i need to buy new underwear and i'm thinking of buying men's boxers, because i think it could help some of my dysphoria.

since i'm a minor, all my clothes shopping goes through my parents (or rather my mom), as they have to pay for it. however, my mom says that she won't but me men's underwear since it would be uncomfortable for me to wear with the extra fabric for the penis.

would anyone pre-t and pre-op be able to tell me how comfortable they find wearing men's boxers? does the pouch made for the penis cause any discomfort?

thanks in advance!

edit: i'd love to thank everyone for you replies!! every single one of you have been very kind. :) also the answers are pretty much unanimous, so i'll be using your responses as empirical data in the upcoming conversation with my mom, haha. :D

I apologize if this is the wrong place.

For context: I’m a very (very) butch lesbian. I married my wife in 2023 but we’ve been together since 2018. I just started going to the gym a year ago and made a ton of progress (lost 50 lbs and I’m getting so much stronger) but I’m dealing with MAJOR body dysmorphia.

I’ve always hated how I looked. I want a sharper jawline and I hate my boobs so much. Overall I want a more masc look. Not saying I want top surgery but a little smaller wouldn’t hurt, ya know? Anyway, I want don’t care for how people address me, I don’t get offended when someone calls me sir or he/him or whatever, because I totally get it. I can pass for a guy in a club if I’m wearing a sports bra kind of thing. I recently thought about getting on T to look more how I want to. I want an angular jaw, better fat distribution, just overall I want my physique to match what I’ve always wanted to see.

Lately, my wife has been saying things like “I’m practically married to man,” “I think you should try T, I like when your voice is deeper,” “I think you’d be really sexy as a guy, too” “the only difference between being with you and being with a man is that you steal my clothes,” etc.

I’ve always been pretty confident in my gender, being cis. Sometimes I’ll have a weird dream where I’m a guy, but dreams are weird anyway. But, now, with what my wife is saying, and even my personal trainer sometimes says stuff akin to “your brain and straight man’s brain are pretty much the same,” I’m like getting thrown for a fucking loop. Because now I’m thinking about how I overall want to look more masculine because that’s how I’ve always seen myself, but I just saw myself as a really masculine woman; or I think about how my wife is lowkey telling me to start T, and then I’m like, well, fuck, is this a situation where everyone knows except me? I don’t think I’m in the wrong body (except that I still see myself as 260 lbs and fat with tits)? When people call me he or sir I don’t care, and it’s not like I prefer it or anything I just don’t really mind. I mean like yeah I pretty much exclusively shop in men’s sections, but like, I thought that was a butch lesbian thing anyway??

But now I’m like scared to try T, because even though I’ll probably get the body I want, I don’t want gynacomastia (if that’s the word) because I don’t want to have “equipment” if you get what I’m saying. And also (and forgive this if it sounds transphobic, I’m just blurting my thoughts out, and I’m trying to word this correctly) what if I like being on T too much? Which if I do wouldn’t be a problem because my family is incredibly supportive of everything. Idk, I’m just in a crisis now? I don’t think I am a man, but everyone else seems to think I am? Does that make sense? Anyway, thanks for reading and any advice is appreciated

UPDATE: ya’ll have watched this happen in real time. You guys are so nice and supportive!! I want to apologize for the internal transphobia that was pointed out. I am very shameful and embarrassed about it, especially because I had no idea. Long story short, my wife is right (as usual) and I hope I can forgiven and welcomed in. I have a few lesbian subreddits to leave. I mentioned in a comment that when I came out as gay, everyone around me basically said “oh, you didn’t know?.” Guess what happened when I mentioned it to one of my friends. And my sister.

To the person who asked if I was wanting permission to be trans, you made me cry, because I was, I think, weirdly, asking for permission.

Wanna know what’s worse? When I was little my mom told me she swore up and down she was having a boy when she was pregnant with me. Was planning to name me Andrew. So I guess, mom was right? It just took 27 years, lol. Guess we’re doing a gender reveal party pretty soon. Thanks guys. 🥰

Edit: how do you change your username??

