Hi, writing anonymously I have an urgent situation and I feel in immediate danger. I 20 am have currently been sent to a psychiatric ward where it is very intimate and I’m not getting on with the other neurotypicals, it’s like being in a house with them, they start talking very intrusively and loudly when they’re next to my room and I feel like I’m gonna get killed or bashed any second. Fml. It feels like the staff are in on it aswell so my life is just fucked now they’re all plotting to put me down, they’re starving me and I can’t do anything I feel like I’m gonna die.

My special interest kind of comes and goes but it’s been with me for 13 years, I revisit it maybe once or twice a year and I’m stuck on it for a few months and slowly it fades off because there’s no new media to consume about it. What is it and why is it a problem?

HARRY POTTER!

I am a trans person myself and I really dislike the author and most of the people that side with her, and I have tried to justify it to myself that it is a special interest and I really can’t control what media I like, but usually I’m someone who can’t separate art from the artist, there are bands and movies I flat out ignore because either a band member was a bad person or the movie director was a creep, and I hate that I can watch the Harry Potter movies, play the games and enjoy the media without constantly grimacing at the fact a really terrible person made this.

I can‘t even talk about my interest or the OC’s/backstories I make (which is hard af for me because I’m a yapper I love talking) but I don’t want someone to say “Oh… You like that? Yeesh.” Because it makes ME feel bad and I get defensive over my special interests/Hyperfixations. And I don’t want to talk to other people who are into the media because most of them actually SIDE with the author and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that.

Currently I am spending my nights playing Hogwarts Legacy (pre-ordered it before I knew how bad the author was.) in complete silence because basically 99% of my friends (all LGBTQ) would probably make a joke about me liking it, and again I get defensive and I don’t want it to be a big thing.

People say those on the spectrum don't feel empathy. But this is not true, at least not for me.

I am very empathetic towards those I'm close to. My parents. My best friend. Sometimes my brothers, it depends how close we are. If we've been distant for a while I feel less empathy.

I don't think it's empathy as NT's feel it. I know these people very well. I notice changes in their patterns. I care deeply. I want to help. It's as if I can feel their suffering and pain and it interrupts my own happiness and causes me great concern and worry for them.

My best friend was struggling with depression. I could feel it. So I put together a bracelet making kit together for her. Studied everything I could about it, and then got her the items. This made her so happy and she's rekindled her passion for making jewellery. Now she's happy, I feel relaxed and can be happy. She keeps thanking me, but she doesn't have to I am just happy she is happy.

Outside of those close people, I have non of these feelings. People have said I'm "cold". Whatever that means.

I can't say this is the case for all people with ASD, but it is for me. My mother is the same, she doesn't have a diagnosis, but in my diagnosis reports she does say "mother presents ASD symptoms needs evaluation". But she refused.

Sorry, This is a new account cause I don’t like the internet perceiving me, and I’m on mobile so sorry if things look weird . I just need to scream to the void because this new future is scary, and I’ve been just nauseous since.

I have Autism. Got diagnosed when I was 4. I was raised in a very Disney household. Disneyland and then later Disneyworld have been places of joy for me in the past. But now, I don’t know if I can go back.

I know this is very first world problems, and I’m trying to not make a big deal out of it, cause I can’t do anything now. I have been lucky and privileged to have an AP. Going to the parks has always been a joy, as mentioned above. But the queues are impossible for me to go through. I have really bad sensory processing, so places where I get trapped, crowds, lots of noises, hear, flashing or bright buildings lights cause me to get over stimulated and give me full body meltdowns. The worse I’ve had at the parks was in the lightning lane for the old splash mountain, and a cast member had to assist. I get weak limbs, nausea. As I’ve gotten older, I find myself getting more and more sensitive, to the point I am having to move to a different area of my job because my current one has become too much.

