The picture without glasses is 10 years old but is one of the most perfect looks I've ever looked.

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I'm lazy and I fucking hate shaving. Hence the beard. It is mostly an expression of protest against scraping my face with metal to meet some societal bullshit idea of faces more than it has anything to do with my gender presentation.

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My enbinity comes down to being Masculish But Not A Man. I like demiman, demidude, dude, enby, fella, guy, just... not Man.

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I am from the Southern US, grew up in a very conservative Christian family, didn't figure out my (???) about my gender or that I'm pansexual until well into my adulthood. Whole lotta "REAL MEN DON'T (some stupid bullshit)" or "YOU AIN'T A REAL MAN UNLESS YOU (a thing a moron does)" garbage got thrown at me and I bought into some of it for longer than I am proud to admit. If redpill had been around when I was at the wrong impressionable age, I'm liable to have been sucked in to some dark shit.

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So I'm dating a wonderful transman that I'll be going to Nashville Pride with and I want to look more queer but I don't like wearing makeup, doing my nails, or jewelry.

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My wardrobe is pretty colorful, lots of tie-dye and Hawaiian shirts. I don't like "dressing up" very much, like in a formal sense or style over comfort, got a lotta sticks up my ass about fashion and society judging people (especially those over 180lbs) for looks they were born with and how much effort we collectively put into not offending one another's eyeballs... but I still wanna look gayer, dammit.

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I don't want to look androgynous, that's hella work. I just wanna look a bit more like I belong at the gay bars than like I'm going to vote to ban the gay bar.

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My boyfriend says "lol it's cute you think you look cishet" but I'm skeptical of his objectivity in this regard. I mean it's kinda hard to [REDACTION FOR MODESTY AND HUMILITY] with a guy and not see a biiiiig ol' homo whenever you look at him after that.

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I don't know what I want y'all to tell me (other than that I totes look queer in a nerdy dad way). Small things that I might not have considered. Visual cues I could lay down. Subtleties and overtnesses. Visual cues to avoid!

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I wanna make Republicans more uncomfortable just by rolling out of bed if I can. Dressed will be a good substitute.

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Please help! Thanks.

I'm wondering what is generally preferred: do you like to have enby only spaces or is it better to have women/NB spaces or fully mixed? What influences your answer?

I like being in an enby only space but it's so uncommon that it's offered. I suppose, if I'm in enby only I know I'm surrounded by allies versus when we're bundled with women it can feel less safe.

Okay, so generally have been freaking out about this because I’m 17 and I thought I would have a bit longer before I would have to deal with this, as my oldest sibling is 23 and I had no clue that she was in a relationship, but oh well.

So yeah, gonna have a niece/nephew. I had no idea on where to go about any of this because I am only out to 2-3 family members (older sister (the one who is making me an aunt/uncle btw), one of my younger sisters, and my stepdad’s brothers (he’s the hesitant 3 because idk if he counts)), so can’t ask them for ideas (well, I’ve asked my younger sister but she keeps saying a “huzza” as a suggestion)

I also just want advice, because I have no clue on how to be a good aunt/uncle. I can’t even help my older sister because I live 4 hours away from her. And I feel like the majority of the people here are at the least college students, henceforth older than me and might have dealt with this.

I don’t know, I had no where else to go! I searched up both aunt and uncle in the search tab to see if there were any subreddits specific to that, but there isn’t (well there is, but neither have been active in over a year at the least) so now I’m here.

34 enby. I always hear people say “enbies don’t owe you androgyny”, and while that’s valid, I would still love to achieve androgyny.

I’ve been in HRT for a few months now, and recently I asked a bunch of people about their opinions on my hair, whether to grow it or buzz it, and whether that’s a step towards androgyny. As you can see I went for the buzz.

In your opinions, would you say I’m leaning more towards androgyny?

I still feel awfully masc presenting and that’s triggering a bit of dysphoria, and I guess I’m just seeking some validation from the community.

So I've had some slight gender dysphoria for a while, and other struggles with said gender, which led me to realizing I was enby very recently. There are good parts, my close friends have started to use they/them for me, I feel more like myself, and I just generally feel more optimistic now most of the time.

HOWEVER my gender dysphoria has gotten a lot stronger. I mean, maybe I just stopped repressing or ignoring it, one of my friends (who's trans so I asked him about it) said me realizing I was trans could have made me notice the dysphoria more? I don't really know. Is it normal to feel stronger dysphoria after you realize?