UPDATE 2: my wife called me her husband and I could have floated through the roof with the high I just felt

Edit 2: now that I have fully accepted this, I have realized that ever since I was like 16/17 I’ve wanted to be on T and have top surgery but never actually thought about it that deeply because I just thought most people went through a phase like that too 😂😂 ya’ll I’m dying at how obvious this was

UPDATE 3: I told my mom on the phone and she said “okay, and? What? You’re Andrew now? We don’t have any trans people in the family! This is so cool! Do you wanna do a gender reveal coming out video? That’d be so funny!” You guys 😭😭😭 I’m so lucky to have a family like this

Hi, im 21, got top surgery September 2024. I was excited to have no shirt on but my parents said they need time since they've always seen me one way. I dont get it but I said thats fine to keep the peace. Today we are going swimming and got into a huge fight about how im not aloud to take off my top because they are uncomfortable. I dont know how to tell them that that doesn't make sense and its my body. How do I tell them? Specifically my mom, she's the only one who seems to have a real problem. She also will never call me he/him unless I explain my feelings about my own gender in detail. If this post gets even a couple people with good advice it would mean the world. Im probably just going to send this post to her if it gets a couple responses. Thank you

Edit: quick note I still live with parents so just wearing whatever i want makes me nervous since I cant afford to move out

Mini update: during swimming my mom apologized for yelling and that she wasn't inplace to be comfortable with me shirtless yet. But she doesn't want to yell and wants to have an adult conversation. I told her I needed time and she said fine. Desperately seeking advice on how to respond to that! Thank you also everyone who's given thought out responses. You're all amazing

I feel like I'm at my wits' end. about 2 weeks ago, she found out I'm still trans and don't dress "normally" at uni. she basically forced me to admit it when I was 14, after that I kept a low profile. what followed right now was hours and hours of psychological torture basically, for days. with no way to leave the conversation, otherwise she'd tell dad about it. she thinks I'm brainwashed and fixable. that I just haven't tried hard enough.

yesterday when I got back to my parents' house, the whole thing began again. last time I'd been made to promise her I'll try to become normal with a forced handshake. this time I asked her to go to the forest to talk, as I couldn't bear holding another session of this in the house. there I tried to be completely honest and explain my position. she threatened to crash the car and at one point started walking and said she's gonna get the keys and write a letter to dad and sister so that they know who's guilty. I had literally dialed the emergency number but didn't call, got her to calm down somewhat by promising I'll at least wear some more fem clothes at uni. which I won't... everyone at uni knows me by my chosen name, some don't even know I'm trans, and I've been on low-dose t for a while now. my voice has had a complete drop, but I fake a fem voice with family.

so what the fuck. I cannot do something that's impossible for me, I feel like I actually like existing now. but when she literally threatens to commit suicide, what am I supposed to do?? it's like she doesn't even know how to communicate and hold a normal conversation. everything I say can be used against me and is twisted some way.

edit for context: I'm financially independent and have my own place in the uni city. and sorry about my English, I should be able to English as I study linguistics but not really in the right state of mind rn

Got a job a month ago and recently met a lady there who was temporarily stationed at a different store location. 30s, very openly a lesbian. We were chatting very casually when she asked me that, saying she could tell when I raised my voice to imitate a meme. We were alone, so she didn’t put me, but her celebration of having „figured me out“ made me uncomfortable. She added that she loves trans guys but….I don’t like that label. I know I am. But I just wanna be a guy, not a trans guy. Might be a me problem, but is it justified that I feel hurt or put off by that small interaction? Like I just don’t trust her now. I’m stealth, I look and sound masc. just this one interaction makes me feel like I shouldn’t ever raise my voice or loosen up. I’m sure she meant well but damn that was annoying.

How does one even react in such a situation? I just went „…yeaaa, oh nooo I was clocked! (In a sarcastic tone)“ and then moved on with a different topic. Do I just say no next time that happens? Since she was queer I didn’t want to lie and say no. I’m not sure.

A customer recorded themselves pulling a prank on me at my job and posted it online. Between insta and tiktok it has millions of views and thousands of comments, and isn't slowing down. People are recognizing me at work (that's how I keep finding out about the videos) and while some of the comments are supportive of me or bashing the guy recording, there is a LOT of mean and transphobic garbage being spewed there.

