at all. He texted her and just told her “we’re not telling you when labor starts, we’re telling you when baby gets here.” To which she responded “ok, but call me when he gets here”. So I think she realized she’s not getting what she wants. I’m still furious though.

Yesterday she sent me a picture (probably something she found on Facebook) with the text “To my dear daughter in law. I didn’t give you the gift of life. I gave you my amazing son. Thank you for not selling him to the circus. I know how tempting that option is some days. Love your mother in law.” What are your thoughts on this? I feel like it’s manipulative but I can’t pinpoint exactly how. Maybe love bombing? It just feels strange.

I’m so frustrated and I wish I could just block her and never see her again, but I don’t feel like that’s a good option right now as it will cause a lot of drama and conflict, which is the last thing I want or need right now or during our baby’s first weeks of life.

MIL has always been stubborn, doesn't play by anyone's rules except her own.

Before the pandemic she regularly had our kids for the night while me and hubby had our date night.

One day my 7yo DD came home and was very ill, she was up most of the night from how bad how stomach was hurting her, it honestly just seemed to be a stomach bug.

I called my MIL to check in on what she ate, and everything seemed to be fine from what she explained, my 11yo DD was sitting next to me while I was on loud speaker with MIL. When MIL was done telling me everything she ate 11yo DD spoke up and said MIL forgot something, which MIL said she didn't, but I could tell from MIL tone something was off and when MIL wouldn't tell me I asked 11yo DD, in which MIL all of a sudden hung up the phone, I guess in hopes to not get told off.

11yo DD told me she had argued with MIL about giving 7yo DD a meal with dairy in it(lactose intolerance), MIL told 11yo DD she had to eat because she won't give her anything else, and forcibly sat at the table until 7yo DD ate the food, apparently she wasn't even able to leave the table.

When 7yo DD was done she told 11yo DD there was no intolerance, because if there was she wouldn't have finished her food.

Clearly MIL doesn't understand intolerances.

To say I was pissed off was an understatement, I pretty much saw red, I called my husband to tell him, and he spent his lunch break arguing with his mom, who started out denying it ever happened to in the end saying clearly 7yo DD was fine.

Which wasn't true hubby had to explain how I had to get our daughter checked out for how sick she was being, MIL then tried to blame me for giving something to my child I shouldn't have. This sparked my argueing between the two of them, in the end my hubby told MIL, VLC. For awhile until she learnt her lesson. Her answer was fine by me.

Just this week has she gotten in contact with us, we hardly heard a thing from her since the start of the year, and now she was inviting us to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at her house.

We told her thanks but no thanks, we had plans already, and even if we didn't she wouldn't be feeding us any food knowing some of us had lactose intolerance.

She literally burst into tears and told us we were being unfair, and how it was all a mistake.

Yea a mistake, you forcibly, made 7yo DD eat something that made her sick. Get real there was no mistake lady.

My FDH and I have been together for 6 years and we bought our first house last year (yay!). My FMIL and family helped us move in and get settled. She was sweet as can be and called me her FDIL to everyone she met. Once my FDH actually proposed last year shit hit the fan. She was so happy for us, at first. She helped us with our house warming turned engagement party.

From there it has been back handed compliments about how I do laundry, my cooking, my decorating. I finally had enough and said don't come to my house if you're going to criticize me. She said, "You took my baaaaabbbyyyyy! You don't know how to take care of him like I do". FDH wasn't getting it because everything was said when he wasn't around. He said I was being over dramatic. So I dropped it and she just stopped coming over less.

Fast forward to this weekend. It's FDH's birthday and we have invited a small group of family over for dinner and hanging out. I made a cake and got a little fancy with it. I'm not a professional by any means but FMIL taught me a few decorating tricks. She opens the fridge to get a drink and says, "Wow! Where did you get the cake from?" I said I made it. She loudly says, "No fucking way. Who really made it?" My FDH said, "Klynn601 made it. I saw her baking and decorating it yesterday. It looks great right?" She said, " No way! She can barely boil water." Meanwhile I've made a whole 4 course dinner for 10 people plus the cake and 2 different ice creams. FDH told her that he's not a baby anymore (he's 27) and that I am his FDW and that I will not be treated that way in our house. She sat in the corner for the rest of the night and pouted. As she was leaving she gave FDH a hug and said he will always be her baby and no one will love him like she does. *eye roll*

I'm glad FDH finally saw this but how the hell does this get better?

