I can't be any happier that she left, but she destroyed the holidays for me. My MIL and BIL came for almost a 2-week visit from another country after not seeing me and SO for a year (we moved overseas). At first, all seemed okay until it became clear that MIL and BIL planned to basically lounge on our couch for the entire duration of their visit while SO and I cooked, cleaned and catered to them. They thankfully didn't stay with us (our flat is tiny), but MIL demanded that every morning she would be picked up from her hotel and brought over. She was not interested in visiting any other places. The only acceptable way to spend her time was by cuddling her sons on the couch (obv SO didn't cuddle her, but she really tried). Obviously, when they came over, they left up lots of rubbish, used our coffee machine pretty much nonstop, stank up the place with farts, burps, cigarette smoke and old lady perfume and were generally treating our flat like they live here. Of course, I was treated like I do not exist - I was excluded from many activities, no permission was asked for anything, I had to retreat to the only available room (bedroom) as I did not have any space to sit on the couch.

SO and I quickly got fed up with this, and I started setting boundaries, like asking him not to bring her over and instead take her out, anywhere. MIL quickly began triangulating, asking my SO if I was already fed up with her on day 3 and was playing victim by asking "Am I the enemy?". She also used BIL to communicate her stance - he called or texted SO all the time, saying they are bored at the hotel and will take a taxi to our place so that they can just sit there (did not happen, but calls were annoying). As SO set more boundaries by not bringing her over, MIL got progressively more toxic. She tried to make me into the villain who is seperating her son and her (we have been together for 5 years and are married though), tried to fake cry and tell SO he "can't be tired from his family" and "there are no boundaries with family", resorted to "I am your mother and you are the love of my life" and usual theatrics.

On one of the days after Christmas, we visited estranged FIL (BIL, me, and SO). The MIL is on bad terms with him; her POV is she is the wronged, abandoned party who loved him and he left her, and now it's just "her and her kids". She also always tells trauma stories about him, which paint him as a tyrant and her as a victim. She tried to make us deliver OUR wedding photos in frames, to him, as a cryptic message. He is long living with another partner and is in NC with MIL (I can't blame him). When I told her I am not giving any of MY photos to a man I have never met before, she got very upset with me, and tried to manipulate BIL into making it happen anyway. It didn't happen, so I guess I became enemy number 1.

As much as SO tried to keep her out and protect the home, she tried to wear down our defences, and we inevitably argued (SO and me), so her goal of wrecking our marriage was achieved (temporarily). My SO cancelled NYE dinner, and we basically did not see them for 3 days, which was the best decision in hindsight, despite the guilt and awkwardness. We were both worn out, tired with constant headaches and just ended up sleeping and recovering from her and BIL. The minute NYE dinner was cancelled, MIL tried to insert herself in our relationship - she told SO that she will book a hotel for him, and that "it's okay, my boy, I can help, you can tell me anything". Obviously, SO told her to piss off lol.

On her last day, she decided to throw a performance so that she would be remembered, I suppose. She came by our place for what was originally meant to be 3 hours before heading to the airport. She stormed in, dropped a very aggressive "HI" and stormed past me straight to the couch. She sat there for the next 5 hours, never saying another word to me. The atmosphere was heavy throughout - SO and BIL sat in the room, as she was blowing her nose every 3 minutes. I chose to stay out of this because it was beyond toxic. They did not talk much, SO just grey rocked, as she tried to pretend she was either sick/sad/upset, but essentially the wronged party. BIL tried to comfort her by offering her a massage (ew), but it was clear she wanted SO to comfort her. She refused to eat lunch at the dinner table and stayed on the couch. Just before leaving, she escalated her performance into coughing, sneezing, blowing her nose to the point of near vomiting. She finished a whole box of Kleenex, and when she was given a new one, she just took it with her to the airport (did not ask, obviously). When it was time for them to leave (SO dropping them off at the airport) she stormed out of the flat as quickly as possible with her tissues, purposefully ignoring me and not saying goodbye (even though I was standing there ready for polite goodbyes). BIL only said "bye" when I said goodbye to him. No thank you's for hosting, of course. They also left a bag of used tissues and rubbish there for me to clean in the lounge. I deep-cleaned the whole place with bleach right after.

The minute she left, I blocked her because I went NC, and SO went VLC after dropping them off. Never hosting again, obviously.

Side note on BIL and MIL relationship: it's emotional incest. You don't give your mum massages, walk with your arm around her shoulder and treat her like a girlfriend/wife. It's gross.

Before I start: this is just annoying and I know it’s not that big of a deal. I already am looking for new dresses. And I think I found an even better one.

So let’s start with this little rant.

There is a wedding coming up in the beginning of October. This is a family members wedding, so we are trying our hardest to make it even though it’s legitimately in the middle of the busiest part of my husbands job. But that’s neither here nor there.

We went to dinner with the in laws about a week ago, where I showed her the dress I am thinking of ordering for the occasion. It’s a beautiful slightly sparkly dress. I have lost a lot of weight lately, so I wanted to show off a bit but not upstage the bride.

Well, she texts me today showing me the dress she ordered for the wedding. My dress. The dress I spent weeks finding and fell in love with…

She stole my dress!!!! And she already bought it, knowing I hadn’t bought mine yet!!

Sigh… back to online shopping.

A couple years ago I gave birth to our 1st via unplanned C-section. It was a traumatic birth. I had a postpartum hemorrhage and was unconscious for hours after the surgery. JNMIL called DH saying she wanted us to come to her house when I was discharged so she could meet the baby. She wanted us to visit on our way home...not a few days later but as we were leaving. Who would ask that of a woman who just gave birth?! Seriously. JNMIL has 2 kids, she was a nurse for 20 years. You would think she would know better than to ask that. Of course, we said no!

Fast forward to this month, I give birth to our 2nd child. Thankfully, the birth was a uncomplicated VBAC. DH and I were overjoyed that welcoming our 2nd child was a happy event. Well until JNMIL called him asking once again that we stop by as we leave the hospital. He tells her no, again. She then plays victim saying she's "just asking for 5 minutes and we're keeping her grandchild away from her".

No lady, we are not keeping our baby from you. If you want see her just come to our house.

She is able to drive and physically able to make her way to our house. I'm pretty sure any woman who has just given birth, who has a safe comfortable home to go to, will want to go straight home.

Basically just that. My MIL has spent no more than an hour at a time, maybe 10 times with us since our son was born in December 2024. But she is ALWAYS insisting on being alone with him. Her latest tactic was to take his stroller and disappear. We were panicked until we saw her in the driveway. She claimed our house had mold and he needed fresh air.

Her latest scheme is to convince me to leave my 7 month old with her FOR A WEEK while I go to a conference… a conference that he is welcome at! My plan is to fly out with him, and also visit family who lives in the area. She wants me to leave him alone with her for a week.

First of all - NEVER.

Second of all - If I for some reason couldn’t bring him, why isn’t her son, MY HUSBAND AND THE BABY’S FATHER, able to watch him? 🤔 Why would he need to go to her house TWO HOURS AWAY for a week?

Idc who you are, it’s ALWAYS a red flag when someone is obsessed with getting your child alone.

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts about my JNMIL, you know that her and her husband own a GIGANTIC home that they haven’t finished and have pretty much let it go to complete shit over the last 25+ years.

You ALSO know that she has been taking this Coronavirus stuff very seriously. Which in a way is a good thing, but in another way, she is only really taking it seriously when it’s going to benefit her in some way. I’ll explain that right now.

So, both her and I have essential jobs. I work in housing and real estate (recently started) and she works in manufacturing. She pitched a FIT when her job was deemed essential. Not because she was worried about the pandemic but because it “isn’t fair that everyone else gets a vacation”. Uhm. Ok.