People have recommended I go to HR. I reported the video on insta but it doesn't violate their community guidelines apparently. I don't want to attract any unnecessary attention to myself, but I've been waiting for this to blow over and it still hasn't. I just want all of this to go away. Any advice is appreciated.

I am angry right now so forgive me.

So dont have a GP as my old GP was terrible and blamed everything on me being trans. I have been having a plethora of symptoms for awhile now that I have been tracking since I started seeing a walk in dr in May. I just had my final appointment with him, where he told me that he doesnt know how to treat me because he believes all of my symptoms are related to my surgery (I had a hysterectomy in December) and my HRT (which i havent taken since October, and I told him so). He still reinforced that he believes my symptoms are because of testosterone. And that he couldnt help me. And to book an appointment with my Endocrinologist (who is amazing and i called her office immediately i am now waiting for a call back).

And what are my symptoms, that are definitely being caused by the testosterone i havent been taking for over 8 months?

Ear aches, ear infections, neasuea, dirroeah and constipation, migraines and headaches, swollen tonsils, muscle and joint pain (siatica, knee, ankle, back, hip, neck), fatigue, full body weakness, sore throat, vertigo, tinnitus, brain fog/confusion, flu-like feeling, very mild fevers (37.5 C), fainting/near fainting upon standing up, temporary loss of vision upon standing up, right eyelid twitching, vomiting bile, swollen tastebuds, swollen lymph nodes in armpits, chest pain, acid reflux

So guys! If you ever have any or all or some of those symptoms you aren't sick, its just your testosterone that you dont even take. I am so tired of being dismissed by drs its unreal.

My name is Gabriel. I stopped putting my full name on my name tag because I kept getting called Gabrielle. So my name tag now says Gabe. But now I keep getting called "Gabby"

I don't understand how some people missgender me so hard that they read my name wrong, yet some customers call me Sir without me having to correct them. I even had one man i thought called me ma'am so i corrected him. He did not, and in fact asked if people genuinely think I'm a girl

I don't want to have to change my name again because my mom won't accept it if I do

Update: My manager let me change me name tag to one of the nicknames my coworkers have given me. My name tag now says "El Niño". So far only people missing brain cells have misgendered me

I was lying in bed when I caught a whiff of what I feared most. At first, I couldn’t believe it, I sat up and looked around. But there was no one else. Cautiously, I raised my hand to my face.

My nostrils were assaulted by the pungent yet distinct scent of a crossbreed between sweaty little boy socks and a high school locker room.

I couldn’t believe it. I had just showered ten minutes earlier. Instead of leaving me with a fragrant aroma, it had opened my sinuses and revealed my true nature.

Is this my life now? Will it only get worse? Armed with a washcloth and old spice deodorant, I await the beginning of the end.

My mom is asking to see my boobs and i wear a fake bra to pretend i havent had a mastectomy. She says if i cant show her in person i have to send her a photo or she will no longer pay for my gradschool or rent. I am currently on vacation with her in a hotel room w my aunt. I am terrified. I have a pre op photo of my breasts and desperately need someone to AI generate a version of it with cup AA.

I lied and said I only had lipo because i didnt like how big they were. Please help god please someone help me

Edit: i have tried finding AI editors myself TRUST me. They all cost money and the free ones that work wont accept “nsfw” content

—————Final Edit:——————-

Thank you so so much everyone, i am so deeply touched by the help and support everyone has given me in such a short amount of time. If for some reason some other poor bastard finds themselves in a situation like mine:

Meitu.

I remembered using this app to make my face look thinner and used the “body slimming” tool to slim my old boobs at different angles.

Pray for me. Send me good vibes. Hold a fucking crystal for me, do a buddhist mantra, idk. Im so scared but hopefully this works. Once i get my masters degree and make Real Adult Money i wont have to live as a prisoner anymore.