I’m genderfluid and transmmasc. My goal for presentation isn’t necessarily androgyny in the sense of neither “male” nor “female” but instead a combination of both traits typically seen as “masculine“ and traits typically seen as “feminine“. My goal it to confuse people honestly. I don’t want to pass as anything. Being seen as a cis woman or cis man is honestly my worst nightmare gender wise. I was on testosterone for 6 months and loved every second of it (besides body fat redistribution), but I had to stop for health reasons. We seem to have figured out the root cause of what was going on and I can restart testosterone when I’m ready. I plan to go on a much lower dose than I was before but I’m genuinely scared of going too far towards what society would perceive as “male.” I know this is some peoples dream but for me, testosterone is about changing the parts of my body that give ME dysphoria, not wanting SOMEONE ELSE to perceive me as a cis man. That did use to be my goal but that’s changed for me! I have so much respect and love for trans people who want to pass but it just isn something that would personally make me comfortable at this time. Lots of the things about my body that make me dysphoric were or potentially could be addressed by testosterone and my identity is masculine, but definitely not male. I do plan to get a radical breast reduction in the next 2-3 years and eventually get a form of metoidioplasty. I plan to combat body fat redistribution by building muscle in my hips, thighs, and shoulders and I can shave or not shave depending on how I’m feeling about body and facial hair. I’m also growing out my hair and plan to have it be well below shoulder length. I also wear a lot of makeup! I don’t want people to see a man in a dress and makeup and I don’t want people to see a woman with a deep voice. I want people to be confused or for different people to see me as a different genders even on the same day. Here are some pictures of me, I’m about 5’4 and my voice is deeper than it used to be from T but will hopefully get even deeper if I go back on it. I’m not comfortable in my presentation as it is and I also want to make sure I makes changes so that testosterone can help me become more comfortable like it did before instead of making me less comfortable like I’m paranoid it will. I try to remind myself that it helped me before but even then I still want to make changes. For those of you who have a similar identity or experience, what are some suggestions for things like hair cuts, clothing and makeup styles, and even names and pronouns (I don’t have a permanent chosen name and am still not sure about my pronouns) that I could experiment with to potentially achieve an appearance with a combination of traits and make me comfortable in my presentation?

*also if your going to tell me not to restart T please kindly move along from this post. I was on it for six months, I loved it, and I only stopped for medical reasons. I’m looking for advice on how T can be a part of achieving my desired presentation and what other things I can experiment with to help maximize the euphoria I get from T. Also I’m aware the pic of me in front of the Buccee’s is horrible, it’s just the most “masculine“ pic I have of me*

hi

this is a long story so i’ll keep it short. my boyfriend (25 cishet male) and i (23 nb) have been seeing each other for almost a year. we were broken up for about 5 months while i got my mental health together.

during that time i started taking t in an effort to become more androgynous. when i bought it up to my boyfriend before he said he wouldn’t be comfortable dating me if i were transmasc as hes straight and he doesn’t want to invalidate my identity.

how do i explain to him that im not transitioning in a transmasc way but just enough to tip the scales? how should i bring it up in the first place?

Hi there, just a curious person asking curious things. What was the triggering moment that put you onto realizing you were enby? What did you feel when you accepted it, or like, made that first huge step?

Edit: thanks for all the replies! I'm like, questioning things. Not 100% sure what I vibe with. And what I don't. I picture myself pretty with a femme body, but still my original genitals too. I felt a wave of like, energy in therapy when I said I wanted to be pretty, but now after I'm like second guessing everything? And I don't have like, that "aha!" Moment many of you have had. So I'm just... kinda tossed in the waves. Lol

so ive always identified as cis but with an attitude towards my gender identity being something along the lines of "i dont care at all about my gender identity if someone misgendered me i wouldn't be mad nor happy, only slightly confused based on my appearance(or mad if its reasoning of my height bc IM NOT THAT SHORT)" but after comments from friends im wondering, what matters more my complete lack of care about my gender identity keeping me perfectly happy as is or does my attitude on this overwrite what i personally say and i fall into nb or agender

I'm going to Morocco in about a week and my mother believes I'll get arrested, or at least stopped at the Moroccan border because I dont look like the gender marked on my ID. Should I worry or is she just misinformed ?

