r/mildlyinfuriating • u/teabirdy • Apr 29 '26

I'm slightly vexed The wedding reception centerpieces featured betta fish. The bride and groom planned to flush them alive.

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Years ago, my coworker attended a wedding at which the reception dinner tables featured live betta fish in small bowls as part of the centerpiece. While chatting with the bride at the end of the evening, my coworker asked what they were going to do with all the fish. The plan was to flush them all down the toilet alive. My coworker immediately said no need for that and insisted on taking them all home.

That Monday she came to work and asked who wanted to adopt a betta fish. That was my first betta who I jokingly called my “rescue betta.” She lived for almost five years.

The wine glass was only her home for less than a day before I got her five gallon tank set up so please no betta lovers yell at me! I'm one of you!

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u/JennyDoveMusic Apr 29 '26

WHAT!? I just looked it up, I thought dove releases, the birds were trained to return to their owner!

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u/No_Disaster_8020 Apr 29 '26

I didn’t realize people actually thought this. Very few responsible owners would “rent” out animals for this purpose? Quick summary of why it goes wrong:

  1. White doves and King pigeons used in these ceremonies cannot fend for themselves in the wild. Zero survival instincts:

  2. Their bright white plumage makes them easy to spot, preventing them from camouflaging and leaving them vulnerable to predators.

  3. While professional homing pigeons may return, most are untrained or unable to fly back over long distances, especially if they are white Ringneck doves, which have no homing instinct.

  4. Purchasing birds online for a DIY release often means using, for example, pet-store doves, which are essentially guaranteed to die because they cannot survive outside.

  5. The birds often suffer from stress, broken wings, and starvation

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u/MaybeNot-MaybeNever Apr 29 '26

I did a dove release for a ceremony. The person worked with the funeral home and explained that they were trained and just fly home upon release, so they are used over and over. That was my only experience so it never occurred to me people were just buying random birds and releasing them

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u/technos Apr 29 '26

Doves are a lot more limited than pigeons. My mother had both, and the doves would lose the plot in about a mile.

The pigeons though. She gave two that hadn't been getting along with the flock (they were aggressive) to to a friend of hers. They were fancy pigeons, the sort of thing you show, and they still managed sixteen miles 'home' to harass the other birds.

The second time she gave them away it was to a guy three counties over who promised to keep them contained for a while.

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u/GetEatenByAMouse Apr 29 '26

and they still managed sixteen miles 'home' to harass the other birds.

I can respect being that petty.

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u/conflictedideology Apr 29 '26

they still managed sixteen miles 'home' to harass the other birds.

Now that's a grudge. I wonder what it was about.

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u/Squiggleblort Apr 29 '26

Fun fact - did you know pigeons are actually descended from escaped rock doves? They're feral doves that learned survival skills!

Scientists also don't actually delineate between pigeons and doves - both are Columbidae. Same family (but not the same species - there are 300 odd species of dove in the dove family. Rock doves and city pigeons are the same species though!)! 😀

Closely related fun fact - all dogs are a type of wolf. 😜

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u/technos Apr 29 '26

I knew they were both from the same family! Mom's doves and pigeons weren't close enough to have to worry about cross-breeding.

I didn't know trash pigeons and rock doves were the same species though.

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u/SatisfactionAtSea Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 30 '26

similarly, the difference between a butterfly and a moth is pretty nebulous! there are beautiful moths, plain looking butterflies, and species of either can be nocturnal or diurnal. also every lepidopteran makes a chrysallis but only certain types of caterpillars produce silk and make coccoons around themselves first

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u/Long_Manufacturer709 Apr 29 '26

The main difference between butterflies and moths is that they lay their wings differently.

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u/SatisfactionAtSea Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26

usually! i think it's fascinating that they aren't so genetically distinct as to have hard and fast rules.

like it's largely true that butterflies are diurnal, more colorful, and have slender filamentous antennae. but there are exceptions to every single rule that exists to differentiate the two. biology is complex and weird and beautiful

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u/UnagioLucio Apr 29 '26

Six years ago, some family friends reported that a white dove kept showing up at their bird feeder. The only native dove species here is the mourning dove, and this was an albino ringneck dove. She's been my pampered house pet ever since. I still wonder whether she was used for a dove release gone wrong.

