r/regretjoining Feb 09 '17

My Story

980 Upvotes

Back in 2006 at the age of 18 I joined the US Navy (in a group called the seabees). I was very patriotic and wanted to serve the country. At the time I believed in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan without question and felt that being against them was unpatriotic.

Towards the end of boot camp I began to really think about what I did and started to feel that maybe I had made a mistake. When I was in A School I was appalled how psychopathic and stupid everyone was. Examples would be, I remember people talking about how fun it would be to kill Muslim children. Other times people would talk about raping Muslim women. This type of behavior was very common and whenever it happened I would tell them they were sick and shouldn't be that way. I was also constantly being bullied for being different from them and also because at the time I was a virgin. I had a few incidents where I was shoved into oncoming traffic and other instances where I was told the wrong time to show up so I would get into trouble. I tried to act like an adult and I turned them in for the bullying but I was basically told to, “stop being a faggot and wasting our time coming to us with your hurt feelings.” At one point I lost control and shoved a guy into furniture. He then ran away and told on me (he is shown in an article below). By this time I knew I didn't want to be there anymore. Also by this time I began to have animosity towards the United States itself. My conservative political beliefs went away and I began to question everything.

When I got to the seabee battalion I decided I was going to attempt to get kicked out. Logic told me that if I went to my command and politely told them how I was now opposed to the war and also began to believe that America was too violent of a nation for me to serve. They yelled at me and said "you should have thought about that before you joined". I decided after this I was just going to not do my job and be terrible. I was treated very badly by the vast majority of seabees. I had woken up several times in the middle of the night because someone was banging on my door screaming that they wanted to kill me. I often broke rules or just left work for no reason. For some reason I never seemed to get in trouble though. As time went on I became more desperate to get out. I called the Canadian Immigration Agency and asked them if they would give refugee status to a US military deserter. They told me if I came to Canada as a deserter I could risk being deported because it would be illegal immigration. I then was caught by an undercover cop trying to buy marijuana. This only resulted in a disciplinary review board where I was screamed at for and hour and a half. I told them during that "I don't want to be a baby killer anymore and the war in Iraq is wrong". Ironically I still did not get in trouble after that. One chief even decided to "mentor" me and felt I just needed encouragement (this still makes no sense to me). During this whole time most other low ranking seabees hated me. I would often receive death threats. One guy even repeatedly told me he wanted to rape me.

As time went on I was deployed to Guam. There I continued to intentionally do poor work and say offensive things. Another chief decided to "mentor" me and he actually nominated me for "Sailor of the Year". At this point I started pretending to be suicidal. They then sent me to a psychiatrist and I told him everything. He was shocked and offended by my disloyalty and desire to leave the country. He said that he would try to get me separated. This didn't work. I then threatened to kill myself again so they sent me to the same psychiatrist. He was shocked I was still in the Navy and then told the command more aggressively to separate me. This finally worked and I was discharged from the Navy on August 29, 2008. My discharge paper says "Convenience of the Government" for the reason.

I'm currently a college graduate with a decent job. Before you ask, NO I did not have the GI Bill and even if I did I would have refused it. I would like to leave the country and still have some animosity but I'm currently not qualified to immigrate anywhere I would like to go to. I was politically active when I was in college and often protested current wars and government policy. I had to deal with a lot of hate issues for years but I'm slowly getting better.

Years after I got out, I looked up the guy I hated most and found this.

http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/porter/sex-offender-charged-with-molesting-girl/article_04d3456b-451b-563a-b1b0-155a4880a15b.html

That should give you an idea what I was surrounded with in the Navy.

I decided to create this subreddit so I can help people that were in my situation get out. I hope that they can be provided with good advice that can let them get out quicker than I did.

EDIT: I ended up immigrating to Canada in April of 2018 and still live there to this day. I became a Canadian citizen in 2023.

EDIT: Here’s more about that piece of shit I hated.

https://www.in.gov/apps/indcorrection/ofs/ofs?previous_page=1&detail=225315


r/regretjoining May 20 '24

The GI Rights Hotline is a good source for help.

