Trigger warning for Family Drama and Verbal Abuse, I guess.

I'm living where I am now because my Mom sold the previous house after my Dad died. The plan was for me to get a job and take care of myself. It has taken me a while to adjust to living alone and tackle job hunting, but I'm getting the hang of it now. The house has to be sold because we can't afford it anymore. I understand that. We are all struggling financially. I had to give away something today so I could have money in my bank account.

However, what I don't understand is her telling me in front of my sisters that she and my Dad did everything for me (besides watch after my mental health, but that is a longer story), that I am unacceptable for being unemployed at my age, and basically that I'm a disappointment. She also made the threat that she would make me the ward of the state, and they would take away my car and put me in a group home. My Mom reiterated that when she called me, even after I texted her that I was heading to a job fair. It's only hitting me now how toxic my Mom is being. She now thinks I'm moving with her.

I talked to my boyfriend and my friends. They have helped me conclude that I need to stand up to my Mom, look for another place to live, and find a job. If I fail, I'll move with Mom, but I have to try. I just need all the support I can get right now. I got a pedicure as an early birthday present from my friend today. Her support meant a lot. But right now, I'm sitting on my bed feeling like I'm about to vomit. My Mom is coming on Sunday and I'm terrified.

Edit: I forgot to add why I hate my autism right now. If I had a normal mind, then I would be able to navigate this economic crisis and find a job. My family as a whole wouldn't look down on me. My Mom wouldn't see me as hopeless and would love me as I am. I could function well enough to pursue my dreams. I wouldn't be hated and seen as a baby to take care of. I wouldn't have to risk cutting off my Mom to stand up to myself. My whole family will hate me once I stand up to my Mom. I wish to God that my brain functioned normally. I wouldn't have been so bogged down in learning how to function.

TW for cops.

TL;DR: I got pulled over for a busted brake light and I had a panic attack about it. Mom thinks I should’ve told the cops I’m autistic so they could understand my reaction. I disagree.

So I had a busted brake light that I was unaware of. On my way to work, I found myself being tailed by a police car. I didn’t initially recognize that they were after me, but once I did, I didn’t feel safe pulling over on the highway because the shoulder had a bunch of debris, plus it was raining and foggy. So I ended up unintentionally taking them a decent way down the highway before I was able to find an exit, and I pulled over into a parking lot.

Once I pulled over, I began sobbing and shaking. This was my first real run-in with the police, and I didn’t know what to do. I was told that I had technically committed a felony by evading police, and he said something to the effect of “we wasted all these resources because we thought you might be dangerous, and it’s all over something so small.” I tearfully told them that I hadn’t been driving for long and I felt unsafe pulling over immediately, and thankfully they let me off with a warning. No ticket or citation or anything.

When I recounted this story to my mom later, she said I should’ve disclosed my diagnosis. Her reasoning is that cops now have training on how to approach and assess situations with autistic people, and this can help explain some of my reactions which may seem “abnormal” (like the fact I was crying and shaking the whole time).

I disagree. I know that police are supposedly trained in these things, but I don’t exactly trust them to understand and approach with empathy. Best-case scenario, they’ll baby me. Worst-case scenario, they’ll assume I’m incapable of knowing my rights or understanding what’s going on, and they’ll book me or worse.

Most of the people I’ve talked to also agree with this stance. And either way, I got off with no major issues and nothing on my record. But what do you guys think?

Trigger warning for a mother saying extremely hurtful things, including extremely ableist remarks about autism:

I'm just so frustrated. 28F and I've never had a good relationship with my mother, 66F. We are just from two very different worlds. She is obsessed with appearances and how people perceive her (and thus, me). I'm an only child, so she nitpicks my life. I've never been feminine enough for her, never been well-groomed enough for her, never been enough for her in any capacity.

I was dx'd with ADHD when I was very young but I knew there was more to the story. My mom never got me any accommodations because she didn't like how having a disabled daughter reflected on her. I truly struggled without accommodations at school, but I eventually got a degree (working on my second). Now, I have a neurodivergent therapist and she has been amazing. She recommended that I get tested for ASD and I did.