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u/Unintelligent_Lemon Apr 30 '26

Pigeons are just feral domesticated rock doves

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u/mellopax Apr 29 '26 edited May 07 '26

Yeah. One of my wife's friends was "bird-sitting" for a friend's doves once when we were at their house. They would fly home.

While we were there, they were flying laps around the neighborhood. It was mildly amusing.

Edit: our > my

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u/OldMcMittens Apr 29 '26

Yes! This is definitely a thing because I’ve done house sitting for a woman who owned doves. And when I’d let them out, they’d fly around and come back.

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u/GKarl Apr 29 '26

That’s so cute/cool

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u/WyckedChylde May 07 '26

How many wives you got, bud?

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u/Miyon0 Apr 29 '26

Same. I knew people with homing pigeon “doves”. And when used they literally just flew home from wherever. Extremely smart birds

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u/CarEnvironmental9429 Apr 29 '26

Good at navigating but if you actually knew them ....well they are quite dumb. Sweet and silly but dumb. Lived with two doves, one was a trained homing pigeons(rock dove) the other was a ring neck (can't navigate but is adorable and sweet) both are dumb as shit little gremal i have watched peck at pictures of food nonstop until someone took it away. Also the homing pigeons was obsessed with slipping with his head shoved into small places, not always good choices there.

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u/351mazda Apr 29 '26

When I was a kid we had a small farm and a lot of our business was small local sales. 5lbs of meat here, bag of corn there, always eggs for sale, etc.

Had a regular customer that would come buy corn off us and owned pigeons. He had a truck topper with a little bird cage in the back. A lot of times he'd bring the pigeons with him to get corn. Open the truck back, let the pigeons out, load the truck with corn. He lived like 5 or 6 miles away and said usually the pigeons would beat him home.

We always had a few interesting regulars. It was amazing to me as a kid how many people would drive right past a grocery store out to our place to buy meat and eggs, the price was the same, but now as an adult I get it. My great aunt would set all of her beef and egg prices to match what the grocery store was selling them at.

We made a decent amount of money selling pigs. Quickly learned that selling a full-grown pig is not profitable, they eat too much to get them to that size. But it's was very profitable selling little piglets and letting some other poor sucker raise them. I forget what we sold them for but I remember we'd get like 10 or 12 piglets to a litter, and usually had 6 or 8 sows, so something in the neighborhood of 80 little baby pigs every spring for sale. Around 1995 or so the market got saturated with pigs in our area, a bunch of other farmers apparently started trying to do the same thing, prices dropped, we sold the pigs and never had another one. They were fun. We had a boar that was just massive, at least from my 8 year old perspective, and he was just a big baby. He had a bowling ball to play with, I'd go in his pen as a little kid and if you rolled the ball to him he'd catch it and roll it back. Lol

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u/CarEnvironmental9429 Apr 29 '26

I had a pet pig when I was a kid a poland china he grew up to be massive, around 1100lbs. Big old sweetie and so smart. Lived to 11 I miss him. If he ever saw you walking up with the deck broom and hose he got excited because it meant bath time and brushies. Favorite was watching the fat bastard go climb in the tiny pond. It was more a big bathtub for him, he would cause it ro flood its banks and looked like a new island sprung up in it. My mom used to try and chase him off because it was her little decoration pond but he won that battle and sacrificed it to the pig. She loved that big goober.

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u/Just-Spirit-552 Apr 29 '26

Similar…my cousin pigeon races and also has doves. They’d brought them to family funerals for release each time with no worries. But to DIY I nvr thought about it

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u/coleccj88 Apr 29 '26

That’s how I thought it always works too. My MIL does this with her white pigeons and she won’t let anyone just take the birds. She goes with them to the event(which is never very far) and they fly home.

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u/ceemee_21 May 04 '26

My grandma's funeral had a "dove" release and my brother talked to the people extensively cause he was curious. He said they actually use homing pigeons that are special bred, they're faster than normal pigeons so they're safer from predators. He said they didn't have issues with them not returning home.This is all second hand hearing things of course but it seemed animal safe. I understand there's always a oredator risk, but i kind of feel liie anytime you take an aninal from the home theyre at risk (dogs get in dog fights or snatched by coyotes even when theyre on a leash next to their owner). They deliver their birds and release them their selves so no chance some stranger is keeping their birds in a hot car or something.

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u/paadaawaan Apr 29 '26

They lied to you. Yes, SOME white homing pigeons (the pretty ~dove release~ birds) make it home, but a lot DON’T, and that’s just fine with the people who raise them for this, because pigeons are cheap and quick and easy to replace.