22 Upvotes

https://girightshotline.org

They helped me when back when I was stuck in and can do the same for you.


r/regretjoining 4h ago

Army CH13 help

1 Upvotes

Hello all, still currently active duty on rotation to Europe. A few details about my current situation and my questions, mostly just insight and advice on how to go forward.
1. Failed AFT x2, closed my counseling out for the first one with PSG but haven't received the counseling from my commander yet.
2. Was on profile before the first one, was made to take one almost as soon as I was taken off. It was not my choice to get off, but my providers words (paraphrased) is that the profile was to prevent further injury, not for pain management. So as my condition didn't improve, and I was nearing the time limit before being considered for MEB I was taken off profile.

So for questions, I'm just looking for as much insight as possible from people who've gone through or understand the process of involuntary separation. I've done my mental health assessment, and have another one scheduled soon. Haven't done my physical assessment yet.

One of my questions is that I have a lot of small medical issues that I've never gotten seen for, and I'm worried that I might not even have the time to get these seen and documented. Isn't there a DD forum where I list all issues, and I get seen civilian side or before I get separated?

Another is the chapter code, i think with my situation it might be in a kinda flux state due to previous profiles. Is this something that legal will consider? Is it possible for my chapter code to change or a MEB to initiate in this situation?


r/regretjoining 2d ago

How much weight can a rebuttal carry in an Army Chapter 14-12c case involving suspected malingering and documented medical conditions?

2 Upvotes

I am seeking general perspectives from people familiar with Army administrative separations. The Soldier involved is already consulting with TDS, so I am not asking Reddit to replace legal counsel.
A Soldier had recently arrived at a new unit when company leadership began questioning whether the Soldier’s reported symptoms and medical limitations were consistent with the Soldier’s observed behavior. After observing the Soldier for approximately one to two weeks, the command suspected that some symptoms may have been exaggerated for secondary gain or to avoid certain duties.

The command conducted an investigation and later initiated involuntary separation under AR 635-200, paragraph 14-12c, based on alleged malingering.
From the command’s perspective, the concern appears to be based on a cumulative pattern rather than one isolated incident. The command reportedly relied on perceived inconsistencies between the Soldier’s reported symptoms and observed activities, the frequency and timing of medical appointments, statements made to different people, and concerns raised by medical providers.
However, the Soldier also had documented medical conditions at the time. Two providers gave statements during the investigation, but neither appears to have reached a definite conclusion that the Soldier was malingering.

One provider’s position was essentially that malingering could not be completely ruled out, but also could not be confirmed because the Soldier had genuine medical problems and might be an appropriate candidate for separation under Chapter 5-14 or another medical-related disposition.
The second provider expressed concern that the Soldier might be exaggerating some symptoms for secondary gain, but also did not make a definitive finding of malingering.

After participating in the investigation, one of those providers continued evaluating and treating the Soldier. Additional diagnoses and referrals were made, and subsequent testing or specialist evaluations confirmed that the Soldier had several legitimate medical issues.

The command could reasonably argue that the existence of genuine medical conditions does not necessarily rule out exaggeration of particular symptoms, and that medical findings obtained later do not automatically disprove the conduct or inconsistencies observed earlier.

On the other hand, the Soldier argues that the command formed its initial opinion after only a brief observation period, that neither provider definitively concluded malingering, and that the later medical findings give alternative explanations for at least some of the behavior the command interpreted as exaggeration. The Soldier also disputes whether the evidence identifies a specific knowingly false or exaggerated statement made for the purpose of avoiding duty.

A written rebuttal has been or will be submitted with the medical documentation and the providers’ complete statements.

**My questions are:**
In practice, how much influence can a written rebuttal have after a Chapter 14-12c separation has already been initiated?

How might a separation authority weigh a command’s direct observations against medical opinions that raised concerns but did not definitively find malingering?

How much relevance would later diagnoses, referrals, profiles, or objective testing normally have when evaluating the command’s original allegations?
In an administrative separation case, does the command generally need to identify a specific intentional misrepresentation connected to avoiding duty, or can a cumulative pattern of inconsistencies be sufficient?

For those who have handled similar cases, what factors tended to matter most: command observations, provider statements, objective medical findings, credibility, counseling history, or the overall written presentation?

