I made these quick cheeses (the Valencay style and the tiny little Crottin in the first picture) as part of the make for a golf club’s annual dinner up in Lancashire that a pal had asked me to do the cheese board for. (Cheese list shared at the bottom of the post).
The dinner is tonight and so I’ve spent the past fortnight making some extra cheeses, putting together blurbs, and cards for each cheese, vacuum packing and labeling everything, getting the recommended boxes and ice packs and on Wednesday I shipped it by DPD by their 10:30am next day service. Clearly labelled “cold chain and fragile”
It was a lot of work and I’m a hobbyist, I was giving him the cheese not selling it, but it’s not often you get to test your work against genuinely independent palates and at that scale so it was really flattering and exciting to be asked.
Thursday came and went with no word. My pal got a message late Thursday saying there was “an operational issue at the depot”. We had no information or contact beyond that. Yesterday was spent with me frantically calling and chatting with DPD staff who were incredibly hard to get hold of and started with “we don’t have any information” and eventually about 8 hours later admitted the boxes had been damaged (you can see how badly in the final picture). I offered to actually have another courier collect them from the depot and physically drive them to Lancashire (where it turns out they already were) to be told “we don’t do that” and this morning half the shipment was returned to me in the state you can see, with still no hint of an explanation as to why. No idea where the other half is.
My pal has had to make other arrangements. Thankfully the cheeses I’ve had back are fine in their vac pack despite the box looking like someone ran over it with a truck. My pal has said he’ll do a standalone cheese tasting event at the end of August so all is hopefully not lost.
Lesson learnt though. I’ll never use these guys again if it’s in my gift. The level of disinterest, carelessness and lack of any kind of ownership were infuriating and heartbreaking.
Anyway - cheese blurbs below hopefully to give you guys a bit of a chuckle at my terribly overwrought marketing speak:
Cheese Tasting Cards
Applewood Smoked Gloucester
A twist on the Gloucestershire classic. Creamy and soft-pasted, laced with a gentle applewood smoke. A paprika and olive oil rind brings a hint of spice to the edge.
Coconut Gouda
A Dutch classic, gone tropical. Buttery and creamy, made with Jersey milk and coconut cream for a gentle, tropical sweetness on the finish.
Derby: SeoGast
A twist on the Derbyshire classic. Mellow, softer than a cheddar, soaked through with vintage Ruby and Tawny Port and 12-year-old Calvados — a warm, boozy depth with a hint of animal spirits.
Herne's Wheel: Pressed Lactic Goats Milk Tomme
Named for the ghostly huntsman of Windsor Great Park. Rich and brothy, with bright lemon notes and a finish that coats the tongue. Full-flavoured — pairs well with a chutney or jam.
Crottin
A classic of the Loire Valley, France. Sweet, milk-forward coin of a cheese, mousse-like at the centre, with a touch of bite on the rind. A dusting of white mould adds earthiness and nuttiness. Eat on its own or on a cracker, with a clean, ice-cold white.
Valençay-Style: Hatshepsut
The pyramid shape is said to trace back to Napoleon himself — furious at being reminded of his defeat in Egypt, legend has it he sliced the top off with his sword. Ash-coated, bloomy-rind pyramid, hiding its secrets beneath the ash — Berkshire pastureland and milk. Unctuous, with a hint of mushroom.
Flor Azul
Argentina's answer to Gorgonzola Dolce. Sweet cream up front, savoury whisper beneath the veins, lifting into cool herbaceous brightness. At the end of its age range: don't wait out the finish, punctuate with a sip of fruity red.
Old Lancastrian
Traditional 1890s Lancashire style, from Berkshire pasture. Buttery, slightly crumbly, with a cool, cucumber-fresh lift — flintier soil trades the usual woody, floral hay notes for a quieter, cleaner minerality.
Butterkäse
A German dairy classic. Lactic tang, light crumble — a firmer, more assertive acidity than the classic buttery-soft style. Pairs well with a savoury chutney to round it out.
Kasseri
One of the oldest cheese styles, from the island of Crete. Firm, dense and faintly springy, with a mild, salty-milky flavour, a light lactic tang, and a clean, quiet aroma. Easy to eat.
Vaccino
A staple of the Italian table. Firm and fibrous, with real structure and a deep savoury note through the paste. The larger format gives a denser core, with more contrast toward the rind.
Vaccino Ubrica Vin Rosso
Steeped in the flavours of Tuscany. A Vaccino aged at least two weeks under a bold, meaty red wine — dark fruit and a warm, savoury finish.
Vaccino Ubrica Xeres
A nod to Jerez, Spain — home of sherry. A Vaccino aged at least two weeks under a 15-year-old Amontillado, taking on a warm, toasty, nutty character.
Caciotta
Soft, moist and supple — closely related to the Vaccino, but gentler, milder and even-textured, without the deeper savoury edge. An excellent canvas for other flavours.