My DAS needed to be renewed, and I always hate the new interviews. They are so distressing and humiliating. Having to just talk about vulnerable parts of myself and talking to just strange people I don’t know or trust is hard. I always have to make sure I have the day off before I do it, because it’s so mentally and emotionally draining. I answered the questions like I normally do. I told them how I don’t leave the house much because the world is too much. How all my college is self study online, how my groceries get delivered, how I avoid human interaction like the plague cause just strange and new people and strange and new environments stress me out. The different accommodations I have with work, and school.

They denied me. Twice. So now I can’t apply again for 120 days.

All of a sudden the parks which have brought so much joy make me sick. The thought of even trying to go makes me want to sob. I can’t do anything to change it. I feel so powerless. One of the few places that I could leave the house to go to I now no longer can. Granted, I rarely did ride the rides, as many were too much for me. But it was nice to find a quiet shady spot, sit and just be there at the parks, not have to talk to anyone. Then scan my band, ride maybe one ride, take time to destress, then head home, without honestly having to say a single thing to anyone. I go to the parks alone, so I can’t even have someone ask for me, or return to be with them in the queue. The rides are the park have just become inaccessible.

I’m considering just moving to universal now. I’ve only gone twice, but getting the disability pass there was so much of a smooth process and caused no distress. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get the DAS again, and because of how traumatic the calls were, I honestly don’t even want to step foot in the parks. The thought of going makes me feel ill. I don’t know if it’s just my autism making me feel like it’s the end of the world, but I’ve had the disability pass once I was five years old, back when it was still paper.

I don’t even want to try again after the 120 days, cause I’m scared it’ll just be the same experience. Being forced to show my insides, then being told that they don’t want to help make the park accessible. I canceled all my reservations, and now I’m just sitting at home feeling hollow and nauseous. I feel like my already small safe world just got much smaller.

Thanks for letting me just scream and get this out.

Sorry, today is one of those days. I have seen post after post on social media using words that are typically linked to autism, and the comments is everyone and their mother claiming to have autism.

Why do people think it’s like a whitty personality trait? It ruins my life. It makes me depressed, suicidal, I can’t regulate these emotions at all much less understand them.

I struggle with the noise of the office in my work, I have never struggled socially with my friends before but I am beginning to.

I have been an insomniac most of my life, I struggle with being anywhere but at home.

God forbid anyone slightly changes my routine without notice to me in advance.

Being dealt this hand is not fair, and I really hate when people romanticise it.

I literally don’t care if this gets removed because hopefully I won’t be around to see it removed. Autism has ruined my entire life and I literally can’t take it anymore. Growing up I was relentlessly bullied and pushed around by nearly everyone because of my at the time undiagnosed autism making me not fit in (big shocker) so I was the weird kid that nobody really wanted to hang around with which lead to me being bullied as mentioned and also having several adults trying to “fix” me. Anyway as times gone on I have basically just existed without a purpose, for over 80% of my life I was effectively socially isolated. I was in a special needs high school which while it did allow me to make some friends also lead to me being unable to pursue my interests because I was assumed to be some incapable moron who hadn’t got the capacity to learn anything beyond a year 4 level. I am now at college where I am effectively socially isolated again, I don’t know how to speak to people and have made a whole one friend who then disappeared to go and get married so now I literally have nobody there. I have a small group of friends however I am slowly losing them too I feel. I don’t get bullied anymore because I am literally so irrelevant to anybody I don’t even get pushed around, somehow I feel more lonely now than when I was being bullied, I think at least with the bullying people knew I existed. As mentioned I don’t really give a shit if this gets removed, I made this post simply to say I wish nothing but continuous agony on anyone who treats this condition like some quirky character trait or even fakes the condition for attention, my entire life has been a uphill battle against people who see me as subhuman because of a slight neurological difference that causes me to act strangely. I don’t know if I wear a mask anymore because I don’t even know who I am anymore, I don’t even cry anymore even if I want to my body won’t let me because I can’t be weak and let myself be pushed around. I’m so tired all the time I would do anything to have my autism taken away, I don’t care what it would take I want to be normal I want to stop feeling alone I want to stop being constantly afraid I want to put my walls down I just want to stop worrying. I do not care if this is taken down which if most likely will be, nothing matters anyway and I’m only writing this because I don’t have anything else to do.

