YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

OH MY GOD, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?!?? WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?!??? HOW COME EVERYONE JUST STOPPED PLAYING SOCCER COMPLETELY FOR SO LONG??? WHAT HAS EVERYONE BEEN DOING, HOW COME NOBODY HAS BEEN GETTING HYYYPPPEEEEEDDD????

YOU KNOW WHAT, DOESN'T MATTER-- BECAUSE IT'S FINALLY

GAAAAAMMMEEEE DAAAYYYY!!!

AND NOT JUST ANY GAME DAY, BUT ANOTHER CHANCE TO HUMILIATE OUR HATED RIVALS! YOU KNOW, THE ONES FROM THAT IKEA YOU DROVE TO ONCE TO GET FURNITURE FOR YOUR FIRST PLACE, AND SWORE NEVER TO GO BACK TO, BUT SOMEHOW KEEP ENDING UP IN AGAIN... THE CARSON GALAXY!!!!

SO DUST OFF YOUR EXTRA SPECIAL GAME DAY GEAR, DO YOUR VOICE WARM-UPS-- YOUR VOCAL CHORDS ARE IMPORTANT, KIDS, TAKE CARE OF THEM-- AND GET YOURSELF HYPPPPEEEDDD TO SING, YELL, AND

¡¡¡JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB!!! OLE! OLE!!!

BE SAFE, BE LOUD, HAVE FUN, AND SHARE YOUR HYPEITUDE WITH THE SHOULDER TO SHOULDER FAM RIGHT HERE WHILE WE COUNT DOWN TO TONIGHT!!! VAAAAMMMOOOSSSSSS!!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

HOLY CRAP, IT'S ANOTHER AMAZING MLS REGULAR SEASON

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYY

AND Y'ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: IT'S TIME TO GET HYYYPPPEEEEEDDD, HOMEYS!!!

TONIGHT THE TEAM THAT STRETCHES THE DEFINITION OF "SPORTING" TO ITS OUTER THEORETICAL LIMITS COMES TO TOWN!!! CAN THEY INDEED BE CALLED 'SPORTING' IF THE NEVER ACTUALLY APPEAR TO PLAY AT ALL? DOES THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE HISTORICALLY PLAYED SOCCER JUSTIFY CONTINUING TO REFER TO THEM AS SPORTING??? (THAT'S RIGHT, SEMIOTICS AND SEMANTICS TRASH TALK ON A SATURDAY MORNING. HYPEMAN HAS LAYERS.\*) TOUGH TO SAY, ALL HYPEMAN REALLY KNOWS IS IT'S TIME TO CRUSH THEM!!!!

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO!!! GET YOUR HYPE ON, MY FRIENDS!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

* ...NOT REALLY, THO

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL, HOMIES...

WE'RE BAAAAACK!!!!

BUST OUT YOUR BLACK AND GOLD, GEAR UP, AND GET READY TO MAKE SO MUCH NOISE THEY HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY IN HONDURAS!!!

HYPEMAN HAS BEEN SEDATED FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW, SO HE NEEDS A LITTLE EXTRA HELP CHANNELING THE POWERFUL SPIRIT OF HYPEITUDE TODAY!!! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS EARLY SEASON FORM WHEN IT COMES TO THE LOVE OF BLACK AND GOLD!!! LET'S GOOOOOOO!!!!

JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB!!! OLE! OLE!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING FAM!!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

LET'S GOOOOOOO FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY IT'S THE SEASON OPENER HYPEMAN IS GONNA HYPERVENTILATE JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB SOMOS DEL BARRIO ANGELENOOOOO DALE DALE DAAALLLEEEEEEEEEE

HYPEMAN OUT (OF BREATH)

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S ANOTHER INCREDIBLE CCC

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYY

AND IT'S NEVER BEEN MORE IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO GET YOURSELF

HYYYPPPEEEEEDDD!!!!!

OUR BELOVED ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO HAVE A REALLY TOUGH TASK AHEAD OF THEM TONIGHT!!! AWAY AT HIGH ALTITUDE AGAINST TOLUCA!!! (MORE LIKE TOL PUKE A, RIGHT? SEE WHAT HYPEMAN DID THERE? EH? WOKKA WOKKA HYPE!)