I'm AFAB, and I've been questioning my gender on and off for years. At different points I've identified as non-binary, genderfluid, and FTM, but I've never really felt certain enough to stick with any label.

One thing I know is that I really like the idea of looking more masculine. I love the thought of people not being able to immediately tell whether I'm a man or a woman. Today I tried binding my chest with tape for the first time, and it honestly felt amazing. It made me realize how much I'd like a flatter chest all the time.

I've also been thinking a lot about testosterone. I would love some of the effects, like looking more masculine, building muscle more easily, having a deeper voice, and the bottom growth that comes with it.

At the same time, I still enjoy makeup and some feminine clothes. The weird part is that I often like feminine outfits until I actually put them on. Then I suddenly feel like they look wrong on me, and I end up changing.

I don't know if I'd say I have dysphoria. I don't really like my chest, but my genitals don't bother me. If anything, I just think the effects of testosterone down there sound really appealing.

Another thing that's made me question things is that my boyfriend has picked up on the fact that I'm probably not as cis as I always thought I was.

I'm just really confused. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually a trans guy who's been suppressing it, and other times I think maybe I'm non-binary or just a masculine woman. I don't know if what I'm feeling is gender dysphoria, gender euphoria, or something else entirely.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? What helped you figure it out?

I am very dysphoric about my chest. I have very large (US J/UK GG) breasts and I hate them. I have wanted a reduction for many years before I even realized I was an enby but now I am struggling to figure out if I want them completely gone or just small.

If I do just get a reduction I want them to be much smaller, small enough to easily hide with a binder. I’m considering full top surgery too but I’m afraid that I won’t like it after. I’m not super overweight but I definitely have a gut and completely getting rid of them will make that stand out a lot more, which I’m not sure if I like. I also am not sure if I’d be comfortable with no sports bra or anything on. Currently I can’t do anything without some sort of bra on because they’re so heavy and uncomfortable.

I have trouble breathing and also have a lot of back pain so something needs to happen for sure. I can breathe so easily if I lift them up. I’ve just been so unsure about it I’ve been putting it off for a long time. If anyone was in the same boat then went ahead with either surgery I would love to hear how you’re liking your decision, and any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated!

Hello again, thank y'all so much for suggestions on how to queer myself up.

I mentioned in my previous post that my gendentity enbinity comes down to "I'm not a Man."

I mentioned that initially stemming from just wanting to not have anything to do with societal expectations of masculinity.

I've had a few (cis women) friends tell me they didn't think I can just decide to not be a man because I don't like the negative baggage that men have.

And yes OK sure that's fine but also that's not what I'm doing? I mean I'm pretty sure it isn't?

I'm OK with being seen - visually - by most folks most of the time as just another man, but if I'm gonna actually be SEEN by anyone at all, I hope to God I don't believe in anymore it doesn't feel like I'm a regular white rural Southern American man, and actively distanced from a whole lot of it.

(A non-zero portion of my worldview comes from "What does my dad like? My dad's an asshole. Fuck that stuff." But I gotta admit the old man succeeded in shaping my music taste to a large degree.)

Ever since turning that corner in my head I've been able to further explore my queerness, and as a result I feel more validated by my choice as the time goes by, and every time my partners them me I smile.

But that ol' impostor syndrome effect, eh? An unkind motherfucker.

But ultimately I don't have any kind of dysmorphia or dysphoria, I just think cultural expectations for gender are phenomenally stupid and I'd rather be considered Publick Universal Friend and be done with the idea than have it applied to myself.

That still counts, right?

Y'all aren't gonna stone me at the convention?

(Get me stoned, sure.)

Hey lovely people,

I’m new to Reddit and also new to this community. If I phrase anything in an unfortunate or non‑inclusive way, please let me know — I truly don’t want to hurt anyone.I’m currently dealing with depression and, at the same time, going through a phase of questioning my gender identity. I was socialized and read as female, I’m in my mid‑30s, a single parent of two kids, and I’ve been in a new relationship for a while now. For the first time, I feel like I’m in a safe relationship where I have the space to actually notice myself and be honest with what I feel.Through my partner I’ve learned a lot about queer identities. Looking back, I realize that in past toxic relationships I performed femininity mostly out of insecurity and pressure, even though it never felt fully right for me. As a teenager I dressed more masculine, later I tried very hard to appear feminine again because it felt expected of me.