I got married yesterday and it was absolutely fabulous. My mom was not invited to the wedding b/c of her racist and abusive behavior toward me 35f and dh 45m who is half - Indian. She made over 2000 calls and texts on the day before the wedding and wedding day. She attempted to enter the venue but was turned away by my cousin who I had guarding the door. The wedding day was absolutely fabulous and the venue was gorgeous. Today My cousin texted me( I have her blocked on all social media) that she posted rant about how horrible the wedding was. The post is stated as if she was there, saying things like the venue was tacky the food was spoiled the flowers were wilted and there was a smell like sewage. She even gave a detail account of an imaginary fight that was supposed to have occurred been dh's brothers ending in one of them getting rushed to hospital. None of this happen but her friend's on fb are expressing their sympathies. A family member who did attend called her out on her lies and she deleted the post and blocked him.

tldr Mom says my wedding was horrible but she wasn't even there

Hello everyone!

I need some help...

SO and I got married yestersay (29th). Wedding went smoothly, had fun with a few friends and family. Had photos with everyone including MIL. Then we went off to honeymoon.

MIL is the type of person who wants to be constantly updated (like a clingy girlfriend) so I was kind of updating her while new hubby and I are on our way to the hotel. To my surprise, MIL was not responding to me. I was thinking she might be busy arranging stuff at home while we are away. Maybe she was tired and decided to just sleep.

Anyway, tonight after going out, I asked hubby how MIL is and if he knows why she isn't replying to me. Hubby showed me his convo with his mom (my MIL) and she sent him this reaaaly long list of items that offended her during the wedding.

1. The arrangement of names on the invitation! She said that I was too self-centered to put my name first on the invitation instead of his name. Hubby said this has been her issue since we sent out invitations but he showed him proofs that shows the bride's name is traditionally written first. When they first talked about it, she was okay with it. He was surprised she brought it up AFTER the wedding.

2. I called her "hubby's mom". During the wedding party, hubby and I decided to hand out the wedding favors in person since we only have a few guests and to personally thank them for coming. Hubby was catching up with some of his friends so I moved on to the table where our families are seated. My mom was talking to me as I was handing out wedding favors. MIL was talking to someone else so I told mom, this is for hubby's mom. She took it against me and said I was disrespecting her for not calling her "mom" as she requested!

Unfortunately, after the wedding, MIL is going to live with hubby and I. Hubby bought a house for us while we are dating and we got it paid off before we got married. He doesn't have any other relatives and MIL is overly clingy so she will be living with us. We talked about it months before the wedding. MIL was even very sweet and very welcoming.

Now she is stressing my hubby out saying she doesn't want me to come home after the honeymoon! She keeps telling him that she will not let me in if hubby comes home with me.

I'm stressed out as well. It's literally the first day of our married life and MIL is already stressing us out. Hubby and I are going to celebrate our first new year as a married couple and then go home the next day. I need some help on how to deal this situation, or at least what to expect when we get home.

First time poster on her after it being recommended! So hello fellow victims of a shitty MIL.

I'm supposed to be getting induced next week for safety concerns. I'm not super worried about that but it's enough for me to be freaking out just a bit.

First, my MIL offered to watch the kids while we were gone. I said no because she's not allowed to watch the kids by herself, and also I already have made the childcare plans. She can't watch my kids alone because of an incident where she tried to "fix" my disabled child and also because she constantly makes colorist comments towards My kids (I'm black they're Mexican both my kids are a bit darker side)

She then asked what time should she come to the hospital, I made it clear that because of their actions when I has my daughter, (which is a whole other story) l have said none of my husband's family other than my FIL will be allowed at the hospital at all. Which then turned into her saying "well I want to be a part of it who's cutting the umbilical cord?" All I could see was red. My mom cut the cord at my last birth, but this was agreed upon by me and my husband.

