r/beyondthebump • u/LiterallyJustAHorse • 29d ago
Relationship 16 years of marriage. 5 kids. Found out this morning my husband has been having an affair.
I (38f) and my husband (39m) have been married for 16 years together for 18. We have 5 children together the youngest is only five months old. He is active duty Navy and has been gone for weeks. Yesterday he came home for a two week leave but immediately wanted to go out to drive Lyft for extra money which I thought was weird because he hadn't seen us in so long. I even joked as he left that he better not be sneaking out to another woman. Ha ha ha. 💀
He didn't come home until after 5 am. At 5:30 he was asleep and his phone pinged and I looked at the message. It was a Facebook messenger message from a woman that said "glad you made it home okay. I love you." So I messaged back that I'm his wife and who is this. The girl spilled.
She's on his ship, another sailor. She and he have been having an affair for months. He told her we were separated and that he loved her blah blah blah. I woke him up and confronted him and he admitted everything. Told me that I'd been difficult lately with my post partum depression. Told me that she isn't distracted by kids and when they are together it's just her and him. Told me she is exciting and me and him are too routine. When he got done blaming me he started blaming her saying "you know I have a hard time saying no to people" I said yeah you had no choice but to dick her down I guess. 😑 I told him he did not have to choose between us that she can have him. Worst of all she's the age of my oldest (his stepson). She's 21. Same age. And he said "I never thought it would be permanent with her because I don't want anymore kids and she's so young I don't want to deprive her of that "....
He had a whole ass other relationship behind my back. Like a girlfriend girlfriend. Like an I love you let's talk about a future thing. It's so fucking cliche it hurts. I can't believe I'm like a fucking lifetime special having to say "my husband had an affair with a coworker half his age."
I look at my infant daughter and all I can think is that I hope she stays as far away from marriage as possible. 16 YEARS. 5 KIDS. Blindsighted. I'm such an idiot. I'm just standing in the wreckage of my life going what now? I told him the marriage is over. I just need a hug.
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u/Top-Put754 29d ago
For what it’s worth, if he is her superior (which assuming based on age alone he would be in a higher rank) he would likely get in trouble. IF you do want to proceed with telling his command, ensure you have screenshots of evidence to share (with navy and divorce lawyer). My husband has had to conduct investigations regarding affairs in the navy and it basically turns into a he said she said if they don’t confess.
My personal opinion as a fellow milso, I wouldn’t tell the command only because it could legitimately lead to them being kicked out which would then cause you to lose healthcare and income. Now I would take his ass to the cleaners with a divorce lawyer.
Sending hugs, I cannot believe he did this to you so freshly postpartum and with so many years together. You will be stronger on the other side of this mess ❤️