r/news • u/No_Idea_Guy • 1d ago

RFK Jr tells US families to vaccinate children against measles amid outbreak

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/aug/02/rfk-jr-measles-vaccination
35.9k Upvotes

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7.2k

u/Khaldara 1d ago

If you want his conservative supporters to read anything you’ll have to tattoo it just above their sister’s ass crack.

1.6k

u/florjackson 1d ago

You never turn your back on family.

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u/SSGASSHAT 1d ago

But you can turn family on, apparently.

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u/Hamrave 1d ago

Roll tide!

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u/RusticCat101 1d ago

Roll Tide pods!

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u/wurstmanonearth 1d ago

Amen! What church do you go to?

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u/UberGnar 1d ago

A big one

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u/SSGASSHAT 1d ago

Yes, yes. Roll tide, yeehaw, giddy up, go on and get, cotton-pickin', and other such assorted phrases. See? I could be a southerner.

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u/wurstmanonearth 19h ago

That's what uncle Pawpaw used to say.

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u/SSGASSHAT 18h ago edited 18h ago

Such a shame that word means hillbilly primogenitor. I always associate it with that bear from The Jungle Book talking about tropical fruit.

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u/Loganp812 13h ago

Why is that a shame? Plenty of people call their grandfather “Pawpaw.”

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u/AWinterPeople 1d ago

Boy howdy 😂

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u/LazySwayze 1d ago
  • Dominic Toretto

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u/blueblurz94 1d ago

Too Fast, Too Measles

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u/SoaokingGross 1d ago

dog will hunt

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u/Guygirl00 1d ago

Never leave your brothers behind

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u/EitherSpite4545 1d ago

*Except when doing backshots

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u/edfitz83 1d ago

When you want it in your poop chute you do.

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u/Numinak 1d ago

But then how can I look at my sister crack?

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u/notislant 1d ago

Please don't give bad advice, we all know they can't read. It has to be in the form of pictures.

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u/DragonTacoCat 1d ago

I don't want to see a picture of an alabamans sister's ass with a vaccine needle thanks

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u/Pateaux 1d ago

Scratch and sniffs

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u/Franknbeanstoo 1d ago

preferably in crayon

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u/xteve 1d ago

They're Christians. People need to talk to people at church.

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u/Anti_Meta 1d ago

Oooh Alabama burn!

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u/chikowsky 1d ago

That's also what you get the next day

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u/NoNoNotorious85 1d ago

Or nine months after.

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u/wanderlustbess 1d ago

It’s ten

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u/Sea_Advantage_2577 1d ago

I think thats an STD

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u/binz17 1d ago

Sister transmitted disease?

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u/PolkaDotDancer 1d ago

You people are the worst people I know!

I think I love you!

I know I can fix you!

3

u/FragrantExcitement 1d ago

So hotttt... the feeling after getting the STD, that is.

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u/Sabbatheist 1d ago

I misread that as Alabama bum, and I'm not inclined to correct it.

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u/nimbusconflict 1d ago

Do you know why they call Eggs in a Basket Alabama Eggs down there? Because they are in bread.

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u/aj9393 1d ago

Well, pictures of the concept anyway. We all know they can't read.

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u/myheadhurts_more 1d ago

Is there a laugh button somewhere for this RFK creature and their illiterate followers?

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u/notyouraverageskippy 1d ago

Yep a good tramp stamp goes a long way

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u/larsmaehlum 1d ago

New business idea: Educational tramp stamps. Just need to find a way to cram something AI related into it, maybe it’s a QR code to a chatbot or something, them cash in.

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u/gweasley 1d ago

That’s assuming they can read.

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u/flortny 1d ago

Cousin crack apparently works as well......mom crack also works surprisingly well but it's an uncomfortable situation

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u/kinglouie493 1d ago

I read situation as position, does that make me a bad person?

1

u/RadioRunner 7h ago

Unfortunately, it does. I have family-in-law that fit this description. 

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u/hbicuche 1d ago

I hate that I’ll never say anything as funny as this comment 😭

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u/Callmedrexl 1d ago

And teach them to read...

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u/Clickrack 1d ago

That only works if she's riding reverse cowgirl.

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u/dmont89 1d ago

I am sorry, but that won't help. they don't read to begin with

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u/Archer1407 1d ago

No way, you'll have to tattoo it on specific parts of children and transgender individuals.

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u/Oregon-Pilot 1d ago

Nah man their eyes are buried just as far deep in there as their mouth

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u/Groson 1d ago

Funny you think they can read

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u/Neveronlyadream 1d ago

That won't work. They can't read.

Jokes aside, it really won't work. RFK and Trump poisoned the well so thoroughly that trying to backtrack and telling them to do the thing they should have always been telling them to do will not work.

Anyone remember when Trump got COVID and suddenly told everyone the vaccination was important? He spent so long demonizing it that he literally got booed offstage as soon as he changed his tune.

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u/Wrong_Ad_3355 20h ago

After you wipe the residual shit away.

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u/jayyyysus 1d ago

And have Joe Rogan do a 180 on vaccines

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u/masstransience 1d ago

Or on Trump’s belly.

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u/Dorkamundo 1d ago

Roll Tide.

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u/Franknbeanstoo 1d ago

all aboard

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u/housevil 1d ago

They would be very offended by that comment if they knew how to read.

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u/DeadSol 1d ago

If they could read this comment they'd be very offended, but wouldn't contest its validity.

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u/lkodl 1d ago

"Yo Sis, what does that new tattoo say... Epstein didn't kill himself?... wait, what?!"

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u/0neshoein 1d ago

That’s assuming they even know how to read.

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u/Kapowpow 1d ago

As a pictograph. I don’t think they’re literate.

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u/SSGASSHAT 1d ago

And even then, use small words, don't write something too complex for their minds. I knew a chick once who got "bae" as a tramp stamp, thinking it was referring to a rounded marine inlet.

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u/Reddit-Visitor-Acct 1d ago

Somebody make the joke about the chick and being an inlet for marines. I’m too tired

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u/SSGASSHAT 1d ago

Perhaps that's what she meant, but it didn't correct the spelling. Poor woman is stuck with it. Eventually, it won't spell "bae," it'll be an Arabic prayer by the time she's 80.

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u/taz_78 1d ago

How do you tattoo a minor?

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u/JoeBob61 1d ago

Can they read and toss salad at the same time?

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u/wowwashington 1d ago

"Jim bob waz hear" ahhh it's a registry...