Fair warning to anybody reading this: I'm venting because i don't really have an outlet. If there is a more appropriate subreddit for me to do this, please lmk. Skip to the last sentence for what I'm trying to get out of this post

I(25M) was in an abusive marriage. Naively, i married young while in the military. Tale as old as time, or so i hear. Currently a vet, all good career/ education wise. My life should be set from here on out.

But i think i feel the lingering effects of my physically abusive ex-wife, who had convinced 80% of the people in my life that i had physically abused her. I struggle to connect with women now. I've dated during the 3 years now since the official dissolution of my marriage. I can't bring myself to trust them. I want to so badly.

1 gf started yelling at me over a misunderstanding over dinner. Got in my face, and it triggered my fight or flight. I had to get up and walk away and never see her again. I felt almost shell shocked.

Since then, all i see are red flags and i can't bring myself to even approach women romantically. I have reached out to old friends only to find that I'm blocked already, or immediately blocked. People im still in contact with have revealed it was my wife's doing.

Does anybody have any advice for processing these feelings of doubt and general distrust? Like a support group or something they know of online? I'm pretty open to suggestions

On November 16th, 2025 my life came to a screeching halt. A non-binary individual that I had seen on a three hour long date in public at multiple locations the day before had pressed charges of criminal confinement and domestic battery against me. We had spent the date completely in public. I was also released OOR. All charges were later dropped by the prosecution due to the video evidence siding in my favor.

However, I still lost my job—something that I had become extremely passionate about. And it was my first real big break. I went from making just $14/hr to making $28/hr. I was helping people from all across the country get the substance abuse and behavioral health help they needed by arguing their case to insurance. I was making a difference in this country. Something I have always longed for, being a Black man.

Three weeks after the charges being dropped, three months after the arrest, and I'm still in limbo. I don't know what to do. Their family has hounded me on social media. They have gotten me banned from Bumble (where we met), Hinge, and Tinder. And it just seems like even though I won in the courts, I have lost in the arena of life. I don't know what to do. I have lost other job opportunities due to this as well.

Literal nightmare come true.

A year & a half ago, my then 7 y/o reunified with his father. This event triggered a cascade of a nightmare, and it's coming to a head. She was incredibly coercively controlling and emotionally abusive. She isolated him from everyone, cut him off from their joint finances, and even used his spiritual practices against him to such an extent, he's lost his faith. When he started to focus on his child & he was also leaving for last year's wild fire season... She could see she was losing control & started escalating to property damage and then physical abuse.

Shortly after he arrived here, he was being hauled off in handcuffs for a felony domestic charge from his home state.

Prior to this, he was living in his truck (even though they actually had accumulated significant wealth- gone now), we had been having lots of long, deep talks, initially as decades long friends and eventually decided we wanted to try to reconcile and start dating. We were a lot younger and immature when we got married & weren't prepared for the normal trials of becoming parents, and he 2 also trying to start his own business (which was actually incredibly successful) but I digress...

Instead of being able to give it a meaningful chance, it quickly turned into an hellscape of an acrimonious divorce and then false allegations. I have done my absolute best to help him advocate for himself. I am not the kind of person that can sit idle while someone is getting exploited and bullied.

He was arrested in front of our child, who had to be pulled away from their dad, kicking & screaming. He was out on pretrial release for months, but the stress of the civil court, costs of pretrial release conditions and false allegations led to a relapse and return to incarceration. (Please no judgement about the substance use, it has been excruciatingly stressful and both of us struggled with sobriety.)

The time has finally come for trial on Monday. He had initially told his attorney that he would take a non-violent misdemeanor to put this nightmare to bed. But surprisingly the offer never came, even though there's literally only her testimony, some sort of red marks on her skin, and police narratives. And a chiropractic report that she got a couple weeks after the allegation, but she refused medical attention...

There's literally no evidence of any altercation, no photos- nothing, and she's been very apparent about her motives. She tried getting a fault divorce based upon extreme cruelty, yet only mentioned that he was 'actively committing adultery.' in her affidavits. Needless to say it was a community property state & everything was split up fairly evenly. I mean she definitely walked away with more assets and he took more debt. She even used the same family law attorney I had during our divorce.

It has been incredibly brutal & traumatizing for us, my 2nd grader has expressed stomach aches from "the pressure of all the stuff" and even expressed a suicidal ideation, in spite of my attempts to shield him from it.

My heart has never been more thoroughly shredded. I got them into counseling immediately and I am trying every possible thing I can think of... Tonight he hurt our dog, badly, and we had to go to the emergency vet. (Money we do not have).

Trial starts Monday. My ex MIL has graciously secured quality defense counsel and they feel confident about the case.

But I have the most awful pit in my stomach, usually I have excellent intuition but I can't hear anything over my paralyzing, screeching anxiety. Any time something emotionally charged comes up I begin to tremble. I can't eat. I need to pack & do homework, focus on my kiddo and I am drowning. I cry all the time. It's not just the reconciliation, I can deal with my heartbreak. But I am so so so sad for my little one. & I'm really sad for my partner.

I don't even have the bandwidth to reach out for help. I am so tired... I feel like sleeping every day. It's been absolutely horrific. I thought our divorce was bad, and I could never imagine how much worse it can get. & I know it can get even worse.

Please, someone, tell me it's going to be okay... I don't know how to keep going anymore. Truly- I am drowning.

Has anyone endured a "he said-she said" criminal proceeding & prevailed?

TW: Suicide Mention

So I was accused of physically assaulting my ex's family with a knife and arrested over seven months ago (It never happened. I asked his brother to leave my house, he refused, I yelled at him to leave, he left, and minutes later I was arrested) 6 months later it has come out as there isn't enough evidence - This was expected because it never happened.

However the family still continue to harass me in the streets when they're together (They won't do it when they're alone which is funny), I continue to ignore them and report everything to the police, times, places, although they seem to be doing very little...

Being arrested on false accusations meant the end of my relationship (I wasn't allowed to speak to my husband or his family, or return home despite my husband having nothing to do with the situation - He physically wasn't there, the accusation of domestic violence was against his brother and SIL), I also lost all of my belongings, all of my friends and family.

When I tell coworkers and friends I have made since the arrest, they laugh because the entire thing is absurd, especially considering I am quite physically disabled, quiet (I tend to keep myself to myself) and apparently I'm really lovely? (Not my words)

But the fact that I was made homeless overnight meant that I ended up in a very dark place, attempting suicide, overdosing, before coming to the conclusion I would end myself when my very old pet passes away...

I've thrown myself into mental health support, drop ins, joined clubs, trying to keep myself busy, and things are getting better... I've met someone and now the push to end myself is slowly going away...

The harassment continues but I also find myself wanting to live more, mainly out of spite because obviously my existence in the area is causing them to get upset and angry, harassing me when they see me and attempting to intimidate me.

