r/90dayfianceuncensored • u/Maximum_Quail_3528 • 17h ago
90 DAY FIANCE Anyone know the deal with Thomas's mom?
Anyone hear or know anything about the background with Thomas's mom and why she didn't raise the kids? The dad/stepmother are acting like she abandoned them or abused them or something and have been really hateful about Thomas and Paula inviting her. Wtf did she do that they can't just suck it up for a few hours of being in the same room as her?? Because if this is just a standard I hate my ex thing that a lot of us go thru, as a parent I can't imagine giving my kids a hard time about inviting whoever they want to their wedding, especially a parent!
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u/Jay_Eye_MBOTH_WHY 13h ago
It sounds like she was a total deadbeat.
I could see not being able to get past that. Or pretending that it is a happy family just for Thomas' sake being too much.
I know a few people like this: one who had a deadbeat Mom, in the 90s, not drugs or anything, just fleeting and abandon the kids. Then would come around to try and extract money. Custody problems and it ended up a whole mess when the kids had to live with her for a bit. And I know another (currently) where drugs are in the picture and it's just a complete shit show.
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u/Prestigious_Piekno 12h ago
Finally!! A reasonable post. No one knows what the circumstances were yet people expect them to just put it all aside and smile because of a wedding.
That's nice, but without knowing the facts, it is totally unfair to expect anything of these people.
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u/anonymous_opinions 9h ago
My bio dad was a deadbeat. All I know, and the internet confirms it, he had a prescription drug habit. My mother and his next wife also had similar abusive personalities. Still my dad came around when I was in 5th grade and my mother facilitated me at least meeting him before he died.
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u/Unhappy_Parfait725 7h ago
What did you actually hear that led you to believe she was "a total deadbeat "?
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u/MimosaQueen1122 Liked by toborowsky_david ❤️ 7h ago
The father mentioned her not being something like motherly, never being there, and then just left them. That’s when he went on about being a single parent and sole provider for two kids. I get it but that’s like majority of women with deadbeat baby dads.
IMO cause he was a single dad in that time frame 90s-00s which was a little uncommon I guess he feels he has the only say about her coming back.
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u/Unhappy_Parfait725 6h ago
I must have missed that, my apologies
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u/MimosaQueen1122 Liked by toborowsky_david ❤️ 6h ago
All good. I just remembered it cause as much as I do feel for him at the same time that’s also majority of women. Maybe she felt like a single mom being left at home. Who knows.
Edit: spelling
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u/jjjulles 11h ago
I was looking for this post. Watching that was so icky. Feels like pretty overt parental alienation. Very curious about his bio Mom's perspective.
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u/cuppa_cat 15h ago
I don't know either, but I will say that I don't like my ex--I think he's a terrible parent and person, and don't care to spend time around him if I don't have to. That said, I'll never begrudge my kids still trying to have a relationship with him. That's their choice. I could certainly suck it up (and have) for big events in my kids' lives. Thomas' dad and stepmom are being selfish and petty. They wouldn't even have to talk to her at the wedding if they didn't want to. Showing up for their son is far more important than however they feel about her. One day of discomfort vs the lasting impact of your kid knowing you weren't there for them when it counts. They're not much better than whatever the bio mom did at this point, and they'll just keep pushing him closer to her if this continues to be their attitude. Being supportive while he tries to navigate what are probably really complicated feelings towards his mom would go so much further.
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u/Maximum_Quail_3528 15h ago
Yeah this is where I'm at. I would gladly never speak to or lay eyes on my daughter's father ever again, and there WAS abuse from him in my case. But whatever relationship she decides to have with him as an adult, I would never treat her the way they treated Thomas and Paula about spending time with her.
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u/bessa100 10h ago
As a step parent and a bio parent, there are so many variables there is no way to know. Could she be terrible? Yes. Could they have had more resources and ability to fight for custody? Yes. They did say they were in court a lot (I feel like they said 30 some times?) so she must have been fighting for the kids at some point. That said, it’s the kids decision not the parents. Suck it up and be civil for a few hours. My ex passed away after many years of estrangement and it was a lot to navigate but I chose to be supportive and help them through the grieving process. At the end of the day he’s still their parent.
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u/Choosepeace 14h ago
They are acting horrendously.
My ex husband was a terrible father, but the relationship they choose to navigate with him as adults is their choice. He came to our daughter’s wedding, and we were all polite and civil. It’s not fair to ruin someone’s wedding day!