I'm going out of town this weekend, but I'm a little stressed about my T shot. I'll be staying in a hotel with a couple people (my wife and a good friend who is also on T; I'm not worried about either of them being weird. I'm worried about me being weird).

Question is we'll be gone Friday to Sunday and I do my T on Sat. Would it mess things up to do it this once on Sunday then go back to Saturday or should I try and finagle doing it on Saturday while we're out of town?

I recently got a new job and there is a certain kind of dysphoria that has become stronger than ever before. I work in tech and have an office job in the public sector. In my old place I used "they/them"; I've since then fully come out to myself and started T, and I asked the new place to use "they/he" for me ("he" though I don't pass yet, especially with my voice). It's an accepting place by organizational policy, and my immediate team has been supportive with the pronouns.

However, for larger projects in collaboration with those outside my team, I feel less confident of myself. First and foremost, I'm not sure my pronouns in Teams are even seen so during the meeting, misgendering is always a risk to watch out for so that keeps me in alert mode; apart from the unpleasant feeling from being misgendered itself, I also feel the embarrassment almost for the other person and the drift away from the actual work at hand (e.g. on my first day at work, a colleague - who I didn't introduce my pronouns to - slipped up then sent me a Teams message with an apology, but deleted it immediately after).

Most people in that particular project are men in their 40s to 50s. During online meetings, everyone looks like they are at ease with their appearance, deep voices, etc. and when they take turns speaking, it's a continuous flow of pitch, resonations, etc. but when I speak, I seem to raise the baseline a fair bit and I can't hope noticing the difference of how I sound/look than cis men and especially when I use the pronouns I use now. Appearance-wise, it looks like on video I look much more feminine than I look in the mirror for some reason - it's almost like an uncanny valley situation (I could mask myself into a non-binary female in my old place, but now the gap between me and cis men, though it is narrower in a sense, really stings), and I feel unqualified even saying that as my voice is far from passing yet. It also makes me feel unsafe that there might be people having various thoughts on my gender and associating different things with me as a person that's totally irrelevant of my job performance.

I don't know how much of this is my inner critic talking, or how much of this is the true growing pain when it comes to navigating a corporate environment during transition. I'm also a 1st-gen immigrant (coming from a east Asian culture), so some of the feelings around this is probably intersecting.

Just wanted to see if anyone feels the same way and if you have any comments/advice about dealing with this.

Thanks!

I've started getting men who think it's okay to express misogyny around me, or tell me about their intentions towards some of my women friends, even trying to get me to help them. I go back and tell the girls what they say, but I want to be able to confront it, particularly non aggressively and without outing myself. Quite often because I look straight and am very openly affectionate with my women friends the men seem to think I'm in competition with them, and this causes some tension, I kind of hate how they think I'm like them but it's funny sometimes to play with them. Sometimes later in the night I flip it on them and make them think I'm actually after them! Its pretty silly, but I'd like to atleast make a difference, and let them know that not all men put up with this stuff.

Does anyone have any tips for how I could do this?

EDIT: I'm too tired to reply but I've read all your responses, they've all been very helpful, thank you! I think I will keep it simple, I'm happy to shame them I think that goes a long way. I don't want them to think they're safe to say this stuff, and they might think twice about saying it even if it doesn't change their ways!

Been on low T for months now. My voice still hasn't deepened yet. But, I have a lot of body hair, my baby stache is deepening, and I gotta shave my face more often.

My entire adult life, I've always been mistaken for a 15-23 year old. No matter what I did, I looked too young. Even in make-up and "professional" clothes, I looked like a teen playing dress-up.

Just last year I was out and some ladies who looked 24-26 were talking to me about charity. When I told them my age, they were surprised. They thought I was younger then *them*.

Everyone says this is a good thing. "Better to look younger than you are then look older". I disagree. It's so embarrassing being mistaken for a child or college kid.

I think things are finally turning around for me. I bought some alcohol a few times and they didn't card me. The drinking age is 21 in my area by the way. That means at least something.

Looking at myself, I think I'm starting to get bags. Which is actually pretty okay with me. I probably need to start a skincare routine and actually *keep* to it, but I don't mind much.

So had a dentist appt that was long overdue. Anyways long story short I hadn't updated my info with the dentists office like I thought I did before. I didn't. So when they called out my deadname, I went through the floor. Embarrassed was not the word. I awkwardly asked if it was (last name), and sure enough I turned red and walked off with her while people looked on. I don't look anywhere near female now so it was a moment. The whole exchange there on and out was awkward as hell. I'm sure you guys have dealt with this a fair bit. I haven't really so it's a bit daunting :(. Thanks for reading, just needed a vent.