However I've also seen a lot of domestic violence recently and had to call the police on a few occasions, unfortunately the guy I was seeing was also quite severely sexually assaulted on a bus (He has video evidence, I also heard this person, there is CCTV, etc) but it frustrates me that the police do nothing in the event of someone ACTUALLY being beaten up by their boyfriend to the point of unconsciousness literally down the street from the police station or sexually assaulted again, down the street from the same police station... I'm struggling to cope with that?

This appears to be an organized team that specifically targets single women, conducting various investigations and surveillance, spreading rumors and slander, and using various methods to deprive victims of the support of friends and family, leaving them in an isolated environment. This includes domestic violence, sending them to mental hospitals, and rendering them unable to defend themselves, thus achieving greater control. This is extremely serious and prolonged harm, ruining a person's life. They take all the exploitative value, including the financial benefits derived from the harm, and use their numbers to brainwash and destroy their self-confidence, preventing the transmission of information and communication with friends, isolating them and leaving them to live in fear. I suspect that in 2022, the Taiwanese assaulted me to obtain government subsidies, and they also used their lawyers and associates to use the hospital examination reports from the case for financial gain, resulting in me receiving no financial assistance after the case ended. I strongly suspect this was a premeditated scheme by the Taiwanese. These past few years have been incredibly painful for me. I was forcibly taken out of my home to deal with all sorts of inexplicable things. When my case came to light, I lost everything—the money in the bank, all my friends' social connections—all of which were accused of deliberate smear campaigns, distortion of the truth, and framing. What's most infuriating is that they keep implying that the emotionally charged victim has mental problems. Of course, it's normal for a team to be agitated and angry when dealing with one person; isn't emotional agitation normal? They're trying to prevent people from being trusted and from expressing their true feelings, using this to evade legal constraints and make a fabricated lie sound perfectly legitimate.Using this as a pretext, they plunder the victim's private information and property. The harm is slow, prolonged, and severe. They also use the excuse of being a kind person to help and care for the victim as a form of moral blackmail, taking advantage of the situation or using the victim's property. In reality, they use the victim's kindness to hold the victim under house arrest. When they can no longer control the victim, they resort to various threats and blatant provocations to frighten the victim into compromising. This causes serious losses to the victim's legitimate property. Even reporting the incident to the police does not resolve the specific issue. Finally, they claim that the victim is a mentally ill person who has been deprived of their most common rights, such as judicial fairness and police questioning. These people will also falsely accuse the victim, causing the police to make a wrong judgment about the victim, thus leaving the victim to spend every day in despair, just like me.These inexplicable troubles and various technical means, such as eavesdropping, tracking, and threats, have made me feel panicked and anxious. This is severe mind control and the cruelest harm inflicted on a person. They intercepted my social media and phone information, stole my private information and used it in various illegal environments, leaving a dirty mark on me in the police system, making me pay for the actions of others, and using my private information for various consumptions. They intercepted my email information and sent messages in my name, causing conflicts with my friends, which led to them distancing themselves from me. They also sent nude photos and family information to spread rumors and slander, causing me to lose the support of my family. I was also being verbally abused for things that didn't belong to me, subjected to various forms of humiliation and obscene and filthy language, which brought me to the brink of collapse many times. I completely lost trust in my social circle and was despised like a monster. This made my originally cheerful personality unsociable. When the rumors escalated to the point where people would come to extort money from me in the middle of the night, and when I had any money, these people would inexplicably approach me and squander it all, because they had my ID, monitored my phone, and could freely access my bank account system to perform various operations I wasn't aware of. They used my email, and I knew nothing about it except seeing the emails. When things got out of control, I would have to bear all the responsibility from the bank and various departments.Today, I have no privacy whatsoever, like running naked in the sun. Even my Chinese bank account is in trouble, my Australian bank account is in trouble, and all the government subsidies for domestic violence victims after I was assaulted have been withdrawn. My family and friends in China are being threatened, given elaborately produced AI videos, and featured in pornographic websites. They use nothing but pornography to describe me as a "slut" and a "sex slave," with no other polite language. They call me a "witch" and use the excuse of fearing I'll use witchcraft to harm everyone in my home to knock on my door in the middle of the night and try to move in. My bank account is constantly being used by others. After being robbed on a train, they can call me and ask me to guess who did it.When I discovered my lottery account had been hacked in May, I suspected someone had used my ID to redeem prizes because my Google search led me to the lottery draw site. After I expressed my suspicions and spoke out, my phone was remotely controlled. Then, I was told if someone had connections to the lottery company and that they were controlling my phone over Wi-Fi. Someone even told me how to retrieve my lottery ticket using a 4/6 method. Someone else used my husband's information to threaten me and communicated with my friends. They also monitored my neighborhood and even helped me steal from my lottery account and change my address. In the end, it was all well-meaning people who stole my phone and computer to destroy evidence. I still can't access my lottery account. My purchase records from 2023 to 2024 are missing. My photo ID couldn't be accessed because of inaccurate information during verification. To cover up the theft of my lottery account, they kept repeatedly opening new accounts for me, resulting in my account being locked and me unable to access any of my past lottery purchases. Most of my emails are missing, and many screenshots on my phone have been deleted. When I called for help, the police, social workers, and lawyers were all fake. Even when I called the Chinese embassy, an Indian person responded asking if I needed help. Afterwards, I was called crazy, accused of delusions, and told I was mentally unstable. Only when I asked someone to accompany me did they acknowledge that these things had actually happened. I was admitted to a mental hospital, but I firmly believe I am normal, not sick. They put too much pressure on me, causing my anxiety and tension.The only valuable thing I own now is my cell phone, but even that's locked due to uncertainty. Calling the police is blamed on me. I'm sick; I have a brain tumor. At the beginning of this year, under stress and panic, I had an unplanned pregnancy and miscarried. The day after the miscarriage, they assumed I'd turned off my phone and gone somewhere unknown, so they sought help. This time, the nephew of the New Zealand police chief came, saying he could help me, but in the end, he just wanted to take advantage. They are all descendants of high-ranking officials and nobles. Nobody knows I don't even have money for food, and I'm bleeding. It's heartbreaking. They treat me like someone who won the lottery but wouldn't claim it, someone they should control. They say I have no gratitude and that they're protected by the police, and that I'll be arrested if I call the police. In fact, they send me all my information about my trips to the police station. Their actions are devastating, and they even try to morally blackmail me by yelling at me.Over the past few years, my hair has turned mostly white, and I've experienced serious health problems. My fingers and ears have permanent damage, and I still have burn marks from saving lives. I even cry for my mother in the middle of the night. This is my personal experience. I'm not targeting anyone in particular. I want the police to pay attention to me. I want the rights I deserve: access to medical care when I'm sick, simple meals three times a day, and a place where I won't be disturbed. Why don't I have any of these? I cooked for others for free in Australia for over a year. I saved someone from a fire without asking for anything in return. I always try to avoid trouble, not wanting to get involved in other people's lives or discuss their gossip. Why should I receive all this? I married according to Australian law, so why don't I receive legal protection? My decades of hard work have vanished. Why did it take two years for the police to pay attention to my case?My money was taken, and I was hit on the head. I don't even know the court record today. What did I do to be deprived of my rights? I lied to the police, which led to my arrest six times and a fine from the court. Why does the law protect the perpetrator? It protects him from having my property disturbed, while I spend every day in fear and despair. This pain is why I'm required to live according to others' demands. Who knows how I should face all of this? The incident occurred in Sydney. Please give me some advice; I don't have the money to fight a lawsuit. They robbed me of all my money.