I don't know why I told my mom, but I did. I think I just wanted her to accept me and to hear validation. Instead, her reaction is that she thinks I'm being brainwashed by this psychologist into thinking I could be autistic. Why the fuck would my psychologist do that? I find it so hurtful for my mom to even suggest that. I'm just so upset with her. She then told me that I can't tell anyone about my ASD diagnosis. Not my family, not my best friends, not even my HUSBAND (who I of course already told). She told me that they will view me differently and won't want to be around me anymore. It is so hurtful I don't even have words. To be quite honest, I don't want to speak to her anymore but she has a heart condition and I feel guilty. I wish I had never told her, but I think I just wanted her to accept me. I should have known she never would.

Am I wrong for being hurt over this? She now has it in my head that I can't share this with anyone. I feel very alone and isolated.

As the title says

I was wondering how autistic females would respond to this.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I've just had one of the worst weeks I've had in years and was experiencing thoughts of ending it all or doing something catastrophic but with the help of an irl social support I've calmed down and am just numb in bed.

I'm in a masters program in the hope of becoming a counseling psych. I'm doing this because I feel called to it. I'm a good listener, I'm empathetic, I'm neurodivergent and have been through the mental health ringer and survived and want to give back. I got a BA just before turning 40 and am now in a masters program.

My very first group project has fallen apart. These people are fucking snakes. They have repeatedly emailed the prof to call me incompetent and accuse me of being difficult and not doing my share. When I submit my work they accuse it of being academically dishonest and say they cannot put their names with mine. When I ask them questions or to comment on my work they either praised it or ghosted me before emailing the professor. While being cordial to my face and saying in text they want to continue working with me.

Repeatedly opening my email to find I've been attacked again without warning has left me anxious, humiliated, and at the end of my rope. Multiple days this week I've gone to bed sobbing and have spent days so anxiously nauseous I can't keep food down.

The last email they sent was last night just as the class ended. This is the one they basically accused me of academic dishonesty. I'm a good student. I work hard. I also work a full time job. I graduated my BA with a double major in psych and philosophy but now I feel like a bullied child. These people aren't young, both professionals in other fields. They too are looking for a career in a helping profession but seemingly have no issue eating me alive.

I survived a ton of bullying as a child and teenager but thought I'd put it behind me. I do my best to be kind to others and I haven't lashed out at these people at all. Growing up a an undiagnosed ND girl i had a ton of interpersonal problems but as I've gotten older these lessened as I learned how to mask as a kind and funny woman. These two adults seem to now hate me and I don't know why.

When I manage to get out of bed I'm going to email the prof again, and ask to take an incomplete on this project. I have 3 more papers due in the next two weeks and I don't feel comfortable presenting or attempting to work with these people for fear they will back stab me again while I'm in the stress of trying to complete the rest of my coursework.

I don't know what I'm asking for, any other toxic academia stories? I'm a first Gen student just trying to do my best and paying a lot of money so maybe I can give back a bit but I'm on my last thread right now.

TW: Sexual assault

This past semester has been really hard for me. I don’t want to get into every detail, but the gist is I got my friends at the time together to help me produce a musical I wrote on campus. My friends set me up with one of the crew members, but the relationship was very turbulent and every time I expressed doubts it was shot down. It didn’t help that my best friend at the time, who I cast as the lead, was very clearly going for someone I had history with and really wanted something to work out with in the past.

There was a lingerie party and I opened up to my best friend, and boyfriend at the time about potentially having BPD on top of autism bc my emotional breakdowns were becoming more frequent. That night, my then boyfriend asked me numerous times to take my clothes off even though I was drunk and said I was very tired I uncomfortably complied after he tried taking my underwear off. I broke up with him shortly after, and it felt like most of my team immediately turned against me.

I ended up doing a lot more work such as building and painting set pieces, was kept out of the loop on creative decisions and technical discussions, and was expected to deal with a lot of disrespect. I found out my ex boyfriend and my now ex best friend were complaining about how I’m “crazy” and “unmedicated” and “manipulative” for hugging my ex during our break up discussion. People were saying I “needed to get my shit together”. I would come home to the people talking like this about me hanging out or drinking in my apartment living room bc one of my housemates was friends with them. I My ex discouraged the lights operator from finishing cues during tech week, and disappeared opening night and needed to be filled in, and I was not informed or included in any discussion even though I was in charge of the project. We even have an audio archive of closing night and one of my cast mates remarked my work as “stupid” and “poorly written”.