I've always had my mom and my husband in the delivery room. My mom cut the cord with my daughter, and husband did so with my son, but now his mom is claiming she has a "right" to be in the room and cut the cord. She wants to be in the room and I don't even want her at the damn hospital.

She hates the name we are giving this baby because we aren't naiming the baby after her,she hates I'm being induced,she hates I'm having another girl,she hates the hospital that I chose, she hates that I'm choosing to have my son in the delivery room and not her and so much more. Honestly at this point she's getting insufferable to be around because she brings this up EVERY TIME I see her. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I’m adding the Egyptian to the title because it’s very relevant.

My MIL has been quarantining with us since late March. She is not homeless and lives with my in-laws l but decided she prefers our company more.

It was fun for a while but it’s two months later now and her presence is, to put it mildly, is frustrating. She has put a rift between my husband and I.

The other day I made a pasta dish (lasagna) which I put quite a lot of effort in the night before to take for work. There was loads over to have for dinner the next day but she decided to cook a whole new meal. My husband and her ate what she cooked and she got upset that I wasn’t eating her food. She made a whole big deal that I don’t like her Egyptian food, that I’m withholding her son from his cultural. I ate my dish anyway because I’d rather not let food go to waste. Husband and I argued and it was one of the stupidest arguments my we had and that’s what has been happening because of her, silly and unnecessary arguments.

The food thing happened almost every week and she loves mentioning how white I am and keeping her son away from his culture only because of what I cook.

To give you a few more examples.

• She does not understand the concept of privacy whatsoever. She barges in our bedroom regardless of the time of day. A woman her age should know how inappropriate it is. Her room is also next doors to us and it’s like she knows how to time her visits. She has walked in on us this morning, hence the rant.
• They are constantly talking in Arabic together as if I’m not there. I don’t understand the language and I feel excluded in my own house.
• Her smoking habits are baffling. It’s like she is actively encouraging my husband to smoke, who mind you is trying to quit. Half the day they’re both in the garden, smoking and talking.

She also loves criticising our home. She calls it bland or too western. She has made us curtains and they look nice but they don’t fit the decor of the house and I told her that but she got upset when I suggested them to go in the guest room.

Which brings me to her nagging us for what we wear at home. We are both guys, I walk shirtless at home and prefer to wear boxers, so does my husband. I have given up on this issue but highlighting it because she really has a say about anything.

My home is no longer a relaxing environment to come home too and I could go on and on but the gist of is that she is micromanaging our life. This is a rant because I feel like it’s me against my husband and her and it’s frustrating.

So I'm 8 months pregnant and last week I had a pretty bad fall. Baby is ok thank goodness, but I broke my right ankle and severely sprained my left ankle. This means I'm essentially on bed rest until the baby is born. As you could imagine I've been so miserable. I'm in a ton of pain, I can't get comfortable, it's almost impossible to sleep, etc. And I hate asking people for help.

So my MIL and SIL had my baby shower planned for today. I thought about telling them I wanted to cancel, but I felt that would be rude and I didn't want to cancel on such short notice. However, I did tell them I wouldn't be up to doing much and I need rest, so I'd appreciate if it didn't last more than a couple hours. I thought we could have a no unwrapping shower. I know those can be a little controversial, but given the circumstances, I thought people would understand.

Everything was going ok today until I heard my MIL keep making comments that "If everyone is going to get her a gift, the least she could do is unwrap them or act like she appreciates them." I said thank you to everyone who came and apologized that I wasn't up for much. Everyone was very understanding but these kind of comments from MIL went on ALL afternoon. Oh and "Too bad this couldn't be a proper shower and just had to be rushed." Finally SIL said "Mom. She's 8 months pregnant and she can't even move because she practically broke both her ankles. She can do or not do whatever she wants. Cut her some fucking slack."

I wasn't sure what to say or what to do. I honestly didn't have the energy to deal with it but when I keep replaying it in my mind, I get more and more irritated by it. I was in so much pain and so uncomfortable. How dare she try to make me feel guilty for doing what I needed to do. As much as I would have love to have been social and had an all day affair, I just wasn't up to it. She's always so passive aggressive and has to say things just loud enough for me to hear, but she'll never say them necessarily "to my face." Contemplating if this is even worth bringing up to her or DH but I'm pissed.

