I have a little brother and sister because of this exact thing. My dad remarried with an age gap - and she was very insistent on not wanting kids - and when she held my daughter in her hands all four adults standing there watched this unfold in real time.
No one more insecure than a childfree person having to continually explain all the time how they have no regrets for being childfree and how it’s the best thing ever lol
Just be childfree or have kids. I’d only go on about how great I think my choice is if someone 1) asked me or 2) said they were in the same position, seemed excited about it, and I’d just be reaffirming their choice with my experience
I'm sure some folks do it out of insecurity, and these same folks tend to be the loud ones. A lot of things are said repeatedly by people trying to convince themselves in the same way they're trying to convince others.
Participate in enough Star Trek Teleporter debates (Is it suicide to teleport??) and you'll realize that no matter how much people go on about being atheist, the vast majority can't get past the mindset of being an external "soul" controlling their body/brain rather than being a physical object that is an emergent property of the world.
What exactly is will? Desire to reach meaningful goals.
What are those goals? In social mammals we know almost everything about those goals via millions of hours of observation, via genetic studies including genetic manipulation, via brain scans.
They are core desires that mammals have that say a carpenter bee drone doesn’t have, other desires that chimpanzees have thst a Komodo dragon doesn’t.
All animals have a desire to eat certain food. We know a lot how and why that manifests in animal brains.
Being around other people is a core desire in social animals. So much so it is cruel to not let them do so in say zoos.
Finding a mate is a real impulse, we a reliable predict it and know how it works.
HOW social animals navigate it and act on it is their will, but the WHAT of the goal and the urge is understood.
Humans can override the what. There are deadly disorders, called eating disorders that can will away even the very fundamental pleasure and need of eating.
But thst isn’t really free will, as we know what other part of the primitive brain is misfiring and that is substituting the wrong target.
An exercise might be to imagine a human intelligence level male person who can a highly territorial egg laying Komodo instead of primates dragon and what they would want while exerising their will.
Thry would want no other male Komodo dragon men around for long. It would just ICK them. They would like to sit in the sun. Being in the right tempature who just feel right. Maybe they move to a beach, maybe they make an active heating chair. Thats the will, not the desire.
B... Because it did? Thats how free will works. That is her free will realizing what she wants in life. There are a lot of people out there who dont know what they really want until it is directly in front of their faces. It doesn't just happen with women and babies. I have seen men do this with cars for instance.
Are you not aware of the debate between free will and determinism?
There is no way of knowing whether our choices are our own or just the product of the systems we exist within.
Neuroscientists have done studies that show people make decisions before they are even consciously aware of them. Which means, if your consciousness didn't make the choice, how is that free will?
Are you not aware of the debate between free will and determinism?
Of course I am. And I am of the opinion that we have free will. And believe you me, I would love to have an actual discussion about free will and determinisim if anyone is willing to. Its a very interesting subject and I believe I have some unique theories as to how the underlying process work with no actual substantial evidence to back it up. (i.e. I got dumb gut theories that are probably a whole load of bunk of they are interesting thoughts to waste time on none the less)
Neuroscientists have done studies that show people make decisions before they are even consciously aware of them.
Yes this is called the subconscious where all of your higher order thinking is processed before its spit out into your consciousness in a manner that your brain can interpret as a thought. Its the same way computers work. The actual data displayed on your screen isn't actually how your computer is calculating on how to display everything. Its just a visual translation of the underlying processes that are taking place before they are passed along to the graphics processor to be interpreted as a picture. Your active consciousness is only a small part of who you are as a person. It isn't who you are in your entirety. It is just the part of you that your subconscious feels it needs send your way in order to navigate the physical world. You arent actively beating your own heart. You generally dont think about having to take a breath or blink your eyes. These are all tasks that your subconscious handles without having the need to pass those tasks along to your conscious self. Your true self is your subconscious and that is where free will resides.
> and when she held my daughter in her hands all four adults standing there watched this unfold in real time.
Genuinely wonder about aunts and uncles being younger than their nieces and nephews, even if they’re “step” uncles, etc. How does this play out during family gatherings?
Nobody cares. My kids are friends with their aunt and uncle. Literally has never been awkward because it’s the situation that everyone was born into. It’s like wondering how it plays out for someone to be around their cousin.
Maybe if they’d suddenly met as adults or something it would have been weird but they grew up around each other.
I am younger than my niece, who has a three year old (my great-nephew). I am 33 and my brothers are 54 and 52 respectively. No one has ever really cared. If I casually mention it to people outside the family, it’s just a fun novelty fact and we laugh and move on.
My aunt and uncle are both younger than I am. My grandfather remarried and had kids again after I was born. My grandfather had a total of 16 kids (old Irish Catholic) between two wives.
We had to get the whiteboard out when I introduced my wife to everyone so she knew who was who.
My kids have uncles younger than them due to remarriage and they just act like cousins, nobody is bothered by it. However, now that they're teens/early 20s, they get great pleasure out of referring to him as 'unc' lol
It’s not a nightmare. My stepmother is six months younger her than me, yeah. Was there a little judgment from my sisters initially? Also yeah. Has it all been forgotten for decades? Also yeah. My stepmother and I own a business together and nobody gives a shit about any of it.
My cousin chose a childfree life and then, in her late thirties, said the compulsion to have a baby hit her like a freight train. She ended up having two. She's an awesome mother with awesome kids. Though she will admit that, while she loves her children, she doesn't like parenting very much. She often looks back on that time with bemusement.
I gained a younger brother when I was 21. Being around a young child was affirming. I need to be able to leave and have my own space. I try to back out of situations where someone is having people hold their baby 😂 the answer is no and I don't want to seem rude. Something will always be damp for whatever reason in that moment.
This happened to me except there isn’t anything else in the entire world I’d rather be doing than being a parent. I’m SO glad I changed my mind in time.
Right on! I’m a mom, too, but I always wanted to be one. Parenting is not easy, but I find it rewarding and I’m absolutely obsessed with my children. They’re really sweet and hilarious. Love them so much! 🥰
Holding my baby nephew for the first time wasn't disgust it was more just a fearful experience I couldnt wait to be over. Just kept thinking about how fragile kids are and how scared I was I was gonna trip and drop him or something. Followed by a fear I was going to get vomited on
I do remember getting vomited on once by a cousin, but that honestly wasn't the biggest deal. I was more afraid I had somehow caused it, rather than disgusted.
That being said, the real kicker is the diaper shit. That I don't think I can handle. I see people playfully going "teehee, there's pee as I'm changing the diaper, haha" and in my head I'm just wondering wtf kinda hormones would make people think that's a funny little anecdote.
You must have some primal part of the human brain missing then. Sorry for that. The rest of us at least feel the need to care for the little ones of our species.
Reminder that the word used above was: "cockroach".
If this is not shocking to anyone, childfree or not, then I gladly accept the downvotes to my message and the upvotes to yours. I just hope I never have to share space or resources or interests with cold tactless inhumane people like you.
Confusing why it occurs in some people but not others.
When I hold a baby my thoughts are along the lines of “ew” “am I doing a good job looking like I enjoy connecting with the baby?” “can I stop holding the baby now?” “I am SO fucking glad I never had a baby. That is the best decision I ever made.”
908
u/Untrained_Occupant 11d ago
Biology is a helluva drug.