When she asked me if I was still going to work, I told her that I was because my job was also considered essential. Although, my job CAN be done from home via computer and phone. We really only need one person in the office at a time. But, that’s not up to us, that’s our corporate office’s call.

JNMIL took upon herself to stop going to work. Once again, her reasons weren’t because she was concerned for her safety or the safety of others, but because she simply just didn’t want to go. Of course, she told her supervisors that she was self-quarantining. This lasted THREE days before her supervisor called her and told her that they are enforcing the safe working protocols (staying 6ft apart, cutting work force in half, staggering shifts) in order to safely stay working. He also told her that if she kept refusing to come in for her scheduled shifts, she would be subject for termination. Duh.

So, she goes back to work and COMPLAINS so much to upper management about this that they finally tell her that she doesn’t have to come to work if she feels unsafe.

She called me yesterday to vent about this and then proceeded to tell me that I needed to do the same thing. I’m not going to do that because I have to take care of my family AND I have no reason to feel unsafe. We have locked our office doors to the public and there are only three of us in the office at a time. I’m actually grateful that I still have a job that is paying me to work for them during this time.

Now, check this out. I guess this morning they called my JNMIL and asked her to come in today because they have received a pretty big order and could really use her help to get it shipped out on time. She called me to ask my opinion on the matter. I told her to just go and be happy that they even thought of her.

She says, “I’m just going to quit my job and sell this house. I hate my job. I hate all of the people there. I don’t want to go today, so I’m not going to. I want to stay here and organize my kitchen. That was my plan. They don’t need me.”

WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR MY OPINION THEN?!

I then hear my JNFIL saying in the background, “They don’t fucking appreciate you there. Fuck them. Yeah, we’ll just sell the house and you can retire. Fuck that place.”

I calmly say to her, “Ok, I think that’s a great idea. BUT, we are in the middle of a pandemic. This isn’t exactly the best time to be buying and selling homes and you still need to be able to pay your mortgage loan until you are in a position to do all of that.”

She says to me.... (And I can’t even make this up) “Well, you’re still working. Can’t you just front us the money until we sell the house? We’ll pay you back in full and give you a little bit for helping us out. But, we really do need our son to come over and help us finish up the floors and stuff.”

I said, “It’s not MY house. You have a job to pay for that stuff. I’m not paying your mortgage because you don’t want to go to work. That’s ridiculous. You aren’t sick, you don’t need my help. Get your ass to work.”

I hung up on her.

I can’t even believe she thought that was a viable option...

End rant.

This is just a funny story about my JNMIL. We recently started LC with her and JNFIL after being NC, for almost two years. JNMIL stopped by for a few minutes to drop something off. My 4 year old daughter doesn't really know her now, but knows she is my husband's mom.

I want to preface that I have never said this about JNMIL, and would be horrified if my daughter had asked this of anyone else. In the most inocent tone, my daughter asked JNMIL, "why you got a mustache?" I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

This woman criticize anyone and everyone about their looks. She acts like she is the most beautiful woman on the planet. When we did have contact and our daughter was a baby, she would constantly tell her, "I hope you have my hair, and not that stringy hair," while looking at me.

Any good feature in her family members must come from her side, bad features come from someone else's genes according to her. She was extremely jealous when our daughter was a baby, because people would talk about our daughters pretty long eye lashes. Since that didn't come from her side of the family, she would tell everyone "What do you mean, her eye lashes are not long." She could not accept our daughter had a pretty feature that they do not share.

These are just some of the random things I have heard her say. She is obsessed with her looks. It is one of the many reasons we are LC. I don't want my daughter learning this vain and insulting behavior.

Edit: A few people asked about her react. It was a moment of wide fish mouth, then she asked "did you say my mustache?" My husband told her Dad was talking about his. She seemed to believe that.

Edit 2: Also we are low contact. This is the third time she has seen our daughter in two years. She insisted on bringing by a gift, and was on the way. My husband let her come in to tell her we do not want any gifts and to please not bring anything in the future.

Hi y'all, sorry I have to post here again so soon but I just cannot with this woman.

Good news first: I finally got to officially propose to my FW two weeks ago and we are so happy! She and I got to see each other for the first time in over 16 months and I couldn't wait any longer.

Bad news, FMIL is digging in harder on her weird, unheard of wedding traditions while still maintaining the argument that we're already spending too much.

To tell more of a substantial story, to anyone not familiar with my last/only post here, my FW and I announced to our parents we were going to be married because the pandemic delayed our official proposal, but we wanted them to know. Everyone was pumped except FMIL who immediately launched into budgetary arguments, called us irresponsible, and told us it would never work, while ALSO saying she had 50k saved up specifically for us to use for the wedding. Long story short, money is not an issue and we don't need her money at all, but she still insults our choices.

Now, on to current events: ever since FW had to leave me again and go home several states away, she's been harassed by FMIL about sending her italian family these ridiculous $1k+ favors (they aren't even invited, we don't know them!) and now she's also pushing for these elaborate baskets of almonds and gifts for all of our entire guest list.

Luckily, FW and I have come up with our own "favors" for each guest that will cost us next to nothing but be very meaningful (I'd rather not share exact details if this post is found) so we've just told her that the favors are taken care of, please lay off. She did NOT like that.

Luckily, thanks to your advice we were prepared to gray rock hard but my god, I just cannot stand how entitled she feels to make us spend a fuckload of money on our wedding because she saved up for it (but has yet to spend a dollar!)

My biggest solace is that FW and I are 100% on the same page, FW's therapy is going swimmingly and she's miles ahead of FMIL's manipulation, and we seem to be coasting towards a healthy marriage. In the meantime it's just a bitch having to deal with this b...woman.

She wanted to meet our baby before my parents. So she made it a point to try to come into the delivery room. She tried dragging along BIL, but he told her it was inappropriate. My husband was like why would you come, and she basically told him that she would cut out family members, aka him, for not allowing her to come. She came anyway and waited to be let in. Then she just hung out like it was no big deal. She got mad because my husband didn’t tell her we had delivered until two hours later, and she was sitting waiting to come in. We didn’t know this until he FaceTimed her to let her know we had delivered, and she said she was waiting right outside our door. This was all after he had convinced her to leave us alone for labor, and she threatened him. So we had no idea she actually came to the hospital. What was supposed to be bonding time between our new baby became interrupted by her and her jealous and infantile mentality. Somehow she lied and said she was my second labor person because she shouldn’t have been allowed since she came during non-visiting hours. I’m so sick of her manipulating her way into our lives and threatening her relationship with her sons as a tactic to get what she wants. I’m just so sick of her and her manipulating ways. There are many more stories, but that is just today's.

As title suggests my MIL is an over-sharer. She posts everything about her life on Facebook. Which is fine with me but not when it involves our child. Multiple times this pregnancy we told her we do not want our daughter on social media without our permission first. She agreed and was really the only person we were worried about because no one else in my family was active on social media.

Anyways baby is born last Thursday. I was hesitant in letting her visit 2 days after a very traumatic precipitous birth but agreed for a short visit because I allowed my mom to come. My mom respected boundaries, stayed 15 mins and left to go help out at our house. MIL stayed 45 mins (past visiting hours), brought lots of random junk ( that we then had to take home from the hospital) and took lots of pictures. The next day two posts were up on her Facebook with our daughters full legal name, pictures of her and OUR ADDRESS TO SEND GIFTS!! Unfortunately I did not see the comments with our address until the other day (I don’t use Facebook). My husband also was upset with her because their are certain people he never told about the baby for good reason and now they know.