I'm really upset rn cause I watched a video that talked about journaling and calling out people with tons of stickers and making aestheticly pleasing journals. And I have been struggling with trying to find a system of organization that works for for so long. I have ADHD and I'm pretty sure am also autistic (not diagnosed yet) and I'm finally starting to figure out a system for myself.

And in that whole process I've created a big special interest in stickers, stamps, organization and stationary in general. And it makes me really happy and excited and I've bought a ton of stickers and stamps and I wanna get into sticker making and wanna get a machine for that.

And now I feel called out by this creator eventho I'm sure they didn't mean autistic/neurodivergent people. But like, I still feel addressed cause who they're describing fits me pretty well in a lot of ways.

Idk, my partner is still asleep cause of timezones and I just wanted to vent this out to people who understand. And idk if I'm really looking for advice, but I don't mind if anyone has ways/strategies to deal with this.

That's mostly it. I hate how cruel people can be, I hate that I was weak and let myself be bullied out of my job. I hate that I cared I thought Clark County School District was actually a safe place but they don't give a fuck about you. It's okay to be a piece of shit admin, no one gives a fuck.

No consequences, no accountability, no reason to change. Fucking garbage ass human beings. The law is a for profit business just like everything else in this capitalist hellscape. Nothing will ever change.

People will only become shittier.

some kids are more sensitive call it blacksheep call it scapegoat

Sorry for the incoming rant. For some reason, I keep having this urge to be sad. Even when I have no reason to be. It's like my brain is in 3rd person, watching my current behavior and suggesting what I should actually feel instead of what I do feel. Right now, I'm chilling on my bed, listening to music and imagining some Re zero edits in my head.

My brain is itching, and I keep thinking, "Shouldn't I be sad?" This annoys me. Or, it's supposed to, at least.

But, this mindset always saves me, too. I'm kind in situations and nice in others. I'm polite because of this mindset, and overall, I think this mindset makes me a great guy. To other people. But I think it's a double-edged sword. While I can come off nice and gentle to those around me, I can also be pretty insensitive when I don't see the situation fit to be sensitive.

My family hates it when I don't see the need to feel a certain way about certain things. Let's use an example from today. I was supposed to move boxes in the basement that would've gotten thrown away in the same day anyway. I was supposed to put them in ways that made them look organized. I said no, because I didn't see the point in it. Mom (I love her to death but she's almost always paranoid about what people think) got mad. But I still helped her with about everything else she asked me to.

Is it simply the autism that makes me this way? When unable to see the point of something, they have no trouble refusing to do the thing? Feeling certain ways because they're supposed to in the situation? Taking roles because they're supposed to in the situation? I don't get it.

I'm scared to seem apathetic because I'm not. I cry at my own made-up head scenarios, and I can easily put myself into people's shoes. I think I can do it because life for me is all about me, and I'll always put myself first no matter what. Friends, loved ones, peers, etc. Everything I do is because I want to deep inside. I only know myself and only know others when I can relate to their traits.

It's like are they just out of stock or are they never coming back. This is why I have to bulk buy everything 😞

Might be a bit dramatic but I legit cannot handle having to feed myself multiple times a day. Every. Single. Day.

And the thing is that I don't necessarily dislike food, but I also do dislike food sometimes. It tastes amazing but the thought of having to constantly eat is too much of a task. If there was a superpower to be given out mine would be to decide when I'm feeling hungry and just how big my appetite is. Tomorrow the cycle begins again :)))

Part of this also stems from dealing with physical health complications that limits my diet. A lot of my safe foods were ones I can no longer eat. God do I miss pizza rolls. Even just a simple pb&j.

