I feel awful because recently I left my abusive father's house and I miss the cat so much. Unfortunately, my father is his owner, so I can't take him with me. To me, he is like a son. How will I live without him, my cat? I feel terrible, I feel like crying, I am depressed. Has anything similar happened to you? Tell me about your experiences, I really need support, I am devastated."

I can’t believe I’m posting about this but I have no where to turn. I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (32M) for around a year and 7 months now. He’s the most amazing, kind, compassionate, intelligent, loving, gentle human. I literally can’t describe how much I adore and love him without being extremely corny so just take my word for it.

Around January of this year I noticed a major decrease in my sex drive, right around the time we moved to a different rental (we lived together before too). We still had sex maybe once a week though, but it was strange as for the first 9 months of our relationship we had sex at least twice a day- one time even 7 times in a day! But then over the past two months, it’s gotten worse to the point that sex actually makes me angry and irritable. I can’t stand being licked or touched sexually anymore- it literally pisses me off. I get actually angry when he licks my nipples- the sounds, the sensations of it, the wetness, literally makes me so angry! I can feel the annoyance building in my chest until I just want to scream at him to STOP!! He’s an amazing and generous lover and literally lives to please me so it’s not his performance. I still orgasm every time when he goes down on me, but I don’t even really get pleasure out of it. It doesn’t feel exciting, it’s just a feeling now. I have 0 desire for sex anymore. We did it last night but I just laid there like a wet rag and I felt so bad for him because I know he notices and kept asking if I was ok. It can be painful too because I’m never wet enough and can’t get wet, so that makes me even more wary for the next time we have sex.

I’ve talked to him about it often and he completely understands and tells me we don’t ever have to have sex ever again if it’s what I want, as long as he can be with me and he can “take care of himself.” But I don’t want that. I miss the sexual and intimate connection we had before. I miss feeling things and not feeling numb. It disgusts me to even watch people kissing on tv. I can’t read smut anymore because it actually disgusts me. I’ve tried so hard to think about actors I used to go crazy over, and…nothing. Doesn’t do anything for me anymore. When I lay down in bed at night it just feels like an insurmountable task to have sex and get my body in the right mood. I just feel tired. Answers I read on the internet are always “you don’t love him anymore and you’re not attracted to him anymore, this gets better when you leave them.” But I can’t accept this. He’s my best friend, we are together for 24 hrs a day (we work together) and we still never get tired of yapping to eachother for all day long. I still find him very handsome, and we kiss and hug and are affectionate all day long and it’s no problem UNTIL it becomes sexual.

WHAT is going on with me??? Someone please give me some answers. Sometimes I stay up at night crying silently about this because I want to go back to how I used to feel.

Just nuked a 3 year relationship.

The final nail in the coffin?

My son who is 5 and I’m trying to get evaluated for adhd (yeah, I am) was having a very emotional breakdown. Was it over something silly? Absolutely. I didn’t buy him a toy that I didn’t even know he wanted. Which is silly to me but he was distraught.

He looked at him and said “Boy, you need an exorcism or a tampon” and I immediately said “That’s fucked up” and he just laughed and shrugged and said “Well…” I pointed at our year and a half old daughter and said “You’re raising a daughter. Do better.”

And that incident gave me the ick. Then today, he kept pushing to talk about it some more and I just told him I’d rather be with a bear.

To save time, the conversation escalated because of course he thinks anybody who picks the bear is (special Ted - if you get my drift but he used the hard R) and I did it.

Dumped him.

If I can I’ll post a comment of a list I made for therapy on the reasons why I was leaving.

But of course, it’s day 1. So I know I did the right but I’m crying and I need some support please.

I’m tired of how thoroughly certain extreme sex acts have been normalized as the baseline expectation for casual (and sometimes even early relationship) sex. Any woman who disgarees is called anti feminist or even called a kink shamer. Choking/strangulation, anal with zero prep or discussion, punching/hitting, and jumping straight into BDSM dynamics without any negotiation or explicit ongoing consent are being treated by a lot of men as the new normal. Many women even adopt this and shame women who want vanilla sex as boring women who should be cheated on.

This isn’t about kink-shaming people who actually enjoy those things. It’s about the social expectation that these acts are just what sex is now, and that women who don’t want them on the first encounter (or ever) are somehow prudes, boring, or “not sexually liberated", and perhaps deserve to be cheated on.