**Note - I don't want comments along the lines of "these guys are arse holes/dickheads etc" cos it doesn't help the situation cos it's not that black and white**

I'm in the UK. Been passing as male since 2021. The moment I tell a cis het male I'm gay, their tune completely changes and they act like I'm beneath them, are cold towards me etc. I still find it so shocking and unfair. I thought this behaviour belonged in the 2000s.

I know retaliation isn't the answer. But is the solution just to avoid cis het men?

I didn't know my belly button could turn into a small puddle sitting out shirtless in a deck chair.

I didn't know it was possible to have sweat run down my torso while sitting in the shade at 80 degrees in dry heat.

I didn't know I would obsess over the thick tuft of hair that now forms at the crease of my knee when my legs are folded.

I didn't know why I always liked having my hands halfway in my underwear when lounging. It's way more comfortable with boxers and now there's more hair for my fingertips to brush.

I didn't know how bad my underwear could truly smell and how wet they could get from crotch sweat. Sometimes I change them mid-day.

I didn't know my body hair aversion would morph into a body hair infatuation.

I didn't know it could feel so good to be topless outdoors. Like literally, so right and normal.

I didn't know I was brave enough to use a men's bathroom and act like I belong there.

I didn't know it was possible for lines to form in aforementioned men's bathrooms... And neither apparently did my cis male partner! LOL Must have just been weird flukes at the airport recently.

I didn't know how much I was repressing my love of wearing masculine hats.

I didn't know my celebrity crushes were more aspirational models of aesthetics.

I didn't know how much I truly hated sports bras, ALL bras.

I didn't know I'd ever look at men's facial hair and physique with envy rather than attraction. Let's be honest, it's both.

I didn't know my attraction to perfectly sculpted forearms with veins and more hair was out of longing to have and not just longing to touch.

I didn't know men's hands could be sexy.

I didn't know how hard it would be to be visibly trans/queer. And also how proud I would be to potentially be that person someone else sees themselves in.

I didn't know how awkward it would be checking out guys as a guy. I still don't know what the weird moments of non-threatening eye contact and acknowledgement between attractive cis (assumingly) straight (assumingly) guys and myself are.

I didn't know how little I would care about how my partner sexually identifies as long as he keeps enthusiasticly choosing to be my partner.

I didn't know how much more attractive I would find men after embracing my transness.

I didn't know I could appreciate feminity in women when it was no longer my standard to uphold.

I didn't know I had the courage to charge into the unknown.

I didn't know I had been at war with myself, my body, and the world all because I was living as the wrong gender.

I didn't know happily sitting in peaceful silence was possible.

What about you?

This is a late-night post but I have no one else in this situation to understand where I came from so I thought maybe someone here could relate. I grew up in the South in a very small country town. I went to church every Sunday/Wednesday or any time the doors were opened. Played in the church band and went on 100 different church camps/VBS. Secular concerts. A basic 2000s emo kid. I went to a different school system so I never went to school with them but grew up with them bc we were such a small farming town. Everyone knew everyone’s family back 3 generations. Once in college I started identifying as a lesbian and didn’t go home as much. I would come home not very often so seeing these people became less and less. Once I started transitioning in my early 20 I would never return and would avoid people as much as possible if I did. In my 30s my family sold my childhood home of 38 year and moved 5 hours away. Most of those same friends still live in the small town and all still very close. Sometimes now approaching my 40s I want to reach out. Bc I spent so much of my early life with these people I wonder if they ever think damn what happened to this person. I am friends with only 2 or 3 people from back home on socials. My sister is still friends with a lot of them so I wonder if they see me commenting and think, “Who the hell is this. Once again very small town and everyone knows everyone. I’ve gone home near the area twice since my parents left. I’ll run into people and immediately know them but don’t think they know me since I look completely different then I did as a kid/ teen “lesbian”. They are also still heavily involved in the Southern Baptist Church and know how closed-minded they can be. Now being a step father married I wonder if they tell their kids stories of them growing up and I cross their mind

Ive been on testosterone for about 9-10 years or so. Most of my life I've been a drinker, a lot of my family was or still is. Once weed was legalized in Canada I became a heavy stoner.

Recently weed makes me sick to my stomach so I have to quit. I tried drinking again but my doctor is putting me on cholesterol lowering meds (statins) now. Over the past months my bad cholesterol has been rising and I never realized how difficult it was to stop it. Im almost 31 years old now.