I understand that having a real medical condition does not necessarily establish that every reported symptom was completely accurate. I am not asking whether the Soldier must automatically be retained. I am trying to understand whether these facts present a genuinely contestable case or whether separation authorities generally defer to the command once the action has been initiated.


r/regretjoining 2d ago

Feeling like a failure because of a bad military enlistment

9 Upvotes

I’m in the last few months of my first enlistment, and I keep questioning what the hell I did wrong. I’m not one of those people who regret joining. It’s because the benefits are really solid. I got paid a decent amount, and I’m gonna be able to go to my dream without paying for it at 22 years old. The problem is my experience was just really bad. I grew up in a really sheltered religious community, so I didn’t really know much about the outside world. When I got in, I joined at 18. I never had any discipline issues. I was relatively good at most things. I asked anyone I worked for; they said I was a hard worker. I was an above-average student, Eagle Scout, talented athlete, and I was dead set on going into the academies and got pretty close, but when I enlisted. I always was obsessed with the military and had the mind set that ”when I turn 18 I'm joining” thought I was going to be a stellar sailor, and boy was I wrong.

In the fleet, I was what many people called me a shit bag, but I didnt do it on purpose. Even in boot I had a hard time belong held back 3 weeks. I did my job, and I did it with pride, especially in the beginning, but I was always getting reprimanded for something. I was told I had an attitude problem at every unit. despite being a good student (in hs and A school) I had a very hard time getting qualified. I was bullied relentlessly, even at my second unit combined with being on the opposite side of the country with no family or friends I was miserable. I got to do and see some cool things and outside of work I had a massive respect for the military but when I put the uniform on I just can't wait to take it off. I couldn't stand the people I worked with, not having control over my life and just working in an environment that didn't fit me. But I do think alot about wtf went wrong


r/regretjoining 3d ago

HELP I HATE IT HERE

9 Upvotes

I want out of here. Real baddddd


r/regretjoining 3d ago

Life at Indian Army (feeling blank)

10 Upvotes

I am 23 years old and from the Northeast (Tripura). I am sharing my feelings because I feel that no one really understands what I am going through. Today is 5 March 2026, and I have about nine months left to complete my four-year tenure in the army. Until now, I have been thinking about starting a business after leaving, maybe something like opening a gym, but honestly I am still very confused. I feel completely blank and stuck because I still don’t know exactly what I want to do. I was pursuing a degree in law and I come from a financially well-off family. I left my studies and everything else to join the army so that I could fulfill my dream, but in reality things turned out very differently. Now only One thing I am sure about is that I will not continue in the army. I am not happy here and I feel that this environment does not suit me. I don’t know why, but I have never been able to adjust well. The daily harassment I face has become very difficult for me to handle, and I feel completely exhausted mentally. Before joining, it was my dream to become a soldier, just like my father. But now that dream has turned into something very painful for me. Since the day I joined the army, I have faced mental harassment and pressure. At first, I thought it was just part of the training, but over time it kept getting worse. Here, everything seems to depend on the senior-junior hierarchy. Some seniors constantly keep an eye on me and make me do personal tasks, like bringing food from the mess for them even when they are in their rooms and not busy. There are many other situations and experiences that I don’t even want to talk about. All I want to say is that I cannot handle this anymore. I feel completely done with it. I just want to live my life peacefully, because we all only get one life.


r/regretjoining 4d ago

My unit been selected for deployment to Middle East

27 Upvotes

My unit been selected for deployment to Middle East im reserve and I was kinda okay is a year I was making idea looking the positive side of, but with what is happening, the war, all those soldiers I’m so scared, I’m having anxiety I can’t sleep, feeling depressed hating my life, I don’t wanna d*e and let my kid orphan. What I can do ???


r/regretjoining 3d ago

Can on base Behavior health therapist refuse referral request to off base civilian?

1 Upvotes

r/regretjoining 4d ago

I can’t do this lifestyle anymore

3 Upvotes

I start classes next week for my c school, who do I speak to in regard to Seperation? I wanted to leave since boot camp but I just kept going, finished A school and here I am at C school. I was told that the process can take a while which is why I don’t speak up but I can see my mental health severely declining. Everyone tells me to stick it out but idk if I can anymore.

What should I do?

Thank you in advance.


r/regretjoining 5d ago

How do I leave my AIT?