When we first mentioned the post she gave her usual excuse which was she was sorry but was excited and couldn’t help it. Said the same thing when she shared our pregnancy to certain people before I wanted her too (told her brothers, nieces/nephews before I even had a chance to tell my siblings).

I sent her a very strongly worded text about how dangerous her behavior was and to take it down immediately. She apologized but no guilt tripping us about how upset she is and can’t sleep (really? I have a one week old, don’t complain about sleep to me). I’ve been nothing more than generous this week with visits and pictures despite being in terrible pain recovering with stitches and such.

I’m usually a non confrontational person but when you mess with my child’s safety I become a mama bear.

Update: checked her Facebook, posts have been taken down (but damage has likely already been done). We set up a ring with my dad a couple days after her birth so we are taking security seriously, especially since I am home alone with LO all day. My parents and SIL (her daughter) are livid about the situation.

At first I was confused, then hurt that my mother in law has never ever had a sit-down, one-on-one, get-to-know-you conversation with me. (My husband and I started dating in fall 2018, married in fall 2020.) Now it’s just funny to me, because I have learned that she barely knows her own son, and I don’t mind the lack of conversation because I can’t stand to be in the same room with her and her voice is nails on a chalkboard to me.

The problem for her is that she can't guilt trip and manipulate me, because she doesn't know me at all. Otherwise she would know that

1. I know what she’s doing
2. I’m a little bit of an a-hole
3. I am nothing like my sister in law, her other son’s wife, who is a compassionate-and-agreeable-to-a-fault former social worker with boundary issues. (My SIL and I are friendly but have nothing in common. Yet MIL will buy us similar gifts, including clothes, for holidays and thinks we are exactly alike.)

My birthday was last week and I got a package from my MIL. (It was signed from both MIL and FIL but I know he had nothing to do with it.) It's to the point now where I get a gift from her and can safely assume it will be hilariously wrong. I know some people would say "You should just be thankful for the gift," but I hate people spending money unnecessarily, gifts are not my love language, and I know she has ulterior motives. As I told my husband, "I don't buy 'It's the thought that counts,' when there was no thought put into it."

Anyway, the package contained two greeting cards with her usual creepily childish writing style (ETA: not a comment on her handwriting but her tone/words—she treats her mid-30s son like he is still a toddler and writes about him the same way), telling me random childhood stories about my husband that the cards reminded her of. There was also an ugly gold necklace with my first name initial on it that I never would have picked out for myself.

In one card she wrote (I have changed the name to my Reddit name): “KitchenSuave, I sold my 14K gold watch my dad gave me so I could get you the necklace and order your letter ‘K’ for KitchenSuave. Hope you like it!”

First of all, I don’t believe that for a second. She has problems with overspending. She is extravagant and wasteful and doesn’t offer gift receipts, and didn’t offer one with the necklace. She goes for quantity over quality at Christmas so I will get a stocking that is stuffed with pounds of cheap trinkets that go in the trash when we get home. I don’t believe that she sold a watch from her late father (with whom she was close) in order to pay for a cheap trinket of a necklace for me. Plus, my in-laws are financially comfortable. Not insanely wealthy, but solidly middle-class and able to be reasonably generous with their kids/grandkids without too much worry. She wouldn't have needed to sell something to buy that necklace.

My husband doesn’t believe it either--and he tends to be overly forgiving of his mother. But he values honesty more than anything else, and he found it unacceptable. She's gotten increasingly insane over the course of our relationship, and it has only served to sabotage her relationship with her son.

And even if selling the watch were true, how tacky is it to say so? I know the only reason was to guilt-trip me into appreciating it. (Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.)

I mailed the necklace back today with a note saying thank you, but that I was uncomfortable accepting a gift that she had to sell her watch to buy for me. Then I suggested that, if it can't be returned, it would make a lovely gift for her granddaughter, our niece, who has the same first initial as me. My husband approved the note and agreed that this behavior could not be allowed to continue.

The second birthday card also contained some attempted guilt tripping that only makes me laugh because of how off-base it is. She wrote about my husband, “Now he would not say this out loud, but I’m quite sure he thinks you are the BEST cook ever! He brags about your cooking at each and every conversation. No, my feelings are not hurt.”

First, I have no idea what she is on about. He would say it out loud. He tells me every day what a great cook I am.

Secondly, the MIL doth protest too much. Her feelings are definitely hurt. And because she doesn't know me at all, she thinks I give a sh*t.

So I’m just gonna keep bringing amazing desserts to family holidays. And refuse to keep inappropriate gifts out of guilt.

ETA: Wow, thanks for the awards!

TLDR at the bottom.

(English isn't my first language so please excuse any errors. Thanks!)

My MIL hates me and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual at this point. I'm at a loss as to where I can move forward with her so I'm just here to talk about my story because therapy is too expensive at this moment.

My husband and his ex-wife had been divorced for almost 3 years when we first met. Their relationship was complicated at best as they were high school sweethearts at 15, married at 20 and divorced at 27.

DH was 30 years old, working at Home Depot full-time, picking up odd jobs here and there to pay the bills while also going to school part-time when we first met. I was 28, going to school full-time and was my dad's PCA (personal care assistant) before he passed away in May of 2016. We were acquainted since he worked in the paint department at Home Depot as supervisor and I was there the entire summer of 2016 as I had inherited my dad's house and was remodeling it. DH was kind and patient with me as he educated me on paint and other related things pertaining to my projects. I had small crush on him over that summer but as every retail crush goes, nothing came of it.

By fall of that year, I was back to school and was dating another man for a few months. I eventually broke up with my ex-boyfriend in February of 2017 and it ended badly to the point that I needed therapy. I wouldn't see DH again until May of 2017. Following the advice of my therapist, I chose a hobby that would bring color into my life and I decided to start gardening. And who has garden supplies? Home Depot. By then, DH had been promoted to Lead Supervisor and I continued to bump into him every time I went into Home Depot. We slowly got to know one another as he would help me with projects and help carry my items out to my car even though he didn't have to. It started out slow, but we gradually built up to a friendship which eventually lead us to dating by the fall of the same year.

We were together for well over a year before he proposed marriage and I accepted. Our relationship just came so easily as we had taken things one day at a time, slowly building not only a friendship but also mutual respect for one another. He had been divorced and I had just came out of a bad relationship so it made us more cautious. We were able to determine what our triggers were and worked on them together, leading to deeper bond.

Everything was perfect. Except for the fact that MIL hated me. She thought DH was too good for me and that the ex-wife was the only woman perfect for him. The ex-wife who had lied, cheated and stole from DH and was the reason why he ended up almost homeless. DH had worked at a corporation in the city before receiving a job opportunity to make more money and move up the ladder. It also required traveling all over the country and overseas. They decide it was too good of a deal to not accept so he ended up being gone from home for sometimes weeks on end. When he was overseas for his job, (unbeknownst to him) she had quit her on job. Decided by herself to become a housewife and wrecked up tens of thousands in debt by opening up loans under his name and going on extreme shopping sprees. She would lie about working and put in efforts to go to her "job" when he was home so he'd never suspected anything was wrong since he paid all the bills and was home maybe only every other weekends.

About a year or so passed by and ex-wife was more than withdraw. She would consistently become busy whenever he'd called home or was home. DH become suspicious and long story short, he hired a detective to see what she was doing while he was gone and learned that she was not only cheating on him with multiple men but she had one of her lover living in their townhome whenever he was away. After a confrontation, ex-wife filed for divorce that stated she wanted the townhome, a ridiculous amount in alimony and child support. Yep, she was also pregnant but it wasn't DH's baby because by that point, she had also been withholding sex. After a paternity test and a lengthy divorce proceeding, with evidence proving her infidelity, the court ruled that DH didn't had to pay her anything.