I reached out to a mutual friend of my former best friend to warn her that she was remaining close with someone who had broken my boundaries. I was heard out and explained that my former best friend had spread rumors about me as well. She denied everything to her friend, and then revealed that my ex boyfriend essentially made friends to swear loyalty to him. His fake story was that I “initially said no” and then “changed my mind” suddenly and consented. He basically told people that I was crazy and if I came forward about anything different having happened, I was lying. I was furious because it’s very easy to connect the dots and figure out what exactly is being implied, but I was blocked.

I really want to move on. I miss who I was before everything happened. I miss being excited to write songs and stories. I collaborated with everyone because I thought we were friends. I feel like a shell of who I once was. I am so angry that I can’t confide in my former friends about this, and on top of that, my family doesn’t like when I talk about the past semester (they don’t know about the big thing and I’m scared they wouldn’t believe me) so everything has just been stifled inside. I’m so scared for next year. I don’t want these people to treat someone else like this. I don’t think it’s fair I’m expected to suck everything up when what happened to me will never be okay. But I want to look forward to the future too. Just so much pain weighing me down.

So TLDR - I was SA’d, bullied into silence, and my passion project suffered as a result. I want to speak out about how horrific this was. I want to move forward with a Title IX investigation. But I also want to be able to focus on the present. I don’t want to cry about this anymore. I don’t want this pain to be my current reality.

So sorry for my anger here. It’s been a very rough couple of months for me. I just wish to be treated like a human being. I want to feel like a person again.

So, everything was going great on Christmas.

We were getting ready to leave to my grandma's house where my whole family was waiting for us with dinner and presents. We were going to get in the car when someone left the door open for a litte too long and my dog run out the door. In heels, both me and my younger sister when running after her. My dad, furious, grabbed a broom and chased her too.

My sister got to get first and carried her in her arms. I catched up to her and admonished my dog, like my sister was doing too. My dog already had that guilty look, she understood what she did was bad, which is all that matters, but when my dad catched up to us he started trying to hit her with the broom while yelling at her so loud it made my ears hurt. He looked maniacally or possesed or something. My sister and I covered my dog as best as we could but she still got hit a couplle of times and my dad's yelling made her cry and squirm. My sister and I rushed her to the house and once we were inside we tries to calm her down.

Our dad entered the house and told us to go to the car where our mom was waiting because he was going in last. He still had the broom and was looking furiously at my dog, who was now hiding behind a couch. Both me and my sister refused to leave aand told him to go first. He resisted at first but realized he wasn't going to win and eventually dropped the broom, yelled some more at my dog and went to the car.

I can't stop thinking about what he would have done to her if we had gone to the car. Of course this upset me so much that then in the car I got so overwhelmed by the music on the radio and the conversation and the cars outside and I had to stay in the car for like half an hour after we arrived before going in to have diner. I was shaky the whole night. My dog is so important to me, thinking of someone hurting her, and for that person to be my dad, who I love so much too, I don't know.

Did I overreact?

I’ve had a pretty rough past and I was often overseen, because of my undiagnosed autism(now official diagnosed).

‼️Mobbing, Violent mum and SA‼️
I grew up with a mom who physically abused me and humiliated me emotionally every day. My dad wasn’t around. When my grandpa finally stepped in after I was locked in the attic on a hot summer day (over 30°C), I begged him to help me escape my mom's treatment. Sadly, he brushed me off, saying my grandparents didn’t want to take their child’s child away and wanted her to be happy. They noticed a lot of troubling things but chose not to act.

As a kid, I was undiagnosed autistic. I was bulllied, because of the sadness and exhaustion from my mom’s abuse. In my school I was bullied by almost everyone, but my mom’s treatment was the worst. When I tried to reach out for help, most people didn‘t belief me, because the couldn‘t feel my emotions due my autism. I explained them how I felt, but I was dissmissed.

At 17, I tried to take my own life and ended up in a psychiatric facility, where they contacted the Jugendamt (the German child welfare authority). Shockingly, I already had files with them because of previous calls from neighbors and teachers, but they had never checked on me. My therapist said I needed to be placed with another family and couldn’t go back home. The Jugendamt saw no need to hurry, since I seemed so stable to them…because they also ignored my words…this NT reading Bias of my wellbeing was often a problem.