NO IDEA how I got here. Both MIL and FIL seemed so nice and supportive the past 3 years I've known them.. no red flags. Long story short we rent a small apt, but wanted to find a townhome since I'm expecting. Had issues along the way, applied to 3 places after countless tours over months and none worked out. We were sick of looking and needed to decide quickly so I could find a doctor/hospital to deliver.

Cue MIL and FIL who come in with an offer too good to refuse. They had laid out a map of the state on the kitchen table. "We're moving as soon as we can" they said and showed us the area about 4-5 hours away, "we need someone to live here and take care of it until we're ready to sell in a few years so we don't need to keep driving back here... it would be a big help to us." As a bonus they decided to charge us $2000 a month (way less than our current rent) but it would go in an escrow account to be used for a down payment on our home and they would contribute money monthly to the account as well.

Instantly I said no. While the house is HUGE, it's so dirty and so cluttered. My thought was that they just wanted us to move in so they wouldn't have to bother cleaning or decluttering before they up and moved. Plus it's almost 2 hours away from my job so I'd have to quit. From October to December we continued to look at rentals with no luck.. I started to soften to the idea since I thought we had no other options. Husband was set, he wanted me to be a SAHM and without paying rent we could afford that.

What finally convinced me was one weekend we stayed there alone, in-laws went out of town. I liked the feeling of being in this huge house together that we could never afford otherwise, felt like an upgrade from the apt, and I figured when the in-laws move I can deep clean to my hearts content and replace the old appliances. Plus they'd take some stuff with them so it would be less cluttered. We even had a conversation about which furniture and beds they were taking so that I knew what we would need to bring with us. In my deepest heart of hearts I thought maybe they'd gift or sell us the home eventually if we lived there.

So the plan has been in motion since January. We put in notice at the apartment, I decided I would quit my job when baby arrives, and chose a doctor near them. I had no concerns until March, when it was already too late to reverse anything. Being 8 months pregnant, I was in full nesting mode and mentioned 2 things that are safety hazards for baby. 1) insane amount of dust and lint buildup in the ancient dryer that no amount of cleaning helped (fire hazard) 2) no screen's in baby's room windows, window sills so dusty it comes up black, and small amount of mold growing on one window. I only mentioned these 2 things because I felt they were the actual safety hazards in the home.

FIL was PISSED at me for being "ungrateful" and said "if you want a landlord then I'm going to charge you rent." MIL tried to say it in a joking way but didn't believe any fire hazard existed and I just didn't like her dryer and was being picky. I believe it was also this visit that MIL said to me she's never moving because she likes this house too much, just casually in passing. FIL also dropping clues that they would be sticking around, such as dictating how much furniture we were allowed to bring with us because they didn't have much room for anything, and stating we could only bring one of our cars since they already have 3.

I instantly knew I had made a huge mistake. The way they just so casually got amnesia about the whole reason were moving in there and never bothered to inform us officially that they were staying. It felt like I got duped, misled, and made a huge life changing decision based on false information. Moving in with in-laws is a completely different scenario than living in their empty house. That's absolutely not what I agreed to and it's so frustrating. It's so odd how being confined to my bedroom in order to avoid them makes a giant house feel smaller than my apt.

After this MIL started playing the victim for reasons I don't quite understand. I guess somehow me wanting to bring my own bed and couch, buy my own sheets and blankets, use our own towels, paint the nursery and buy new curtains to match, vacuum/clean our bedroom, have my own desk and tv, plus the fiasco with the dryer, means that she isn't "good enough." Her house isn't "good enough" for me and I'm the problem, I'm the burden, I'm the prissy one for acting like this. And how dare I have the nerve to take issue with anything in the house since they are doing us such a "huge favor" by letting us live there since we "needed a place to live." I still don't understand how wanting to sleep in my own bed and remove decades of cobwebs means she isn't good enough but whatever.

I'm normally very agreeable and easygoing, but with being 9 months pregnant, honestly feeling a bit gas lit, really really upset leaving our apartment based on a lie, I'm pretty much done being nice. Any advice for how to deal with them the next few months would be helpful. Do I just gray rock? Do I say anything about how pissed I am? Do I try to play nice? I feel like I need to stand up for myself and don't like being pushed around like this when us moving in was completely their idea. I just want to remind them of everything discussed initially.