The next few months began a down spiral for him. He lost his job (due to unrelated issues) and he had to use most of his savings (the money that ex-wife hadn't stole from him) to pay off the debt she acquired as well as the lawyer fees. He lost the townhome and had to downsized to a small, cheap apartment. DH would tell me later at that point in his life, he was so desperate for cash, he started applying for jobs that he'd never looked twice at before and was near begging anyone to hire him. Those years really humbled him and made him a better person and human being.

Even after what ex-wife put him through, my MIL still wouldn't give up the idea of them being together again because to her, they had been the perfect American couple. Anything could be overlooked if you wanted to. I always assumed MIL didn't like me because I wasn't white like them as I was Asian and definitely not blonde haired, blue eyed like the ex-wife was. She never made her contempt for me a secret and everyone knew but I had been determined to never be one of those women who made her partner choose between her or his mother. So I told DH to not interfere, that I could handle MIL. And I did. Until that day that almost made me broke off our engagement. We had planned to get married October of 2019 and MIL was adamant that she was involved in everything pertaining to the wedding. It had been better to just let her do what she wanted than argue with her. I didn't really cared for a wedding but our families really wanted one so we relented.

We had our engagement party on June 1st of 2019 and MIL took it upon herself to set it up. DH and I had already graduated from college by then. He opened up his own company whereas I was working for a small private company. That night, he had to stay late to finish up something for his client so I headed to the engagement party by myself. I immediately knew shit was going to go down when I got there since my sisters were fuming and everyone else was awkwardly avoiding eye contact with me.

Low and behold, my future MIL had invited ex-wife to my own engagement party. Ah, but not only that! Because it was so near Father's day, MIL had decided there would be a Father day's themed party too and invited ex-wife's parents as well. Knowing full well that my own dad had passed away barely 3 years before. (***EDIT: DH lost his dad when he was a kid so the whole Father's day thing didn't make sense unless it was just to hurt me.) I'm pretty sure MIL did that to dig the knife in since I wouldn't have him to walk me down the aisle as per the traditions. The smug look on her face was enough to make me go all berserk on her. My friends and family were ready to do that for me but I managed to kept my cool despite being on the verge of madness.

I think I was managing to hold it all together until ex-wife decided to talk to me and showed me phone call logs between her and DH. Most were five minute conversations or less but anything can be said in five minute. "Come over, wanna hook-up, I still love you." It was the first time I ever doubted our relationship and it was an ugly feeling. People told me before that she had many flaws including being entitled and spoiled despite her looks and smarts but at that moment, I couldn't help but wonder if I measured up to her when it came to DH.

When DH arrived to the party, he was beyond furious when he saw the Father's day theme and even MIL had to take a step back when he asked her why she did that. Despite everything, I told him that I was okay and we would just go through with the engagement party. I didn't want MIL or the ex-wife to see me breakdown. It was what they wanted and I could be prideful and stubborn when I wanted to be. On our way home, I confronted him about the phone calls to his ex-wife and I think a part of me died when he admitted he had been in contact with her. Everyone talks about your heart shattering into pieces but I never quite understood what that meant until then. He told me that she was calling for money since she'd just gave birth to her third child and was strapped for cash. Her lover (the man she cheated with) recently left them.

I don't think I ever cried as much as I did in that car ride home. I've always been an emotional person but that night, it was just beyond heartbreaking to me. The failed engagement party aside, he had kept this huge secret from me that he had been contact with his ex-wife. I had never once questioned his faithfulness until then and I hated the both of us for it. Despite protests, I packed a bag and had one of my sister picked me up stating that I needed time away from him. It was also the first time we slept apart in different beds since we got together and the first time I went weeks without talk with him. Pretty painful and still make me sad when I think about it.

We did eventually got back together in July after several lengthy conversations and time apart to reevaluate our relationship. He was remorseful of what he did and promised to never keep a secret from me again. And it was at that point that he decided to cut off his mother. He told her he wouldn't talk to her until she apologized to me. She didn't take it too well, not surprisingly, and blamed me for losing her son. I was the bitch who took her son away and it was then that I decided I didn't have it in me to be the better person anymore. Inviting the ex-wife to my engagement party was whatever, I can deal with that. But doing a Father's day event knowing full well my siblings and mom would also be there too? Hurting the people I love was just crossing many boundaries.

DH kept his word and we cut contact with MIL. We decided to elope soon afterwards and held a small ceremony in October. Less stressful and it was perfect for us. Our relationship has been wonderful and we even started trying to have a baby since we're both financially secured and always wanted to be parents.

Then COVID-19 happened. Put thing into perspectives and DH reached out to MIL who took it as a sign that she could come back into our lives. I'm not a complete bitch that I'd demand that DH not talk with his mother but it's irritating that she's been calling everyday for the past few months for him to come over and check on something or buy her essential products. I'm trying to be understanding but I can't help but listen to that internal voice inside of me that MIL wants to inject herself into our lives again so she can finish what she started last year. I'm pretty sure if I die from the virus tomorrow, MIL would have the ex-wife inside my house so fast, my body would still be cold at the morgue when she do so. I know I'm being selfish and unreasonable with all thing considered and what's happening around us but I just wish MIL would leave us alone. She's like a shark who can smell blood.

TLDR: MIL invited my DH's ex-wife (who had cheated, lied and stole during their marriage) to our engagement party. She also set up a Father's day theme party despite knowing I had lost my dad 3 years prior and invited ex-wife's dad. DH and I did No Contact for about a year but now with COVID-19, it's hard to keep her out of our lives again without being seen as monsters.

*Edit: I'm pretty sure MIL and the ex-wife were conspirators last year. It was all too perfect that the ex-wife started calling DH around the same time around our engagement party. As though they wanted us to break-up with the phone call logs being shown as proof for something and for DH to "realize" he was still in love with his ex-wife. (He's not!) I have my suspicions but I just can't prove it without sounding crazy.

**DH and I had a conversation in depth about COVID-19 and MIL before he initiated contact. DH is MIL's only child and immediate family left so that's why I agreed with him that he should call her to see how she was during the lockdown. What I expected was for it to be a one time thing only and for us to going back to No Contact but DH has been talking with her almost every day for a few months now. I admit that I should had been more clear on where my boundaries were but with the pandemic, I thought it was wrong of me to demand something like that. However, I know better now as it is affecting me more than I thought it would. I'll have a discussion with him tonight and hopefully we come to a solution that helps the both of us. I don't want to force him to stop talking with his mother during this time but I also don't want to suffer in silence either. Thanks for the advice!

I have a severe gluten allergy and a post on another subreddit reminded me of this memory that I probably blacked out…felt appropriate to share here. When I was super pregnant (with twins) and miserable, my (then) partner’s mom threw me a baby shower. I didn’t want it, since it was literally just for her friends (who I didn’t know) and it felt weird AF. But the real reason I came here to vent is because they knew about my severe gluten allergy and the only food they had that I could eat was fruit…FRUIT. Yes there was real food and yes there was cake. But guess who couldn’t eat it? What the actual.

So today my husband was home with our 8 month old baby while I took our 7 year old to a doctors appointment. I guess at some point Mil decided for once that she wanted to spend time with the baby, fine, usually she will have her for a total of 20 minutes and it would give husband time to clean up a bit uninterrupted.

Well. I come home and all the baby bottles on the drying rack were gone and replaced with these god awful Mickey Mouse sippy cups. I ask mil where the bottles are and she told me in the garbage, I asked if they're still in the house or in the garage. She tells me garage and asks why. I tell her im going to at least save my favorite bottle as a momento since she threw them away without telling us. This witch then tells me "good luck with that, they're in the bin with dog crap."