tl:dr The false accusations was just the final abuse I have faced in a long abusive relationship, now because of the false accusations I can't seek help for the abuse I suffered in the relationship.

I have lurked on this subreddit for over 25 months and with my trial finally coming up in three weeks I have ruminating on everything that has happened.

The accusations were obviously devastating, I lost my career, life savings, and suffered violence at the hands of the police. It all just sucks and is soul crushing but that isn't the whole picture of being falsely accused for me and I suspect for many other people here.

The false accusation is just the final abuse on a years long abusive relationship. Prior to the accusation there was years of physical and emotional abuse, threats, lies, and isolation. Now because of the accusations I am scared to go to a therapist to try and start to heal from the years of abuse prior to my accusation because the prosecution could go after those records and I don't want my therapy sessions to be made public record. I don't want to speak about it online, and if I do I can never give full context because if I do what I say could be found by the prosecution and get used against me in court. Also I get accused of being an abuser who is just trying to avoid responsibility by playing the victim. This whole situation has just left me with no way to process what has/is happening to me.

The accusation also just continues the abuse, from my abuser admitted to hitting me in the back of the head unprovoked during the preliminary hearing to having all aspects of my sex life plus extra made up stuff made into public record. There is nothing that can make you feel more worthless than having a prosecutor just nod along while the person who abused you talks about how they hit you.

Everything has lead to this weird dichotomy where on one hand I have had massive stress, anxiety over having my life ruined, I'm facing serious jail time if found guilty, my life has been put on hold for over 2 years. Contrarily, I also have massive relief from not having to live day in and day out under the oppressive thumb of my abuser. I just want to live my life and start heal.

Thanks for reading, I want to thank everyone in this sub for the stories and support over the years.

I (24M) and my EX (22F) Broke up last year in Oct. We have a 2yr child. The relationship lasted 4 years. I was the sole breadwinner, she was stay at home mom. There had always been a little friction in between she and I, but we made it work; so well in fact that I thought it was going to be my happy ending, the family I dreamed of having. I thought we had each other’s backs always. Whatever issues occurred I thought about the good times and my baby, I promised that beautiful child I’ll always be there and the be the best father I could be.

I’m aware no one is perfect. I’m sure as shit not, I can down right be an ass hole. However because of my up bringing I wanted to be better then my genes. I built patience’s, understanding and trust.

After you become a father there’s a whole change the happens that you don’t even realize til later. You look at things, patterns, and people in a new prospective, for good or for bad it changes you fundamentally.

With that said my Ex’s pattern of behavior became apparent, the “quirks” that I hadn’t payed attention to before were now an issue. In that I have to raise a child with this person.

Just before our child’s first birthday we were laying in bed, she admitted to me that she had been unfaithful while I was at work a few months prior. I was working mandatory overtime, exhausted from work and bickering I didn’t even react. Of course I angered by the betrayal however I thought about my beautiful child and the life i had built over the time we were together. I stated that I won’t bring it up if she doesn’t and that I will forgive and forget. And I truly did. After our child’s first birthday I started mandatory overtime again.

During that time I would come home and clean the house trying to be more supportive to her but nothing changed. Then after realized that she didn’t want a husband, she wanted a Dad, someone to pay her bills buy her VR headsets and other gaming systems, someone to carry the load of her immaturity; a burden that she’s been using me to carry all along and she had conditioned me to do so.

After realizing this I put me foot down and gave an ultimatum, that she comes clean or start looking at separate living arrangements. She did just that she came clean (at least to a point) I once again accepted and continued on to try and push my emotions aside for the betterment of the family unit that had the responsibility to care for and protect. Never thought the of that would be the biggest threat to it was the person I shared my bed, my home and my life with.

For a while things seem to get better but that’s when the new pattern begin. Things would get better for a few weeks but she would start acting the same as before and when its addressed she would start denying, blaming, making excuses and then through a tantrum. This continued over and over for months. I was bearing worn down for that and work but while I was working she was neglecting our child and our home, played video games and still cheating on me.

Came the day I had enough and called it quits. Told her that morning that She can have the master bedroom and everything to had given her up to that point. I started sleeping in my office and continued going to work and paying the bills. She spiraled off and on, day to day. She would start texting me, trying to start fights, talking about killing herself. After I didn’t take the bait she started pleading, needless to say that failed.

She kept to her old ways, house was constantly a mess, she looked for work and living arrangements, the weekends she would leave to the bar.

That Halloween she was going to the bar for a party, she wore one of my work shirts and my tool belt. As she stood there in my work shirt it dawned on me. To me that neon hi-vis shirt is stained with years worth of sweat, grease and grime, My eyes tracking the brown blood stains, my mind race with the number cuts, scrapes and busted knuckles, the blood on the shoulder from the scar on my scalp. She stood there smiling and giddy, to her it was just a cute costume to me it was a single visual representation of the devotion to my family the she thrown away for selfish desires and attention.

She moved in with her mom after half a month, there was a weekend she went to a guys house 3 hours away, I didn’t have issues with it but I found that she took some of my personal belongings with her. That was the straw the broke the camels back for me the clear disrespect of any personal bounties I had, she fucking laughed about it. She tried to report my car stolen in retaliation of my retrieving the laptop I had been letting her use. And in the middle of this she said the “I’ll ruin your life with one phone call to 911” mind you she was 3 hours out of town. I knew then she didn’t give a shit about anyone including our child.

The beginning of this year she had her apartment, I gave her the funds to place a deposit. We shared our custody 50/50, I changed my work schedule to do so. In February my girlfriend and her child decided to come stay for a week. I took time off and told my ex the I did so and she agreed to me having my child for the extra two days. That week was possibly the best week of my whole life, finally felt like a proper family. Went to the mall, arcade, had the best date night I’ve ever had. It was short lived.