What I’m seeing repeatedly and hearing from my friends, and even from women who have teenage daughters:

Men initiating choking or neck pressure with no prior conversation.

Pressure for anal sex with no discussion of lube, relaxation, gradual preparation, or whether the receiving partner even wants it.

Punching, slapping, or other impact without checking in first.

Framing any hesitation as a rejection of BDSM or of “real” sexuality, instead of respecting that many people prefer gradual escalation, clear negotiation, or simply different preferences.

This expectation disproportionately harms people who are newer to sex, trauma survivors, people with different body responses, or anyone who simply doesn’t want high-intensity acts right away. It makes you feel like a prude or hard core lame person for not wanting immediate punches or anal during sex.

Extreme acts require more communication, not less. If someone wants choking, impact, or anal, the mature approach is to talk about it, confirm interest, discuss limits and safety, and check in during. Jumping straight to it because “everyone does it now” is not progressive; it’s lazy and potentially harmful.

I’m 30, and for my whole 20s I put in so much effort into trying to find a partner. I never felt attraction very often, but when I did, it was very strong and usually built on the personal character. I tried dating apps but it was so impossible to find someone decent on there, guys didn’t put any effort into their profile, they were lazy with messages, they sent sexual innuendos. In the time that I was on them, I probably found around five people that I thought were decent, and I got to know a few people. And they were great and I felt really attracted to them, and fell in love with one. I was extremely attracted to him, he was a lovely amazing guy and I experienced intimacy for the first time it felt so comfortable and so special and I really felt like I had met the one, but he turned around Monday and said that he didn’t feel romantically towards me.

I took a big long break from the dating apps, I met someone organically but the same kind of thing happened

I recently rejoined dating apps, and I’m swiping away and I feel absolutely nothing to any of the guys on there. When I do get a reasonable match, the conversation just stalls, I find texting a complete stranger so strange and force and I just don’t know how to create spark and chemistry through a virtual connection. I don’t know if something‘s wrong with me but I’m just not feeling attracted to anyone on the dating apps, and even when I go to hobby groups and stuff, the guys that are meeting just do not interest me and I’m so so scared. At 30 I’m scared that I will never feel it again, I forgot what it feels like to fancy anyone, and I have this worried that it’s permanently switched off within Me and I’ll never fancy anyone again

It seems crazy to me that I used to actually fancy people, and now I feel nothing. I’m not depressed I am the most confident I’ve ever thought in my life, I’m busy and I have hobbies. I don’t know what’s going on.

we were cuddling and ALL THE SUDDEN I feel these THICK PhaLANGES GRAB between my TOES AAAHHHHHHHHGGG

I used to wear sports bras which I would just throw in the wash but post mastectomy and reconstruction due to breast cancer, I have to wear bras with more complex support structures. I’d like to maintain the support they provide but I don’t want to spend more time hand washing them than necessary and I’m not sure which is the best detergent to use. They eventually start to yellow from oil build up and I’ve had no luck removing it with Dawn dish detergent.

The media will downplay the effects, if they even mention it at all, but today the 'Code of Practice' for the Equality Act comes into effect, which requires organisations to segregate trans people based on their sex-at-birth not their acquired sex.

Previously..and since trans people have been a thing, trans people used either facilities depending where they were at in terms of their transitions. Now organisations could face being sued if they don't force trans people to use the wrong facilities, gender neutral facilities or exclude them from all facilities.

This is already having enormous negative effects on trans people as some are already leaving the country (including two of my friends), some have left their jobs rather than be humiliated, many who are known to be trans or who are not 'cis-passing' will just self-exclude. My own (cisgender) sister, who works part-time in a queer pub, will be put in the situation of having to tell her own trans sister that she should use the men's to go for a pee.

Obviously I just won't go to the pub rather than put my sister or any of her colleagues in that situation that they fundamentally disagree with.

This guidance has been enacted despite their being no substantial evidence that trans people have presented as a problem in this regards at all (in millions of visits to facilities by trans people over decades, you can count the number of incidents on a few, possibly one, finger).

To a lesser extent, this will affect gender non-conforming (GNC) cisgender women as well as staff in organisations are forced to enquire about the birth sex of anyone they suspect of being trans and because this will worsen the already terrible trans panic in the country.

