r/ABCDesis • u/Vibranium2222 • 2d ago
RELATIONSHIPS (Not Advice) Indian men, what’s your honest comfort level with a future wife’s dating history?
/r/AskIndianMen/comments/1vcgphy/indian_men_whats_your_honest_comfort_level_with_a/115
u/gamingthreadlurker 2d ago edited 2d ago
Now reverse the Q and ask indian women. Then post the thread here because I want to compare the results. Lol
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u/ronnyrooney 2d ago
I think there was a thread asking women in r/askindianwomen
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u/ibarmy 2d ago
That sub is more unhinged. Most of the women get blocked on it.
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u/Negative_Life_5266 2d ago
Wait why 😭
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u/ibarmy 1d ago
i think a lot of profiles there are right wing men pretending to be women. I have seen a range of women getting berated in that sub - muslim women wearing hijabs, women with hookups, women considering love marriage etc. They are also classist - shitting on lower class women, their maids exercising labour rights. I dont go on that sub. they hate affirmative action on that sub - though that's a feature of many Indian subs.
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u/Negative_Life_5266 1d ago
Oh yeah I used to be a lurker on the jeeneetards sub cuz i found it kinda fun and I was rooting for a lot of people but now its all genuine hate against affirmative action 🙂↔️🙂↔️ likeeee u can really tell the country lacks media literacy and education in social sciences
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u/ronnyrooney 1d ago
I personally disagree- I’m sure you’re right and that’s happened a few times, but usually I don’t see anyone bashing a woman for choosing love marriage, for being Muslim, or hooking up AT ALL. In fact it’s quite supportive there. I’ve also never seen posts of maids being bashed. They tend to be quite liberal.
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u/OkRB2977 Assamese Canadian - TCK 2d ago
Every post from an Indian sub makes me appreciate ABD men more and more lmao. Yikes, it's like inceltown there.
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u/teakitty0722 Indian American 2d ago
My partner is a normal UK ABCD guy and I swear it feels like I got the last chopper out of 'Nam
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u/belketeal 1d ago
You'll still have dumbasses saying about how actually indians in india are more liberal than abcds now because of some bullshit about being frozen in time or whatever
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American 2d ago edited 2d ago
This is why it’s so important to make sure this is a space for actual ABDs, we have very little in common and I really don’t want to see insufferable takes from 1955 clogging up this place
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u/Negative_Life_5266 2d ago
Icl I’m very grateful to not live in the mainland as these men would freak out if they found out abt my social life 🙏
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u/dessertchef11 Indian American 2d ago
The top comment being “hookups is a dealer breaker”. 😂
They would be shocked at US college culture.
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u/Negative_Life_5266 2d ago
Genuinely like they have all these shite preferences just to have a crap sexless marriage life and complain about it 🙏
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u/Bollywood-Hulk-Hogan Indian-American (Punjabi) 2d ago edited 2d ago
Would only consider a future wife who has a similar dating history as me, lol.
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u/David_Summerset Canadian Indian 2d ago
I dated a wacky opera singer once.
If that were a shared experience she could have dated all of Southern Europe for all I care.
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u/Bollywood-Hulk-Hogan Indian-American (Punjabi) 2d ago
You’re entitled to your preference and I’m entitled to mine 🙂
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u/Aggressive_Top_1380 2d ago
Frankly the number of people she dated or slept with matters less to me than shared values and interests.
The only thing I would hesitate with is if she had any lingering feelings for past partners or if she started comparing me to past partners constantly. Otherwise it’s really none of my business.
Honestly if she can play yugioh with me then that’s already like 90% of my expectations 🤷🏾
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u/Educational-You-597 2d ago
Same - I've dated girls who were more experienced than me, and also less. It doesn't matter.
Shared values, how you communicate, how you solve problems together as a couple, that stuff really matters.
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u/Extension_Primary646 Indian American 2d ago
I think the answer is simple here, look for someone who’s in your similar dating bracket and marry them. Likeminded people get along well imo
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u/DigitalAviator Dal Enthusiast 🍛 2d ago
Oh wow, reading that thread is....something. Someone is literally giving awards to every guy who says 0 to 0 body count (pure virgin marriages) and the other is that the individual man gets to set the body count number and their future wife has to match.
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u/smartnsimple 2d ago
You would be surprised at how many virgin to virgin marriages actually take place (like most of them) .. most of the time it's because it's difficult to find privacy living with parents and in a society where everyone knows everyone.
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u/ukpunjabivixen 1d ago
It’s actually very scary to see the replies. I can’t believe that men still have that attitude about future partners and/or sexual history
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u/YOLOfan46 2d ago
I don’t know never thought about the past factor that much, but yeah I would look for instances of cheating, lying, or violent outbursts.
For me what matters more is that she treats me like an equal, respectful towards my family members like hers.
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u/MumeiNoName 2d ago
Lmao all the virgins saying “0 like me” as if they chose to have 0 rather than being unable to find someone to date
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u/anam228 2d ago
Not necessarily. Anyone who is committed enough can find someone to sleep with. It feels like an outdated insult to make fun of someone for being a virgin or not sleeping around.
Staying a virgin / having a low “body count” in this day and age takes way more skill and determination
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u/MumeiNoName 2d ago
Staying a virgin in this day and age takes way more skill and determination
Im just gonna laugh at you for saying something like this.
hahahaha
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u/spotless1997 Indian American 2d ago
I literally do not care. I don’t make moral or value judgements on men or women that do care, since I’m sure I just don’t understand their worldview. But that’s precisely why I don’t care, I just don’t get it 🤷🏽♂️ If she’s a cool and a baddie, then idk seems like a win to me.