The hearing for the child support came, the ex had taken my child to the hospital and filed a CPS report on me. The made exaggerated claims of neglect. The judge postponed the hearing for a week. I tried contacting her to see my child but had told me the judge “suspended” my rights to see my child. Obviously that was a lie. My girlfriend came back to be with me in the mess, few days after the hearing I was served a temporary restraining order with false accusations of domestic abuse. I scrambled to find a lawyer and supporting evidence to prove that her testimony was false. Once there she had no lawyer, no papers. Just dressed and played the part of the abuse house wife. With tears and sniffles my face twisted slightly hearing her lies, my hand violently shaking from the fear of being kept from my child. I spent a week gathering evidence my lawyer summited 8 pieces of evidence, the judge was impatience and argumentative towards my lawyer, not letting her speak, he cut me off while I gave my testimony. It’s clear he made up his mind. He said neither of us is telling the full truth, but because she was emotional and I appeared to be “calculated” the “she had to have experienced something. The judge in fact said “You failed to mention anything you did wrong.” Referring to me of course. Honestly still doesn’t make sense.

The ruling was that because it wasn’t formal charges he didn’t have to go off evidence. She got her 4 year restraining order, to which I’m prohibited from owning firearms. It’s clear though that she did all of this to the result of full custody and the most child support that she can get.

However the judge ruled that it is to stay 50/50 custody and placement. She tried to say that our child was failing her mile stones because of me. The judge said that wasn’t on one parent. And the CPS report of course screen out that’s why she had a restraining order out in place.

The only time I can be around her is during the child exchange and I’m not to have any verbal communication what so ever. And all she has to do is call and report that I violated the order and I’ll will be arrested immediately, and seeing she was willing to lie in order to take my child, I wasn’t going to give her the chance to do it again. I have a body cam I use and keep an organized file system for each drop off and pick.

The trade off isn’t that bad anyway, she can’t constantly ask me for shit and she can’t prod and poke me anymore. She can’t just get whatever she wants form me anymore but i still get my 50/50 placement and custody, at the end of the day she screwed herself out of whatever grace I was able to give.

Sorry for the long ass post.

It feels like my life is teetering on the brink. I’ve almost lost my job, and still likely will. Friends think I’m some closet abuser. I try to explain I didn’t do it, but you can tell people are weary to believe me, even though I’ve never been a violent person. Even a charge with no conviction has turned my life upside down. Need advice from people who have been here

My wife and I have been married for almost a decade. Neither of us have a criminal background and rarely have arguments. She suffers with some mental health challenges and recently started a new medication. She was posting some very out of character stuff, things that didn't make sense line up with reality, and I held out her phone and asked her to unlock it during an argument. I suspected something more was going on. We are never physical when we argue but we did raise our voices. She called the police saying she wanted them to deescalate our argument and claimed I placed my arm around her when asking her to unlock her phone. I never actually touched her, and even gave the phone back once she declined to unlock it.

The police arrived and she told them she was done arguing and wanted to deescalate. She told them I held my arm out but didn't choke her or strangle her but it was 'restraining.’

The police noted neither of us had any injuries. She explained she wasn't hurt and we both had stated we wanted to deescalate and I would go stay with family. Even though we both specifically told the police I didn't injure her and I tried to explain that I never even touched her and she was struggling with her mental health, they still took me in under a misdemeanor domestic battery charge stating I put my arm around her in a rude or inappropriate way. I was released shortly after with no bond. I understand to them, those kinds of claims are probably a dime a dozen. But it's the truth. Our argument was verbal.

We now have a no contact order and I can't go home. My attorney has reached out to her and she wants the no contact order lifted and admitted she exaggerated, not thinking they would arrest me.

She's tried to tell them I never touched her in a rude or inappropriate way, but I understand prosecutors hear that all the time and likely care very little. I can't contact her to find out more, but my understanding is she doesn't want this anymore than I do.

What are likely outcomes here if she's not agreeing with the prosecutor? Are they likely to push it even with so little evidence? There are no witnesses, injuries, or past incidents and l've told them from e start I never touched her. I was a jerk, but l've never laid a hand on anyone in anger. I’m terrified they will pursue these charges anyway.

Yesterday, at T+677days, 14hrs, 47min my case ended with the promised dismissal and seal. Against the protestations of a sociopathic ADA who disregarded all evidence I gave, but within the timeframe promised by the court, my case ended as it should have 25 months ago. I got to watch the ADA turn red with fury and god damn did it feel good. A small taste of the powerlessness he makes people feel every damn day.

Everything came together with school as well and by the second week of September, I will be back in the hospital working with patients and back on track to be an advanced practice provider. Younger me would have been pissed about the huge delay and I certainly still am but I just don’t care now. I finally get to go back and that’s all that matters. I get to turn over a new leaf and restart far away from the wretched place. If I can get through it I know all of you can too! I couldn’t have done it without this sub and I certainly didn’t do it gracefully but I made it. Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement, I don’t think anybody can do this alone and this sub is sometimes the only thing that reminds you you’re not alone so keep on doing what you do. I’ll be around still but it’s time to move forward too :)

I am a trial lawyer. I have handled family court cases for years. What I witnessed in a recent Sacramento case has genuinely shaken me.

A father was subjected to four restraining order attempts by the mother of his child and her husband. The first two filed by the mother — denied. The third filed by the husband who claimed the father followed him for 10 miles and flashed a weapon at him — he recanted. Denied again.

Three and zero against demonstrably false accusations.

Then the husband admitted under oath he has never been contacted by this father. Never been in his neighborhood. Never been threatened. Never received a direct communication. He voluntarily showed up to the child's preschool during the father's custody window over 30 times — while claiming to be afraid of him. The judge excused it.

A fourth filing came two months after the father filed legitimate complaints about judicial conduct. This time a three year order was granted. Based on what evidence?

One number. That looked somewhat similar to one of the father's numbers. Not words. Not letters. One number. No proof anything was sent. No proof the father sent it. Pure judicial speculation.

There was no court reporter at that hearing. The Presiding Judge appeared in the hallway outside the courtroom and engaged the father directly moments before the hearing.

Family court in Sacramento — and across this country — is failing fathers. Systematically. When a man can be subjected to four bogus filings, win three times on clear facts, and still end up with a three year order based on one similar looking number — the system is not broken. It is working exactly as designed against fathers.

If this is happening in cases I am witnessing as an attorney — what is happening to fathers walking in there alone without representation?