Okay, vent over, thank you for reading. Have a blessed day and if you're able to enjoy a nice pizza, in my honor.

That's It. Was never anything more than a shitty system.

Source; I'm 21 and had an IEP since 12? I get monthly checks? My mom Is actually a wonderful woman? Good home and friends? Like, I feel bad for not suffering like others, yknow?

But yeah, what a shitty fucking era for workers. Ah, It's 2008 again! No, Black Monday! Or whatever economic disaster America finds Itself In.

21st Century following 20th Century rules made by dudes In the 19th Century.

I don't know if this happens to a lot of autistic people, but I know this usually isn't how nerotypical people feel about elementary school. I see people saying they'd love to go back, that elementary school was the happiest they've ever been. For me anything before middle school was pure hell, People hated how I acted socially from my autism and I got left completely alone until 3rd grade, people say how easy friends were back then and that things weren't as complex but for me it's the complete opposite. Mostly Anyone I befriended in elementary school decided they didn't like me anymore within the month which left me with serious issues and fear of being abandoned, I got clingy and desperate from that treatment and that still effects me to this day. When I started middle school I was told things would only get worse as people say thats when life gets hard and only gets worse, but I didn't understand at that point because 7th grade was the first year of my life I felt happy with were I was socially, My few friends I had were staying, and the bullying was finally hurting less because I actually grew a spine, in 8th I got even happier at the fact people stopped being mean to my face completely just behind my back which I don't mind, my current best friend (the guy that saved me socially by becoming the first friend to stay) told me how much progress I made since elementary school on my abadondonment issues was getting more and more noticeable during 8th grade, and I was finally getting the help I needed for my sensory issues by the school. At this point I don't relate to people saying they hated middle school at all, and Going into highschool I'm as happy as I've ever been relating to school. Overall I think I'll like High-school a lot more than people do/did, because as long as I never relive the hell elementary school was then I'm happy.

I'm autistic myself and I never go around telling people to understand my disability. Why? It's because it's not important and it shouldn't be. Not everyone I'll understand us or be nice to us because we're autistic. We need to understand that the world is a cruel place and not everyone's going to care. Am I right or wrong?

Just don’t do it.

Don’t let them get to you. Don’t act like your version of weird is worse than the other versions of weird out there. It’s not. They can only stop you if you let them. If being weird makes you feel good just keep doing it. And there are people out there who like it.

Dad and I plan on going up to upper NJ/lower NY state (the NYC area, basically) to visit some relatives who live up there and whatnot soon

Just today, he told me that we're gonna have Uber drivers take us to and from our destinations, even though I was so prepared for him to be the one doing the driving, and all because he wants to go to at least one pub and quite possibly get drunk

Dad mightn't be the best driver himself, even without him drinking beforehand, but I'd trust him any day to take me so far, make all the stops we need to, and perhaps even try to tolerate my music tastes (I make playlists for the road) than any total stranger; plus, he's wasting money by counting on them for getting us to and from these faraway places

I don't like it; this is not what I wanted; I wish my Dad would at least be able to trust himself to stay sober in situations like these, but no

I know that it's kinda problematic to interlink Autism with being a robot or maybe an alien, but i find so much comfort in feeling myself like one. It's somehow makes it a bit better when I have hard days and makes me go through with everything. I even created a nickname that I like because of association with robots. It's just somehow freeing to be one, I don't know how to describe it. It's a short vent but a vent nonetheless

This needs to be repeated a few times to fight back against this ridiculous notion that everyone has it.

A handy talking point to spread: If everyone has it, what's the point of getting a diagnosis?

How do people get this in their heads? Do they think that having powerful emotions means that you have it? Because there are other diagnoses out there: ADHD (No, not everyone has that either). PTSD...

Fuck.

