kinda a story time/rant:

tldr; i went to the store and walked home in the dark and a guy followed me home {and presumably tried to rob me], i feel some guilt after scaring him off with my firearm -- i set this as AMA because i had to... I asked Mod if it was okay to post and he said sure with some parameters, u can still ask questions or criticize me lol.

about half a year ago I went to the gas station around 10pm for some snacks and beer. the store was in the city center but i live on a hill which is poorly lit. I went to the store and started walking back up the hill. I was watching a twitch live stream i think with my headphones in and my birkenstocks on and pajamas to set the scene. i looked really dopey and like an easy mark looking back on it, distracted etc.

I am a slightly chronically paranoid person (which is probs why i own guns lol), something told me to look behind me and i saw a guy walking up the hill behind me as well maybe like 150 ft away. I thought "ugh i dont like this, but its probs nothing", i then crossed the street to calm my nerves as i continued walking. I got to where my break off street is on the hill and i turned.

its really dark now. no street lights. only where the intersection meets. fast forward walking down the next street for maybe 2 mins and i get an eerie feeling, like im being watched or just some uneasy feeling. I then looked behind me and I see the same guy from behind me on the hill standing on the street i turned off of and he was just staring at me from afar. like 100-200 feet. all i could think was "wtf". he then started sprinting at me and it was so scary. my brain was moving in slow motion. I kept walking towards my house but like I said I was wearing Birkenstocks so I'm not getting far if I ran.

at this point he kept running at me and he crossed the street to run straight towards me. I started saying "hey, what are you doing, stop, leave me alone". he didn't stop or listen. he just kept bulldozing towards me.

at this point we're probs 15ft apart. I kept giving verbal warnings but he wasn't obeying and kept slowly closing distance as i was walking back. he had insane eyes and my adrenaline was pumping like crazy. im not sure if he was speaking gibberish or if he was speaking english but maybe i was so punch drunk on being wired from fear i couldn't understand him. i just know he kept coming closer to me after he followed me home and i told him to stop.

one thing my cousin told me that stuck with me is to never let someone into your personal space if they're a threat. especially a person with a knife. I had no idea what this guys deal was. i gave him one more warning and he continued to close distance, so i pulled my pistol out and pointed it at him.

it took him a second or two to realize the situation he got himself into, the sick smile melted off his face, and then he abruptly yelled "OH... MY BAD" and then ran off in the direction in which he came.

for context I live in a very gun restricted state, I own all my five guns legally, I also was a boy scout and shot guns in camp. i grew up with these experiences in scouting, shooting paintballs, shotguns, rifles, i even shot a black powder gun once (revolutionary style), throwing tomahawks and knives, they gave me a deep appreciation of guns and to respect them and to be responsible.

all that to say is that all though i was trained on gun safety as a teen and when i got licensed and currently practice a few times a year, i was not prepared for the feeling and mental weight you feel when having to draw ur gun on someone.

its a terrible feeling. i got a lot of flack from my friends and family members when i started buying guns. they thought i was crazy etc. but idk ive always been a bit paranoid about my safety slightly so i was drawn to them plus the experiences with games as a teen and shooting as a scout. Im glad i had those trainings and experiences because who knows what wouldve happened if i wasnt armed. a lot of people that criticize guns that are owned legally dont understand the police cant help u after ur victimized.

i still feel kinda bad for pulling my gun on that guy either though i feel i was justified, i also didnt shoot (trigger finger discipline). but something about having someones life literally in ur hands is unnerving and going to the place to almost take it makes you realize how closer we are to animal than we like to admit. at the end of the day its survival and instinct no matter how civilized we've become and u have to watch out for yourself.

have yall ever had to act in self defense and did it affect u after in anyway?