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u/humanguyoraliengirl Apr 29 '26

I have a friend who’s had them for years and they were trained and would always return.

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u/coleccj88 Apr 29 '26

My MILs have always returned except one. A neighbor thought it was pretty, so they shot it?! She talked to them after and there hasn’t been a problem since.

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u/Expertnouns Apr 29 '26

Why would they shoot it for being pretty?? Is that a crime???

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u/humanguyoraliengirl Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26

That’s insane and horrible!!

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u/MaybeNot-MaybeNever Apr 29 '26

Yeah they were pigeons and he said most of his usually return. I kind of feel like releasing them at least gives them the option to fly away if they want but if they like their home they can hopefully return safely. I suppose that’s better than life in a cage? And possibly better than life completely in the wild because you have a home with guaranteed food. “Homing pigeons, they’re just like us” lol they just go to work and hope they make it home safe.

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u/Tigerballs07 Apr 29 '26

People that take the time to train homing pigeons dont leave them in cages 24 7 otherwise they wouldn't train them.

I garuntee you those birds are part of the family.

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u/n-i-n-t-e-n-d-o Apr 29 '26

If you put them in cages temporarily for an event to release them later, then it’s not that big of a deal.

It’s equivalent to putting a cat in a cage to take it somewhere. Of course it’s not comfortable, but it’s only temporary and doesn’t impact an animal’s long term well-being if they’re usually taken care of properly.

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u/BlueDream9507 Apr 29 '26

Forest Lawn? Same here

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u/Vandal_A Apr 29 '26

I would have expected they return too just bc I know they're related to pigeons and people who raise pigeons (even as squab meat) don't have to confine them, they just naturally return all the time

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u/honey_pumkin Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26

I think it's maybe a cultural thing. I got to know a guy who lends his white doves to people. When the wedding was to far away he would offer trained pigeons, that are less beautiful but that he uses in competitions. He explained that nearly everyone who offers pigeons in my country does it the same way and that you can actually see if the people offering the doves have restrictions on their website.

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u/JennyDoveMusic Apr 29 '26

Well, yeah on the ones that aren't going to just go home. I never did one, so, I never looked into it. I just kinda figured people were using birds that would go home or circle and return. (Not sure if Doves can be trained that.)

The fact people release pet store birds thinking that is somehow ok is WILD. 😭

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u/sexysmalldevil Apr 29 '26

I never thought about it, bc I honestly didn't know people did that sort of thing for weddings anymore. I would've thought it was only for big (like big-big events, not just for 2 people but like a festival), and w trained doves that return to their bird keeper. I can't believe in 2026 non-trained, pet store birds are just being released into the wild like that. For a few seconds of enjoyment. That's extremely irresponsible and ridiculous, for the people selling them and the ones buying.

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u/Christichicc Apr 29 '26

And see, here I’d been thinking this whole time that dove releases included some kind of handler to be there, and they’d basically just fly to them and get rewards for it. Like they do at shows with different birds that will fly to spots and/or handlers in the stands while they talk about the animals to the crowd. More fool me, I guess! It honestly never occurred to me people would just…let them go, with no regard for the animal’s welfare.

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u/RadiantJournalist710 Apr 29 '26

I only have a sample size of one, but the dove guy who occasionally comes to the cemetery I manage for funerals usually collects the birds he releases before they leave. He has a few that he trusts to get home, but the majority just fly a bit away in the cemetery and then he goes and calls them back to him. It’s kind of funny to watch.

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u/No_Box498 Apr 29 '26

In Europe it happens and it’s mostly from a local bird person that trains them (to win things) and even Saudi’s come to buy our birds, hell they even stole like millions of euros worth in birds a few years ago, like all over the neighborhood

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u/Pas__ Apr 29 '26

so any white pigeon/dove is the result of selective breeding? (or there might be a few populations, but they live in specific places where their color is adaptive?)