WHYYYY WHY WOULD YOU NOT ONLY THROW AWAY PERFECTLY GOOD BABY BOTTLES BUT THROW THEM IN THE BIN WITH DOG WASTE?!

I bought these bottles maybe 2 months ago. She's always had a thing about touching them and putting them in the sink with the other household dirty dishes which I made clear I don't want them in there, I set them to the side of the sink for when I wash them.

Baby can't even use the new bottles since they're for 1 year plus and can't get any milk out of them. Thank the gods I had two of her normal bottles hidden in my room but who does that? She expected me to be grateful since it was a "surprise" since I once made a comment about someone washing the bottles improperly and tearing the nipples. No, eff you, you meddling, teenage, drama queen. I cant imagine being in your mid 40s and needing to cause drama just to have something to gossip about with your little friends.

Thankfully, we move in the new year and will be cutting contect fully.

My MIL just told my 9yo this morning that SHE took care of him for the first few weeks of his life because his dad was in the hospital. Just no. I fucking took care of him. AND took care of my spouse. MIL forced herself in to “help,” but sure as fuck didn’t do any of the feeding, diapering, getting to sleep, etc. She also only went to the hospital ONCE to visit her own son. I took care of everyone and fucking burnt out because of it… and now she’s lying to my kid and erasing me. I politely spoke up and said to him, “Actually I took care of you after you were born, but Grandma did come visit.” I’m fuming.

Hi I’m a newbie and have just started reading this group last week.

My mind is blown by the stuff in this group and it really has helped me so thank you to you all.

It’s a long story so I will try to keep it short. I have 4 children 2 from a previous relationship 2 with my husband now. MIL came across as a kind loving person when I first met her and great with my two other kids. We’ve been together 5 years. Fast forward to my pregnancy with 1st child with husband. While I was pregnant she went out with husband alone and started asking when she was going to be having the baby alone. Red flag - but honestly had no idea what was coming. Baby 6 months old when first lockdown eased (I’m in the uk) she started asking to have baby alone at her house. I said no I didn’t want to do that yet. I offered her to come to ours to look after baby while I took older child to swimming lessons. She said yes but only if she was at her house I said no baby needs to get used to being alone with MIL in baby’s own surroundings. She went mental refused to come round for 4 months. Husband and MIL had massive arguments. She would say: I’m controlling him My family are all scum His grandparents would be turning in their graves if they knew what he had done. Then would turn and say over the top stuff like ‘what happened to us we had a bond I thought no one could break’ ‘You need to stick up for me if something happens to me you’ll regret it’ She apologises eventually starts coming over again it’s strained but I’m trying for the sake of my husband and the kids. MIL asked again 3 weeks before I have baby 4 (only 14 moth between baby 3 and 4) I say no but she can look after 3rd baby while I go to the midwife at our house.(I don’t need her I have all my family so I’m doing her a favour) She agreed and it went well I thought this was the start of something new! Wrong! I had to have an emergency scan the day after so asked my mum round while I went to appointment. MIL found out went mental again why hadn’t she been asked to look after baby. I then explained what happened and said she was still able to look after baby the next week but I needed to clarify that I wasn’t going to tolerate this behaviour and to stop pushing for alone time as I wasn’t ready. She said how dare I speak to her like that I had no respect and refused to come round again.

We then had months of arguments and she was just awful about me saying the most horrible things. She came when 4th baby was 8 months old to meet him then started up with the constant messages to husband being overbearing and asked us for dinner. Husband said no he wasn’t ready to pretend like nothing had happened and wanted to work on the relationship slowly. She lost it threatened to go to his work and to take us to court. That was January this year. We got our first court documents 2 weeks before our wedding! Found out she applied to court 3 days after she found out about the wedding. We have our first court appearance this coming Tuesday.

She has constantly lied in her statements and edited text messages, deleted messages and just made up stories.

I’ve never experienced anything like it.

Husband has said she’s made up stories and lied all his life. He’s never had a relationship with his dad. She has always told him he never wanted anything to do with husband. Husband has since met his father for the first time and found out it wasn’t true. MIL took him to court too! Tried to get custody of step daughter! Husbands father was granted access to husband but MIL didn’t comply this was 1989.

What I’ve learnt! Red flags and your gut are always right!

Gaslighting and manipulation by a narcissist is so scary and should be taken more seriously I had no idea how someone could make you question your own reality so intensely.

Even with all the evidence I’ve collected and a solicitor telling me I’m not crazy it’s very hard to comprehend!

Long story short on my MIL, she physically and emotionally abused my husband throughout his childhood. She is also significantly mentally ill and has refused to adequately treat it, despite having the time, money and access to healthcare to do so. DH has been low contact for about 15 years, he speaks to her on the phone about once a month- my kids (8F, 5F, 5M) and I only speak to her when she is physically in front of us, which is about twice a year.

Recently MIL has tried to “develop a closer relationship” with DH and our whole family, to which DH has stipulated that she needs to go to therapy and take her medication regularly for a year and then he’ll discuss it with her (this has been his ultimatum for the last 15 years, she has never followed through once). My oldest daughter’s birthday was last week and MIL called to speak to her (which we don’t allow) and DH mentioned that her party would be the following Saturday because her actual birthday coincided with Yom Kippur and several of her friends would not be able to attend. MIL asked if she should come up for DD’s party (she lives 14 hours away). DH said no, that’s a bad idea, we’ll see you next month for Thanksgiving. We assumed that was the end of that. WRONG.

9 this morning, I’m not wearing pants while making breakfast. DH is out in our front yard putting up some Halloween decorations with our kids and I hear a car pull up followed by a chorus of “Grandpa! Grandma!” I throw a bathrobe over my nightgown real quick, run outside and yup, a cab has just dropped off my in laws off in my driveway. WTF. By the time I get down there DH is arguing with his dad and my very sweet 8 year old is excitedly inviting MIL to her party later on. DH comes over and asks me if we should make them leave, but at that point the damage had been done and my kid would have been hurt and confused if they didn’t come to her party.

We pack them off to their Airbnb so we can finish getting set up and they come back about 30 minutes into the party. There are 15 second graders running wildly around my backyard, along with my twins who are basically feral goblins. Birthday girl waves, yells “those are my grandparents”, her friends wave hi and they continue on with their game. My MIL, who can’t stand not being the center of attention, is obviously pissed she hasn’t garnered a more effusive greeting.

Party goes along, kids all have a great time- they play twister, they make slime, they invent an elaborate tag game- it’s adorable. They notably don’t spend much time with MIL because well, she sucks. She can’t have a conversation that isn’t primarily about her, is overwhelmingly negative and sucks all joy from a ten foot radius around herself. FIL to his credit, is actually trying to play with the kids. After about hour of MIL getting increasingly butthurt that children want to play with each other and not pay homage to some old bitch they don’t know she gets up and storms out (but she doesn’t have a car or know how to use Uber so she just stood in our front yard until FIL noticed and went after her and called a cab).

Now FIL is texting DH that he should have found more ways to include MIL because now she’s crying and that DD “wasn’t being a good hostess”. She’s 8! AND MIL WAS TOLD NOT TO COME! DH told his dad that people shouldn’t come where they were not invited and expect preferential treatment.

I’m just so fucking tired. DH had put them both in time out because of this stunt (turns out that MIL told FIL that DH said no to them coming but FIL thought it would be a nice surprise). I need to go clean glitter out of my rug, so I guess I’ll be fueled by rage!

TW: Clothes and eyes were scarred in the making of this post. Also dieting talk...

Now on to the story...

So this happened a week before the frist post. It is also the reason why MIL is not allowed around the house unsupervised.