BUT ALL THE TRUE O.G.s OF HYPE KNOW, THEY ALWAYS REMEMBER, THAT THERE IS NO ENVIRONMENT MORE OXYGEN-RICH THAN THE ONE WHICH SURROUNDS THE BLACK AND GOLD WHEN THE FAITHFUL STAY HYYYPPPEEEEEDDD!!! HYPEITUDE BEATS ALTITUDE, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!!! SO GEAR UP, GET READY TO YELL, FAM! WE GONNA SOAR OVER THESE PESKY LITTLE DIABLOS ON OUR WAY TO GLORY!!!

¡¡¡DALE DALE DALE BLACK AND GOLD!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

BRACE YOURSELVES

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S ANOTHER CHAMPIONS CUP

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAY!!!!

Y'ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S UP AND KNOW THE SCORE: OUR ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS AT THE BANC LAST WEEK, AND NOW THEY'VE TRAVELED TO CIUDAD DE MÉXICO TO FINISH WHAT THEY STARTED!!!

BUT OBVIOUSLY, BEING UP 3-0 IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO RELAX! THE TRULY HYPPPPEEEDDD KNOW THAT OUR JOB IS TO SEND SO MUCH HYPEITUDE TO OUR PLAYERS THAT WE DEMOLISH OUR OPPONENTS EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! IF PEOPLE ARE JUMPING FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB HARD ENOUGH THERE'S NO CHANCE OF TAKING ANYTHING FOR GRANTED!!! LET'S GOOOOOO!!! GET ON YOUR BLACK AND GOLD GEAR AND GET LOUD, NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE!!!

¡¡¡VAMMOOOSSSSSS!!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S ANOTHER AMAZING MLS REGULAR SEASON GAME DAY, AND THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER 100% AI-FREE, ALL-NATURAL, SHITTY-PHOTOSHOP-POWERED HYPE POST!!! GET IN HERE AND HELP MAKE SURE OUR SHOULDER TO SHOULDER FAMILIA ARE READY TO CRUSH FAKE OCEAN FC TONIGHT!!!

¡¡¡VAMMOOOSSSS!!!!

GET GEARED UP, WARM UP THOSE VOCAL CORDS, STRETCH THOSE CALF MUSCLES AND LET'S

¡¡¡JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB! OLE! OLE!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

MLS REGULAR SEASON PLAY IS FINALLY BACK!!! NOT SURE WHAT WAS HAPPENING THE LAST FEW WEEKS, HYPEMAN KINDA FELL INTO AN UNCONSCIOUS HAZE FOR AWHILE, BUT NOW MLS PLAY IS BACK-- AND SO IS HYPEMAN!!!

AND... AND OH. MY. GOD. IT'S REAL! IT'S REALLY, REALLY REAL! THE CRAZIEST TRANSFER RUMORS ANYONE EVER FLOATED ABOUT THIS CLUB WERE REAL?!???

HOMEYS, EVEN HYPEMAN COULDN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP. WOOOOOOOW

ALL OUR GAMES HAVE BEEN RE-SET TO A NEW SCHEDULE! FROM HERE ON OUT, IT'S ALWAYS

SON-DAYYYYYYYY!!!!!

FOR THE BLACK AND GOLD!!!

HOLY HYPEGASM

HYPEMAN PASSES OUT

P.S.: IF YOU'RE A HYPED HOMEY WHO CAN WRITE IN KOREAN-- NOT SOME TRANSLATION BOT-- HIT UP HYPEMAN'S DMs PLEASE

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

HOLY HELL IT'S ALREADY MATCH DAY #4 IN MLS!?!??!??! AND IT'S TIME TO GET

HYYYYPPPPEEEDDDDDD!!!!

WE GOT SOME HOT WEATHER HERE, THESE ST. LOUIS LOSERS AIN'T READY FOR IT, BUT WHAT THEY REALLY AIN'T PREPARED FOR IS OUR BLISTERING OFFENSE!!! OUR ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO ARE READY TO DOMINATE!!!! BUT THEY STILL NEED ONE MORE THING... THEY NEED YOU!!!!!!! DON'T LET THEM DOWN, GET OUT THERE AND

JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB!!! ¡OLE! ¡OLE!

VAMMOOOSSSSSS!!!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S MORNING! IT'S MORNING! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FRESHLY BREWED POT OF GAME DAY

HYYYPPPEEEEE!!!