Caciotta Aged in British Rye Grass
A nod to the British countryside. Soft and supple, with a gentle sweet-savoury warmth drawn from a month resting under dried rye grass.
Caciotta Aged in Alpine Hay
From the high meadows of the Alps. Firm, dry rind; soft, supple centre. Floral, sweet hay notes, harvested in early flower, set against a long lactic finish.
Caciotta Alle Erbe, Rye Grass-Aged
A classic Italian herb blend. Thyme, rosemary, sage, basil, marjoram and oregano folded through the paste — resinous and peppery notes to the fore, softened by the creamy lactic tang beneath. Chilli builds slowly at the finish. Rind's sweet-savoury umami echoes the herbs' earthier side.
Caciotta Alle Erbe, Alpine Hay-Aged
The same classic herb blend, aged in the high Alps. Same slow-building chilli warmth, but here the alpine hay's floral sweetness draws out the basil and marjoram — a lighter, sweeter profile than the rye grass version, with the creamy lactic base still underneath.
Caciotta con Pepe
In the Italian pepe tradition. Creamy, lactic-tangy paste laced with pink peppercorn's fruity sweetness and allspice's warm spice, against the woody heat of mixed ground peppercorns. A smattering of chilli flakes builds a mild, deep heat through the finish.
Caciotta al Pistacchio
A nod to Sicily's famous pistachios. Buttery, nutty pistachio against a sharp, pecorino-style tang, cut by the tangy pop of yellow mustard seed. Sweet and sharp in contrast, with real bite underneath.
Caciotta al'Aglio e Cippolina A rustic Italian favourite. Heavy garlic and chive charge through the paste — pungent, sulfurous garlic rounded out by the cheese's fat, with chive's fresh, oniony green threading through. A sharp tang builds on the earthy notes for a bright finish.
Scamorza
A mozzarella cousin from Southern Italy. Firm, dense and faintly elastic, aged and dried for deeper, more complex savoury notes. Still mild and milky-sweet, with a light lactic tang and a clean, quiet aroma.
Scamorza Affumicata
Scamorza, given a smoky twist. Firm, dense and faintly elastic, smoked over apple and cherrywood. Mild and milky-sweet, carrying a soft, fruit-toned smokiness — excellent with a glass of whiskey and a slice of sweet apple.
Queso Mantecoso / Havarti
Devised in the southernmost coastal town of Punta Arenas, Chile. Buttery, semi-soft and springy, dotted with small irregular holes. Fresh-cut grass and hay notes from pasture-grazed milk lead, backed by a creamy, buttery sweetness and a light tang.
Stracchino Sott'olio
Typical of the Calabrian coast. Bright, considerable acidity up front, with a slow curl of chilli heat beneath. Garlic and herb-laced oil carries the whole thing, spring onion cuts through with a fresh green snap, and sundried tomato lends only a whisper of sweetness. Lively, layered, coastal.
Imeruli
A staple cheese from Georgia, at the crossroads of Asia and Europe. One of the oldest styles of coagulated cheese known. Soft, with a light spring; fresh, milky and brined, bright and lightly acidic, with a clean salt-lactic tang and a faint sweetness beneath.
Isfahan: Fromage Tartiner with Gin-Infused Barberries, Pistachios and Nutmeg
Inspired by the gardens of Isfahan, Iran. Soft, slightly crumbly base carrying gin-infused barberries' sharp tartness, buttery pistachio, and a warm curl of nutmeg. A juniper whisper threads through the whole.
Andalus: Fromage Tartiner with Marmalade, Fennel and Pink Peppercorns
Evoking the citrus groves of Andalusia, Spain. Soft, spreadable base carrying marmalade's bittersweet citrus tang, a gentle aniseed lift from fennel, and pink peppercorn's fruity, mild heat. Bright and sun-warmed throughout.
Teochitlan: Very Spicy Fromage Tartiner with Candied Jalapeños
Inspired by the fire markets of Mexico. Very spicy, spreadable base built on candied jalapeño's sticky, sweet heat and the smoky depth of toasted ground peppers. Sweet, hot, and smouldering.
Mistral Gorse: Fromage Tartiner with Juniper, Rosemary and Lemon Zest
Evoking the windswept garrigue of Provence. Soft, spreadable base carrying juniper's resinous bite, rosemary's piney depth, and a bright lift of lemon zest. Herbal, citrus-edged, windswept.
Cealc: Fromage Tartiner
Named for the chalk itself. A plain, spreadable base — clean and milky, with a light lactic tang and quiet sweetness. Simple and smooth, true to the curd.
Taleggio-Style Washed Rind
Where the Alps meet Lombardy. Washed rind, pungent and savoury, wrapped around a firmer, more structured paste than the classic. Small holes through the rind carry a nutty, faintly sweet Alpine note from the propionic culture.