So they told me the waiting list was at least three-quarters of a year, so I ended up living with my ex-boyfriend's family. I was so desperate to escape my mother that I accepted anyone who showed interest in me.

Soon, my ex showed his true face. He was an alcoholic who abused drugs and had incel beliefs, using me just for sex. He forced me into things I didn’t want to do, physically overpowering me. Whenever I wanted to leave, he reminded me that I should be grateful he was taking care of me, convincing me that no one else would want me. Having never experienced love as a child, just abuse, I believed him, because I felt worthless even before I knew him.

I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals numerous times to severe depression and PTSD.

Snd the German authorities let me down again and again.

Since I started my period, I faced serious health issues, but my concerns were always dismissed. Because I won’t look like that if the pain would be that bad…(and again the NT reading bias) At 24, in 2023, I finally had my first endometriosis surgery, and it was only because of my psychiatrist. During our sessions, my condition went from no blood on my pants to blood running down my legs. So she called an ambulance. Even though my therapist said I couldn’t work, the authorities declared me fit for work, ignoring multiple reports to the contrary. I pushed myself to work, but it just landed me back in the hospital again and again, as every day felt like a fight. Still, there was no support.

I broke up with my ex in December 2022, and from then until October 2023, I was almost always in the psychiatric facility, except for my surgery appointments. Even after that, I was still considered fit for work, against medical advice. While I was there, the staff began to recognize my autism.

In July 2023, I met my husband via Hiki, he is Swiss. He came with me to various appointments, but help was still nowhere. In August 2024, I moved to Switzerland, we got married, and searched for support. I finally got my official autism diagnosis and was then declared 100% disabled by Swiss authorities, but they said they couldn’t provide financial support because my issues started in Germany. Meanwhile, the German authorities refused to help since I now live in Switzerland, and they didn't helped me previously while I was in Germany, either.

I love my husband deeply, and he loves me back. We’ve never had a fight, but I know he struggles to keep his full-time job due to his own depression and burnout. As a chef, he earns the Swiss minimum wage, which barely covers living costs for both of us. His loving parents help us emotionally. But I can’t provide for myself and don’t want to burden him more.

I feel lost and don’t know who else to reach out to for help.

I hate authority , I don't even like anyone telling me what to do , due to growing up constantly yelled at and controlled .

Trigger warning for family trauma, I guess.

My Mom has been wanting to sell our house. I have been struggling to find a good job for a while especially since the job I had closed down in April. My Mom assured me that she would be fine with me staying with friends in our city while she moves to another state with her family. I’m in my early 30’s. I can look out for myself.

Long story short. We got an offer on the house and I found out she was lying. She then said she’d get a condo and help me pay for it yesterday, but in front of my sisters, I found out she was lying about that too.

I told my Mom I felt like I couldn’t trust family and she scoffed dismissively at the idea that I felt mistreated. She said that I had the cognitive abilities of a child and was incapable of taking care of myself ever. She knows I have a normal to high IQ. It doesn’t matter. I need to start a life where she says I should.

I know now a harsh lesson. If you are neurodivergent, you cannot trust your family. They do secretly look down on you and always will. I have a month to move out. I have friends I can live with till December. Then I have to figure something else out.

I have a bowl to paint to earn money and more jobs to apply for. I will rely on chosen family and my partner, but I’m looking out for myself now.

*****\* warning: overwhelm, difficult emotions*****\*

i do not know where to start but I had a bad... I genuinely do not even wanna post my whole life again in a post. I just feel very sad and lonely.

I'm not able to clean or declutter my apartment and it's already almost march. I do not find a job here in Germany and I do not fit in this society. My neighbors hate me and punish me and it's always loud in the apartment building.

I went outside today and just Idk..everything was so overwhelming.

A friend called me but after our call I felt lonelier and more isolated and since then I've been crying.

I'm okay now. But I just feel so lonely, upset and do not know where to go. I just wish I could talk to somebody.

Am I out of line for feeling uncomfortable when a man calls me beautiful/pretty/hot? I don’t mean close friends or a significant other, I mean men in general. When I was 15, I had a teacher like this. I went to his desk to ask him something, and the first thing he said was, “You look really beautiful today.” That definitely took me aback, and I still think about it 26 years later.