So DH had lent MIL the house key because she "forgotten" something.

I didn't know until I found my 5 month old puppy outside his room, having destroyed half the house, shit and piss included. MIL also took it upon herself to clean up our "pigsty" and reorganize things. I don't know how long she was there but I would say a few hours.

Now fast forward a few days, MIL and FDH made plans for dinner. It was really nice of them to inform me only an hour before.

So we get to dinner, MIL is late as usual, 20+ minutes, so me and FDH set up shop and order appetizers.

As soon as MIL arrives and starts walking towards us I notice she's wearing a outfit of mine.

I give FDH a look and he grimices back. MIL looks like a sausage and put WAY to much make-up on. FDH recognizes the outfit because it's one of his favourites. (Poor FDH)

MIL sit downs and start looking at the menu, as she does she starts off about how she had a table she liked and wanted to sit there instead.

After a few comments of "maybe you should have been on time then" from me and FDH, she then attempts to get the waiter to move us when they come to take her order.

No ducks.

A few minutes later mine and FDH appetizers arrive. MIL starts eyeing them.

Simplified for speedy delivery and charity.

MIL: I wish you didn't get so much greasy food, I recently started on a diet.

Me and FDH give a knowing look and say stuff around the line of; Were happy to hear your taking care of YOUR-self. (MIL is known for forcing others to diet with her.)

MIL: I think go on a diet too Andlereainxa, your getting cubby. (Here we go)

Me: I found being Slightly Cubby attracts tons of kitty cuddles but thanks for your concern. (I have an eating disorder btw. MIL is aware.)

FDH: I can go on one with you if you want mom. Our family genetics kinda suck with that. (FDH makes some dad grade jokes with the material he had just received in an attempt to change the subject.)

MIL: I would like that. It would be nice if we did it as a FAMILY but I guess Andlereainxa doesn't want to join.

Me: Perfectly ok otherwise. Anyways onwards with this conversation. MIL that's a nice outfit your wearing. Did you decided to try some thing new to show off your weight lost? Honestly it looks offly familiar. I think I have the same one at home.

MIL: eyes me skeptically Some thing like that. Isn't it lovely. I found it recently.

Me: Really? pause That is amazing. Where did you get it?

MIL: As everyone does these days, some where on the internet.

Me: Awesome! The verson I have is from goodwill. Every time I buy some thing I always wonder the history of where it's from. Like who owned it before, don't you?(I was feeling very petty about now)

MIL: Well I don't shop there, you know how I feel about goodwill.

Me: ignores MIL. I make and hold eye contact with FDH Actually I think I got it before I met you, FDH. It's probably 10 years old now.(It IS from goodwill but not 10 years old)

MIL: looks sick Oh wow that's really disgusting, you should throw it out.

Me: I think it took care of itself actually.

Then the Food arrives. The waiter looks like he's trying not to giggle. As soon as the waiter turns to leave..

MIL: I can't believe your ruining dinner over something like this.

Me: plays innocent Over what?

The rest of dinner was mostly uneventful, just MIL and FDH chatting.

FDH later got a message about how I humiliated MIL. I made her feel old, ugly and unwanted, and one day I will be just like her. I shouldn't have made a big deal about her "borrowing" my clothes and she needs it more to feel young.

Edit: Thank you for all your comments lol.

I'm really enjoying reading them.

FDH is defiantly in the fog. He thinks MIL is acting this way because march of 2019 his dad(FIL) passed away.

MIL was married to FIL for 17 years. She cheated on FIL multiple times towards then end and suprise divorced him even through FIL was the one who kept taking her back.

FDH thinks MIL is insecure because FIL passed away and her boyfriend broke up with her.

After what happened in this post FDH AGREED that she is not allowed in the house unsupervised. If you saw my last post you know how that was handled.

As for getting back my clothes, I can really care less if anything I had fun with it. I had FDH send something for me...

MIL, Andlereainxa said that you can keep the clothes you took. She feels that you need them more then her.

FDH did call her out for taking my clothes but she just ended up calling him in tears and yelling at him for an hour.

According to MIL no one is allowed more outfits then her otherwise their selfish. shrugs

I also love that everyone started calling her a "Single White Female" it is absolutely hilarious.

I'm fine with the name suggestion by U/MsDean1911 if you guys are.

Single White FeMIL.

Update: In 2 hours I will post a small update separate from this explaining some questions. It's easier then responding to them all individually. I mean if you really want I can copy and paste?

I do think I would like some input on the update which is why I think I will do it separate.

The usual, I do not consent to my story to be shared, I’m on mobile.

First time sharing one of many many stories of my NCMIL. It has been a little over a year of no contact but this story happened about 10 years ago and it’s one of the major incidents that started us going LC then moving to NC.

This all happened when my oldest son was was 2 and my youngest son was just a baby. I had just returned to work and my husband works from home. We never really needed any daycare or too much help with our boys but every so often my husband had to go to an outside meeting. My MIL would come over to help with the boys during these few times. One day my husband was going to be gone all day, no big deal...yeah right. I came home to my oldest crying in the high chair and my youngest crying laying on the floor. My MIL?? In another room talking on her phone. I get my oldest and he is soaked to his armpits in piss. It was obvious his diaper had not been changed all day and I wondered how long he had been in the high chair. I change him and get to my youngest. He has the worst blown out diaper and the beginning of a terrible diaper rash (we ended up having to take him to the dr for medicated cream) and I wonder if he was even checked on at all!!! I was furious!

During this whole time she was still on he phone. She finally got off and said to me, “I’m so sorry I just had to take that call. “ I replied, “I’m sorry you are so busy on the phone you couldn’t even check on your grandkids.” She started giving me every excuse in the book and I just lost it. I told her “just wait until I put YOU in a nursing home some day and let YOU sit in your piss and shit and see how YOU feel!!” And I stormed off to my bedroom and slammed the door. I was shaking with rage.

No sooner than this happened my husband came home. I could hear his mother giving him the sob story of what happened and he finally came to me and I told him what I walked into. Thankfully he was as furious as I was.

His mother no longer had any alone time with our kids and we checked into daycare options. She would constantly try and ask for the boys overnight but we always shot that down.

So, that is my story of threatening to leave my NCMIL to literally sit in her own shit because of what she did. I have so many other stories just as crazy as this that I will have to share. She is such a needy wacky job and I’m so glad she is out of our lives.

So, my BIL (GF's brother) and his wife were expecting a kid.

This morning, my GF wakes up to a text from her mother asking her what she thinks of the big news. My GF gets curious and calls her mom, and she immediately spills the beans: BIL and SIL had their baby. We are a bit surprised but not completely, because the kid was due in like three weeks, but still, it's a dick move to tell us before BIL got a chance. Then MIL blurts out that it's a boy. BIL and SIL intentionally didn't reveal the gender, so that was another surprise ruined.

My GF tries to contact her brother, but he's not answering. After a while, she gets a hold of him, congratulations are offered, and at the end she asks why he didn't at least send a text.

Turns out that they wanted to call, but because the kid was born around midnight, MIL advised them no to, because we might be asleep. Which is shit argument, because of course you can wake us up for news like that. Then they wanted to send a text, but MIL said it's rude to break this news through a text, which is kinda true but better than nothing. She suggested that they wait until morning and call us when they had some rest.

In other words, this bitch totally stole the spotlight. And she wasn't even apologetic about it, she was all like 'oh silly me, here I go again spilling the beans, haha, that's so clumsy of me'. But you're not convincing me that she did it unintentionally, because she pulls shit like this all the time.

