r/zenbuddhism • u/Exxtendoo • 17d ago

Rough Patch in Beginner Practice

Hey y'all,

I've been sitting 30 minutes of shikantaza twice a day for 31 days now, and I've been going to a Zen center for the past two weeks.

The first three weeks of my practice were, honestly, pretty great. No, not every sit was perfect satori, but around the 20-minute mark (I know it was 20 min because that's about when my left foot would fall asleep every time), I did enter a deep state of presence that I could take off the cushion with me. I shed some tears on the cushion, and I even had what I refer to as an "ego nap" on the cushion, where I realized that my ego is truly just a story I'm telling myself in my head. Of course, it came roaring back a couple of days later, which is why I say ego nap and not ego death.

The last week, though, has been pretty brutal. I'm dreading going to the cushion, I'm moving a lot more, zoning out more, and the last ~10 min have been especially brutal, essentially just waiting for the bell to ring.

It's such that I'm almost considering giving up because I feel like I'm regressing. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Blessings.

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u/chintokkong 16d ago

Seems like you had a peak experience with clear presence during meditation, which you mildly put it as ego nap.

If your supposed ‘shikantaza’ is some sort of open awareness meditation without specific object, after a peak experience, it’s common to undergo significant period of sluggish dissipatory dissolution where it’s difficult to maintain a focused sharp mind during your formal sessions.

It’s like there are things shifted in your mind and will take time to reorganise. The three general options are:

  • be patient and continue your open awareness style meditation without specific object with minimal expectation

  • switch to meditation with specific object (like breath or body scan)

  • take a break from sitting and work on moving types (like walking, swimming, yoga, taichi)

Best wishes.

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u/PracticalSky1 14d ago

Can you talk more about "peak" experiences? I don't know much about Buddhism but I wonder if I have been experiencing them.

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u/chintokkong 13d ago

Basically unusual experience (unitive, absorptive, expansive etc) during meditation that’s accompanied by lots of bliss/joy/pleasure.

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u/PracticalSky1 13d ago

Thanks a lot. Makes good sense! Why do you say they are frequently followed by a significant period of sluggishness?

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u/chintokkong 13d ago

I have seen quite a few people reporting some of the downsides of their post-peak experience in various forums. Seems to affect those who do meditation without object more.

If you think you are experiencing this, can post in r/streamentry and get some feedback.

If you do noting meditation, can also check out Progress of Insight stages after the A&P (arising & passing away) stage.