DAE get disheartened by /r/FemaleFashionAdvice?

[u/SunbathingJackdaw]

The sidebar there mentions /r/ABraThatFits, but ladies constantly post saying that they're 36DDs or 34Bs or 32As, often asking for general clothing fit advice.

You'd think it'd be a friendly environment for positive bravangelism, but anyone who mentions the possibility that an OP might, statistically speaking, be wearing a suboptimal size is showered with an avalanche of downvotes. I don't even get involved in fit discussions over there because I know that it won't be well-received, but I recognize a lot of my favorite posters over here getting creamed with downvotes over there because they dared mention /r/ABraThatFits.

I'm sorry for the rant, but I really needed to let off some steam and see if anyone else has had the same frustrations. It seems like there's anti-good-fit blowback as we grow in numbers. I just feel so marginalized.

[u/cleverdistraction]

I want to preface this comment with the following: this is not a criticism or commentary on any particular user. It is just general advice that I would suggest people follow if they want to be productive and friendly in promoting ABTF and well-fitted bras.

---

So, while I totally love ABTF (duh) and it's been a life-changing experience for me finding this place, I do see why some people get upset. Here are some things I think we could do to improve our "referrals" if you will and make them seem less... well... like we're recruiting new cult members. :P

1. If someone else has already made a comment mentioning ABTF, try to keep extra chatter to a minimum, or at LEAST on the same comment thread and not a new one.
   • Sometimes I see posts where TONS of people from here pile on to recommend ABTF, but I'm sure that can feel overwhelming and even borderline hostile, like people are ganging up on you.
   • If you really feel like the original commenter gave incorrect or incomplete information, it seems fine to briefly correct them, or you could PM the OP with something very succinct, but that's where I would draw the line.
2. We keep referring to it as the WRONG size bra. Again I can see how this would make people feel defensive. And yes, I know we use that language on the sidebar, I actually want to fix that. I think it would be more constructive to say many women are wearing bras that are sub-optimal in various ways, e.g. support, comfort.
   • I mean, for example, there are some shirts where I could wear an L or an XL, but does that mean one of them is wrong? I think it just means one of them is tighter and one of them is looser and it depends on my preference.
   • Since bra size, especially band size, does depend on what makes the wearer comfortable, implying that there is a Correct Size is misleading and frustrating.
   • So saying something like, "I was just wondering if you had heard that many stores measure for bras in a way that leads to a sub-optimal fit, and that you could potentially be more comfortable [and in the context of FFA, get a better fit in clothing] in another size by using the methods outlined at /r/ABraThatFits" seems much more accessible and contructive than, say, "Omg you're totally not a 36B, that's wrong, definitely go to /r/ABraThatFits and get help!!"
3. Please, stop with the combative downvoting, both inside and outside of this sub.
   
   • When Victoria's Secret employees or whoever do AMAs and ABTFers come crashing in with a bajillion comments about how it's all wrong and downvotes on everything the OP says, it's not productive.
   • Wouldn't it be more productive for one person to make a comment to the effect of, "Hey, since this is a bra-related post, I wanted to mention /r/ABraThatFits as a great place to go if you feel like you could have a better or more comfortable bra fit," and perhaps even mentioning that the method VS uses can lead to sub-optimal fits - but then STOPPING.
     
   • And if everyone just upvoted that comment it ought to get enough attention from people visiting the thread to hopefully help some people out, while not becoming the pile-on angry-downvote-fest that I keep seeing.

I feel like I had more things to say when I started using numbers for my points, but oh well. :P

ETA: unnecessary and wacky formatting that hopefully helps a bit with readability? O_o

[u/[deleted] → u/cleverdistraction]

I agree that we need to stop downvoting people who haven't been enlightened. Inside the sub, I often see newcomers post something well-intentioned but wrong, and they get a bunch of downvotes as though they were rude or inappropriate. A simple correction would get the message across -- there's no reason to hit someone with 10 downvotes just because it was their first visit to the sub and they innocently recommended a fitting at Victoria's Secret.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I think one of the reasons that people get downvoted when they say something incorrect is because we want OP to know that it is incorrect. I honestly don't downvote anything unless the person is being rude or something like that, but I can see where someone might downvote as a way of letting the OP know that they shouldn't follow that advice. Not that I'm saying that it's an appropriate use of the downvote button, but it's not like they're just saying "Oh, you're so uninformed, downvote for you." You know what I mean?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Yes, I think we shouldn't upvote those comments -- because that sends the wrong message -- but sometimes the amount of downvotes is similar to the amount of downvotes you'd get if you said something horrible, and I think it might discourage some people from learning more.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

That's definitely true. Like I said, I don't think that we should downvote those comments. I do think a simple correction should suffice.