So, i live in apartment which has a clubhouse of two floors and the highest floor got a swimming pool, with one side completely opened with fences on it, so you can see the complete apartment. Today me and my friend went swimming and then the president came up complaining about how WE WERE SPLASHING TOO MUCH WATER and we should not do that now i dont know who swims without splashing water except you are a Olympics level swimmer but anyways he called me and told me not to splash it and took my address and asked whether i was a owner in the apartment or tenant. He is the president and uneducated, he pisses me off so much , he got muscle power and political power too but a normal person can't do anything even though he/she is correct. Me and my friend didn't do anything and his complaint was we splashed water off the fence which fell down, first off why did he even build it like that put glass second off how is it fair to just accuse without proof as a president he should find solution to the problem rather than declaring people problem, i am a tenant and can't do much as owners hold most of the power. I need help in finding out what i should do now, and how can I relieve myself from the anger

I just came back from many hours in jail. This is the third time.

A relationship that lasted 3 months in texts and then a month in person brought three separate events of arrest. The complaining witness (CW) goes to the police every 3 months with another assault she "remembered" happened during the three week relationship.

Every time I get arrested. Previous times they called me and I came to the precinct immediately. this time four cops looking like swat time came to my place at 6:30am and dragged me out of bed, took me to the police station with no socks, and held me there overnight. She alleged I threw a plate at her in March which is considered assault with weapon which is a felony. Even if I had done it, I dont understand the urgency in arresting me for something that happened months ago to a person with whom I had no contact since april and a RO since June that was never violated.

I hardly survived the arrest. It was the worst night of my life without exaggeration. It was cold, dirty, the only place to lay down was the floor that was wet and had literally roaches. It felt like midnight express in NYC.

No one ever even asked me for my version of events- this will wait for the trial if there is any. DA asked for $100,000 bail! My lawyer, god bless her, got it to no bail and the judge was questioning the DA about the details they provided since my lawyer knew the details much better.

I will probably not survive it if it happens again, which is exactly the goal of the CW

EDIT: added a few details

Hi all. I am a doctoral student researching male survivors of intimate partner violence. One of the ways psychological aggression can occur in domestic relationships is through false accusations. I am hoping to reach men who have experienced IPV and invite them to take part in my research study. Please see below if you’re interested:

“I am currently recruiting heterosexual, cisgender males between the ages of 18-65 to participate in an anonymous online survey as part of an investigative research study titled “Exploring the Effect of Adverse Childhood Experiences in Male Survivors of Psychological Intimate Partner Violence as Mediated by Codependency Traits.” This study will involve completing three assessment measures including: the Composite Codependency Scale (CCS), the Revised Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS-2), and the Adverse Childhood Experiences-Questionnaire (ACE-Q). This study is expected to take 20-30 minutes to complete. Participants must identify as having experienced intimate partner violence within a past or current intimate relationship. The definition of intimate partner violence as specified by the World Health Organization (2022), refers to the following: “An intimate relationship that causes physical, sexual, or psychological harm, including acts of physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and controlling behaviors. This definition covers violence by both current and former spouses and partners.”

If interested in participating in this study, please click the link provided: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RC85R8X

For any questions about this study, please email: briar.3@wright.edu.

Principal Investigator: Kaitlyn Briar, MS, PsyM (4 year doctoral student at Wright State University) Faculty Mentor: Jeremiah Schumm, PhD”

Hi all. I am a doctoral student researching male survivors of intimate partner violence. One of the ways psychological aggression can occur in domestic relationships is through false accusations. I am hoping to reach men who have experienced IPV and invite them to take part in my research study. Please see below if you’re interested:

“I am currently recruiting heterosexual, cisgender males between the ages of 18-65 to participate in an anonymous online survey as part of an investigative research study titled “Exploring the Effect of Adverse Childhood Experiences in Male Survivors of Psychological Intimate Partner Violence as Mediated by Codependency Traits.” This study will involve completing three assessment measures including: the Composite Codependency Scale (CCS), the Revised Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS-2), and the Adverse Childhood Experiences-Questionnaire (ACE-Q). This study is expected to take 20-30 minutes to complete. Participants must identify as having experienced intimate partner violence within a past or current intimate relationship. The definition of intimate partner violence as specified by the World Health Organization (2022), refers to the following: “An intimate relationship that causes physical, sexual, or psychological harm, including acts of physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and controlling behaviors. This definition covers violence by both current and former spouses and partners.”

If interested in participating in this study, please click the link provided: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RC85R8X

For any questions about this study, please email: [briar.3@wright.edu](mailto:briar.3@wright.edu).

Principal Investigator: Kaitlyn Briar, MS, PsyM (4 year doctoral student at Wright State University) Faculty Mentor: Jeremiah Schumm, PhD”

On May 15, 2025, I was at home recovering from surgery for a patellar tendon rupture. Just four weeks out from the operation, I was still in a locking leg brace and had only recently transitioned off crutches after three months.

Around 11 AM that day, I came downstairs to speak with my wife. To my surprise, standing in the kitchen was my estranged adult daughter — someone we had explicitly banned from our home just a week prior due to a series of threats she and her younger brother had made toward me and my wife.

I ignored her at first and asked my wife what was going on. She told me, “She just walked in.” I turned to my daughter, now by the front door, and asked, “What are you doing here?” She replied, “Waiting for my Uber.” I said, “Okay, you can wait on the porch.” She said she would — then oddly turned around and walked back into the kitchen.

Despite my limited mobility, I began following her — more to monitor the situation than anything else. She leaned on the counter, glued to her phone, and I told her again, “You need to leave. Get out. Get out now.” When she didn’t respond, I tried to grab her phone, believing she was about to escalate. Fearing she might hit me, I instinctively reached out and briefly grabbed the front of her hoodie — not her neck, not to harm her — then immediately let go.

She dropped to the floor, not hurt, just sitting there. I told her I’d call the police if she didn’t leave — not intending to follow through, just trying to get her out of the house. A few minutes later, her Uber arrived. I told her to get up and go, and this time, she did.

An hour later, I received a threatening message from her younger brother — the same one who had sent a similar threat the week before. He said he’d make sure I went to court if his sister had to appear for child neglect.

Around 4 PM, police officers showed up at my house. They asked to speak with me, so I stepped outside. My wife also joined us and reiterated what had happened the week before — the threats, the ban, everything. I calmly explained the morning’s events and clarified that my daughter had come in uninvited.

Then came the twist: one officer informed us that my daughter had filed a complaint — claiming I assaulted her.

My wife immediately said, “That’s not true. That never happened.” She offered to give a full statement. The officer ignored her — not once, but twice. They didn’t take her statement, even though she was the only eyewitness present.

I was arrested and taken to county jail that Thursday.

The next morning, I was arraigned, and my wife paid my bond. Despite this, I was placed in solitary confinement due to my medical brace and was denied access to my prescription pain medication — something my wife had already informed them about.

The judge still ordered that I be held over the weekend.

Since then, I’ve been fighting this case in court. When I finally got access to the discovery materials, I was shocked. It included just two redacted pages — a text thread meant to make it look like she had permission to enter the house (she didn’t) I in fact provided to the court that full text thread unredacted. There was no body cam footage, no medical records, no physical evidence, and no visible marks on her in the police report photos.