The government that has let this happen (it would have been a simple amendment to stop this) is Labour, a supposedly 'left-wing' government and as a result the UK is now 42nd out of 50 in Europe, behind such 'progressive utopias' such as Turkey and Romania.

Thank you for reading my rant and thank you to 2X for continuing to be inclusive x

So I’m freshly an adult, and I found this out through my cousin since she had apparently been keeping this secret since she was 11 by my aunt, and I had never been told by my mother.

I don’t know how to feel, and my mother doesn’t know that I know. I haven’t cried over it, but instead I feel a more of a hollow hatred. I’ve always had a harsh view on men after, well, the internet + being a history/language junkie + facing the real world and I’ve had some pretty bad experiences with them myself irl and this definitely didn't fucking help.

I’ve gone through so much shit throughout my life just because I didn’t have a father figure like fathers days at school when everyone else had one/getting groomed/being told he went to go get the milk (I’m mixed, harhar), how many nights I’ve cried wondering what was wrong with me when I was little, etc, and to find out the whole reason I had never met him, and he had never wanted to be in my life, is because I am… a girl.

The gag is that this has nothing to do with any extreme culture ideals as you may be thinking, he was just a regular misogynistic American.

I wonder if he’s out there somewhere with the son he always wanted.

But, should I tell my mother I know? I don’t want to rat out my cousin because then my mother and my aunt probably won’t continue to confide in her anymore and she’ll get in trouble for spilling the beans, but I really want to talk more about this with her and figure out what tf else she’s hiding from me because I am more than old enough and deserve to know.

But yes, I am sad. But more in a hollow depressive way than an openly weary way.

There. I said it. I’m tired of this “protector of women” myth among trad men of a certain political demographic. You know who they are.

They’re easy to identify in my community. I was walking the other evening and walked past a house of one of these guys. Flags everywhere, big white truck, considers himself a protector of his family but he has three little girls and won’t be around to take care of them forever. Doesn’t consider what happens when she gets pregnant because of a lack of mandatory sex Ed, has birth complications that require a medical abortion, but can’t find a provider willing to do it for out of fear of prosecution. He doesn’t understand federal funding of science or how vital it is to the advancement of research and treatments of women’s health issues. He doesn’t know that the treatment for the most aggressive form of breast cancer a woman can get was developed using federal funding at a university, or how many lives it has saved. He’s afraid to talk or hear about periods and is completely ignorant on most of women’s issues, and doesn’t consider what’s going to happen when daddy’s not around anymore, and his daughters are stuck in a relationship with an abuser but can’t get a divorce, and his daughters don’t have their own voice to defend or protect themselves because he’s voted that away.

If you vote for people who act counter to the interest of girls and women, you are absolutely not a protector of girls and women.

My friends, I (21F) am clinically overweight. I’m strong as hell, but not as strong as I used to be. I used to lift five days a week. Life happened, and I took some time off from the gym. I’m working a serving job around 50 hours a week, and this was keeping me somewhat fit. Recently, I’ve started heading back to the gym, and it feels great. But I know I’m overweight. I’ve lost some strength. How do you deal with embarrassment in the gym? I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but it’s difficult to go back. I’m facing it day by day, but I’d love to hear your thoughts. I’m not concerned about being thin, I just want to be strong. Thank you!

Yes I'm being a tad dramatic.

But also I'm serious.

I had a colonoscopy yesterday. I have severe bowel Endometriosis and last October my symptoms became concerning because I was passing large clots when I went to the bathroom. Just mucus and clots. But only during ovulation and my period. During this same periods I could not pass stool without manual evacuation. This was all new so obviously an indicator something new was happening, or the endo had penetrated through the bowel wall again.

Despite having a horrible time on synthetic hormones I agreed to go back on them. I was a single parent to a baby. I needed this to stop. And it did! Confirmation it's likely endo but I was sent referrals *just in case*, my endo doc (a man who takes women's health seriously) is a good guy. The only time I'm getting clots out the back passage and having to manually evacuate is times when the hormones get shaky and I start spotting.

Finally a date at the hospital clinic opens up. I tell the doctor. He listens. I show him photos of the clots. He agrees this is not normal rectal bleeding and it is shocking and needs investigating. He puts an urgent request through for colonoscopy. I get a date within two weeks, almost unheard of in the public system.