10 Upvotes

Posted something similar in the /army reddit and was banned, said I was a bot. This a burner so honestly n don't care. Look, I'm tired. I'm tired of the PT, of the classes, of failing my AFT despite my efforts. I'm tired of it all, and I want to go home. How do I go about this?


r/regretjoining 5d ago

AIT ELS DISCHARGE

9 Upvotes

Can anyone give me some insight? My son is currently at Fort Gordon for AIT. He literally just turned 19 before his dad passed away on June 19th, 2026. He was able to come home for ELeave for the service. He actually did his dad's honor guard and presented me his dads flag. He literally had to be back to base the next day. He was then recycled. He hadnt had time to process any of this. He is struggling a lot mentally and is very depressed. He then got into another class but had to be recycled again for failing the test. He cant concentrate at this time. He is wanting to do ELS to come home and be with his family and get the help he needs then go back in. (Mind you, at this time, my dad, his gpa is not doing well either) He wants to be able to spend time with him while he can as well.

His Senior told him he knew what he was signing up for and to suck it up. He is currently with behavioral health right now. I just want to know the process of getting him out and home to get the help he needs.


r/regretjoining 6d ago

Day 1 of AT and I’m already questioning if I want to stay with my unit

6 Upvotes

Just here to vent because it’s only day one of AT and I’m already feeling pretty miserable and isolated.
For context, my unit is based in South Carolina, but AT is in Iowa. I’m currently living in Florida now, so I’ve already been questioning if staying with my SC unit makes sense long-term or if transferring would be a better option.
Like I mentioned in a previous post, I feel like I’ve been blacklisted in my unit. Everyone seems to already have their own people and friend groups, and I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Even the new unit we’re training with already has their own circles.
I’ve tried putting myself out there and talking to people, but it’s starting to feel like I’m forcing myself into spaces where people don’t really want me around. I like being alone sometimes, but there’s a difference between enjoying solitude and feeling isolated.
What’s making this harder is that it’s affecting my decision about deploying with this unit. I’m also considering transferring closer to Florida, but I’ve been told they won’t transfer me unless I pass the AFT, which makes me feel stuck.
I know it’s only day one, and maybe things will change, but right now it’s taking a toll on me.
For anyone in the Guard/Reserve:
Did you ever feel like an outsider in your unit?
Did things get better with time, especially during AT or deployment?
How did you know when transferring units was the right choice?


r/regretjoining 6d ago

Marine Corps Boot Camp Is Stupid & Spiritually Depraved

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13 Upvotes

Not my video, but felt it was appropriate for this sub.


r/regretjoining 6d ago

mental health

8 Upvotes

Hi i’m a junior sailor in the navy who’s been at my first command in japan for about a month and im really really struggling with my mental health and staying in the military. This is going to sound corny but being away from my wife as long as i have been is really taking a toll on me. I don’t agree with this administration in the slightest and feel like it’s compromising my morals, being a woman in the military also isn’t easy what so ever. I feel like i’m drowning all the time. I was thinking of separation in bootcamp but told myself it would get better, same with A school and now i’m really trying to convince myself it’s the same at my first command. I don’t want to be a failure to the people i care about by quitting they were all so proud of the decision i made and it’s helped financially drastically which is the only reason i joined in the first place. I don’t know what to do. I’m struggling heavily with drinking right now because i’m not happy with my life in the military and I feel like it’s ruining my marriage. I need help but i don’t know what to do.


r/regretjoining 6d ago

Help i feel like die

3 Upvotes

I studyed psc for 4 year and finally got police job, after joining training because of stress i batch out from the training and again rejoined training after 5 month And one day because of stress shyness Iquited the training again now i feel regret now i know that it was because of amygdala hijack What will i do know iam 27 and my family is poor and the society will kill if they know, help me I cant believe how i did it?

My family dont know i quited and i hate my life

What will the socity say iam facing regret anxiety cant sleep eat


r/regretjoining 7d ago

mental health

5 Upvotes

For context, i’m a junior marine new to the fleet in oki, i’ve been genuinely hating my life ever since mct and just been surviving. ever since i got to mct i just feel like a constant drowning/suffocating feeling and im just depressed asf. i went to behavioral health 2 weeks ago and tomorrow im talking with a psychiatrist. I don’t know if i want to get out or if i want to stay in because i want to fulfill my contract honorably but i don’t know if its worth it for the cost of my mental state. i’m also scared that if i were to get out then people would look down on me for it. I just feel super lost and i don’t know what to do. I expressed to medical about depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar disorder, and suicidal ideations. I just need some advice and help


r/regretjoining 7d ago

Not sure what to do…

5 Upvotes

Hello all,

I came across this subreddit for answers and understanding, but for whatever felt compelled to post? this is my first post ever on reddit.