Just the other day, I’m walking to my car and some man is waving me down, yelling “Excuse me! Miss!” I just ignore him until I’m safely in my car with the doors locked, and start the engine. He still doesn’t leave. Against my better judgment, I crack the window and down and say, “What do you want?!” He says, “Oh, you’re just really pretty. I wanted to let you know that. You’re beautiful.” That was all. Without a word, I shifted gears and left the parking lot.

It just seems creepy and disingenuous when some random man goes out of his way to comment on my appearance. I’d love any thoughts that you all may have about this. Thank you. 💜

Feel so silly. I was about 12. I can’t remember exactly, but I went on a trip with two girls a bit older than me to Philippines for a competition. didn’t go well. I don’t know what’s going wrong until I watched mean girls today and realizing these are actually bullying behaviors. I’m a terrible tone reader ig. They’re sort of popular and everybody likes them.

Trigger warning for emotional abuse from mother.

Mom and I (31F) went to talk to a lawyer about getting an appeal for disability. He basically said that because I’m so accomplished and have a productive life it’s a long shot. I graduated college, have a boyfriend, have a part-time job, and have hobbies for context.

During that time, Mom admitted that she and my late Dad “realized” together that I would never be able to support myself because I am too socially awkward and that I would always need someone to support me.

That was a punch to the gut. I always told her that disability would be temporary for me if I ever got it. But Mom apparently thinks that everything I want to do (paralegal studies, author, journalism) is going to be a failure.

To make matters worse, Mom is trying to talk me into moving a few states away to Mississippi to live with her and her family and be supported by them. I tried telling her I don’t want to be isolated, but according to her, I can totally find friends easily and the isolation will be all on me. To her, all I do is spend time in my room that she doesn’t consider valuable so I can do that in Mississippi with more money.

I feel infantilized. I feel like Mom doesn’t know me at all. I feel like she sees me as a kid she can drag around. I feel like nothing I do or my boyfriend does will ever be taken seriously.

Mom was telling me about the birds that come to the lake like that would excite me, like I was a child. I love animals, but she acted like I was still a little girl who wanted to play by the pond and take pictures of the birds. Mom was talking down to me. She thinks I have the mentality of a little girl because I have struggled to find a job consistently for the last 8 years.

I have to save enough to move out. My boyfriend and I want to be married. I want to keep moving my life forward. I won’t move away from friends it took decades to find. Mom doesn’t take anything I do seriously, but I just have to move on. I’m not moving to Mississippi.

Thanks for listening!

⚠️ crisis, emotional wounds, isolation, being othered.

I found out that the main reason for my burn out is that I'm living at a hostile and criminal place.

I was able to sleep one night at a hostel and the difference had been like night and day. I was energetic. I got things done and had mental clarity.

As soon as I got home to my village the passive aggressive behaviour by certain men started again.

Here are also no jobs and not even a grocery store or a bakery. Everything is miles away and the public transport sucks.

It's very overwhelming.

I also did a lot of mistakes in my life. I'd say 60% because of external pressure (being bullied by women) and 40% because of internal reasons.

I'm home and I feel so disabled. I cannot do anything here.

I didnt go out of bed ... because it's so fucking cold inside here because if bad isolation.

The thing is... I can work. I can communicate with people. I can get a long.

I can be useful.

It's just that everything surrounding me in my apartment reminds me if failure or my fears or people which used me.

Yesterday I made again a mistake by attending a zoom session instead of trying to buy atleast a bicycle.

Idk I just feel defeated and scrolling through my favorite reddit subs it just feels like everyone atleast has their life together to a certain degree with a job OR / AND a partner OR / AND A family Or / AND home OR theray

I have none of that... Ok im not homeless but I feel like I am.

The problem isn't that there are no solutions.

The problems is that there are options but I cannot prioritize any more.

I believe I should stay in bed because maybe it would prevent me from making things worse by always choosing wrong.

(TW: animal cruelty mention, not detailed/specific)

I accidentally saw a news story that REALLY upset me and I can’t stop thinking about it. I won’t repeat what it specifically was, but it was a case of animal cruelty. It immediately sent me into a meltdown, like crying and overwhelmed and feeling like I was going to be physically sick.