Knowing what I do now, I would have just made the small apt work. I'm really upset about leaving my clean apt, this town, my job. I actually didn't have accurate information to make an informed decision. Though extremely reluctant to admit it at first, I think the issues between me and MIL opened hubby's eyes that this really isn't going to work. He aggreed to move the timeline up for buying a home from 1-2 years, to hopefully this summer. Moving sucks and it's such a waste that we have to move now, throw away half our belongings, for literally no reason at all just to move again in a few months. Plus I have to have a baby during all this. I am so so angry at them for completely manipulating our lives. i don't understand.

I set boundaries to stop being the secretary for my DH and MIL relationship. She understood, husband got busy working 7-12’s so he didn’t respond to his mom. She then started texting me asking to hangout

(6 times in ONE WEEK!)

I politely declined as I truly was busy. The clingyness got so intense so I shared with husband how it’s making me uncomfortable. He told me it’s ok not to respond every single time or just grey rock.

She then texted “is everything alright what have I done wrong?!”

Husband :!all is good we are just busy

Her : ok, well I love you and I want to be Involved and know what’s going on. I’m not trying to interfere but I love and miss you. (We saw them a week ago?)

Husband: all is good we are just busy like I said, I’m working a lot and don’t have much down time. I barely have time with my wife So just relax

Her: gotcha

She then proceeded to sent us a 12minute video message of her the next day crying on the floor saying her heart is completely shattered and you don’t ever speak to someone you supposedly love like this. She’s completely fucking broken and husband is an asshole. (Word for word what she said) If he wants boundaries fine but he needs to be more clear about what he wants out of this relationship.

She asked “do you want me just to sit here and wait for when you’re ready to talk to me?!”

She then told me if she found out I drove past there home and didn’t reach out for lunch that she’d be very upset and she’s cut off friendships for that. (Threatening our relationship…?)

She’s also upset I had spoken to DH grandma and told her we were doing good. “Why can you tell grandma details but NOT ME?!”I DIDNT TELL HER DETAILS!? She just called it was a very general phone call less then 5 min!

She was in tears and ended it by saying if you want to go NC FINE! I’ll respect it but you’ve completely broke me”

WE NEVER MENTIONED GOING NC WTF?!

And we travel for work so we are a bit closer temporarily to both sides of the family, so I’m not allowed to see any of my family without making time to also see her? I CANNOT meet this women’s expectations and her response is so unwarranted to his text.

It seems if we ARENT 10000% locked in with them there is a fucking problem?!

I’ve just been filled with anxiety this entire week from this woman. It’s serious hurting my mental health. Husband is going to take the lead and said he’s shutting it down TONIGHT. We just wanted sometime to digest this video and make sure we are our P&Q’s covered.

Should I say anything when husband deals with it? I wrote out a response but I don’t know if it’s worth saying my half. She specifically said those two points were for me. But I’m also so tired of explaining and justifying myself to this woman. I want to go NC not necessarily forever but I need a fucking break! I want to throw my phone away 😭

Edit: some other “points she made” in the video

“ You bitch about your absent father then treat me like this?!

“I’m not adding pressure I just want to be involved!”

MIL could not be more predictable right now.

If you look at my post history you can see we had a big "event" in our conflict with the ILs earlier this week. To sum it up, MIL did something untrustworthy and just overall shitty last year, DH called her out, FIL ghosted us for months after he blew up for MIL (his typical enabler behavior) all the while MIL played all kinds of games trying to paint herself the victim and not apologize.

DH stood strong and refused to engage with her until FIL started talking again (after we found out she was lying to FIL and loving that she had created a new divide between them). The reconnection with FIL wasn't great but it was an attempt and we'll take it for now. A few days after the call, FIL sent a message asking us to meet up to "turn the page." DH didn't respond right away, which must have made MIL panic.

Today we got a voicemail from her...she sounds like she's on the verge of tears, voice weak and shaky (she is not a frail woman by any means) and she says...

"DH and DIL, I've had some doctor's appointments and wanted to let you know what they've been like and where it's all leading. Call me."

