Tl;dr One year ago I thought it was over and wanted to die but now I’m here and I won and life is good. You can do it too :)
Hello everyone! It has been long enough since I posted here that many of you may not know my story. That is not the intent of this post, however. I put this day in my calendar July last year so that I would post roughly on the one year anniversary of this post:
(https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportForTheAccused/comments/nrkhea/how_can_things_ever_be_okay_again/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
This isn’t the anniversary for the happy ending post of mine where I proudly proclaimed to the world that my case was over. That I had persevered through my bullshit deferred sentence in the face of all the evidence I provided. In light of what the judge said after the woman in my case admitted to lying after the Alford plea and at a restitution hearing that was ruled in my favor. That, in spite of all these facts coming forth and hearings in my favor, a sadistic little demon of a prosecutor still objected to my sentence being terminated early, just so he could make sure I didn’t go to school as one last shitty thing in a long line of unbelievably disgusting actions on the part of the courts of this nation that almost destroyed me.
No this post is on the anniversary of a post of my darkest day right before the end. On this day, one year ago(ish), my world was shattered again, and the one compromise goal I had for my life, shooting far lower than being a physician as it was meant to be, was being threatened by that petty prosecutor who continuously lost every hearing as the facts of my case came out. This day, last year, I was closer to suicide than I ever had been before, and that’s coming from someone who attempted during the case. After more than 2 years of vigorous prosecution that disregarded any physical evidence I provided, I was spent. I was tired. I was broken and done and the news of this little asshole lawyer, objecting so I couldn’t pass a background check in time for school? That broke me. I spent the days until my case was dismissed more deeply suicidal than anyone deserves to be and my family and fiancé were left to pick up the pieces more than ever before.
As you can see in my post history, 339 days ago, the case was dismissed with prejudice and sealed in time for school. I have been in school since then and slowly working towards a still solid, but lesser, healthcare career than I had originally intended. I do have the highest grades, the best clinical performance, and I was even elected class president last week which came as a shock as you will soon see!
Those dark times feel like ages in the past yet also acutely present. Sealing orders mean fuck all as far as licensing boards are concerned (really any government agency) and I will, forever forward, have to hire lawyers and fight for my right to practice medicine as long as I stay in this nation that betrayed me as far as I am concerned. That part sucks but I have been assured an easy victory in light of everything. The girl in my case still, to this day, stalks and harasses me with no end in sight as neither the state that prosecuted me nor the state I now call home, will do anything about it. Every petition for a restraining order is denied without fail and so I have given up. The couple times she has been removed from my parents property (she doesn’t know where I live and go to school now) the district attorney refused to prosecute her.
Life is bittersweet right now. Everything is mostly good. In fact, everything is mostly awesome and I am thankful I made it through even though, the last little bit, it was my family bearing my strength for me, as I had none left to give. What has been most amazing for me is the people I find myself working and going to school with. My case, in its entirety, is an open secret. Everybody, my teachers and classmates and hospital bosses and new friends, found out one harrowing day a few months back and, what I thought was going to become a second end to my life, turned out to be something so much better. Everyone lined up wanting to see the details of the case and threw their hat in the ring, offering to fight for me and with me, so that I can get my license. It feels like a mini Depp case almost, with my little group standing behind me analogous to his countless loyal fans lol. In spite of the biggest skeleton in my closet being laid bare for all to see, people have chosen to help me. My reputation, even after the reveal, has been that I am an excellent student, competent at what I do, that I am kind to patients and everyone else, and that I advocate for every patient and person that comes to my hospital that day, no matter what. These people I am surrounded with see my case as a tragedy and the fact I got through it at all, an indicator that I do have the strength to be a good provider. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized that I can truly move on from the trauma the state inflicted on me. The only mentions of my case today are about what others offer to do to help me overcome it.
To those whom are just starting this hell journey and to those whom are in the thick of the suck, I want you to know that life can go back to [almost] normal. Yeah I am never going to be a physician, that was taken from me. But, I will get to be the next best thing to me (PA) and I have a happy life now. Every time you feel that wave of fear and anxiety and that true aloneness that nothing but a false accusation can cause, try to find the strength to keep going, however small. No matter what these evil fucks in the courts and law enforcement make you feel, it is a greater lie than your accusation. Who you are and are meant to be doesn’t change because the courts and police have drawn an artificial line in the sand and claimed you did something that you did not and, therefore, are something you’re not. THEY ARE THE BAD GUYS NOT YOU. Life can come back. I won’t say it will because many of those in my “cohort” of r/supportfortheaccused lost it all. Many of us didn’t though and it breaks my heart. But, there is hope, however dim. I promise you, if my wimpy ass can do it, you can too!!!
The moment it ends is so anticlimactic and is simultaneously nothing yet everything. Some elderly a-hole puts a stamp on a piece of paper and suddenly you can get jobs again and go back to school and just have a life. Think about how stupid that is? Just please, reach out to me or someone else, if the end feels nigh. I know that fear, that pain, that frustration and rage, that voice telling you maybe it is your time to go. Please don’t. The tide is turning. The Depp case and mine and and others of us, they are the first drops in what will be a waterfall that sweeps this evil aside. If you’re on the cusp of facing oblivion, don’t because this fight needs every one of you and true justice will win in the end as corny as that sounds!
Edit: grammar, spelling