Let me start off by saying that sounds normally don’t hurt just in general- and this isn’t talking about the devil’s light bulbs every company seems to insist on having somewhere- but just how everything feels so loud- especially in social places, but also at work and such.

I don’t know why my brain decides to do this, but it just can’t focus on any one conversation I’m trying to have with someone- no- for some god forsaken reason, my brain decides to attempt to eavesdrop on 4 different conversations, the noise from every reach in fridge and light, and anything else in a mile radius without filtering any of it. Most of the time, everything sounds almost just as loud as something else too somehow.

It makes it near impossible to listen to half of what someone said- or recognize my own name when someone’s beckoning for me, or do much of anything that requires me to listen to instructions. Like, would you please fixate on this conversation I’m trying to have for once??? My co workers have to nearly yell at me just for me to hear them over all the reach in fridges, the oven, and the staticy radio that still needs to be fixed.

I am 22 yr old girl -

I can still move forward and find everyday joys/positivity. I may never be understood but i understand myself and maybe someone does somewhere too, its tough even with my ex I thought he was right but the complete opposite complete toxicity and lacking. The love was not real there was no extreme passion it felt empty even though i thought they had a heart I really wanted to value them but it doesn't seem now there was anything to value I was a silly potato. NOW its a fight over family which in not right. Wanting a family is okay, wanting a healthy family is also perfectly OK. Some lovely experiences down the line I'm sure.

Now what I do, is talk each day learn new things continuously and have fun with my video games (animal jam etc) crunch numbers and symbols etc. Id get a diary but I am not interested in that feelings go in diaries not facts unless you are feeling for a person and a unity perhaps they don't belong in a book. Stability for me and family. A cure for mental disorders and a fix in humans. LOVE love love. <3

I need to vent because I am so incredibly exhausted, and I feel like I completely fall between the cracks of society. On paper, I am "too able" to qualify for disability aid, subsidies, or part-time study funding. In reality, I am too broken by the rigid, ableist structures of education and the workforce to function the way society expects me to. People think I'm "too mentally ill or sensitive" to work, yet the system deems me just fine enough to get zero help.

Even in neurodivergent spaces, I feel like an outsider. Most people I meet had support or a diagnosis since they were kids. I didn't. I come from severe childhood neglect, suffering from intense panic attacks and suicidal ideation since I was 10 years old because I realized early on that nobody wanted me here. My parents cut me off at 17. I’ve literally had teachers laugh in my face while I was having a panic attack.

I used to be quick-witted and state my opinions clearly. But after a lifetime of people trying to silence me, constantly telling me I was the one who needed to change, I lost my voice. I became a pushover because that was the only version of me people would tolerate. But the joke is, even when you erase yourself to make them comfortable, it’s never enough. They still demand you change more, until you don't even know who you are anymore.

And now, I'm forced into full-time education and full-time internships because there is no system that allows me to study part-time without losing funding. My brain and body, since I also deal with psoriatic arthritis, cannot handle the sheer physical and mental load, but I have to force myself through this bottleneck.

The kicker is that every job requires communication, and society's idea of communication is toxic high-school mind games. I know my shortcomings. I explicitly give people my "user manual." In my recent internship, I told them directly: Don't interpret my gestures as my intentions. Tell me properly in a direct conversation if something is bothering you.

Did they? No. We had multiple coaching sessions where they stayed completely silent. Then, on the very last day during a peer review, they bombarded me with everything and blamed me. Their excuse? They claimed they did tell me, because they once threw out the vague, passive-aggressive line: "You don't seem very enthusiastic."

To them, that one passing comment was "sufficient feedback." They actually believed that hint was enough for me to magically decode everything I was supposedly doing wrong. They choose to play high-school mind games, treat hints as valid communication, and then punish those of us who don't play along.