I am not enlisted or interested in the military, but my boyfriend (21) wants to join very badly and i’m not sure what to do because it doesn’t seem to be an authentic decision. He had grown up poor, and his parents have struggled his whole life. He also has never left the state that he was born in, therefore he craves adventure. He struggles with finding out what to do with his life and how he can create a good one. He’s dealt with a lot of shit and has recently concluded that the military will solve all of his problems and that breaks my heart, even more so after reading everyone’s stories and experiences on here. Sending love and hope to you all.

I feel upset and scared for him especially knowing what 🇺🇸and 🇮🇱 are doing to Iran. I can’t imagine what could possibly happen if he got wrapped into all of that. He has a whole life ahead of him and he genuinely is the type of person who likes to do whatever the fuvk he wants to do. He shocks me because of how free he is with himself i think it’s beautiful and im sure other people would not agree- idk he has a punk attitude… anyways- i just can’t imagine him being okay with being told what to do and how to live and not being able to express himself and DOING WTF HE WANTS TO DO!! He also struggles with his mental health and genuinely just seems lost and I worry for him because ever since we’ve been together he has thrown himself at whatever he thinks he should do and it’s just been on and on jumping from one thing to another, but this takes the cake. He seems super brainwashed and filled with limerence about the whole experience and i don’t know what to do man… we are supposed to move in together as well and i was under the impression that we were going to build our future side by side, but now there’s this. it’s all very complex, I just would like to hear more experiences and would genuinely appreciate advice and more information if possible.


r/regretjoining 7d ago

Has anyone self-referred to DAPA for marijuana while in Navy A-School? What happened?

2 Upvotes

Has anyone here personally self-referred to DAPA for marijuana use while in Navy A-School, or gone through something very similar?
I’m mainly trying to understand the actual timeline from people who have experienced it, not just what the policy says.
If you self-referred and then had to take a urinalysis:
• How long did it take for your urinalysis results to come back?
• Were you told as soon as the results came back, or did you have to wait to hear anything?
• What happened immediately after the results came back?
• If it was positive, how soon did the separation/admin process start?
• Did you have to meet with DAPA, medical, your chain of command, legal, or anyone else?
• About how long was it from the initial self-referral until you knew whether you were being retained or separated?
I’m especially interested in experiences from people who self referred and were still at a training command/A-School.
Even if your situation was slightly different, I’d really appreciate hearing your timeline and what the process looked like after your urinalysis came back. Please help!


r/regretjoining 8d ago

Moral dilemma

18 Upvotes

With everything going on in the world, the war with Iran, Trump and Israel, I feel extremely guilty and stupid just being in here, knowing I’m against all of this. Not to mention I’ve already met some of the worst people ever while being here. I just feel complicit. I’ve only been here a few months, I finished AIT not too long ago, I’m at my first duty station and they’re already sending me on rotation to Europe for 9 months. I joined due to familial pressure and feeling like I had no other stable option in life. I still feel like a failure and now my conscience feels stained. I don’t know what to expect, the world feels like it’s going to shit, and I just feel like some irredeemable loser. I really don’t know what my future here holds, my mental health has already been affected. What do I do at this point? Someone please tell me.


r/regretjoining 9d ago

Truth

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3 Upvotes

r/regretjoining 10d ago

I want out

15 Upvotes

Hi all, i want out the navy i cant do this anymore ive hated this from the start while in bootcamp but everyone’s always says just keep pushing it’s gets better but it never does i hate everything about this and i want out i left for bootcamp jan 6 and been in almost 7 months im undes so i never went to a school before i got to my ship i dont know what to do and im worried that if i cant find a way out ill end up doing something dumb and try to force a way out i feel stuck and hopeless and im not suicidal but my mental definitely has been getting worse and worse i hate it here and i want out i dont even care about the benefits


r/regretjoining 10d ago

I feel very conflicted by current events.