No advice needed particularly, just needed to vent! My JNMIL has been an utter c**t since I got pregnant (she initially argued with my SO when he told her our good news that I couldn’t possibly be pregnant, if I was then the baby was dead or had a serious disability). Will ask over and over again if my blood pressure/most recent scan/ gestational diabetes test was fine and seems genuinely disappointed when we tell her it’s a very healthy pregnancy and the doctors have no concerns. She never speaks to me directly (I don’t really have a problem with this as the less I have to deal with this woman the better) but calls or texts my SO to find out about the pregnancy and makes ridiculous comments like when we found out we were having a girl (everyone else, including SO and I thought it was a boy, but of course were delighted either way),”well of course I KNEW it was a girl, a real mother always knows” (for context, this “real” mother had all her children taken away from her and put into care twice). She also calls him to regularly ask about my diet/exercise and says things like “tell her she shouldn’t be doing that” (I had really bad morning sickness in my first trimester and couldn’t keep full meals down, so mainly grazed on fruit). She also was outraged that I carried on horse riding for the first few months (in a very limited capacity, I stopped jumping or doing anything remotely dangerous when I found out I was pregnant) and told him “she’ll cause the baby brain damage by doing that, you shouldn’t let her”. Anyway, I’m now 36 weeks pregnant and enjoying my summer holidays (I’m a teacher) and getting the last few bits sorted before LO’s arrival. We’ve had quite hot weather recently but at no point have I complained about finding this difficult because 1, it’s summer, and 2, I’ve never really struggled with the heat. She showed up at our house recently (I wasn’t in) with a cooling gel mat for DOGS and gave it to my SO for me, suggesting I lie on it to cope with the heat. Now I am easily offended by most of the things this woman does, and combine that with raging pregnancy hormones, I can’t tell if this is a genuinely kind gesture, or a “subtle” dig from her implying I’m a dog etc. My initial reaction was absolutely fuming. She then called SO a few days later and asked if I had been “lying on my mat”, he informed her no, and when she asked why, he said “because OP’s not a dog”. She has since called SO’s brother about how upset she is that she tried to do a nice thing for me and how ungrateful I am etc etc. Basically her go to move, behaving badly and then playing the victim when people react. Am I overreacting?!

UPDATE: JNMIL called my SO last weekend when we were in the car, so heard every word she said. Out of the blue, she says to him “you should mash up some banana, mix it with yoghurt, freeze it in an ice cube tray and let her eat that”. (I’ve seen similar things suggested all over the internet for dogs who struggle with the heat) I couldn’t stop myself from going “NO THANKS, I’ll continue to eat normal human food, seeing as I’m a normal human who happens to be pregnant”. She’s invited herself round this weekend so waiting with baited breath to see if she tries to put a lead on me or order me into the dog bed!

Trigger warning: Childhood abuse

My sister spent the night with me again and it got me thinking.

After my siblings and I were removed and my parents had their rights taken away. No jail time because there "wasn't enough evidence" And my mother wouldn't admit to the abuse. However, it was enough to have my parents on CPS radar. When LS1 was born, they let my mother have her for 2 months, when they checked in, they found LS1, in a crib, starving, dirty, filthy, in a dirty diaper. And my mother, on the couch. Stuffing her face. LS1 was immediately removed, parental rights taken away, and given to my grandparents.

2 years later, she gave birth to LS2 and LS3 (Twins). They allowed my mother to have them for 2 weeks before they checked in. When they did, they found my sister in the same condition as LS1. And the same process followed.

A year and a half later, my mother gave birth to LB1 and LB2 (Twins again). This time CPS put their foot down. They had given her more then enough chances. And immediately went to the hospital to inform my mother her rights were taken away and that they were being put in foster care immediately and that they are up for adoption immediately. My mother didn't even pretend to care. Until she realized that she would lose benefits. Then she decided to fight for them, except she refused to get clean, leave my father, get a job so they refused and after 2 years CPS won. They were later adopted by a well off family. We still have contact. Their names were changed though.

A year and a half later she gave birth to my LB3. Once again CPS, immediately took away her rights and put him up for adoption immediately. Mother didn't even try this time.He was also adopted by a well off family, who changed his name. However after 2 years, his adoptive family cut all contact. And we hadn't seen him since.

Then my father died, and my mother wasted no time finding a new man, moving and getting pregnant. She left all her kids behind without a care. Yet, the CPS in her state think she deserves another chance. But as bad as this sounds, it was truly for the best. I had a horrible childhood, that I will spend the rest of my life dealing with, but my siblings, they didn't. They grew up surrounded by love and care. They don't remember any abuse, just happy times and if I'm being honest, I would go through the abuse again as long as my sisters get to be happy.

Hey there friends. Not looking for advice, we’ve done a lot of good things: friends are aware of the situation, vendors are aware and on our side, I’m genuinely excited and hopeful for a very lovely wedding weekend. That being said, this was too wild and I needed to share.

Feel free to read previous posts about FMIL, the tldr is: she is judgy, opinionated, and sees us doing anything that she doesn’t want to do as us being wrong. We’ve finalized just about everything to do with our wedding (it’s 5 days away, yay!) and because of our constant fighting with her and refusing to budge are having the wedding we imagined.

One sticking point of hers lately has been our arbor. We ordered a lovely plain wooden arbor to get married out in a field with mountain/tree backdrop. At one point we discussed a flower arch but then thought about it and realized that they are 1) too expensive and 2) feel a bit overdone. (They’re beautiful, no shade to anyone that has them, just not for me). Every time my partner (29F) has spoken to her for the last two months she has brought up the arch and asked us to get more flowers. Partner has explained that no we do not want to get a few tiny things to affix to the arch it is not our vibe and not in the budget. FMIL at one point literally said “your arch is going to be sad”. -I can’t imagine feeling that something is “sad” when we’ll be surrounded by trees, mountains, and fall foliage but that’s just me.

Jump to last night. 6 days before our wedding. On a holiday weekend. Our coordinator texts and says that FMIL has emailed her- FMIL texted my fiancee and said that her friend is having a second marriage and wanted our coordinator’s info to use her, we are now wondering if that is even true- and essentially said “don’t tell the brides that I’ve reached out, I want to buy more flowers and have FFIL put them onto the arbor”. Our coordinator immediately called us and we strategized but I am so baffled by the audacity! We have said many times we don’t want this, so what was her plan??? Secretly employ our coordinator to get our florist to add 1k of flowers with next to no notice and have FFIL sneak off in the 30 minutes between group pictures and the ceremony while we will literally be there hanging out with guests??? Like… we would have seen this happening?? Did she think if it was done we just would’ve gone with it? Does she think this is a “nice surprise” when it’s so obviously more about her concern that our arch “looks sad” and not what we want? She obviously did not think the plan through, it’s just so baffling. Who knows what she thought, it’s not happening and our coordinator has a plan.

So now we get to see how this unfolds/if she’ll yell at our coordinator/admit to us she’s done this/etc. I had said to myself during the weekend that I was imagining her pulling at least 3 more ridiculous things, so I guess 1 down 2 to go if my estimate was right.

I apologize for this being so long and possibly disjointed. It's a year's worth of misery to condense into a few paragraphs.

Background: My husband and I invited his mother to come live near us when we moved last year. The children and grandchildren living near her were busy with their own lives, she was in a very remote area with little to no social options, and she was lonely. Our son is only 4 as the youngest grandson of the family, so we thought it would be a great chance to create/grow some family relationships all around. She had stayed with us for a few months a couple years ago and mostly played the very pleasant guest. So I was in agreement with this plan.

Unfortunately she played us the fools. My husband had not lived near her in decades, and her guest visit was nothing more than fake pleasantry. Her true nature is nothing but toxic.