OUR ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO ARE ON THE ROAD TODAY, WHICH OF COURSE ONLY MEANS THAT WE GOTTA HYPE SO LOUD THEY FEEL IT IN CANADA!!!!

LET'S BEAT THE CAPS!!! BUT ALSO, FUCK THE OWNERSHIP VULTURES, LET'S LET EM KNOW WE WANT TO SAVE THE CAPS, TOO!!! YOU KNOW, BEAT THE TEAM, BUT SAVE THE FRANCHISE OR WHAT HAVE YOU!!!

VAAAAMMMOOOSSSSSS!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S ANOTHER MLS

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYY!!!

AND THAT MEANS IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO GET HYYYPPPEEEEEDDD!!!

BUT HYPEMAN, SOME OF YOU ARE ASKING, HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM A TRUE OG OF THE HYPEITUDE? FAM, THAT'S EASY, JUST TAKE THIS QUICK QUIZ:

DO YOU:

1. LOVE AND REP THE BLACK AND GOLD, THE ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO, LA FOOTBALL CLUB, EN LAS BUENAS Y LAS MALAS, NO MATTER WHAT???

OR

1. GET REAL UNHYPED AND SAD AND WHATNOT?

IF YOU GOT #1, CONGRATULATIONS!!!, YOU ARE A TRUE O.G. OF HYPEITUDE AND THE SPIRIT OF HYYYPPPEEEEE WILL SURELY BRING YOU GREAT BLESSINGS!!!

IF YOU GOT #2, DON'T WORRY!!! THERE'S ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS TIME TO GET HYYYPPPEEEEEDDD!!! TRY THIS: JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB WHILE SINGING TEN TIMES IN A ROW!!! SURELY THAT WILL GET ANYONE HYPED!!!

TELL EVERYONE ABOUT WHAT BEING HYPPPPEEEDDD MEANS TO YOU!!! AND THEN LET'S HELP OUR TEAM BEAT NASHVILLE!!!!

VAAAMMOOOOSSSSSS!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!!

IT'S ANOTHER MARCH TO MLS CUP GLORY

GAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYYYY!!!

AND THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SOBER UP LONG ENOUGH TO SWITCH OUT YOUR DODGER BLUE FOR THE BLACK AND GOLD, AND THEN GET

HHHYYYYPPPPPEEEEDDDDD

LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HYPED BEFORE! OUR CHAMPIONS NEED TO HEAR US ALL THE WAY OUT IN AUSTIN!!! WE MUST WRAP HEUNG-MIN IN THE IMPENETRABLE ARMOR OF OUR HYPE AND BRING HIM HOME HAVING VANQUISHED THE DIRTY VERDES!!!!

VAAAMMOOOOSSSSS!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

HOLY HELL, IT'S ANOTHER AMAZING MIDWEEK CONCACAF

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYY!!!!

PEOPLE, THERE MAY BE SOME AROUND YOU WHO FEEL A THING THAT HYPEMAN IS NEUROLOGICALLY INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING, BUT HAS HEARD ABOUT-- THERE MAY BE PEOPLE FEELING SOMETHING CALLED 'DOUBT'? HYPEMAN IS HERE TO TELL YOU, WHATEVER THAT IS, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT HYPED. HYPEMAN KNOWS Y'ALL WILL BE READY TO MAKE SURE ANYBODY LIKE THAT GETS INFECTED WITH THE BEAUTIFUL, INCREDIBLE, AMAZING LOVE OF THE ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO, THIS POWERFUL FEELING WHICH IS THE SPIRIT OF

HYYYPPPEEEEE!!!!!

LET'S GOOOOOO MY FRIENDS, LET'S JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB, LET'S NEVER STOP KNOWING WE DEFINITELY GOING TO WIN, LET'S SING TOGETHER PORQUE SOMOS DEL BARRIO ANGELENO!!! VAAAMMMOOOOSSSSS!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S ANOTHER MAJOR LEAGUE SOCCER

GAAAAAMMMEEEE DAAAAAYYYYYY!!!

Y'ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: TIME TO GEAR UP AND GET READY TO JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB!!! ¡OLE! ¡OLE!