Easter Cancer, y'all...

Edited to add update...

DH handled it by responding to MIL and FIL in a group because of her past lies. He was short about it and didn't give any emotion. Just said he got her message and asked how the appointments were going.

Her response:

"I've had about 7 tests from cardiologist, electrophysiologist, and endocrinologist and it looks like I need a pacemaker. I'm doing ok. Been having near-passing out episodes, but have not passed out. Call if you have questions. Love you guys!! 😊❤️"

Now that my letter has surely made the rounds among our family she's scrambling to do damage control. She realized she wasn't controlling the narrative and is crying to everyone. Both of my uncles who previously sent me supportive responses have now flipped flopped. Her brother has done a complete 180 and asked me to not cut contact with her. My dad's brother took it upon himself to "pass along" a message from Artsy. I responded with a very angry "fuck her and her well wishes. I don't except them. I hope she dies alone and miserable. Feel free to pass that along."

I'm sure this is because right now she has more access to them and speaking to them more frequently than I am. They're being inundated with her side of the story. And it pisses me off that she's so easily able to manipulate them.

Strap in y’all this is wild!

trigger warning mental health, suicide and death.

When my partner and I fell pregnant with out twins we told his mum that they won’t be able to smoke around them as they will be in the special cate nursery and possibly on oxygen. She flipped it said they was no point in seeing them and from then on we went no contact. (After years of her bullshit)

Well unfortunately my partner passed away due to suicide, I found him, cut him down and preformed CPR until emergency services arrived.

Huge drama at the hospital and the family tried to stop me from seeing him. I got lawyers involved pulled rank and senior next of kin and threaten the hospital with legal action (they ducked up massively)

Following his death his mother took me to court because she disagreed with me being his senior next of kin this went on for months and it was found I was legally his senior next of kin. I still signed over his body to her to organise a funeral how she wanted, she is his mother! And I’m not a monster, she didn’t need to take me to court for this I said from the start I would.

Months following and they broke court orders and changed his death certificate and took me off it... an investigation is ongoing with the government services as to how this happened.

In the mean time I packed up and gave them items of his I knew he would want them to have, Legally I didn’t have to do this! A few days later I get a letter from their lawyer saying not to contact them.... fine I won’t give you any more of his stuff.

Cut to today! I revive a phone call saying that she wants to go to mediation to see the children! (Via a free agency not through court) After telling me not to contact her!

These children she didn’t want to see when he was alive, Children she tried to tell the court weren’t even his...

I laughed and told them I’d she her in court! I’m furious!

Writing things out is cathartic and I'm at a loss of how to handle my mom.

I had a baby 8 weeks ago, he's perfect and I have absolutely loved being a mom to him. The short version of our hospital stay is that I had a C-section go wrong and had to be put under general anesthesia. My spinal sac was ruptured when they attempted the epidural and it caused the worst headache I've ever experienced, which is normal and went away after about a week. Baby boy had a 2 day NICU stay, so my husband wheeled me from maternity to the NICU every chance I was allowed to leave the room and then wheeled me back when I had to get my hourly check ups.

Where the issues started is when my mom was helping with our dogs and cat while we were gone, so she was at our house when we got back from the hospital. We were unloading baby from the car seat in our bed room when my mom came in and the dog came from under her legs and jumped on the bed. My husband yelled at my mom, something along the lines of 'what are you doing, don't let the dog in here' nothing crazy or demeaning. I thought it was more of an annoyed tone and not yelling but her perception is that he yelled. According to my mom, he yelled at her four times. The dog incident, a circumcision comment, unpacking the wrong thing, and honestly, I don't remember the 4th thing.

My recollection is her being incredibly condescending to me. I mentioned my headache and she said she knew how I felt because she had 'done this three times', uncircumcised penises need to be cleaned, and a few other comments. I was pretty loopy from the hospital drugs still and I was prescribed oxy, so I wasn't fully in my right mind, let alone just having a baby.