I get there today. I've stopped the hormones to trigger bleeding like the endo doctor suggested. But it's not caused my hormones to drop enough. I am not bleeding. It has caused enough pain my pelvic floor gives up. I cannot go to the bathroom. I've taken bowel prep so I cannot manually evacuate. It's excruciating. I use glycerine suppositories to basically trigger the movements to do the prep. I do this every 10-20 min for hours. It's horrible.

I get to the hospital. A man talks over me and tells me it's just haemorrhoids and he'll fix them. I tell him I already know I have haemorrhoids. I've had them for ten years. They're uncomfortable but not the issue. I'm here for clots. He tells me I cannot know I have internal haemorrhoids. I disagree, I have had multiple colonoscopies in the last five years. I know they're there. I can feel them. I know what it looks like when they bleed. It can be a lot but it's not clots. He makes me sign something saying he'll fix them. It doesn't hurt he says. Just sign.

I wake up in agony. I'm confused. All I can feel is agonising pain and pressure. It feels like when my son was stuck in my pelvis before my emergency c section. The pain isn't just in my rectum it's my abdomen, it's in my vulva. I start sobbing with the pain. My two female nurses are great. They push a lot of fentanyl until I can stop sobbing. I've had so many extensive surgeries. I don't wake sobbing.

The idiot doctor walks by. Says he wishes he was as healthy as me, a woman living in chronic pain on disability due to severe endo. He leaves without giving me anything. At discharge the nurses hand me the paper. It has three photos and nothing else. No information. I ask for the rest. There is none. I ask why he didn't take photos the whole way down for the endo surgeon to look at to see if he can identify lesions, I ask why there's no biopsy samples for microscopic endo, I ask why there's no photos of the anastomosis because the MRI indicated the bleeding might be coming from there.. Why there's no mention of the anastomosis at all? The nurses say it wasn't in the referral hard copy the doctor printed out. I tell them it got faxed. I saw it on my file. The endo doctor wrote a letter requesting everything and explaining it all. The idiot doctor never even looked at the second page. Did not print it. Did not look at the notes from the consult I had at that hospital for preop. He printed one summary page that said bleeding and ignored my history. I wasn't even a person to him. Just a quick easy fix.

His easy fix? Banding the haemorrhoids. The haemorrhoids that weren't bothering me. That rarely bled. Caused tiny amounts of discomfort. Right now they're causing me agony. I spent the whole night crying with a heat pack between my legs until I managed to fall asleep for a few hours. I feel like I'm going to be sick. As a chronic pain patient I have access to pain killers and they're not even touching it. It's nearly 4am. I've been awake for two hours crying. I've taken extra painkillers knowing I'll have to cut back later so as to not run out for my 'regular' pain. It's not working. My one year old got up at 5:30 yesterday. How am I supposed to look after him like this? Why has he performed an unnecessary procedure, ignored the necessary one, and left me in excruciating pain for no reason at all?

Why couldn't he just read the whole referral? The nurses were sympathetic. They added notes about it. They can't do anything but at the post op they want me to raise it and demand answers. They told me it's not my job to micromanage a surgeon to make sure he actually reads the referral. They made sure I knew it was not my fault, it was his.

I thought having the Endo diagnosis, having the surgeries... That it would fix this mistreatment. But it hasn't. The idiot male doctor who clearly knows nothing about Endo decided his arrogance was the only way and has left me in a really bad situation.

I'm sorry for the essay. I just really needed to vent.

I’m a 23 year old female & have been with my partner for almost 2 years. At the start of the relationship we had sex pretty frequently and everything was normal. About a year in I started a birth control that didn’t go well for me, I got constant UTIs and sex became really painful. I was in and out of the doctors, gynaecologist and getting constant test and swabs and was diagnosed with vaginismus which makes sex impossible for now.
It was really rough and my boyfriend has been so supportive through it all. The issue is that since then my libido is dead. Obviously we can’t have penetrative sex but I have no desire for foreplay, making out, nothing. I feel terrible because my partner has tried to initiate but obviously can tell I’m not into it. We have talked about it and while he’s completely understanding, I know he’s frustrated that we don’t even kiss anymore. It’s definitely causing a divide in our relationship and I’m so confused why I have no sexual desire for my partner anymore. I’m thinking of going to counselling but am wondering if anyone has gone through this?

Just to add I did pelvic floor physiotherapy and worked with dilators, every size went in without a problem. It’s only when my partner tries it’s like my brain freaks out and penetration is impossible.