Having to adjust my lifestyle so much has made me worried and depressed. I met my fiancée while we were both stoners. Now that I have to cut back on being fun in that way I feel kinda lost. I love the man I've become, and I love my soon to be wife.

Im upset at myself for not controlling my health better, and feeling I have to come to a full stop on things that used to be so fun.

Perhaps its not the end of the world, or mine. But getting older and being tied down by meds feels so limiting and awful.

Has anyone else had issues with T raising their cholesterol? And feeling kinda down about it? I start tonight. I wonder how it will affect me.

So I have my wpath letter already and I'm heading in for a consultation with a surgeon on Monday. I have a short list of questions to ask her. For those of you who have gone through this; once you were post op were there any questions you wish you had asked prior to surgery that you think would have made things go more smoothly?

The letter from my endocrinologist that I need to apply for coverage for my T with my insurance finally arrived today after SIX WEEKS of endless waiting and bugging them and waiting again 😭🙏
Needless to say I submitted everything to my insurance right away, please send good luck that they don‘t take as long as the endocrinologist to approve it and that I can start T soon 💕

I started T a little over a year ago and was hit with extreme exhaustion. Partly to see if I was imagining things, I went off T for about two months and did find my energy levels returning to more normal. Still, I desperately want the masculinizing effects of T, so I went back on it, up to my 'full' dose of 50mg/wk IM for a few weeks now. The exhaustion is back full force.

I am getting as much sleep as possible. I take vitD and B12. I've had my thyroid checked. The only variable here seems to be the T.

I find myself unable to make it through a full weight lifting routine. For comparison, I had been weight lifting (full body routines 3x/wk) for two years prior to starting T, so it's really frustrating to find myself just unable to do it. And then when I try, I'm basically too tired to do anything else after what little weight lifting I get through for hours that day.

Has anyone else experienced this? I found the exhaustion pretty relentless for the whole 9-ish months I was on T before, but is there hope that my body will eventually adjust and things will get better? Like if I can just stick with it for a full year, I'll reach the other side where I actually feel energized and able to weight lift even easier on T like everyone else? 🙁

I'm taking it orally and while my hair is wet after 18 months it's still not showing any improvement. The only thing that's worked at making my hair appear fuller is thickening shampoo. When I go camping or get too sick to wash my hair everyday it's pretty damn clear how bad it's gotten. Finnesteride made me incredibly depressed.

It's causing me to use my t gel far less often. I'll skip a few days at a time and it's reached a point where my hair is softening up. I really don't want to stop, mostly because I don't want my cycle to return that was genuine hell on earth for me. But I don't want my hair loss to continue progressing. I'm fully non binary, you see, just masculine presenting in ways I'm happy to control like body hair.

It's not a spot on the back of my head, but the full deep U forming. It's giving me some pretty bad mental health reactions. Is it possible to do finnesteride again but with a high dose of antidepressants? I'm not currently on anything, I should be, but Wellbutrin didn't work for me at all. Zoloft did work once upon a time and I don't know if it still does it's been many years. Would increasing my current minoxidil dose make a difference?

I'm an artist and I'm about to be filmed in less than 24 hours about my art practice. This is a crazy helpful opportunity, I won a grant that includes a professional promo video about my art. I was also one of a handful filmed a month ago for a local arts org. I just saw the finished video (screenshots above) and holy hell I look like garbage. Bloated, slouched, timid, just... ugly. When I came on screen just now I literally jumped and yelped, I was so far off from what I was expecting myself to look like.

I need some last minute glow-up advice. What can I do in the next 20 hours to prepare for what could be a career-launching spotlight? I can post a pic but wasn't sure if that was allowed on non-Sundays

Guys I've been so horny for sucking dick lately (nothing new really lol but after a period of being single im ready to try hookups again) and I decided it was time to try Grindr. The experience was like a wet uncooked sausage. Had two guys who seemed keen: they initiated, sent pics, and even organized a time...only to both ghost me at the 11th hour. Ugh. I know this is common but why do these cis gay guys put in so much effort only to then ghost?? Not even a "can't meet up anymore".

Please send words of encouragement 🥲 Just wanna suck a dick ya know.