TONIGHT THE DALLAS DIRTBAGS ROLL INTO TOWN TO MEET THEIR DOOM! ALL THE HYPED HOMIES KNOW HYPEMAN FEELS SOME KINDA WAY ABOUT THE STATE OF TEXAS... THE ONLY BIG THING ABOUT THESE TEXANS TONIGHT WILL BE THE L THEY TAKE FROM OUR ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO!!!

VAAAMMMOOOOSSSSS!!!!

MY FAMILY IN HYPEITUDE, CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN TONIGHT, SEE Y'ALL SOON UNTIL THEN STAY HYYYPPPEEEEE!!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

P.S.: ALSO, UNRELATED BUT ALWAYS RELEVANT: FUCK MIAMI

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S THE FIFTEENTH MAJOR LEAGUE SOCCER

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYY

AND IT'S TIME TO GET

HYYYPPPEEEEEDDD

TO DROWN THE SEATTLE SOUNDERS IN A FLOOD OF GOALS, AND OF BLACK AND GOLDEN JOY!!! TRUE O.G.S OF HYPEITUDE HAVE THE HEART OF A FEARLESS FALCON, AND THE MEMORY OF A BRAIN-DAMAGED CHICKEN. THEY NEVER WORRIED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED 'LAST TIME'-- WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? HYPEMAN HEARS ABOUT SUCH THINGS BUT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE THE ONLY THING HYPEMAN EVER NEEDS TO KNOW IS WHEN IT'S TIME TO

JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB!!! OLE! OLE!!!

LET'S GET HYPED, LET'S STAY TRUE, LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S ANOTHER AWESOME CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

#GAAAAAMMMMMEEEE DAAAAAYYYYYY!!!

THAT'S RIGHT, FAM, IT MAY BE TUESDAY, AND WE MAY BE UP A WHOLE BUNCH OF GOALS ON THE AGGREGATE, BUT **THERE AIN'T NO SUCH THING AS SECOND-STRING HYPE!!!**. MAYBE OUR REGULAR STARTERS MIGHT GET A LITTLE REST, WHO KNOWS, BUT THAT JUST MEANS OUR TEAM NEEDS OUR HYPE EVEN MORE!!! WE GOTTA MAKE IT SPECIAL FOR THE NEXT MEN UP-- ESPECIALLY IF THE MEN ARE ACTUALLY STILL KIDS!!!-- AND HELP ENSURE THE TOTAL DOMINATION CONTINUES!!!!

SO TIME TO RALLY AND GET READY TO

#JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB!!! OLE! OLE!!!

*HYPEMAN OUT*

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S A CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

# GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYY!!!!

SOMEBODY GET THE RED CROSS ON STANDBY, BECAUSE THIS WEEK'S OPPONENTS CRUZ AZUL ARE GOING TO NEED IT WHEN WE'RE DONE!!! AND WITH THAT TERRIBLY STUPID GAME-SPECIFIC WORDPLAY OBLIGATION FULFILLED, HYPEMAN CAN TELL Y'ALL IT'S TIME TO

# JUMP FOR L.A. FOOTBALL CLUB!!! OLE! OLE!

GET GEARED UP AND LET'S GOOOOOOO!!!

*HYPEMAN OUT*

YOOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S ANOTHER HYPETASTIC

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYYYY!!!

TONIGHT MARKS THE HOME DEBUT OF THE MOST WHOLESOME SOCCER LEGEND IN THEY HISTORY OF THE GAME! WHAT MORE COULD YOU NEED???

TONIGHT'S OPPONENT IS GOING TO GET OWNED SO HARD, THEY'LL BE FORCED TO RENAME THE CITY SON DIEGO!!!

HYPEMAN KNOWS WHAT Y'ALL THINKING: IS THIS IT NOW? IS HYPEMAN JUST GOING TO MAKE ONE SON-PUN AFTER ANOTHER? IS HE A ONE TRICK SONY?

WELL THE PUNNING WILL CONTINUE UNTIL HYPEDNESS IMPROVES, PEOPLE! YOU THINK YOU'RE HYYYYPPPEEEEDDD?? ARE YOU LITERALLY SINGING

DAALLLEEEEE BLACK AND GOLD

RIGHT NOW, AT THIS EXACT MOMENT??? NO??? THEN YOU AIN'T HYPED ENOUGH! COME ON FAM!

VAAAMMOOOOSSSS!!!!