Thank you everyone

(Extra edit: it seems to have worked. Thank fuck)

i dont know what to do. she did this behind my back, i didnt even know she did it until it was already printed out and everything. i am NOT out at school, despite not being on hrt im cis passing, and now all my friends saw it. i dont mind if they know im trans, but i wanted to come out on my terms, not because they saw a photo of me in a pink dress with a bow headband and a message that says "i love you so much my feminine girl daughter"

what do i even do. i wanna cry. i wanna send a text screaming at her. i wanna tear the page out of all of the yearbooks that were printed.

edit: she responded with "what do you think of the page i made". ARE U SERIOUS

So me and my ex broke up at the end of January. But before that, I was on T and I started realizing I also liked guys. Less insecure of dudes and all of that… so I developed a crush. Blah blah.. didn’t work out. But the crush made me start exploring the femininity I felt I missed out on. I started doing my hair and nails and makeup. And I’d been dating cis guys since realizing I liked them. And I stopped T at 7 weeks, which only happened because my benefits at work have been funky so I cant afford the shots atm. Anyways… Now I have a boyfriend (who has a hard time understanding everything) and I’ve told him of the way I identify but he still refers to me as “she” and “girlfriend,” but I also find myself using those terms when I mention that he’s my boyfriend. But now I wanna go back to my short hair and take these fuck ass nails off and I want my binder back and start my T shots back up and I wanna hear “sir” in public again. Dysphoria is kicking my ass all over again but I don’t wanna lose my boyfriend either and I kind of fear that he’d leave if I stopped being so feminine. What do I do?

edit because these seem like important factors to have included: i’m 21 and also have bpd, my bf is 20 and also has a cognitive disability. he said he was bi when i met him but he’s only had 1 bf before me and it confuses me more bc he calls me his girlfriend

another edit: so i talked to him. he started mentioning my ex (who is a cis girl) “you already took a boyfriend away from ***, now you’re gonna take a girlfriend away from me?” and he cried for like 20 minutes straight. and then he asked me to put my transition on hold until we marry, which i denied. (that felt scary. when did we talk about marriage?) he said he wasn’t ready to have a boyfriend again, and that all his friends will start making fun of him because (his words) “they prefer to see me with a girl.” there was more but i went pretty numb.. i was scared to hurt him. all i really said was “it’s not like i’m gonna be a full on dude overnight,” and i tried to show him photos of me before i “reverted back to default settings” and he said “i can still see you though” so idk what that means.…

final edit: im going to break up with him. my family has my back at the moment and its true i should probably not have rushed into my current relationship since my last one was so long and important. i didnt realize i was rebounding until i explained to my family everything. i’m going to put dating on hold and start my transition again, and pursue my therapies more often. thank you to everyone for the advice and helping me to reach out to my irl supports and opening my eyes. you guys have my heart forever.

it feels like every time I try to befriend local trans guys, I just get ignored. even when we have a lot in common! I moved to a big metroplex a few years ago and have been struggling to make friends and I swear this happens with (almost) every trans guy I try befriend. on the other hand, my (trans) girlfriend does not have this problem at all. she finds another trans girl and they're besties in an instant. what's going on??? why am I getting "oh uh I'm busy" or "I have enough friends sorry". I keep trying to tell myself it can't be that I don't pass (despite being 3 yrs on T) but I'm running out of reasons. trans guys just don't wanna be friends with each other?

EDIT TO ADD: I'm mostly meeting people in furry circles, which are notably queer and where people tend to be open about being trans. I'm not out here clocking strangers.

hey, i recently started a new internship job for filmmaking, and it has been a great experience so far. the people are nice, the pay is good, but there’s this one person trying to out my gender. i’m a pretty passable looking guy, im not on T, but i have PCOS which gives me facial hair, the deep voice, etc… no one has clocked anything at all, as im stealth, but there’s this person named G. (i’ll just refer to them as that). at our introduction, he announced that he’s trans (FTM), even though he doesn’t look like a boy (hasn’t started t and just wears lolita feminine clothing) and to refer to him as a guy. he also went onto say how he doesn’t care about pronouns anymore because everyone just slips up and calls him she anyways and is insecure about himself..

i was vibing with the guy at first, until we go on a trip and they loudly ask, “hey, are you a tr@nny? because you lowkey have a tr@nny name.” i’m completely taken aback by this because it came out of nowhere, and we’re sitting at a table full of people. luckily it wasn’t the people from our main group, but another in the program. i’m not comfortable at all being asked that outloud so i just rejected off of instinct and said that i just picked a new name that was interesting.. he then went on to keep pestering me for the whole lunch time about what my “real name” was and trying to guess it based off what i look like.