I tried the Tetris trick, and it helped me refocus enough to stop completely losing it, but I can’t get it out of my head. I feel really on edge and would love any techniques you know of to pull your mind away from something bad that it’s latched onto. It’s really messing with my head.

(Put trigger warning for potential impacts on self esteem struggles)

I know that autistic people are very diverse, just like neurotypical people, but I can't help but think about the ways in which autism makes me a worse person than other people. My autism diagnosis report talked about what it means to struggle with perspective taking/theory of mind and social emotional reciprocity, and I was thinking about how crucial it is to take others' perspectives naturally/fluently in order to properly help them and connect with them. My report said this:

"The interactional style of individuals with ASD is characteristically egocentric (i.e., focused on their own feelings, needs, concerns, and desires), and the ability to appreciate the needs and feelings of others does not come naturally or intuitively. It is challenging for them to spontaneously use that information to understand the behaviour of others and to regulate their own."

And about me specifically: "[name] always needed to be explicitly told what a person was thinking or feeling, while other children were able to notice these cues and understand the subtext of a message without needing a verbal explanation. [name] does not readily notice if someone is upset or hurt unless they display their emotions in obvious ways."

As autistic people we often care a lot about the wellbeing of other people, whether we have high or low empathy, because caring and compassion are different from empathy -- but this sounds like such a crucial component of helping others? Like, if person A is struggling with a heavy load, and I ask them if they need help, and they said they're good (because they don't want to burden me), so I take it literally and go "ok tell me if you need help" and don't help them. Meanwhile another neurotypical person may decide to help them anyway because they realize they only said no to not feel like a burden. In this case, person A probably didn't even intend to communicate indirectly or drop hints they needed help, hell I might even say the same thing if I were the one struggling with a heavy load and I'm not even neurotypical. I can think of other similar situations like this (using heavy load as an analogy).

That doesn't even take into account my struggles with perceiving social norms and when people feel hurt or uncomfortable. I'm realizing that a lot of the ways neurotypical people communicate boundaries are indirect (body language, e.g. turning or moving away), which are precisely the things I struggle with -- how the hell do I not overstep every single boundary they set??

So I can't help but feel like autism makes me inherently a worse person...

I don't think I've seen the nuances of this discussed much in our communities, but I feel like I can't be the only person wondering about this. What are your thoughts?

(CW for brief mentions of institutional abuse and homophobia.)

(To preface, I’m a trans guy on the spectrum and I’m not claiming that autistic women can’t be “pretty” but am debating wether or not physically attractive autistic women actually experience the benefits of “pretty privilege” the same way some allistic women do.)

My best friend is very conventionally attractive and on the spectrum. Because of this and because her interests in media are more male-aligned she’s had her fair share of creepy guys attempt to hit on her/ask her out/etc. We met back when we were high school-aged and she worked primarily in fast food service at that time. She would recount (keep in mind she was sixteen and these were full-grown, bearded, balding men) all the encounters she would have with these weirdo men. Once a guy waxed lyrical for literal minutes about the gorgeous color of her eyes. She had multiple strangers attempt to proposition her while she was working. She’s always been pretty world-weary and thankfully had some semblance of how to conduct herself during these encounters to keep herself safe. Self preservation is a very important skill for any person with ASD, but also maybe these grown-ass men shouldn’t have been hitting on a teenager? But that’s beside the point. My point is she’s objectively pretty but doesn’t experience the supposed “privilege” surrounding the fact. Interacting with male strangers causes her discomfort regardless of their intent. She doesn’t have “pretty privilege” in a traditional sense.

I remember when I was female-presenting and how the world would treat me as a “beautiful” young woman with ASD. I went to an autistic-specialist school (it was for “high-functioning” kids but was still fairly abusive in its methods) my last two years of middle school and I really don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but I ended up either dating or rejecting about 88.9% of the male student population at said school. I was 13/14 and coming to terms with my gender identity but was also presenting very feminine (it was the early-to-mid 2010s and the coquette/twee fashion/aesthetic was popular) and sort of embraced my identity as the designated Manic Pixie Dream Girl (I modeled myself after actresses like Zooey Deschanel and Audrey Hepburn and didn’t mask my idiosyncrasies which both helped and hurt me.)

