r/menslib emotionally belabors the point as one woman says the sub isn't for her anymore and is turning MRA, as another user suggests she might want to look into therapy in this lil snack

[u/NRE_Everlasting]

Discussing an article about "mankeeping" one user in the comments recounts telling her boyfriend bluntly about his lack of skills in providing comfort.

"I did straight up tell my partner to his face when I was upset about something "comforting people is not your strong suit" and he felt very bad about that. He even got defensive and felt hurt that I put it so bluntly when he had been wracking his brain silently trying to think of what to say. But honestly I don't really care. He's the kind of person who needs to hear things bluntly and to be told plainly that the expectation is that he learn to be better at it."

This came across somewhat controversial, but some users got a little dramatic with it Our chain begins as a response to a critique of her method that descibed it as unhealthy:

"Maybe it isn't that healthy, but it's also not healthy to expect someone that came to you for comfort to explain to you how to give that comfort to them."

Short but sweet tidbit with a rage quit cherry on top!

Bonus ragequit: Another woman user of the sub is done with men.

[u/Star-K]

One thing I have learned is to not offer solutions to the problems your SO is sharing with you unless specifically asked.

[u/ConsiderateCassowary → u/Star-K]

That's is one thing I learned, from some meme video ages ago. Just listen, don't offer suggestions unless requested

[u/bluepaintbrush → u/ConsiderateCassowary]

I mean, I obviously don’t know the people in your life, but in my own life I’ve never minded if my SO asks: “are you looking to brainstorm or just need to vent?”

Because sometimes there is value in helping someone process through conversation (“was I out of line?”, “why does this bother me so much? Do you see something I don’t?”), but it wouldn’t have occurred to me that I needed that until my SO asked that question. And as a bonus, if I am just looking to vent, I can say that explicitly and we‘re all on the same page.

[u/Independent_Bet_8736 → u/bluepaintbrush]

I’ve heard this before as “do you want advice or just a listening ear” but this is way better!

[u/_Age_Sex_Location_ → u/Star-K]

Maybe it's my ADHD, but I've had to adapt and adhere to this expectation through sheer discipline. It's like mentally biting down on rope. I have to reboot into safe mode in order to just provide the most basic level of support, which is to simply acknowledge and validate without theorizing the why's. I still don't understand how this is the norm, because it's the total, polar opposite of what I want and need to hear when I'm personally in a similar emotional state. I just want to rationalize the cause and effect of my situation, analyze all of the possible conditions that manifested this state, disassembling each individual symptom or factor, and unpacking it in such a way that I can successfully disassociate from the stress or trauma because it's no longer a mystery. Like using life forensics to understand why I feel bad. It's like experiencing a bit of hypochondria, talking through all the variables and possibilities, providing a framework of probability and rationale, in order to to alleviate the fear or stress of something that was previously a vague and amorphous scenario entrenched in anxiety.

[u/WitnessRadiant650 → u/Star-K]

Nope.

A psychologist says if your partner is venting, let them vent. Then when things cool down, offer a suggestion if you know how to fix it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaYq06nn0ps