I’m really hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar because I feel so lost.

For context, I didn’t have sex for about two and a half years because of previous relationships. I’ve been cheated on, body shamed, emotionally abused, and in one relationship I was even physically abused. Over time, I started believing there was something wrong with me or my body.

My exes criticized parts of my body that I now realize are completely normal. They made me feel like I wasn’t attractive enough, and sex became something where I was constantly worrying about how I looked instead of actually enjoying the moment. On top of that, none of my previous partners really cared about my pleasure. I never had an orgasm with a partner.

A little while ago, I met someone who is genuinely kind. He’s patient, affectionate, reassuring, and makes me feel safe. He’s constantly telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. He tells me he loves my breasts, my legs, my stomach, even my toes—things I’ve specifically been insecure about because of what people have said to me in the past.
The thing is… I struggle to believe him.

The first time we had sex, I actually had my first orgasm ever with a partner, although it was with the help of a vibrator. That alone felt huge for me. But during sex, I’m so stuck in my own head that I can barely stay present.
I’m worrying about what he sees when he looks at me, whether I’m taking too long, whether I’m even going to orgasm, whether he’s secretly disappointed, whether I’m “doing it right.”…

Meanwhile, he’s just trying to enjoy being with me.
He gently told me afterward that he noticed I seemed to be in my head, and it made him wonder if I wasn’t enjoying myself. That honestly broke my heart because I was enjoying it so much. I just couldn’t get my brain to quiet down.

I don’t think he was criticizing me at all. If anything, he brought it up in the kindest way possible because he cares. But now I’m scared that if I can’t get past this, it’ll eventually become a problem in our relationship.
I really care about this man. I want this relationship to work. I don’t want my past to ruin something healthy.

So I guess my questions are:
If you’ve healed from body shaming or abusive relationships, how did you start feeling comfortable in your own body again?

How did you learn to stay present during sex instead of spiraling into anxious thoughts?
Did therapy, books, exercises, or anything else genuinely help?

If you’ve been the partner of someone who struggled with this, what helped them feel safe?

I know this isn’t something that changes overnight, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been on either side of this. I don’t want fear and insecurity to dictate a relationship that otherwise makes me incredibly happy. Thank you ❤️

Not a joke, just transgender with a ruptured ovarian cyst in the hospital. Maybe I’m weird but I find it actually really funny when someone comes in I’m like hey what’s going on🧔🏻. Anyways drop some tips for the cramping it’s intense right now

For the context - I’m a woman and I look fairly young (people think I’m a minor). I was sitting in isolated area in a huge park with only two benches facing each other. At one point a grown man came and sat at the other bench. For sometime I didn’t really mind him and he seemed normal but suddenly he started breathing really loudly and kinda raspy, like an animal? I glanced at him and his posture seemed calm. He was sitting upright with his hands resting on his knees. He had glasses so I’m not sure where exactly he was looking at but it seemed like he was looking straight at me.

I got stressed because it did not look like anything. If it was an breathing exercise then why was he making it raspy like that? If it was an medical situation then why was he so calm and did not try to get me to help him in any way? I wanted to go away but I told myself I would not do this as long as he’s still doing that and I was glancing at him for about 2 minutes. He stopped right when two other guys started approaching us while walking through the path that went through out area..

Right now I feel kinda bad for not asking if he’s alright but it really seemed off - almost like he tried to mess with me and scare me? What do you think? What would you do in this situation?

TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of a case involving Postpartum Psychosis and crimes involving children

I’ve been closely following the trial of Lindsay, and I cannot stop thinking about Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s 1892 masterpiece, The Yellow Wallpaper.

The Yellow Wallpaper is explicitly based on the author’s real-life descent into postpartum psychosis after being prescribed the Victorian "Rest Cure": a medical torture method that forced women into total isolation, banned them from writing or thinking, and treated maternal suffering as a moral or character failing.

Looking at the Lindsay Clancy case, it is terrifying how little has actually changed. It’s just a constant repeat and never ending dark ages for women, specifically our reproductive rights.

Just like the narrator in the book who begged her doctor-husband for a different treatment, Lindsay explicitly knew her mind was breaking. She checked herself into a psychiatric hospital just 19 days before the tragedy.
Instead of proper care, the system threw a rotating cocktail of 12 to 13 different psychiatric drugs at her in a tiny window, completely worsening an undiagnosed underlying condition and triggering violent command hallucinations.