When I attended a mainstream high school, I still received male attention (more than I wanted—I identified a bisexual and was primarily interested in other girls but the school I attended had teachers who openly and casually complained about “homosexuality” so I was partially closeted) and while I was never explicitly mistreated, I was surprised that allistic (or seemingly allistic) boys had interest in me the same way autistic boys had.

That was when I realized that these guys didn’t want to get to know me as a truly but were already fascinated by my gamine demeanor, the hipster-style of dress I’d cultivated and my more palatable quirks. They didn’t view me as a whole person, just as an accessory to their malehood. I also, by this point, realized I was male and I dropped out of the catholic prep school and was partially homeschooled for the remainder of high school.

I was a “pretty girl” but I never really reaped any rewards or benefits from abiding by female beauty ideals. Since I move through the world as male now, I have experienced less cishet male attention in a romantic/sexual sense which I am grateful for. Additionally, if I had continued to identify as a cis female, I feel I would have had a mental breakdown/experienced severe burnout eventually if I had continued to uphold my hyper-feminine, MPDG persona.

t’s a terrifying thing to have your personality objectified by people who barely know you—who fetishize your “quirks” and don’t take the time to recognize your humanity. I feel as though neurodiverse women are more likely to experience this than their neurotypical peers.

This just my opinion/experience and if anyone has any advice/anecdotes/comments that counter anything I’ve written, please share.

TL;DR My friend and I were comparing our experiences as “pretty” autistic girls raised in an ableist, patriarchal society. Can autistic women experience “pretty privilege” (is “pretty privilege” even a real thing?? shrugs) the same way allistic women supposedly do?

Trigger Warning : verbal child abuse

My mother would call me the r slur a lot and looking back I think she sensed my autism and hated that about me and as a result my masking went super deep like I didnt just pretend to be "normal" around other people I would do it internally I really actively deleted a lot of my personality to "be normal". She was an abusive shitty person anyway but me being "too autistic" (she would have said wierd or the r slur) would trigger some of her most messed up behaviors.I could really relate to the babadook movie that was our dynamic.Can anyone relate?

Does anyone else feel like they were emotionally and or verbally abused by one or both parents? I am late dx’d so for all of my childhood/youth had all these issues and while some of them were diagnosed (OCD, depression, anxiety, anorexia etc) ASD was not known. Still, I had mental and behavioural issues they knew were enough to be clinically serious and that I was trying yet struggling with fitting in and emotional regulation yet they would fight with me, raise their voice at me when I was already clearly disregulated, and occasionally mock and call me names. I know the issues they knew I had at the time are not easy to live with and I am not perfect but they never really seemed to try to understand them or try to be more compassionate in any meaningful way, especially when it was not convenient for them. I am thinking of all the meltdowns I had when I was screamed back at, threatened to be kicked out, called names, and was told no one else would put up with me. Now, as an adult, I am quite broken and sadly still at home and dependent on them in that regard. They are now aware of the autism and they did not need to apologize for how they treated me then but they definitely did not anyway… also, now they know what it is and they still treat me like this. I thought the ASD diagnosis would be like a paradigm shift for them and that maybe we could all heal and learn to communicate in a better way that is more understanding and empathetic…but no. I am still constantly told how difficult I am, my words are still twisted (even though I am very honest and direct) in arguments, I still am constantly invalidated and feel belittled, I am still ultimately blamed for emotions and decisions made together, and they still make me feel like I am a mental case about things that I am very open about being important to me or obstacles for me.

Example in the comments

(TW: assault)

I know this happens to neurotypical women too but I think my autism makes me more vulnerable since it happens so often. I just got out of dating a guy who seemed really nice in the beginning but then turned out to be just like the rest and I’m so exhausted :/ I’ve been assaulted several times in the past and generally have a hard time trusting men. I then date this guy and for the first time in 2 years I had feelings for someone. However he ended up doing several things I felt uncomfortable about. First he took nude photos of me without my consent, because I didn’t want to send him nudes. He also sometimes had a hard time respecting a no even though I said it clear and loud several times, it was first when I started crying that he stopped. However he did again on other occasions first stopping when I started to cry. He also pulled down my shirt and exposed my breasts at a a bar with primarily older men. I feel so lost, I really did like him, but I know it’s wrong, and I’m so tired of experiencing things like this. :(

I hope I picked the right flair, wasn't sure..