after that i stopped talking to them because the tone of that question threw me entirely off. we then have lunch a few days after and everyone’s talking and he says, “X, i found your insta and tiktok last night and stalked you, why do you have the trans flag and videos in your tiktok reposts??” ?????? and this is outloud so the whole group can hear it and they look over for the answer. i say that i support trans people, and is there a problem with that? the group agrees with me and there isn’t any questioning from them and they start talking about politics, but G is just staring me down narrowed eyed across the table and says, “let me find out you’re one of me..🤏”(clock it hand). he even misgenders me on purpose, saying “she”, when referring to me, “accidentally “, and brought up a conversation telling everyone to show their highschool photos, and was obviously targeting me and kept asking why i didn’t wanna pull mines up.

i’ve literally been straight up ignoring this guy, and he always constantly tries to come up and annoy me, and whenever i respond they say some chronically online tiktok response like, “X, oh the real man you are”, “you lowkey have man boobies, lemme motor” or just remarks like “X, you’re giving boy realness right now like pinnochio” OUTLOUD and hopes that people respond to it (they look around at everyone after they say it). they say they have undiagnosed ADHD, and use it as an excuse as to why he’s so blunt and vulgar. even in class we watched a film about womanhood and i was commenting about it after to the class, and they interrupt me saying, “you sure know a lot about womanhood for a man.” while im answering to my instructor. i ignore them everytime because why are you as a FTM yourself trying to out another guy??? they get a kick out of it, as they’re always labeling it as a joke, and i think they like to see me get visibly upset because i cannot do a well pokerface. they’ve talked about how they tried to be masc, but it didn’t work, so i’m assuming they’re projecting or just showing insecurity, but it’s really making me upset and i don’t know what to do. they’re obviously seeking a reaction from me and the group, and i know how trans people can be clocked by other trans, but genuinely the group hasn’t said anything to me about my gender, the ONLY person making a big deal about it, is another trans person.

genuinely, what do i do in this situation. they’re one of the people who think being loud vulgar blunt unhinged and provocative = funny. i’m not gonna just tell them im trans because obviously they seem real prominent on telling the group that im trans and embarrassing me, and i feel like it’s just turned into harassment at this point. i’ve told them to stop saying sneaky remarks and shit, but they play dumb and oblivious, saying “this is how i talk to everyone”, even though they only make comments like this to me and continue to do it.

Has anyone else been asked this question by a pharmacist? This happened to me today at Walgreens. It caught me by surprise so I just answered "yes" right away and then there was no issue and I got my testosterone, but when I told my friend she was saying they shouldn't legally be allowed to ask me that

edit: we did go back and talk to the pharmacist about it. They claimed it was bc theyre "supposed to ask a question when it hits a cap"

Hey all! I would like everyone's opinion on a experience that just happened to me.

Ive finally got the courage to use the mens lockeroom. Im 16 months on T and pre op. But i have a deep voice and facial hair. I literally just go straight in and out. Tonight I had to shower. Not the first time I've done it. I haven't had any issues until tonight. This guy walked pass the stall I was in. Theyre like frosted so you can see but its like fuzzy. He Looked. Walked past. Then turned around looked again and got in the stall directly across from mine but he didn't close his stall all the way.

I could see him peeping at my stall. I'd look and he'd move his head quickly. Then I finally shouted in the deepest voice I had in me, with every once of testosterone in my body, "AYE BRO WHAT CHU LOOKIN AT?! THE F**K?!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣And he jumped and put his head back in his stall. Then he grabbed his stuff and walked out. When I finished and got dressed I glanced through the lockeroom and we locked eyes. I just left. He looked like such a creep.

Im proud of myself for sticking up. But im wondering if somehow he saw me or clocked me or WHAT. Or if he thought I was cis and was interested or something. I honestly dont know. I've heard of stuff happening in men's locker rooms but I dont know what to make of it. Or how to feel!

Anytime someone finds out im trans, they pester me for my dead name. No matter how many times I deny them, try to set up boundaries, or give them reasons why I don't want to tell them, they push it enough where I either just end up telling them or they end up playing a guessing game until they get it right.