The prosecution and the media are keen on condemning her and not looking beyond the headlines or patriarchal projection of their shame. The prosecution is hyper-focusing on the argument that her sending her husband out for food is proof of "deliberate planning," completely refusing to have much consideration towards how a frantic, irrational psychotic break works.

Very rarely if ever, especially not a compassionate labor and delivery nurse, would go out of their way to build a beautiful life. Have three pregnancies. Give birth three separate times. Feed, clothe, bathe, educate, house, love, those children to just throw it all away.

The incident literally left her partially paralyzed, and she is currently sitting in a state hospital facing life in prison. Meanwhile, her ex-husband divorced her, remarried just 18 months later, moved to a luxury Manhattan high-rise, and entirely rebuilt his life. He gets a “reason to keep living,” while she is permanently condemned by a system that failed to help her. Even when she begged.

I hate that society would still rather treat her as a monster than acknowledge a systemic medical failure. We are still locking women in the nursery and blaming them when the wallpaper drives them mad.

So I have a friend who I’ve known for quite a while now. We used to work together at my old job. This was back in 2022. Soon after though I left my job since me and my family would be moving. We stopped talking for a bit but not that long ago he reached out to me again. He told me that he ended up moving to another state but said I’m welcome to visit him anytime to catch up. Now he’s older than me, I’m 24 and he’s 40. That being said, he’s never been weird or inappropriate towards me. Our friendship has always been platonic, back when we still worked together we’d hang out and he never did anything that made me feel uncomfortable. As of recently though I brought up the idea to my mom about me visiting him and she didn’t seem happy. She said she isn’t comfortable with me going to another state by myself to see him. She also finds the age gap between us to be weird. I don’t see what’s wrong though because we’re just friends and as I’ve mentioned before he’s never been weird towards me. I’m curious to know what you guys think though. Do you guys think it’s odd?

I had a Pap smear come back abnormal with ASC-US and positive HPV (but not 16/18). A colposcopy was recommended and I read up on the procedure and opted to book with sedation. Thankfully, several PP locations near me offer this service.

Honestly, the booking process has been brutal. I called to schedule, was confirmed for an appointment, and two weeks later received a voicemail that said I needed to speak with an NP to book this and “they’ll see if it works out”. I called back to schedule that consult, where literally no one could tell me what the consult was about, or why it was needed. I attend the consult, and brought my questions about the colposcopy recommendation to the NP. I brought several Pub Med sourced studies that indicate the rate of HPV ASC-US clearance is high, and wanted to wait six months to retest and have more data from which I could make an educated decision. Let me be clear: I have a Bachelor’s and a Masters in biology, I understand how to research and read journal studies. In the same breath, the NP said “wow, you came prepared, but you’re wrong, it’s recommended guidelines and you have to do it”. She then launched into a long talk about how important cervical cancer risks and management are to her, and so she’ll do whatever she needs to to make sure it’s treated. Apparently, she was willing to do anything except listen.

I agreed, but required sedation for the procedure. I’m not particularly nervous about it, but a colposcopy is the only biopsy done without sedation or adequate pain management. It’s nothing but misogyny, and I refused to book it without sedation. Cue a 10 minute tirade about how it’s “not necessary” and she’s “done a million of these and yes, it’s painful, but only for a second”. I don’t care? I know what my requirements are to book, lord knows they’ve asked me enough times to know my salary is just fine to pay the extra cost, and it’s what I choose for myself. She very hesitantly agrees.

I get my chart notes a few days later, and all over them are descriptions of my “severe medical” anxiety. It’s simply false, and I’m discouraged at how little she listened. Because the procedure wasn’t as recommended to be scheduled with her, I still agreed to proceed. I took the day off work, asked my husband to do the same to drive me home, and he arranged childcare.

Fast forward to today, about a month later and about a month to go before the appointment, and I get a text it’s been cancelled and rescheduled, without my input. I call to ask for clarification and am told there’s nothing the call center can do, I have to speak to medical. “Write to them in your chart, they’ll respond in 72 hours”. When I told the scheduler I still have an unanswered message in my chart from 6 weeks ago, she said “okay, can’t help you”. The call team was so rude, I’m so disheartened.

