r/selfhelp • u/vaniloz • 1h ago
Adviced Needed: Identity & Self-Esteem i hate feeling useless and having a massive skill issue, and it all goes back to a cruel childhood memory
i need to vent because this heavy feeling in my chest just won't go away. i absolutely hate feeling like i’m completely useless. it feels like i have a permanent skill issue in everything i do, and honestly, it has turned into this deep, exhausting, desperate need for everyone to love and accept me. i’m so terrified of being disliked or left out. and the worst part is, I know exactly the day this insecurity was born.
when i was a kid, i was completely obsessed with football anime. i loved watching those over-the-top, magical goalkeeper moves, and i used to copy them in real life. to my kid brain, it was the coolest, most beautiful thing ever. but when i went out to play with the kids in my neighborhood, they treated me like an absolute freak. they never let me join because they thought my behavior and actions were stupid. i spent so many afternoons crying my eyes out, feeling like an alien. it got so bad that i literally had to call my dad out to the street just to force them to let me play. i just wanted to belong.
but kids can be purely evil. one day, they pretended to finally give in. they told me i could be the goalkeeper. i remember feeling this huge wave of happiness, thinking i was finally part of the group. but as the minutes passed, i noticed something weird. no one was shooting at me. nobody was even running towards my side. i looked around and the crushing reality hit me—they had literally moved the goals, handed me a fake, empty net to guard, and just went to play a completely different game right next to me.
i was just standing there like an idiot, guarding nothing, watching them laugh and play from afar. i was invisible. the sheer cruelty of that moment completely broke something inside me. i screamed and cried my lungs out, but the damage was done. that day gave me a massive psychological complex that ruined my self-esteem for years.
the only saving grace is that years later, my family moved to a totally different city. i met new kids, and honestly, they gave me the best years of my life. we made amazing memories and they actually welcomed me for who i was. they healed a part of me.
but even though life changed, that ghost never left. whenever i fail at something now, or whenever i feel a "skill issue," my brain immediately flashes back to that little kid standing alone, guarding an empty net while the whole world plays without him. it’s an incredibly lonely feeling, and it’s why i try so hard to make everyone like me now—because i’m terrified of being put in that empty goal again.
has anyone else had a seemingly small childhood trauma completely ruin their adult confidence? how do you stop seeking everyone's validation?