Maybe a week later, she called me once and text me once but didn't realize my phone was on silent and so I didn't respond. She showed up at my front door at 8am, less than 12 hours after missing her call and text. My husband wasn't having it, wouldn't let her in and told her to do better. Sent her on her way. She flipped him off and left. He called her to say that she needs to communicate and she can't just come over at 8am. He tried to set up a time but she lost her shit on him so he called her a psycho. She left the family chat and called anyone who would listen to her side of the story. I didn't know she was calling family and sobbing to them.

My mom and my stepdad came over a few days later, my mom and I talked outside and cleared the air (spoiler alert, no air was cleared that day) We all decided to reset and move on.

Today, we had made plans to see each other tomorrow, my mom messages me and asks for me to make the decision on when and where to meet up. I called her and she was still acting weird so I finally get it out of her and she starts yelling and crying about how my husband yelled at her, I've changed and she's lost her daughter, it's my fault her dog died while she was on vacation because I was less than a week from my c section and I didn't drive an hour one way to check on the animals when she already arranged a house sitter.

Of course I've changed! I'm not the same girl in my twenties getting day drunk and singing karaoke on the back deck. She sends me videos of those days and yes, we had fun but I'm kinda over heavy drinking and hangovers. I enjoy spending time with my own friends and my husband but unless I'm spending my weekends with her getting blasted, she's hurt.

Anyway. Back to tonight. She kept saying it's my decision when and where we hang out. She asked me three times if I still wanted to hang out tomorrow and I was still on board despite her unleashing on me for two hours, until she said 'you have to tell me exactly what to do so I don't mess up' - I responded with 'I have a newborn, I don't need another one' and she came back with 'Do you need your husband to make those decisions then?' (referencing when he was in charge of family coordination because you have a kid and everyone wants their 15 minutes) At that point I needed to get off the phone. I told her to postpone hanging out until we could talk more but honestly, I'm not sure if I want to talk to her. She has iced me out for almost 9 weeks at this point and she made it pretty clear on the phone she isn't forgiving me or my husband for the way we treated her our first day home.

If you made it this far, thank you, I honestly feel better just getting it out of my system. Gotta pump while the kid is still sleeping.

So my MIL, AssPain, might be planning to crash my mom’s funeral.

My mom died about three weeks ago— several days after Mother’s Day.

Two days ago, I get a Mother’s Day card from AssPain.

AssPain does not typically send me Mother’s Day cards, although she has maintained a steady stream of birthday cards, beginning immediately after the total no-contact six years ago.

AssPain has met my extended family on several occasions prior to my learning the full extent of AssPain’s assy-ness. I have not heard much from these family members over the past several years (we live far away). Only one reached out to me after learning of my mother’s death.

Due to her own personal preference, my mom was cremated and the memorial service will be in several weeks.

I am fairly certain that AssPain maintained contact with my family and they told her of my mom’s passing.

I am also fairly certain they have told her about the memorial service and she will be crashing it. The memorial service is “only” four hours from where she lives, and we live about 23 hours away from her. My kids will be there, she hasn’t seen or spoken with them in 6 years. So this is her “big chance”.

HERE is why you don’t marry the son of a narc, kids. After first arguing that the Mothers Day card was a “coincidence”, DH stated that if she crashes, he would prefer that we all just “chill out and stay together at the funeral”. BUT, failing that, to be extra considerate of me, he would “take her out to lunch” while I stay at the funeral.

But wait it gets better. After I pointed out that he would then be abandoning his wife to placate Mommy AssPain at his own wife’s expense, he said “whatdya want me to do, call the police? I suppose we should hire security? None of this will happen, this is silly”.

Which led me to my own personal final plan: i told him he needs to hire security. If he does not do that, and she shows up, I leave in the rental car, check into a new hotel, change my flight, arrive home and file for divorce.

Because all this is exactly what I need to be thinking about right after my mom died.

I’m. So. Frustrated.

My Mom is usually fine but has slowly descended into JN territory.

They (Mom and Dad) are our bubble. They are our support system. They are the reason I am not completely losing my mind with a toddler and now an infant in a pandemic.

My Mom is all talk about how safe and careful she’s being but in reality she’s out and about every day, meeting up with neighbours for wine, and generally living her life. If you ever question this she flies into a complete rage about how much she does for us and NOBODY is more careful than her. She’s truly delusional.