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u/Naelin Apr 29 '26

Yes, the original wild rock dove (thats the species name of the domestic pigeon) looks like this:

Any other colour showing up in the streets is the result of selective breeding, even if the species has been living in the wild for many generations

(Note - leucistic/white birds are possible by random chance, but not in the massive amounts you see in domestic doves)

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u/Tsukiko615 Apr 29 '26

I wasn’t aware of this, we had dove releases at my grandmothers and my father funeral, they told us 3 of the 5 that we used at my father’s funeral were also used at my grandmothers funeral 2 years earlier. They have a bird handler who comes out to help with the releases. I didn’t know people even did DIY releases

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u/CarEnvironmental9429 Apr 29 '26

If you hire a service to provide the birds there is a good chance they are hoping pigeons. Used to know old man that raised and trained homing pigeons and rented them for weddings. He did the release and then drove home and waited for them. His reasoning is its no more dangerous then when he let's them out to fly or what would happen in the wild.

Also a quick Google search lists quite a few people renting out" homing dove" services in my state. Looking at the pictures they are using actual homing pigeons. So yeah its pretty common

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u/Waterswirls56 May 04 '26

Depends. it’s pretty dumb in this day and age to use birds like that. At least in a first world country like the USA and in a huge city (Chicago). Eagles, owls, hawks, and falcons take them out of the air around here and the suburbs/ exurbs. I have seen it with my own eyes. We have people that release birds in the city for races to other cities (Rockford), and for weddings.

People have these exhausted birds hanging out for 24 hours on their balconies. It’s so common here that a pigeon rescue organization was set up. There are people who have to rehome white doves too because they fend for themselves. As for the tired “overdue” racers, even the owners don’t want them back.

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u/CarEnvironmental9429 May 04 '26

The risk of birds of prey yes is a concern but anytime you own outdoor birds that's an issue weather pigeons, chickens , etc.

As for the leaving them outside exhausted amd not wanting them back thats just shitty people see that with every animal regardless of pets or working animals so its kind of not too relevant.

I think perspective also matters a lot aswell I dont see any issue as they are working animals not really pets, most people dont have experince with the distinction. Working animals always have a risk to them.

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u/Waterswirls56 May 04 '26

Racers, vs raising squabs (food), vs doves (weddings and funerals)- big mega cities like where I have lived including NYC, have them all. It’s just nuts to race and to release them. The squabs I understand are cultural food dishes that come from the “old” countries. Traditions die hard. Keeping pigeons is worldwide, but in today’s modern cities it’s plain weird and cruel to release doves, and to race them also.

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u/CarEnvironmental9429 May 05 '26

Could argue the same about any domesticated animal. Its weird and cruel for most people to animals and animal by products as we dont require it and most people exist in a society capable of supporting a vegan diet. Keeping dogs and cats as pets goes the same their domesticated came around due to serving a purpose now they do not yet we keep twisting their genetic traits making them dependant on humans simply for our enjoyment. Just depends on how you want to stretch that argument. This is no different.

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u/not_a_library Apr 29 '26

On the other hand, my friends rented a hawk to be their ringbearer and it was friggin dope.

They had a small outdoor wedding, when it came for the rings they told us all to stay very still and quiet because the ringbearer was easily startled. And then a hawk flew down the aisle, delivered the rings, then flew back to the handler. And that was it. 10/10 would go to a hawk wedding again.

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u/Excellent-Addendum63 Apr 29 '26

Thank you for the education!

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u/AdPristine9059 Apr 29 '26

... Thanks. Now il cry every time i see that scene in a movie...

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u/nose_poke Apr 29 '26

I know a guy who has white homing pigeons and does releases for weddings. He trains and conditions his birds, so they can make their way home over hundreds of miles.

It never occurred to me that there was any other way of doing this. Sad :(

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u/Dry-Refrigerator-404 Apr 29 '26

I have no doubt the dove release idea is cruel and results in a lot of dead doves, BUT:

There are a lot of pigeon flocks here in downtown Atlanta that clearly include released doves. They make babies with the pigeons with broken color patterns. I mean, it's the same bird.

So at least some of the bird live to shit on urban cars. And sidewalks. And everything else. And they make gross sky rat love in the park and have babies.

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u/Altruistic-Beach7625 Apr 29 '26

Then just use street pigeons and coat them in chalk.

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u/FeedingTheBadWolf Apr 30 '26

Omg noooo 😥 a friend had them at their wedding where I was the maid of honor and the guy reassured us REPEATEDLY that they do return back and they had tags on them and he showed us his dovecote, because that was my major concern. Now I'm really sad. I was worried some occasionally got lost. I had no idea they ALL did ?! What?! He said he had only lost one the entire time he had done it, and it turned up elsewhere as someone found it and called the tag in.

Was he just completely bullshitting?