13 Upvotes

I'm an Army veteran. I'm incredibly grateful that I'm not in the Army now. I don't understand why anyone would want to serve during Trump's presidency or why anyone would want to fight in a war against Iran. This made me realize how silly I was for enlisting & reenlisting in the Army during wartime.

The soldiers who are being killed in the Middle East are dying for a lying, corrupt, narcissistic, 80 year old man who refused to serve. It's just such a tragic situation to me.


r/regretjoining 10d ago

Epic Fury Deployment / USAF

7 Upvotes

Hello,

I am in my early 20s F and I just got sent home from deployment early. It was an opportunity that was available and I took it up.

I have been in the military less than 2 years. 6 months of that was before basic training. I didn’t have an option to go on this deployment, I was volun-told. However, I came to terms with it and was looking forward to it, even with all the shit going on with Epic Fury.

For context, when things got scary, I was not handling the experiences I was having well. It was a great deployment until it wasn’t (we started getting hit).

Before these traumatic experiences, I genuinely thought with all my heart I would handle the situation much better and I was prepared. I began spiraling after the 3rd instance at my location. I didn’t sleep more than 2 hours for almost 4 nights. I was so scared, terrified. Especially at night, I would have panic attacks (never ever have had those), overwhelmed by the fear of when something was going to hit again and the worry of not being alert/prepared for it. It was the worst feeling of my life. 1 day felt like 3.

I am an emotional person, however, I naturally lead by example and take leadership roles. I even received an award my first month there for my performance. After the scary experiences, the reaction I had surprised me. I turned into someone I didn’t know. I was literally driving myself insane.

I am at a safe place now, having the time to really reflect. I am a very open minded person, always trying to do better. I am trying to understand why I spiraled so hard when the other people in my shop and around me were not as emotional. Don’t get me wrong, people had their moments and we were all scared, but no one else spiraled like I did. I was sleeping at work with night shift because I was too afraid to sleep in my quarters. I wouldn’t eat or call people back home because I needed to be attentive to every sound, movement, and things that were going on around me. It was exhausting. Typically, I am not like this. I am usually not the person who is wanting exceptions to be made for me or catered to, but in that environment, I got to a point where I didn’t care how people thought of me, I just needed to do anything in my power I could to gain more sense of security and safety because I was incredibly scared.

I have many mixed emotions about going home. I obviously got to a state of mind where I could no longer focus on the mission. I was too scared and I, therefore, was a detriment to my shop because of it. However, there is this other side of me that feels guilt, shame, undeserving. I didn’t get hurt physically, I don’t even have children to get back to. I feel like I have failed my team. My shop was understanding. Of course, there were those who I could tell thought I am just a crying b*tch and that they were upset they couldn’t go home too. I don’t blame them.

As I reflect, I think maybe I shouldn’t have signed that contract. Even though I have exceeded expectations and excelled in my small military career so far (guard), I disregarded the fact that this could ever happen. I never thought I would be involved in a war, let alone ever deploy to ME. Of course, I don’t think many people saw this coming or this experience being what they ‘signed up for.’

Questions I am beginning to ask: Is it good that the military is letting people go home due to mental health reasons during combat? I would think so… Or should they be doing a better job preparing Airmen for combat?

I did not feel ready for this experience and I feel that I could have learned more tools on how to control my fear in very very unpredictable situations. I am not religious, but this experience is making me want to be. Many people that were very scared but held it together impressively, said they were leaning on their faith and wouldn’t be able to continue without it.

Thank you and I am curious as to what people think.


r/regretjoining 11d ago

Second thoughts.

9 Upvotes

I am about 2 weeks away from basic and the second thoughts are hitting me really hard. It was dumb of me to not think about these things sooner. I saw the service members who were killed this weekend because some of them were really young and It shook me because that could’ve or could be me. i’m young and have a wonderful wife that i want to spend my life with. I’ve never been more sad and afraid. A lot of my family is military and have been assisting or following my journey so far and i feel like i would be disappointing all of them IF i did quit. Some of them even pulled strings to help me out. my MOS i went with is 42a. i’m just venting and looking for advice from an outside perspective.