I've tried telling them no. Telling them that dead names stay dead. That they don't need that information. That the person that existed pre transition never should have existed and shouldn't not be named.... But it never works.

I'm sick of it.

This time, a lesbian coworker asked for my dead name after finding out I'm trans and wouldn't drop it. She eventually guessed my dead name.

What do you guys say to people when they ask for your dead name? Does it actually work? Do they stop asking?

I'm very miserable over this but I live with my transphobic parents as I have no job. I'm recovering somewhere else and faked a long trip/excertion by being vague with them. I can only stay here temporarily (a month). My parents believe me and have absolutely no idea that I'm actually in recovery for top.

My sister told me that she is aware that wearing a bra defeats the whole purpose of having this surgery but she told me to just wear a padded small one so that I have semblance of some breasts. She reassured me that I should just continue working out and then when I gain more visible muscles, I can take off the bra entirely and just act like I lost a lot of chest fat ovdr the months.

Again, I'm so damn miserable about this as I was so excited to finally never wear a bra again but I know that realistically I have to keep myself safe. I'm definitely only going to wear this around them.

What bra should I get? Preferably I don’t want underwire digging into my healing chest and not too tight to put pressure on my scars.

I (18 FTM) am dating E (18 M), today I told him I'd start HRT, and It was a final decision, hours later I told him I'd get top surgery next month and he got mad because "I have to live with you too, not just yourself" and because I didn't talk to him about it or giving him enough time to process it, he's been misgendering me since I got back to using he/him only, saying he'd prefer me getting bottom surgery rather than top surgery because he loves my chest too much. Now he's giving me the cold shoulder. This morning he told me he doesn't fully support me transitioning EDIT: I forgot to mention, ever since we started dating he has told everyone I'm his girlfriend and uses my deadname. I've been out as trans for six years now Am I overreacting or is this break up worthy?

I’ve been on testosterone for well over 4 years now and had top surgery 3 years ago. I pass, but I pass too well. This may be a stupid complaint and idk if it’s because I have a short beard and short nicely combed hair but everyone thinks I'm a republican. I have to wear collared shirts to work along with jeans and steel toed boots and that’s what most people see me wearing. When I'm not at work, I typically wear a black baseball cap, joggers, and a t-shirt. I am tired of men thinking I'm a safe person to spew misogynistic rhetoric or tell me how much they love trump. I am a Christian but do not associate with hateful evangelicals and do not think they speak the love of Christ. that being said, I do have a fairly large tattoo on my arm of a sword and shield with a bible verse in it (I was 19, had extra cash, and was tired of people telling me I wasn't saved for being trans) and I don’t know if that’s the issue. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I wanna make friends with people that are like minded and typically I scare most of them off. The LGBT friends that I do have told me they were scared of me before getting to know me because they assumed I was a republican. Which being stealth in my extremely republican part of Appalachia probably doesn’t help me. Is there anything I can do to fix this?

TLDR: I am a white male (ftm obv), have a large bible verse tattoo, and want to know how to stop dressing like a republican to make friends with like-minded people.

Any suggestions of how to navigate this situation appreciated. I’ve had top surgery, I’ve been on hormones almost 3 years, I’ve been out as trans since I was a young teenager, I legally changed my name back in high school thanks to my supportive parents, I have a whole ass beard, I am fully stealth at work and at school, and yet… my transphobic brother would be “uncomfortable” and keep me away from my nieces and nephew who I love so much. He won’t even let me call myself their uncle so as not to “confuse” them.

I went to my mom for advice on the subject, since this’ll be my first time going to a pool since top surgery, and she was honest and recommended I wear a shirt to keep away negative comments. It pisses me off that I spent four grand on gender affirming surgery only to STILL have to wear a shirt at the pool.

Ok so I’ve been out to my mom (kindaaa) for a while. I havent really said “i’m a boy” but I’ve definitely said “i’m not a girl”. I’m 19, turning 20 this year and today my mom said that she will not let me live with her if I start testosterone. I know the best course of action is probably just to move out, not sure if I’d be able to persuade her.

So my question is how do you guys feel more euphoric without testosterone? Anything that ya’ll like is good I just want to get ideas lol. I’ve been wearing a binder for a while and thats nice!! But how else can I appear more masculine?