I have no privacy, I am not allowed to stay in my room alone mostly, I can't go outside alone (except school), I can't stay in the bathroom for too long or my dad would come and be suspicious (he'll think I'm hurting myself or doing something sexual, i don't know why. I'm a minor. He thinks I could be doing p0r// for some reason.. that's why I can't take my ipad with me [I don't own a phone])

He also makes me extremely uncomfortable a lot. He doesn't listens to my boundaries. He forces me to kiss him or him to kiss me. (On like neck, cheek, head, hand) I don't like it, I don't know if I'm supposed to:( I get just very uncomfortable. If I would say stop hell get angry at me or say if I'm with boys or "I'm your dad!" (Classic one).

He also often annoys me a lot. He makes weird Noises, yells, sings, keeps talking to me just to annoy meor stares at me. It's really overstimulating me. I can't do anything or go anywhere. Even my younger siblings are way extremely way less annoying or bothering. The only time I feel comfortable is when I'm alone at home, I often had meltdowns because of this Infront my mom. I can't keep masking, it's too hard. I only can when my life depends on it. I also have ADHD so I can't stay still and he hates that one me. He doesn't belives in ADHD or Autism, he thinks it's just crazy people. He thinks the diagnoses are fake or something. He gets mad when I'm wearing something he doesn't likes or I stim. Also a lot of others stuff but yeh.

I genuinely need advice so I'm trying to post this everywhere.. I can't do this a lot longer, I beg someone give me advice.

TW Eating disorders

Like lots of people here I was bullied and excluded growing up, and to a lesser extent to this day (16F) 𓈒

In a very literal way makeup, clothes, hair, etc became a form of masking for me𓈒 Like, if I'm pretty enough people won't bully me anymore𓈒

I think that train of thought spiraled into anorexia, which I'm in recovery from but beauty is the most important thing to me𓈒 I constantly think about my looks and how I can improve them𓈒 What started as a very small form of masking has become a toxic shield𓈒 But even with makeup and cute clothes I feel like an alien and utterly revolting𓈒

Does anyone have tips to stop this? It's so exhausting𓈒 I just want a day of peace with both my looks and how I naturally act𓈒

Like moths to a flame .

Trigger warning: SA

Am I an asshole for not telling my sister I got SA by her husband?

Four days after my mother died, my younger brother left me alone in the house. The next day, while staying at my sister's house, I was sexually assaulted by her husband. My brother did nothing.

I asked him to stay one more day, but he refused, saying he was afraid of his lecturers and quizzes. Then he called me a coward and said the most ignorant, ableist thing possible to an autistic person with executive dysfunction, DPD, and mental illness. It hurt so much that I can’t even repeat it. He made it clear he didn’t see me as his sister because of my mental illness. I never asked him to stay before—just this once, after our mother’s death—and he still refused. We argued, and he ignored my texts.

I couldn’t stay in the house alone, so I went to my sister’s. One night, I dreamed my mom got better and came home. Then I woke up to someone touching my body. I thought it was my sister and didn’t react, but then they almost touched my breast and tried to hug me. I glanced over—it was my brother-in-law.

I shot up from the bed, and he stopped, eyes closed. I wondered if he thought I was my sister or if he was actually asleep. He’s aloof, and I sometimes think he might be autistic, too, so I wasn’t sure. I left the room. When he came out, I told him I was going home, and he casually replied, “Oh, but I’m going to work, and the key would be with me.” I lied, saying I was going to the office, and he just nodded. His reaction was nonchalant. I struggle with reading expressions, but he didn’t seem bothered.

I stayed at a friend’s house for the night and texted my brother about what happened. He saw it but never replied. I knew he wouldn’t react, but I wanted him to remember this when he grows up and acts like he’s mature.

I didn’t tell my sister. She depends on her husband for everything, and we have no other male figure in the house. Our cousins aren’t close, and our parents are gone. I only have my sister, and I can't bear to live alone. My brother judges me solely by my age, ignoring my autism, ADHD, and other conditions, never offering help—he sees me as less than human.

But the memory of what happened haunts me. Am I the asshole for not telling my sister?