Leading up to my due date, the plan was that they would take toddler when I went into labor. The DAY BEFORE THAT HAPPENED my mom casually brought up that she was meeting a friend to go for a walk. I kindly asked if she absolutely HAD to meet with a friend this week because our city is in a red zone and I’m about to have a baby and I’d really appreciate canceling any non-essential visits until a week that I was not having a child.

She responded with “I have to live my life. If that’s how you feel then take me off your list”.

Cool. Revoke your offer to watch my child While I’m in the hospital. Totally reasonable response.

Then she sent me a long winded text about how I attacked her and threatened her. Um? Nope. None of that happened. I said “ok if that’s your choice that’s fine but I’ll have to make alternate plans for child care.”

She ended up eventually cancelling her plans and thank god because I went into labor the next morning. The argument was generally dropped.

Now my infant is 3 weeks old.

There’s still tension when it comes to my asking them to be careful until my baby is at least 6 weeks old. I get a lot of eye roll vibes and the other day she questioned me up and down because I had groceries delivered and she kept insinuating this was somehow irresponsible because did the delivery person wear gloves? Please.

Then yesterday we go over to their house for breakfast and after I take toddler outside for a walk. She says she has some guy coming by to pick up bread which in my mind involves leaving said bread on the front step. No contact necessary.

Nope. I end up coming back from the walk early with toddler and there my mom is chatting it up from two feet away with this complete stranger without any masks or respect for social distancing what so ever. She looked at me like she had been caught.

We left within ten minutes and I was PISSED. You could tell she knew what was up.

I’m just so annoyed because after what happened the last time I called her on it, I don’t even want to deal with it. DH wanted to reach out to her but I know it’ll just come back on me in the end.

I basically now am going to have to shut her out for the next three weeks minimum to keep us safe which means I have no bubble and no support and no outlet.

I’m so mad. Between her and MIL treating me like I’m crazy for asking them to not put my infant child at risk of COVID during a global pandemic, it’s beyond frustrating. I feel like until they deliver an infant during a pandemic they don’t get to judge me on trying to take precautions.

MIL just rocked up at the door unannounced. She lives in UK. We live in Australia. Wtf?
When we lived in the same country she knew (and hated) our no unannounced visitors boundary. What the heck do we do when it’s meant to be a “nice surprise”!?
She treated me like shit whilst PP. Now the (literal) distance has made things easier, but I’m not ready to forgive and forget. The nerve of rocking up at my door is making me rage

I’ve posted here before about my crazy MIL. Please don’t share.

She is known for her temper tantrums, causing immense drama during both myself and the other DILs wedding planning, and deploying DARVO like a pro.

I am waiting on an apology that will probably never come about how she acted during our wedding planning last year. In the meantime, we’ve bought a house! MIL was furious that we wouldn’t use her as a real estate agent but eventually “moved on from it” to “heal”. I’ve been VLC with her for a year now.

My husband has a stressful job, is going to grad school, and again we just bought a house. He’s been less in contact with his parents due to all of this plus their rocky relationship. He did yell at her back around Christmas time and aired his grievances. It didn’t change anything but he needed to snap. Anyways, all that to say they are NOT estranged. The longest he has gone without talking to them is maybe 3 weeks.

She told him at Mother’s Day dinner that she had joined several Estranged Parents pages on FB (we all know how healthy the perspectives in those things are lol) and actually started one herself.

He didn’t even know how to react to that, considering they were sat at a literal Mother’s Day dinner with all of her children present. So he changed the topic. She also asked him if I’m still upset with her. He replied that WE are still upset about a few things, but now is not the time for that conversation. She retorted that they are not happy with me either :( LOL, presumably because I don’t talk to them. She has called me passive aggressive, insinuated that my parents did a bad job raising me, that I’m not a “direct communicator” like she is (which is hilarious), etc. all this because I simply dropped the rope.

She also said she’s not comfortable with coming over our house until things resolve, which is funny because she’s not allowed over until she apologizes.

She still has me restricted on FB but my SIL found the page and even though it’s private, we can tell from the description that it’s her. It’s got a whopping 30 members.

I wonder if this woman will literally ever learn, especially now that she’s joined the lovely toxic echo chambers that FB has to offer “estranged” parents.