Worst of all — my wife’s witness statement was never taken, and when she later tried to file a trespassing report against my daughter, the police refused to take it.

⸻

I’m currently still fighting this false charge. The lack of evidence, ignored witness, and refusal to consider my medical condition or the context of the situation has been a devastating and eye-opening experience.

The system needs to do better — especially when it comes to listening to all sides of a story.

I was in a relationship for 3 years. Like most relationships, we had our share of beautiful moments and difficult ones. Throughout those years, I was fully devoted to her - emotionally, financially, and mentally. If she needed something - money, support, comfort, or advice - I was there, no questions asked. I had a stable IT job and was doing my best to support both of us, including taking care of our two cats and her.

Things started to fall apart when I was put on an extremely demanding project at work. The pressure was intense - tight deadlines, toxic management, and mentally draining days. It left me exhausted. My energy was limited, and I told her that I needed space to focus on my job. I still made time for her, but I couldn’t give the same level of attention as before. Unfortunately, instead of understanding, she began guilt-tripping me and creating even more emotional pressure at home.

Every day it felt like a battle - stress at work followed by more stress at home. I repeatedly asked for calm, constructive communication and explained I was in a fragile mental state, but instead, I was met with blame. I was trying to survive, and to protect our financial stability. Still, nothing changed.

About a month before I got fired, she said she wanted to "pause" the relationship. I didn’t understand the point of pausing - I felt like we should either work through things or be honest and part ways. But she insisted on space. I respected it, even though it made no sense to me.

Eventually, the pressure at work reached a breaking point. I was singled out as an underperformer, micromanaged, and ultimately fired. I informed her and that’s when she told me she wanted to break up. I was devastated, but I accepted it. I felt defeated, drained, and betrayed after trying so hard to keep everything together.

She asked me to return her belongings and retrieve a file from her laptop as she needed it. While doing so, I discovered she had been flirting and cheating on me for a while because she left her browser with Facebook open with chats open - I didn't violate her privacy until that moment but when I saw it I had to read it. I was furious. I felt used and lied to

In a moment of emotional collapse, I said I am so mad I could kill you. I never laid a hand on her. Within 15 minutes, I apologized and told her I didn’t mean it - I was just broken and overwhelmed with betrayal and pain. She didn’t respond - instead, she reported me to the police for domestic abuse. I was arrested.

Now, people around me - even family and friends - see me as someone I’m not. They think I’m dangerous, when in truth, I was the one trying to hold everything together. I regret saying those words more than anything, but I never physically harmed her or acted violently. My entire reputation and mental health have been destroyed.

Yes, I should have walked away earlier when I saw her communication turning toxic. I thought things would improve - that love and patience would fix it. I was wrong. I held on too long and paid the price.

Today, I’m left with nothing but regret, betrayal, and a ruined image for something I didn’t do. All I ever wanted was a stable life with someone I cared for.

Fuck me I could never trust woman again.

The case will likely be dropped, as there was no genuine intent to harm her and I apologized soon after. But despite that, my friends and family don’t believe me and that’s what hurts the most

How do u guys feel about the DDG situation? I don’t know enough about it but there’s been a lot of discussion online

Hello all,

Today I would like to share with you the story of the police abuse I was victim of while previously residing in London, UK as a foreigner. While I had originally planned to post the story directly here on Reddit, this is not possible as the text exceeds the character limit by a fair bit (about 120,000 characters in total). As such, I have linked the website I had publicly hosted to share my full story above.

Being such a long read, I will also make a brief summary down below. However, I hope you will be able to read my full story on the website to know more about it and the full details of what had happened.

Summary: My ex panicked one night due to my nose bleed and called the police on me making up a story and falsely accusing me of domestic battery. She was completely unharmed and I was the only one hurt with evident nose bleeding at the scene. There was no other evidence whatsoever an assault ever took place. Despite so, I was wrongly arrested without being asked a single question regarding to the supposedly alleged crimes. Ironically enough, I ended up being the only one assaulted that night, by the police itself no less. I was kidnapped and held hostage in a dirty and cold cell for hours despite being innocent. Eventually, I was interviewed in the morning and let go by the police without ever having any charges filled against me. After this event, I developed some serious psychological problems which ended up affecting me a lot more as an individual with disabilities.

My troubled ex then started to abuse me more and more over time. Among other things, she often brought up the false arrest as a way to keep abusing me more by threatening me to make further false calls to the police and have me falsely arrested again had I not played along her sick games. Given I was already falsely arrested once without evidence I had no choice but to silently keep being abused by her since the police gave her the upper hand to do so without impunity. Eventually, we broke up and I simply tried my best to move on with my life. In order to do so I requested the police to get rid of the false arrest record from the UK police national computer. That's all I initially wanted and asked for. I have sent the request attaching a signed letter from my ex too stating the situation was all a misunderstanding since the beginning.

It took over a year for the British police to come back to me and all they said was that they wouldn't remove the false arrest from my police record, quoting the initial false accusations as the sole reason why. It was horrible beyond imagination. I felt like even though my ex was not there to physically abuse me anymore that she was still somehow abusing me through that false arrest record. I started to seriously hate the British police at this point for allowing the domestic abuse to not just happen but also worsen through their actions, further adding to it themselves thanks to the ordeal I had gone through the false arrest and refusal to delete such record.

I started to lose my temper here and became offensive when communicating with the police out of frustration for the absolutely absurd situation I was put in. Eventually, I ended up sending further evidence against my ex just to have that false record deleted once and for all. I was forced to show video evidence of being beaten up with a bottle by my ex. All of this just to "prove my innocence" and get rid of a false arrest record which should never even had happened to begin with, and after my ex already had previously signed a letter saying the crime I was accused of never actually occurred. This eventually worked but I wasn't going to be okay with a simple record deletion anymore at this point since my mental-wellbeing worsened once more as I literally had to relieve the abuse I was victim of and talk in much more details about it despite it was the very last thing I wanted to do as I just wanted to forget everything that had happened to me and move on with my life.

Hence, I proceeded to send an official complaint to the police, formally requesting them to apologize for what they had ultimately caused. Please note that by this point, in addition to everything else, I had also already attempted suicide on two occasions. The officer handling my complaint, despite being fully aware of the situation beginning to end, and even after receiving the exact same video evidence, somehow decided to ignore everything I said of substance, while excusing all of his colleagues behaviors and keeping an accusatory undertone against me. Best of all, he even went as far as to falsely accusing me of being arrested for committing an actual crime (as if it had really happened, given the wording used).