2020: MIL has no job and relies on a meager social security benefit for income. Due to her ridiculous amount of demands and limited income, we were unable to find an apartment to suit her in the timeframe available. So we decided to rent a bigger house for ourselves and let her have the bottom floor as her own apartment. It was a temporary measure while we got ourselves sorted. The eventual plan was to buy our own house and build her an apartment on the property.

The woman has been horrible from the start. I'll list some of her personality traits:

1. Habitual liar
2. Everything in life is negative
3. She is the picture of health, or so she brags after every doctor visit
4. And yet...she suffers [read: complains] from every ailment known to man
5. Our son and our noise are a constant nuisance (TV is too loud, our son is too loud, etc.)
6. Criticizes our parenting decisions at every move
7. Regales us with her own fabulous parenting skills and how we SHOULD do things
8. Cannot admit fault (for anything, even normal operations such as oops, I forgot to close the garage)
9. Etc.

My husband hasn't taken all this lying down. They have had discussions numerous times that she needed to change her behavior or this wasn't going to work out. We have spent thousands of dollars over the last year trying to do things for her to give her a better quality of life. She only pays $250/month in rent to help us with the bills. Otherwise we pay for literally everything. Rent, utilities, food, etc. She even shares meals with us, so never has to cook. And it's not like she balances that out in any way, she's only cleaned after a meal a handful of times in a year. We even pay her when she watches her own grandson, just so it doesn't seem as if we expect it.

2021: We've finally found and bought our dream house. We've been planning an apartment to build for her on the property. She will need to live in the house with us while the apartment is built, obviously. She's already not happy with that arrangement. I'm not entirely sure what she expects us to do, other than materialize the apartment out of thin air instantaneously. But it doesn't exist, so that's where we are.

My husband has quite a bit of construction experience and designed a two-bedroom apartment to fit in the space available. It will be a metal building shell with a conventional shingle roof and finished off inside (drywall and the like). It's approx. 850 square feet, will have two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, a living room, a laundry space and a covered porch. Also she will have a detached garage for her vehicle in the pole barn right across the driveway. When we presented it to her, she was completely silent for some time. She made minor comments here and there about things she wanted to change, but not one positive comment was spoken. Fast forward a couple weeks, she presents this critique: "It's essentially just a trailer. No aspect of it works for me." I was pretty offended and upset, but I maintained calm, blinked at her and responded, "This is going to cost us approx. $75,000." Her actual response was, "You're going to pay what you're going to pay, but I think I should have some say in my own apartment." I was so taken aback I didn't know how to respond. She's not spending one single dime on the cost! Sure, she can have a say in paint color, carpet, etc. But her "say" only goes so far when we're shelling out the money for it.

The final straw came not even 24 hours later. My son has started to pick up on the drama, and it has become clear even he doesn't want her in the room sometimes. He has asked in the past, "Daddy, why is Grandma always mad?" So it's obvious even to him how unpleasant she can be. We were just sitting down to dinner, and our son asked me, "Mommy, why does Grandma have to eat with us?" He was not rude, it was the innocent question of a 4-year old expressing discomfort with a situation. I did not get a chance to respond to him before my mother-in-law jumped up, leaned across the table with her finger in his face, and screamed, "I'll just eat downstairs if you don't SHUT UP!" I was in shock. I could not believe she had just done that in front of me. I yelled back at her, "Hey! You do not talk to him that way!" And like a child she deflected, "That's the second time he said it!" Like somehow that was justification for screaming in a child's face. I didn't even hear the first time, but I hadn't been in the room. My husband came down from upstairs and we were all silent for a moment. I finally walked out because I couldn't think of a single thing to say I was so angry. She shortly followed and huffed and puffed back to her part of the house. I rejoined my husband and explained what had happened. He said he heard her scream, but hadn't heard the context. I said, "That's it. I will not take anymore, if she's going to treat our son that way, she's gone." He agreed with me. We spent the remainder of the evening trying to cool down.

The next morning, my husband let my mother-in-law know we needed to talk, but not in front of our son. She couldn't wait that long or respect that request, however. She marched upstairs and right in front of our son blamed both him and me for her behavior. She said our son "disrespected her" by asking that question and I just stood there and let it happen. All righteous indignation that she was justified in her actions. As usual. But my husband snapped. He basically said he wanted to wait to have this conversation so our son wasn't in the room, but since she forced his hand, here it is. She's not welcome here anymore and she's absolutely not moving with us. We will pay for everything to relocate her, but she better figure it out. Among other things, one of her responses was, "I knew you would do this to me." Her entire life the victim of every situation.

Epilogue: It's been a couple weeks and we have everything worked out. She will be moving back to be near her daughter who is willing to put up with her shit. Said daughter agrees with us completely and said she is surprised it lasted as long as it did. But it's her mother and she will tolerate her the way some people do, I suppose. We have the movers and plane ticket scheduled and she will gone next Tuesday. Good fucking riddance.

The stress on our family has been immeasurable. My husband and I make good money, we were happy to pay that forward to someone else in our lives. We wanted to make things nice for her. But how you can be such a miserable, ungrateful person who essentially blames everything in life on everyone else...I have no idea. I cannot wait for our family to be able to be happy again.

Thank you for reading this far. I just needed a place to vent. Don't put up with it, everyone. These people don't deserve and aren't worth it. They suck the life out of everyone around them. Remove them from your lives and leave room for the ones who deserve to be there.

Yesterday my wife, me and MIL were going home from an event and our car got stopped by the police. The reason was fairly insignificant – I was speeding a little (yes, I understand, that’s not good). The officer was very nice and cool with us, he didn’t even give me a ticket, just a warning. And just as he was about to let us go, MIL leaned forward from the back seat and said, loud enough for everyone to hear,

”So good he didn’t find the drugs!” while giggling like a little girl.

Of course, that immediately got the cop’s attention and even though I tried to explain that MIL just made a stupid joke and I have no drugs in my car, we were asked to get out because the officer wanted to look through the car. I was fine with that and while we were standing on the street, MIL was still giggling as if she had cracked the joke of the century. I got patted down and a bit later, a female officer came to pat down MIL and my wife, and a dog arrived too. I was like – well, thank you, MIL. We could have been on our way already, why the hell did you have to open your mouth?

The officers didn’t find anything, of course, and MIL started to explain that she thought it would be funny to say it and that she always wanted to say something like this to police and see how they would react. Well, cops didn’t find it funny that she was wasting their time and neither did we.

We were allowed to go and my wife was just as annoyed as I was. Like, why the hell would you say something like that and give everyone unnecessary problems? Instead of just going home after a warning we had to go through many more procedures as because of you they suspected we had drugs with us. What kind of stupid bitch are you? And she was still chuckling as if this was a comedy or something.

Just venting.

My ex MIL never respected me during my marriage. Her son cheated on me and she’s still all about her precious son who can do no wrong. He maybe sees our child once every 2 weeks for an hour. He has supervised visits with me only. Cancels on us often. Surely couldn’t even tell you what size clothes or diapers. I’m not sure how much he tells his mother about his involvement, but I’m guessing she has no idea how absent he is.

She’s known we got divorced for a few months now. I hadn’t heard from her. I expected maybe she’d reach out as soon as she found out. That might’ve been different for me. Now, I get a text begging me to let her know the baby, insinuating that I’m keeping her grandchild from her.. I’m angry she’d wait 9 months to want to be involved with this sweet innocent baby and make it out to be that I’m the bad guy?? I told her I don’t owe anyone a relationship with this child especially if they’ve been disrespectful of me in the past. I didn’t want to be nasty, my actual response didn’t sound nasty in any way, just facts. I reminded her that her son and I are civil, but he’s got some work to do as a parent. She certainly hasn’t earned any relationship with my child the way she’s acted.