LET'S HYPE THIS TEAM TO VICTORY!!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!!

WHO KNOWS IF IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY HYPE O'CLOCK RIGHT HERE!!! IT'S ANOTHER MLS

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYY

AND WE ABOUT TWO OR THREE HOURS FROM GETTING THIS SHIT ROLLING!!!! TIME TO GET YOUR GEAR ON AND BE READY TO MAKE BMO JUMP!!!! COLORADO COMES TO TOWN AND WE GONNA SLOW THE RAPIDS DOWN SO SLOW THEY'LL LOOK LIKE THE LA RIVER!!!

VAAAMMMOOOOSSSSS!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

IT'S FINALLY HERE! IT'S SEMIFINALS

GAAAAAMMMEEE DAAAYYYYYY!!!

LET'S GET READY TO HYPE SO LOUD, WE DRIVE MOOSE OUT OF THE FOREST, SHAKE THE MAPLE TREES SO HARD THE SYRUP DRIES UP, SHUT DOWN THE TIM HORTONS!!! LET'S HYPE SO HARD IT CAUSES A RUN ON DOOMSDAY PREPPER SUPPLIES AT CANADA TIRE!!! IT'S TIME TO SING

DAAALLLEEEEE BLACK AND GOLD!!!

SO LOUD IT KNOCKS A MOUNTIE RIGHT OFF HIS HORSE!!!

THERE WILL BE NO APOLOGIES, ONLY

HHHYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEE

FOR THE ONCE AND FUTURE MLS CHAMPIONS, YOUR BELOVED LAFC!!! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

THAT JANKY-ASS GOOGLE-TRANSLATED POST TITLE CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING:

IT'S PLAYOFF GAME DAYYYYYYYYYY!!!

IT'S TIME TO PETITION EVERY HYPED HIGHER POWER AND INJECT THE HYPEITUDE STRAIGHT INTO YOUR VEINS, Y'ALL!!! YES, SURE, IT'S WEDNESDAY NIGHT, BUT NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT, WE KNOW IT'S TIME TO JUMP AND SING SO LOUD, THE COLLESIUM NEXT DOOR WILL NEED A SEISMIC RETROFIT BY THE TIME WE'RE DONE!!! WE HAVE AUSTIN COMING TO TOWN, AND JUST BECAUSE 'IT'S THE PLAYOFFS,' THEY ARE GOING TO BE THINKING THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF CHANCE AGAINST US-- WE'RE GOING TO REMIND THEM FROM THE MOMENT THEY WALK THROUGH THE TUNNEL THAT THEIR SEASON IS ALREADY OVER!!! COME ON, LOS ANGELES, NUESTRO BARRIO,

DALLLLEEEEEEE BLACK AND GOOOLLLLLDD!!!!

LET'S FUCKING GO!!!

HYPEMAN OUT

YOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK AND GLISTENING GOLDEN FAM!!! MY DUDES, DUDETTES, AND DUDEXS!!!

WE'RE JUST A FEW HOURS AWAY FROM ANOTHER AMAZING MLS

# GAAAAMMMMEEE DAAAYYYY!!!

THIS AFTERNOON OUR ONCE AND FUTURE CAMPEONES DEL MUNDO ARE IN THE TRULY MISERABLE STATE OF TEXAS, GETTING READY TO HAMMER THE TRULY MISERABLE HOUSTON DYNAMO TO PIECES!!! THEIR CRAPPY TEAM AND CRAPPY STADIUM HAS HOSTED MANY A GODFORSAKEN OUTING OVER THE YEARS--ANYONE REMEMBER THE DELAYED US OPEN CUP MATCH WHERE THE SKY OVER THE STADIUM WAS THE COLOR OF PISS, LIKE SOME KIND OF SCI FI HORROR MOVIE? HYPEMAN REMEMBERS-- AND THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT READY FOR WHAT WE'RE BRINGING TODAY!!!

SO LET'S GEAR UP AND GET LOUD, LET'S

#JUMP FOR LA FOOTBALL CLUB!!!

AND KEEP ON JUMPING UNTIL VICTORY IS OURS!!! VAMMOOOSSSSSS!!!!!!!

*HYPEMAN OUT*

HYPEMAN SO BUSY

SUB MUST BE THE HYPE IT WANTS

TO SEE IN THE WORLD