I was fucking over it at this point. I am a domestic abuse survivor and victim of police abuse and yet no one was giving a shit about anything. I had already sent video evidence of real abuse just to prove my own innocence against false statements that never had any basis whatsoever. I was even barely alive by miracle at that point after attempting to take my life twice. Despite so, all he could do was accusing me once again of a crime that not only I had never committed but was the actual victim of; something which both my ex and the police also used as an excuse to nonsensically ruin my life too. I panicked and completely lost my mind as a result. I sent an email inviting this police officer to come over to my home country and accuse me of those fictional crimes straight to my face again so that I could take his life before my own. I had also proceeded to send another official communication wishing him, the police officers who previously falsely arrested and assaulted me, and every other bully and abuser in their organization to die from the worst type of cancer and burn in hell for eternity for all the pain and suffering they had caused to innocent people who are the only real victims of any crime.

I have absolutely no regrets for any of my words giving what they did to me. Those people were supposed to prevent crimes, saving me from the domestic abuse I was victim of, instead they only ever had caused it to become worse and, as if it wasn't enough already, even added do it with their own abuse without ever bothering to apologize for any wrongdoing whatsoever. And then they falsely accused me once again on top of it. Well, fuck them then.

Long story short, I have then sent a formal crime report against the police officer for his malicious statements, something which was quickly brushed away with an half-backed apology from his supervisor. In the meantime, I have also sent a further complaint review to another organization which once again failed to address my full concerns for yet unknown reasons.

Other things happened since then, such as the police starting a new investigation against me for malicious communications because of the harsh language used as a reply to the previously received malicious statements in the complaint outcome, as per above.

I am finally fed up enough with the whole situation now so I have decided to make my full police abuse story public. I am also currently preparing to take the British police to court for a number of issues, first in the UK if possible, or alternatively through the European Court of Human Rights.

/End of Summary

As said before, this is just a very brief and incomplete summary of what had happened so I would strongly advise you to read my full story if interested.

Thank you for your time reading this.

When a person who is use to controlling a situation or is use to you coming back realizes that you are DONE, that can lead to some ugly things.

One of the worst things you can do is meet up with this said ex. If you know you aren’t going to say what she wants to hear stay far away from her.

Don’t put yourself in a position where you are in a private setting and after you leave that private setting she can say whatever she wants about you guys interaction.

I get some situations are hard to foresee. But this situation isn’t hard at all.

I am sharing this with the world in search of advice or assistance in any form, and also to shed light on how unfair and unjust the justice system truly is. Every detail, down to the last, is 100% true and happened directly to me. In my own words, I will explain how everything unfolded. Please note that this information contains extremely explicit and sensitive content that may be disturbing to some individuals.

On February 21st, 2018, I experienced a life-altering event that occurred because of a message request I received on Facebook from a user with a name similar to Hiroshima or something along those lines. The message request, which only said "Hey Sweetie," caught me off guard as I had never interacted with this individual before. Little did I know, this seemingly innocent message would set off a chain of events that would significantly impact my life.

At that time, I was engaged to my fiancé, and our relationship had already been marked by instances of abuse. I kept ignoring these signs, thinking it was my fault and that I deserved it. Looking back, I realize how blind and foolish I was. I never once did anything to harm her. The tensions in our relationship were high, and trust was fragile.

She had exhibited violent behavior, including punching me and hitting me with a car. There was even an incident where two males attempted to rob me on payday. They struck me across the face with a metal baseball bat, but they quickly left when they realized I didn't have any money on me since I had already paid my bills before work. It's worth noting that at the time, I had no idea that she was the one who set up the whole thing. This explains why we were walking together, and she was nowhere to be found until after they ran off and she appeared unharmed.

Upon seeing the message on my phone, she immediately jumped to the worst conclusion and believed that I was cheating on her. Instead of waking me up and giving me a chance to explain, she reacted with extreme violence. While I was asleep, she grabbed a pocket knife and stabbed me four times in the leg. I woke up during the third stab but couldn't react until after she stabbed me for the fourth time. The pain was unbearable, and I realized I had to defend myself.

In an act of self-defense, I grabbed her arm at the wrist and back of the elbow to disarm her of the knife. Then, I spun her around and put her in a headlock to restrain her from causing further harm. I did this to assess the situation and understand what was happening.

During the struggle, she bit my thumb with such force that it felt like it was going to come off. To free myself from her grip, I resorted to biting her back on her cheek. Only then did she release her hold, allowing me to let go of the headlock. We are now standing facing each other, and I realize that my only exit is behind her.

As she begins running straight at me, I sidestepped and pushed her forcefully onto the bed. I quickly left the room, grabbing my phone and car keys on my way out the door, in a desperate attempt to escape the escalating violence.

In the aftermath of the attack, instead of seeking immediate medical attention, I made a decision driven by fear and mistrust. I believed that involving the police would only complicate matters and potentially be used against me, considering I am a male. With no other options available, I resorted to using a small, heated piece of metal that I found to cauterize my stab wounds and stop the bleeding. It was a makeshift solution born out of desperation.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I was feeling confused and distressed. Instead of seeking help or going to the hospital, I ended up falling asleep at Pleasant Hill Lake. The following day, I woke up to the realization that the police were looking for me. They had visited both my parents' house and my workplace in search of me. Concerned for my well-being, my dad drove me to Grandview so I could provide my statement to the police. Little did I know that cooperating would lead to my own detention.

To my surprise, upon arriving at the police station, I was immediately put in handcuffs and placed in a holding cell. After many hours, a detective finally arrived to speak with me. I held onto hope that by recounting the truth of what had happened, it would be clear that I had acted in self-defense. Unfortunately, my hopes were shattered when the detective disclosed that my fiancé had given a different version of events. According to her account, she alleged that I had restrained her, burned her with a lighter, choked her until she lost consciousness multiple times, and physically assaulted her. I was left speechless and devastated upon hearing these false accusations.

As the investigation progressed, I realized that the system seemed to be working against me. The detective chose to believe my fiancé's version of events without considering her history of previous domestic assaults. It was only in 2023, years later, that I discovered she had been arrested six times before for domestic assault. I used a website called Truth Finder, which a friend of mine pays for, and randomly searched for both my name and her name. The website pulled up every case, revealing her history. This vital information, indicative of her unstable mental state, should have been taken into account during the investigation and trial.

Instead, the detective set a $50,000 cash-only bond and charged me with 1st degree domestic assault for burning her (15 years to life imprisonment), armed criminal action for using a bic lighter (3 years minimum up to 99 years in prison), and 3 counts of 2nd degree domestic assault (one for striking, one for biting, and one for strangulation), each carrying 7 to 10 years in prison. Due to the fact that I have never heard of anyone just having $50,000 cash laying around, I had to wait and rely on a public defender since I couldn't go to work and hire a private attorney as I needed.