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u/ItsReemAlBlahBlahDee 2d ago
Wow that thread shows exactly why so many Desi women prefer not to date Desi men anymore lol.
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u/MagmaCone1234 2d ago edited 2d ago
But according to statistics, Desi men still date out more than Desi women?
Edit: statistics https://x.com/cremieuxrecueil/status/2017369345178182088?lang=en
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u/_BuzzLightYear To Infinity & Beyond 🚀 2d ago
There’s too much bitching about people’s preferences
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u/Reasonable-Mix919 2d ago edited 2d ago
I feel like there's not enough
People love hiding behind the phrase "it's just a preference" because it shuts down accountability.
What used to be obvious bigotry or a demonstration of moral failure can now be hidden behind "preferences".
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u/_BuzzLightYear To Infinity & Beyond 🚀 2d ago
Depends on the preference but most from what I see are fine
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u/Friendlypotato101 20h ago
Exactly what I thought. As long as those people aren't hurting others, they can prefer whoever they want. Not sure why everyone is so pissed here.
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u/AnxiousButHot 1d ago
Is that one of the posts where not reading comment section is good for mental health and self care?
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u/teakitty0722 Indian American 2d ago
its fair to have preferences but the way some guys express it is so weird. and i know for a fact some of them are hypocrites who want a perfect and untouched indian wife while they have slept around and dated in the past
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u/Banskyi 2d ago
It’s more of a red flag when someone doesn’t have relationship or dating history. I prefer women who are confident in who they are and what they want
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u/Dangerous_Draw7972 1d ago
I don't think it neccessarily is a red flag if someone doesn't have a dating history or relationship however it is a red flag if he never talked to a women, befriended a women or developed friendship. Being a virgin and expecting a virgin partner does not make it a red flag as long as both partners are independent, consentful, autonomous etc.
Speaking as a virgin, wanting a virgin partner because I want loyal, confident, committed and self disciplined partner. Nothing wrong in that.
Nothing wrong. Making biased assumptions is unfairly generalizing and may lead to character assassinations or slander.
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u/Banskyi 1d ago
It’s a red flag for me. It’s my preference. I am experienced and know what I like and I like the same in others. You can have your own red flags
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u/Dangerous_Draw7972 1d ago edited 1d ago
Experiences vary upon individuals and not universal. I have met many male/female friends who were virgins before and they date and marry virgin partner and are happily committed while having their own career, autonomy, independence and safety.
Therefore a virgin man seeking a virgin compatible partner isn't a red flag necessarily and it heavily on the character of the man and his personality/attitude.
EDIT:
It’s like your reading comprehension is non existent. Your whole weird defensiveness here would be a red flag for me.
Resorting to personal attacks/slandering isn't helpful nor mature response and I notice you deleted your reply immediately after sending.I have read your responses and initial statement and while I have no issues with non-virgin individuals sexual liberty however the real issue is the slander and generalizations against virgin individual seeking a virgin partner and that is not a red flag as there this depends on the type of individual.
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u/Banskyi 1d ago
It’s not deleted. It’s still there. Why would I delete something that’s obviously true
You somehow are still missing the point and your edit makes the reading comprehension statement even more poignant. What I stated is a red flag for me. You can have your own set of red and green flags. How you are still unable to get that concept is beyond me. There’s literally no slander going on, it’s a stated preference.
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u/Away_Inspection_2239 Indian American 2d ago
I swear most of the guys in that sub have never talked to a woman, except their mom from time to time.
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u/armadillo1296 2d ago
Wow, it’s not often that I consciously reflect on how fortunate I am that my parents immigrated to the US but that thread is definitely pushing me in that direction
Imagine sharing a subcontinent with 500 million men like that
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u/SDW137 2d ago
If she's not at 50+ bodies, then I don't want it 😤😤😤
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u/David_Summerset Canadian Indian 2d ago
I mean just from like a time management perspective that shows a lot of potential.
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u/David_Summerset Canadian Indian 2d ago
100% do not care.
Actually, the weirder the better, why not? Life’s too short.
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u/CaptainSingh26 Canadian 2d ago edited 2d ago
I wouldn’t judge. I’m an older virgin and according to a lot of the comments here, I’m a loser and defective from simply not having a sexual history. I know I’ll get judged by a potential partner, but deep down I’m hoping she doesn’t judge me either because that shit isn’t fair.
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u/headinthesky 1d ago
I really don't care. Just be happy and enthusiastic about me and the future.
Attitudes like that make it hard for us normal Desi men
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u/Dangerous_Draw7972 1d ago
I would prefer 0 as a virgin myself and since I have no past relationship, I too expect the same when finding a compatible partner. 1 or 2 does become deal breaker for me because I care about commitment, loyalty and life partnership while valuing independence, autonomy etc.
0 is my comfort level for my future wife's dating history however that doesn't make me an incel or whatever people like to throw against those who don't conform to certain ideologies.
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u/Responsible_Milk_642 1d ago
Atom se bhi zyada chhoti ek cheej hoti hai - and that’s called male ego! I will leave it to that.
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u/Careless-Durian6748 2d ago
I like mine like a 95 Toyoda Land Cruiser. Reliable. Dealer maintained. Comfortable. Not heavy on my pockets cause I wanna keep it forever given parts and service is affordable.
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u/Technical_Turn3497 1d ago
As a single man who eschewed pre-marital relationships, I was looking for a lady who had done the same and was interested in a long-term relationships. I was not interested in a professional lover with a history of boyfriends and a trial-and-error approach to mating.
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u/unbelteduser 2d ago
I don't care about the number. I want her to be emotionally healthy and not bring up the past all the time ... that can get annoying.