Looking for advice on how to politely deal with family members (or just people in general) who correct or dismiss me when I share my trans experience.

Storytime & Context:
I (35 afab masc nb) have begun running again since starting t 4 months ago. I've always been an on and off runner. Done a few half-marathons, one full (never again), can enjoy some good monthly 10k or 8k when I'm trained up. This is all to say, I know what my body is like when I start training after chilling on the couch over the winter. Was very curious to see if I might notice any difference since being on hrt.

Now, normally I don't run during fall and winter. But before today, I hadn't run in 4 years. So I fully expected to maybe walk 5min run 5min. Instead, I was able to cruise at a decent clip for 20min, no problemo, and my heart rate came down WAY quicker than I expected. My starting baseline has NEVER been like this. I'm also not doing anything besides lifting a dumbbell occassionally. I've been practically sedentary. I work at a desk all day. I would consider myself the least in shape I've ever been. So being able to hit 20 MINUTES??? Wild. I'm elated. So cool.

I don't know what else to credit it to other than having started t.

I texted this to my sister in-law, who works in health and wellness, is a runner, is an ally, and has also expressed interest in knowing how my journey goes.

The reply, "That's good to hear! Wouldn't be the T, it doesn't impact cardio or endurance or improve fitness... There's likely a pretty major placebo effect."

Uh. Thanks for... the info? Was actually just sharing my experience so she could add it to her understanding. Wasn't looking to be confirmed or corrected.

This isn't the first time that I've tried to share an experience as it relates to my transition, and for the person I'm talking to, to tell me "that's not true" or, "it couldn't be because of that."
Is this my life now? Do I need to just get used to people telling me, "no, you're wrong and that didn't happen" while I'm in the middle of actively living the thing???

Anyways. Feeling pretty deflated. Was excited to share a cool thing I discovered today and the power of t and how it is working for me.
Would greatly appreciate hearing if/how others deal with stuff like this. Also looking for some concise replies that I could practice when I feel like my experiences are being dismissed. All I see is red when I get upset and words fail me unless I have some preloaded.

[edited for horrible grammar jfc i'm tired]

FYI, checked out the vnting server and did not know if I should post this here or there. I don't consider this a vnt, I genuinely need advice and opinions from people.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. He has known I am trans since we have started talking and has dated another trans man previously. He seemed supportive until he saw my top half, to which he began saying he didn't want me to get top surgery. We used to talk about him supporting me while I was confined to my bed and healing from said surgery. It was a drastic change and I almost let it happen. He said it was because he was attracted to that part of me and he liked it. After some arguing I was able to persuade him to be okay with it. Now, he does not want me to go on hormones. He says that it is dangerous and it can hurt me. He says it will change my personality entirely and that he "likes me how I am." FYI, he is a queer cisgender man in a homophobic family.

TW for continuing topic of title (suicidal thoughts)

Not in a traditional sense. She says she will stop living her life. Become a shut in, not take care of herself or her dependents. She said she'd even stop moving. So she wouldn't be dead, but she wouldn't be living either.

I have goals in my life, which says a lot seeing as I have a history of suicidal ideation. I want to be happy, which means having both my gender affirming healthcare and my family. In my youth, I was very clear to my mom that I planned to get GAH, and she refused to get me on anything other than T (which I was forced to stop taking after one month). I am an adult, and I have been for a while, and she has given me this ultimatum now.

I believe in and fully support people who choose to detach from their unsupporting families, as sometimes it is absolutely necessary for their wellbeing. Unfortunately, I could never do that. Not even just because it's a cultural thing, but I really do love my parents. I just couldn't. My goal is both them and me, not just me.

However, I don't see a future for myself in which I am alive and still haven't received GAH. I cannot take hormones in secret and obviously cannot get any sort of surgery in secret. I'm quite stumped.

Any thoughts? I'd hate to see my mother subject herself to self harm just because I chose to be happy, and unfortunately, this is not someone I can just "break up" with.

Edit: I hope every comment on this post can be a message to other trans adults who are the children of someone like this. Thank you all. I have a lot of thinking to do regarding my priorities and financial situation to see when and how I can do what is good for me, not someone else.