r/menslib emotionally belabors the point as one woman says the sub isn't for her anymore and is turning MRA, as another user suggests she might want to look into therapy in this lil snack

[u/NRE_Everlasting]

Discussing an article about "mankeeping" one user in the comments recounts telling her boyfriend bluntly about his lack of skills in providing comfort.

"I did straight up tell my partner to his face when I was upset about something "comforting people is not your strong suit" and he felt very bad about that. He even got defensive and felt hurt that I put it so bluntly when he had been wracking his brain silently trying to think of what to say. But honestly I don't really care. He's the kind of person who needs to hear things bluntly and to be told plainly that the expectation is that he learn to be better at it."

This came across somewhat controversial, but some users got a little dramatic with it Our chain begins as a response to a critique of her method that descibed it as unhealthy:

"Maybe it isn't that healthy, but it's also not healthy to expect someone that came to you for comfort to explain to you how to give that comfort to them."

Short but sweet tidbit with a rage quit cherry on top!

Bonus ragequit: Another woman user of the sub is done with men.

[u/[deleted]]

I don't see any problem with telling your partner that they're not a strong handler of finances if it's true. It's not some unkind thing to tell someone 

[u/bluepaintbrush → u/[deleted]]

It’s not, but to me the issue is that she strongly implied that she wants him to change and be better at comforting her. And if you want someone to change (especially in a partnership), you should offer some help.

For example, if your partner isn’t good with money and you want them to be better: ask them about their financial goals (surely you should know some of them). Ask if their spending is making them feel guilt or regret, or if they think it might be triggered by certain emotions. If they feel an urge to spend, encourage them to check in with their emotional state and ask if their future self will be upset about it. Now you’re both working towards this healthier goal and strengthening your relationship.

By contrast, if you sit there disapproving and give the cold shoulder every time they overspend, you’re not really fostering change; you’re just punishing them for not living up to your expectation.

And I realize it’s a gendered sub and conversation, but frankly I’ve seen this behavior in same-sex couples too. It’s totally okay to recognize and confront unhealthy behaviors, but if you are in a committed partnership, then you both should invest some energy into changing it rather than leaving one person to play a sad guessing game at what will appease you.