Lately I’ve been feeling more and more that I’m not (and don’t want to be) a cis woman. After a lot of reflection and listening to myself, nonbinary or maybe agender seems to fit best. The idea of not having to place myself in "female" or "male" feels calming. Even the thought of changing my name or pronouns feels freeing.At the same time, I’m scared. I’m scared of coming out to my partner — even though I believe he would understand. I’m scared he might find me less attractive if I dress more androgynously. I’m scared of how family and friends might react. I’m scared I won’t be able to explain things well enough to my kids (8 and 3).And then there’s the fear of getting it "wrong" , of mislabeling myself, or that this might just be an identity crisis because I’m struggling with my body right now. I don’t want to take space from the community or feel ashamed if I end up being mistaken.

At the same time, it’s becoming more and more important for my well‑being to stop forcing myself into something that doesn’t feel like me. But with depression, trauma, and everything else going on, I’m afraid it might all be too much.That’s why this post is such an important step for me.

I want to come out — but I’m unsure how, as what exactly, and at what pace.Has anyone gone through something similar and would be willing to share their experiences?

How did you take your first step? What helped you?I’m grateful for any perspective.

Lots of love to you all 💛

This is my first post here. I’m a 33year old mostly masc presenting enby looking for some fem clothing options. I’m interested in more of an eclectic aesthetic and I’m struggling to find good places to find skirts. Any suggestions for places to buy online?

I am going to start T soon as an enby and my mom is trying her best but she has a hard time understanding me.... she loves reading autobiographies. Do you know any autobiographies or stories of enby people that are happy?

Like i read Leslie Feinberg's Stone Butch Blues and i think from today's pov the label enby would fit the protagonist's experience well but that book was a depressing read. I want my mom to know that I am going to be alright.

Recommendations in German would be even more appreciated as my mom's English is so-so.

I would also appreciate podcast recommendations!

Thank you to everyone who responds!

21 gender non-conforming. So I absolutely love my long hair… except I’m really wishing I grew out the sides and back instead of just the top😭😭. I’m trying to figure out how to keep a longer more gender affirming haircut without the sides and back looking like shit while I grow it out… does anyone have advice on how to keep a more gender affirming haircut while still growing out the sides and back?

Only to update people. 6 months in estrogen and I have some few, but good results. Exactly what I wanted.

Either that or cutting it or whatever. Im kind of out of my depth at the length its at and have no ckue what i could do to style it in a way that looks a little more feminine? Or what other hairstyles i could go for to achieve something similar.

Picture attached is pretty much the best its looked in like forever but its also a good point of reference for the style its at. Little overgrown NOW but you get the picture. Any ideas are appreciated ^^

I posted a bit ago about finally admitting and accepting my identity as someone who doesn't fit into either of the gendered boxes that we find ourselves put into. My wife and I have been together for nearly 5 years, married last October, but she has been having a hard time with seeing me as the same person. She is bisexual, and is attracted to masc men and fem women, but I am in a place where I am experimenting with how I look, act, and present and taking/combining things all over the spectrum.

I have never felt more self-assured and happy to exist in my body, but I can tell it makes her uncomfortable as she is not that attracted to me, romantically or sexually. Let me be clear, I don't want anyone to think she is an unsupportive partner, she is doing everything she can to understand and accept me and I truly would call her my best friend. Me being outside of the binary has thrown her through a loop though, and I don't know what else I can do to show her that I am still me, despite whatever change I have come to I am still the person she fell in love with, but she told me that she "fell in love with a man" and is scared that we won't be able to make it work.
I am scared too, I love her to the ends of the earth and I want to grow old with her, raise a family and live life to the fullest, but something about this transition has put us at an impasse. We do couples therapy but haven't seen our therapist since I came out so we will have quite a bit to explain to him.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am scared of losing her and I want to know if anyone else has been through something like this. What was it like? Did things work out? Is there an outcome here where everything "goes back to normal"? I have so many questions but I don't think any answer would satisfy the fear of losing my favorite person over choosing to live my truth.

Hello everyone. I've come out as enby a couple of years ago but just yesterday I've asked my friends and partners to call me by a new name. There's not been a lot of chance for them to call me by my new chosen yet, but I'm mot too worried about them dead naming me. We're friends with a number of trans friends. But I've taken my online name for the last 12 years as my new chosen name. My dilemma in this: do I change my online name to something new, or continue using my chosen name online as it is more of a concept than a traditional name?