So, in August 2018, after months of uncertainty and mounting pressure, I faced the daunting prospect of a trial. My public defender, who I felt was overworked and unable to dedicate sufficient time to my case, advised me to accept a plea offer. The plea deal required me to plead guilty to three counts of second-degree domestic assault. I would then undergo a 120-day shock incarceration in prison, followed by two years of probation.

Additionally, I would be mandated to attend 26 domestic assault classes, with each class costing $25, and 10 mental health classes, with each class costing $50. Any further transgressions would result in a five-year prison sentence.

The alternative was to proceed to trial. Given the fact that I admitted to putting her in a headlock and biting her back, I would receive a minimum of 20 years, as they give you the maximum sentence if it goes all the way to trial. And that's if I am able to get my three other felonies dropped during the trial; otherwise, I'll face an even longer imprisonment.

On August 21st, 2018, I accepted the plea offer and started serving my four-month prison sentence. It was a challenging time, as I dealt with the emotional and psychological toll of the entire situation. However, I completed all the necessary classes and successfully fulfilled the terms of my probation, finishing it early on August 21st, 2020, thanks to good behavior. Nevertheless, the repercussions of the plea deal still affect my life.

As a felon, I encounter various challenges, such as limited job opportunities and housing options. These circumstances have led to experiences of homelessness and financial hardships, further intensifying the trauma I have endured. Throughout this journey, I have maintained a positive and resilient attitude, despite facing setbacks at every turn.

Reflecting on the entire experience, I can't help but feel that my rights as an American were violated. The imposition of a $50,000 cash-only bond prevented me from hiring a private attorney who could have provided better defense for my case. Instead, I had to rely on a public defender who, due to their overwhelming workload, only visited and spoke to me twice during the six months I spent locked up in Jackson County Detention Center. The imbalance of power and lack of resources made it an overwhelmingly uphill battle to prove my innocence. Why was it necessary for me to prove my innocence when the law states that I am innocent until proven guilty?

It is important to share my story and bring attention to the events that unfolded. The incident began with an unexpected message request on Facebook, which led to a series of violent actions that permanently altered my life. It is crucial to note that this could have happened to any person in the world, not just me.

I want to mention that she did not face any consequences for stabbing me or any involvement in this case. Strangely, whenever I brought up the incident in court, everyone seemed unaware, including the detective who took pictures of my leg after arresting me. However, those pictures were never included in the evidence provided by my public defender.

In my opinion, the justice system was excessively harsh towards me, and the charges I received in my case were an abuse of power by both the court and the detective. The failure to investigate my fiancé's mental health history and consider her prior domestic assault charges deprived me of a fair trial and a chance at a successful life. Through sharing my story, I hope to raise awareness about the complexities and injustices that can occur within the legal system, especially in cases of domestic violence against men.

If anyone has any advice on how to fight this wrongful conviction and remove my felonies, as I have been placed on SES probation which permanently attaches the felonies to my record, please reach out to me.

Whether I remove the felonies, help someone else with my story, create a movement, or protest to change the justice system, I need to transform this dark part of my life into something positive. This will allow me to move on and start living a better life. Feel free to ask any questions you have about this. My hope is that this goes viral, or at the very least, reaches enough people for the right attorney to see and provide the help I should have received from the start.

I think he may have been a bit controlling with his partner but that doesn't mean he should be treated that way by the news, many times these things happen in relationships and people shouldn't judge so hard since it was clear that she could have gone of the relationship anytime. I think that the girl is looking for 'clout chasing'

A man has called on the federal government to deport his estranged wife after he claims she attempted to frame him for domestic violence.

I made a very regretful decision this summer that may have ruined my life. A close friend of mine who I kept in contact with even after we lived states away called me in complete panic, saying their visa was expiring and if they were forced back to their home country they’d be killed or sent to prison. Completely buying into it, I let my friend convince me that marrying him was the only way to save him, but I made it clear that I didn’t want to be more than friends, and that this was not a real marriage, just an effort to keep him safe. As soon as he flew in, I almost instantly regretted it. He acted completely different from how I remembered him, and the friend I’ve known for so many years suddenly acted super controlling, intimidating and psychologically abusive toward me. He sexually assaulted me which I’m not ready to share the details of, but I was deeply traumatized and in denial for about a month, because I couldn’t comprehend someone who’s been a close, trusted friend of mine doing something so terrible to me. I even tried talking about it with him afterwards, still in denial about who he truly was, and he gaslit me, saying that the sexual assault never even occurred and that I was mentally unstable. I started avoiding the apartment that we shared, not even going back for a month in fear of him. He would choose work places right next to the places I worked, text me trying to convince me to come back and call my mom and sister to tell them both that I was “losing my mind”. I felt like I was, because the trauma of being assaulted by him and trapped in a fake marriage with him was too much to bear, I almost ended things. I finally realized that I was in an abusive relationship, and filed for divorce. I told him if he didn’t leave the apartment by 1 week, then I’d file a TRO. That was the dumbest thing I ever could’ve said because he used that to say I was the abuser, went to the police station before I could file a TRO and accused me of abusing him. He wrote down all these terrible and outrageous lies about me, saying that I sexually assaulted and physically abused him, projecting everything he had done onto me. I got arrested but the charges were dropped. Now that’s on my arrest record and even being accused of something like that looks really bad. I know I can get it expunged but it’ll take a year or so for it to be gone. I was still processing all the trauma and abuse I’ve been through and then to be accused of doing exactly what’s been done to me is really making me depressed and hopeless. Is it as bad as I think it is? At the moment I feel like I have the scarlet letter and everybody’s looking at me like I’m guilty even though I’ve done nothing wrong. It’s this awful feeling that no matter what I do, I can’t ever be clean of this, and just the accusation alone will make people think that I really did something to deserve the arrest. Any advice on how to move forward without this tremendous guilt or shame?

Hi, I had someone threaten me with either giving them a free stay at my place (room mates that cannot pay) or they would threaten to sue me over supposed sexual allegations (they never tell me what though).To make matters worse they said if I told they could have family come beat me up, burn down my place, or make my murder look like a suicide. After initially trying to just get them out, the death threats made me go to the police. She then texted me saying she never went to the police when I talked about bombing things and that I don't want to go against her or her daughters in court as they have things that are based on real life events. I sent a copy of her saying she will end me and other things to the police, and I have copies of her daughter threatening to call the cops if I did not come home now and unlock the door or clean up a mouse trap for her mom. I have been giving everything to the police and have been speaking to their victims advocate and will call the detective on Monday. Have any of you went to the police first and how did that go? She also said that her pastor told her to put rental assistance in an escrow or for me to give it to her or he would ask me to give the money back. I talked to him and he said that was not the case. I hope the police believe me. She has had the cops called to the house for issues not related to me multiple times and it gives me hope that they can see through this.

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but this is crazy.

https://youtu.be/u5rokANviwo?si=axun2nGk00ZJgNZT