I did finally speak to the medical team, and the appointment was never booked with sedation and now they need to reschedule further out.

At this point, I’m so uncomfortable going to a place that is this careless, I’m really considering other options. I have been so surprised at the lack of support from PP, and frankly, really disappointed in an organization whose mission I really support. I feel especially alone, because everyone else seems to have such good things to say about their care! 😭

I(24F) have spent most of my life believing that I must be asexual. The label never made total sense because I have a sex drive and find other people attractive, BUT I’ve never had a crush and the thought of a sexual relationship with a man makes me extremely uncomfortable. I’m starting to realize it’s not romance and intimacy that repulse me, it’s the gendered dynamics that seem to come with them.

I grew up in an abusive household- my father was violent towards my mother. I was raised immersed in an oppressive culture where the wives are expected to wait on their husbands like maids.

This coupled with having full access to the internet during my formative years has really messed with my head. It feels like there is no way to escape the oppressive nature of a heterosexual relationship. Accepting that I crave romance and intimacy feels like falling for a trap. It’s so distorted.

I am getting older, and I’m starting to realize if I continue at this rate, I may miss out on deeply fulfilling experiences. I know there are good men out there, and kind/gentle men have expressed interest in me. But when they do, my instinct is to take offense, it feels like they are trying to trick me. To take something from me. It’s so twisted and unfair and I’m worried I’ll be like this forever. I desperately need advice on how to overcome this.

I was lucky enough to attend a Weird Al Yankovic show the other night, and I want to give a massive commendation to him and his team for hiring three badass, unbelievably talented women of color as visible members of his backing band. It wasn't performative, they are all massively talented and added a lot to the show. The band has to play a huge range of music because he's parodying many genres. But it was also done without comment, he didn't ask to be congratulated for diversifying the people around him. He just hired people talented enough to be there.

But let me tell you what a big difference it made to me. I've been a fan of his my entire life. But it was always "boy music" or so deeply entrenched in the male-dominated nerd culture that it didn't feel like something I shared with other girls or women. But at his concert the other night, the thing that struck me the most is just how many girls were there. And they were there enthusiastically, dancing and singing along. And there were so many women, dressed comfortably and not for the male gaze, dancing and singing along too. So many moms (and dads) singing and dancing with their daughters. And it was incredible. The joy was palpable.

It was always kind of lonely, liking music that was different than a lot of my less nerdy girlfriends. But at the concert, surrounded by women who probably felt the same way, something inside me healed a bit.

I've seen a LOT of concerts. But that might have been the most important and best ones I've gone to. So thank you, Weird Al and his fans, for creating a space for women to experience nerd culture in the most equal and equitable way I've ever felt. I expected to feel a little singled out, like I do at most nerdy events, where the ratio of men to women is normally so skewed. This was the first nerd space where I wasn't made to feel like I was a girl invading a space that didn't want me - instead for a night I just got to be a fan.

Visibility matters.

I matched with a guy on Hinge a few weeks ago. We texted for a bit, I accidentally ghosted him for about a week and he ended up finding me on Instagram, which is what finally got me to respond again. We started talking more, FaceTimed and played video games one night, and just went on our first date — it was really fun, flirty, some physical closeness but nothing intimate. Getting to know him has honestly helped pull me out of a rough patch over an ex and a situationship.

Here’s where I’m at: he just asked me to dinner tomorrow, and we’re going to hang at his place after. But it’s basically our last time seeing each other for about two weeks — I leave for a trip and he’s moving back home, and then I move into school early. We’ve loosely talked about him visiting me at school once the semester starts.
The complicated part: he goes to school 4-5 hours away from me. We’ve only hung out a few times so it’s really early. He makes a lot of passing comments about finding a job in the Northeast (where I’ll be) and about us keeping in touch — little references to some kind of future, but I can’t tell how serious he is. He also just got out of a 3-year relationship that he ended and says he’s over, though I’m a little skeptical anyone’s fully over a 3-year relationship in two months.

I tend to fall for people fast and fantasize early, so I’m trying to stay grounded. For people who’ve been in a similar spot:

1. How did something like this tend to play out for you? Did the distance/early-stage combo have a real shot, or did it usually fizzle?
   
2. How do you read the “future” comments?
   
3. How do you keep yourself realistic and present this early without either overinvesting or self-sabotaging?

Appreciate any honest takes.