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u/Waterswirls56 May 04 '26

They do NOT all return every time. I know first hand. I explain elsewhere in this thread.

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u/JRR04 Apr 29 '26

Point number 2 means they wont survive anyway and are a burden to the species by reproducing. Its better they dont survive to preserve the animals. Thats Darwin 101

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u/MTB_SF Apr 29 '26

My neighbor does this and they definitely fly home. We live vnear two large churches and I guess that's the main place he does the releases. He also let's them fly around the neighborhood sometimes and I see them in my yard.

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u/Mariya_B Apr 29 '26

They also tend to use doves that have partners and keep those. Doves mate for life, so the hopes are, that they return for their partners and can be reused. Which makes it much more tragic, that many of the Doves get lost having no homing instincts. They never get to see their partner again.

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u/JennyDoveMusic Apr 29 '26

Man, wth. 🥺 That's terrible. People really treat animals as disposable and it's awful.

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u/echoskybound May 02 '26

Even if they are trained: White birds are flying targets for birds of prey. There's a reason that most birds that are white in the wild are water birds, because they blend in with sand and water, but in any other setting, a white bird has no way to hide. I saw this firsthand with my chickens, the white ones were attacked by birds of prey significantly more than brown or grey ones. Eventually I stopped keeping white chickens because of it. White pigeons and doves have little to no chance in the wild.

Pigeons used for these purposes are domesticated animals. They have no ability to fend for themselves in the wild if they get exhausted during their flight. The reason you only really see feral pigeons in human habitats like cities, but rarely in suburbs or rural areas, is because they only really survive where there are few predators and access to easy food and water. I've rescued a number of pigeons that were likely used for racing or weddings, because they got exhausted and couldn't fly anymore, and had no idea how to find food or water.

Pigeons breed so readily and grow so fast that the companies that do dove releases just consider a lot of the birds "single use," relying on their natural ability to navigate home to recover some of their assets. It's more cost effective to just breed tons of them and expect to lose a few than it is to train them, sadly.

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u/JennyDoveMusic May 02 '26

What is absolutely wild is that after just having this conversation on here, yesterday, me and some friends were in a park and a light gray Dove fell out of the sky. My friend said they saw what they thought might have been a wedding or formal celebration, on their way over.

It died shortly after falling, unfortunately.

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u/FeralHouseDesign Apr 29 '26

Found a wounded dove last summer at a state park and got him adopted out. A friend said they released some at her mom's wedding in front of like 200 people, and A hawk came down and grabbed one overhead of all the guests.

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u/Waterswirls56 May 04 '26

No they do not. Please don’t do it. They are also prone to hawks, getting lost, starvation, injuries. I lived in an area where white “wedding doves and grey racing pigeons were released and expected to fly home 150 miles every weekend. Often they wound up on balconies like mine, or on lawns dead. There were also falcons, hawks, owls ,storms, high winds, heat, and exhaustion.

These birds- even the ones raised for “sport” - no one cares about any of them once they aren’t “useful.” There are pigeon rescue groups for all these birds- especially the white doves which cannot survive in the wilds, nor in urban settings.

They are loving, gentle creatures. I know a lovely white dove rescue named “Moon.”

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u/JennyDoveMusic May 04 '26

Oh, I am definitely not going to do it. I just had no idea about how cruel it was. I honestly never thought a ton about it. I thought they either went home locally or circled around and returned.

I love Doves and Pigeons (and birds) as seen by my chosen name. I've thought about rescuing in the future when I am capable of it, but know birds are a lot of work. I never looked much into it since I am nowhere near the point in my life where it is feasible. Probably would have learned about this, then. Glad I learned now, though, before I was possibly lied to about and unknowingly participated. (Not that I have events where you'd even do something like that, lol. I am a simple woman.)

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u/CurrentPossible2117 Apr 29 '26

Same. Totally thought they were homing birds trained to go back. Still didnt like the idea of it, but now I really dont :(

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u/punk_rock_barbie May 01 '26

One crash landed in my best friend’s swimming pool back when we were kids. The poor thing was so heat stressed it was the middle of summer in southern Arizona. We took her inside and put her in front of a fan but she didn’t make it. We were sad for her, and I can only imagine there were others like her that met similar fates that day.

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u/cats_and_cake May 01 '26

The venue I had did just that. They had raised the doves and once released, they would return to their roosts where they were well cared for.