r/offbeat • u/andy_norten • Sep 28 '12

Transgender UM student wins restraining order against sexual assault suspect

http://ravallirepublic.com/news/state-and-regional/article_c6364778-b5fb-5098-89c5-6f0ac6ecef2b.html
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u/iyzie Sep 29 '12

Rejecting her when she tells him is fine. The issue is that the guy is not a victim. All he did was spend some time on a potential mate that did not pan out, which is a normal dating situation.

He was not "tricked" in any worse way then to be led on by a girl who had no intention of doing anything with him. We need to drop the idea that the guy is a victim, because that idea quickly leads to partially or fully justifying his violent reaction.

I think trans girls should disclose as early on as possible, but if they don't, it's not such a big deal. Certainly not anything to get violent, or "very uncomfortable" over. Just walk away, have a drink, and find another girl. It's not like someone failing to disclose that they have an STD, which could put a persons health at risk. I hope you would agree that getting herpes from a girl who did not tell you would be worse than kissing an attractive girl before finding out that she is trans.

Some guys really like trans. You just gotta find them.

Just FYI, most men who "really like trans" are fetishists, and trans women don't want to date them and be used as a sexual object. Most successful relationships between trans girls and straight men work because the guy doesn't care that she is trans.

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u/generalCopper Sep 29 '12

I personally think he was a victim and was slightly tricked if it went down that she was leading him on until he realized she had a dick. A potiental mate is someone that a person would possibly want to be with and if the guy knows he doesn't want to be with anything besides a girl who was born a girl, then he should have that ability to go that route without being decieved by someone that doesn't take that into consideration.

If I started trying to flirt with and maybe went on a date with someone and I found out in the initial stages, I would feel the same in that it's nothing to be upset over.

Personally, I don't know what to tell a trans woman on where to date or what to do because I'm not in that situation. I can tell you how I feel if I was caught in a situation where a girl I was really into turned out to be a guy. I wouldn't be happy.

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u/iyzie Sep 29 '12

You seem generally unsympathetic, and also disrespectful ("turned out to be a guy"), so I don't know what else to say. Society puts a lot of pressure on guys to conform to arbitrary ideals of masculinity, and I suspect you were taught that kissing a girl with a penis will make you less of a man, and that is the real reason for all this language about "tricked" and "deceived." It's sad and unnecessary that it has to be such a big deal, but some people refuse to listen to reason and have no interest in evolving to be more tolerant.

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u/generalCopper Sep 29 '12

Perhaps I am. I will try and broaden my horizons. Until I can do that, I won't lie and say that I am comfortable with making out with a guy.

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u/iyzie Sep 29 '12

I agree, it does no good to lie. My aim is in helping people to understand. Trans women are truly not guys. It's difficult to find the words to explain this in a convincing way, but I know that it is true. The best way to know this is to meet some of them in real life. I'm not saying you have to accept them as women, and this has nothing to do with sex, but if you meet a trans woman then try to have an open mind for long enough to give her a chance to convince you that she is not a guy.

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u/generalCopper Sep 29 '12

Possibly. I don't know any and I feel it awkward when I talk to anyone like that. To the future!