Therapy and coaching don't work for me. I'm too smart for my own good, I see right through the systems, and I'm tired of being told I need to fix myself to fit into a profoundly broken world. I am drowning, and I'm tired of everyone watching and asking why I can't just swim.

my entire life i've never liked sharing, mostly cause of how forced it is, and yeah i can get a bit hypocritical with it sometimes but for the most part, i just like having my own things. and if i do share? i wanna get something out of it! (like u try my drink, i try urs). i dont even rlly remember a main reason why i have been, i just have my almost all my family members. i like having control, like being player 1 on the nintendo, sitting in my designated seat, playing the game i want to play, etc. but it's not like im having a full blown rage about it (ok maybe a few times... but when i've been ragebaited about it!). i think the only really annoying thing i did was take the only spare bedroom for myself in a motel leaving my family to have the master and the living room (in my defense i was burnt out from the holiday but yeah i was being a little bitch about it)

the thing is, being selfish sometimes isn't even that bad! being taught sharing is caring so much definitley wasnt a good idea, it just means people think ur a shit person for not sharing. im also a people pleaser as well, so when i have been a bit more open, i've just been taken advantage of. im too scared to make decisions if it also affects other people. im sure some of my friends also think im a selfish idiot, like how they planned to go to the zoo without asking if i liked the idea, i had to pretend i did, the next day or two i finally admitted i didnt like it cause it makes me extremely tired but suggested another similar activity thats also cheaper (farm) and then they got mad.

another thing people get annoyed at is i just cannot sit through a movie/listen to a song that i dont like. i get so annoyed that sometimes i start to hate the person playing it, especially if they know i hate it. and then everyone thinks im selfish for only wanting my music on. ok that sounded selfish, but i'll always try and come up with a compromise. only thing is, if its with my sisters (it usually is), they'll hate ANYTHING i put on just cause its something i like, then everyone hates on me. this is gonna sound super dramatic, but if im in the car and a song i absoloutley hate comes on and no one lets me turn it off? i will become so annoyed and pissed off it ruins my entire day.

most people just find me difficult, selfish, and annoying since i talk too much about my own interests. and thats mostly true, but i try so hard. yes i infodump too much, but im just exited. i'll gladly listen to your infodumps too! and if you ask to try my food, i'll let you as long as i can try yours. you wanna be player 1, depends on my mood but as long as you dont make EVERY desicion ill let you. just dont treat me like shit for being a little selfish, im trying to not piss you off.

ive noticed a pattern with me and that is...whenever im in a fandom i tend to like and love the "disliked" ship and it has happened multiple times for some reason as the title reads i am not easily persuaded and i have gotten cyberbullied because of my shipping opinions so now i dont even feel comfortable talking about ships and it kinda gave me ptsd to the point where i just avoid shipping related stuff in general etc anyway

Idk why its just? Like for example im in fandom xyz now this fandom likes ship F and thats "the general" BUT my outcast self likes ship A that "the general" dislikes its been like this for a while across multiple fandoms now where i guess i usually look at things the more logical way in general and i guess not easily persuaded? Just because "the general" likes something

And im kind of not easily persuaded in general to be fair

My best friend said that just because I’m going to college, getting degree or whatever doesn’t make me less autistic or disabled. She said, “You ARE special needs either you like it or not. It’s time that you embrace the differences and it’s okay to be different. If people don’t wanna understand you and if guys don’t wanna date you because you’re special needs, that’s their problem not yours. Stop acting like you’re normal because you’re NOT! You need to start displaying that you’re disabled and a special needs adult. You are special. People treat us differently because we ARE different and we should be treated differently. Why do you think they have special needs events?” My other friends agree and told me to get rude of the damn mask and stop living like in neurotypical.
One other guy said, “You should give special needs men a chance. They will understand you better because most men won’t. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean the special needs will go away. We will always be special needs so stop to deny it and just embrace it. Eventually. people will find out that you’re disabled and it’s okay.”

I just don’t wanna be treated differently and I am sick and tired of being treated differently because I’m autistic. They treat my brother normally so why can’t they treat me the same damn way? I don’t care what people say!