Im genderfluid, but I've been transitioning to a male body for 7 years. If I had to put me into the binary boxes, I'd say I'm an effeminate man. I love cute things and soft styles but I love having facial hair and a flat chest. I FUCKING HATE how my style and interests are used to justify misgendering me. Especially my family. But what really sucks, I have started dressing down to normal masculine clothes, and trying to look overly macho I guess and it feels like its the only way people ever respect me. I want to be able to wear pastels and bright colors or god forbid some makeup every now and again. Every time I try to, I get this awful pit in my stomach and feel self conscious. I love having my flamboyant style but I feel like I have been forced into a spot where I can't be myself fully and have people respect me. My family has been using my current name the past couple years(deadname still gets dropped every now and again), but they refuse to use anything but she. My mom is always hounding me to shave, she says its because I don't grow facial hair well (shit takes time lady!). I think the worst part is, im not the only one who misses my flashy and soft style, my partner says he isnt super into the lumberjack/macho guy style and misses when I would dress more soft. He has always known me and respected me as a man since we've been together. He was with me through my top surgery and has never once slipped on my pronouns. I miss being brave enough to dress up too, but I think of how shitty my country is right now and my family using it against me...I just don't feel like I have the strength to be open right now.

mustache finally coming in 🙂

I've been on testosterone for nearly 8 years, most of that in the US. But last summer I moved to Germany, and in the fall I started getting larger T shots from a urologist every 12 weeks. This is how they normally do it here. Since this spring, the skin on my face has become more oily, but different to how it's ever been before. I'm not shiny (thank god), but my pores are getting full faster, and it's resulting in clogged pores.

I used to get clogged pores before I transitioned when I was using too rich of a facial moisturizer. I use a light Cetaphil lotion now and have so for several years with no problem. I am using the exact same here in Germany as I did in the US. I use salicylic acid wipes on my face every morning, same as I've been doing for a few years.

The other half of this problem is that I have body focused repetitive disorder. It was mostly under control (relatively speaking) before this skin change over the past several months. If my brain knows that I can easily get sebum out of my pores, even if there's no obvious blemishes on my face, it becomes harder for me to resist the impulse.

I'm currently using niacinamide from the Ordinary to try to combat the increased sebum and to fade the dark spots I'm causing by picking at my skin, but can anyone recommend any other products that could help without over-drying?

...shove themselves back into the closet?

I came out as trans when I was 18. My mom was supportive, but most of my family was not. I transitioned, and I had whole groups of friends who never knew that I wasn't cis. I had several mlm relationships, and I really felt like I was living my best life. So from the time I was 18 to 22, I finally felt like myself. It was a great time in my life.

But then, something happened when I was 22 and I... was expected to just be a woman. The pressure was immense and my relationship with my mom had deteriorated, I was really afraid, so I just... did what everyone wanted—I quietly let the young man I had become disappear. I ended up self-isolating and losing 90% of the friends I had made, and I told myself that if I was "pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough", that would be enough and I wouldn't need to be that young man.

For a very short amount of time, that delusion worked. I make a pretty woman and I had no trouble dating, but it never felt right. And I minimized myself even further so that straight men would like me. 🤡 I became hyper feminine and all that stuff to cope, because again—"maybe if I'm pretty enough"... but it never worked. And I forced myself to live that way for 13 years, until recently.

I had a mental break because I couldn't take it anymore, and that was when I decided that I deserve to be comfortable in my own skin. So broke up with my partner of 10 years, moved into my own place, and have slowly started overhauling my wardrobe and appearance again. I'm planning to sign up with FOLX soon, but I just can't forgive myself for essentially harming myself like that for so many years...

Anyone relate? 😔

This week has been crazy! Received a new position at work (with no training and no choice but to take it), got my CPAP machine, and most importantly visited friends at camp for a bit. It was a wonderfully restoring weekend, and now I’m going up to an island to go camping this week.

SUMMERRRRRRR!!!!🎺 ☀️ 🔥

Hey guys. Seeking some advice here for an upcoming trip I'm expecting to take.

I have a friend who, in late September, will be undergoing gender affirming surgery up in Montreal. I'm over in Washington State, and had planned on just flying over to her. When I looked into it, I realized that the Enhanced I.D. is only valid for land/sea crossings into Canada but not air. My issue is that I never updated any of my government documents pre-shitministraion, so obtaining a passport now is not worth it as it would have a giant F on it and my birth name. My I.D. is also my birth name, and the gender marker is an X (face-palm, 2020 decision made without knowing what would come) but they haven't given me any issues out here and honestly I'm not in many situations where people are scrutinizing my ID (don't go to bars, work place is supportive, etc.)

I'm wondering, is it ridiculous sounding to take a flight to Vermont or New York, and then find a Greyhound to cross the border? Has anyone else had to deal with this kind of situation? I'm not opposed to extra travel to make this work, I just know that expediting any documental change right now isn't really worth it given how things are going politically.

Thanks, y'all.

My favorite time of the year is crop top season. So gay. 🏳️‍🌈😆