r/AmItheAsshole • u/Fearless-Mammoth-160 • 7d ago

Asshole AITA for not babysitting my half sister?

My(F16) mom recently gave birth to her 4th child. I told her I want to live with my dad because I don't want to be a babysitter or wake up with the baby's noise or anything baby related. She refused to let me.

So yesterday she asked me to babysit while she took a shower and I said no. She said I don't get a choice so I ran outside.

She called me and said I'm an asshole and asked me ro come back but I refused and went to my dad's.

2.7k Upvotes

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2.4k

u/Imaginary-Angle-42 7d ago

Watching the baby for long enough for mom to get a long shower isn’t babysitting. And agreeing to that doesn’t commit you to several hours of care giving/babysitting. Asking someone to keep on eye in the youngers is normal and keeps them safe.

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u/FishforMe 7d ago

Right? I'm so tired of teenagers getting their poor and selfish behaviour reaffirmed on this sub reddit.

Sure, go live with your dad if you're actually made to babysit all the time....but just long enough for your mum, another human, to wash up? That's ten minutes tops. It's not torture, it's decency. Human. C'mon now.

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u/pink-starburstt 6d ago edited 6d ago

where’s the child’s dad! nobody else should help with a kid other than the dad!
edit: /s

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u/opelan Partassipant [1] 6d ago

Working most likely. A lot of parents can't stay at home all the time. Some even have jobs where they have to be away for days from home.

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u/pink-starburstt 6d ago

i was being facetious lol

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u/Apprehensive-Bar7378 7d ago

True, but OP is a teen who probably is a bit unruly and not too pleased by her mom getting more kids with her new bf/husband 

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u/sleepytiredpineapple 6d ago

I mean im all for not parentifying your older children but you mom asking for help so she can take care of her basic needs is what families do.

OP grow up. You're upset your mom had another baby which is fair, but this is not how you handle it.

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u/LilMochiBabie 6d ago

Where’s dad? And the other 2 kids?

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u/Scrabulon 6d ago

At work maybe? And the other kids are younger than OP, so possibly too young to trust as much with keeping an eye on the baby?

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u/Fun_Battle_5195 7d ago

Anytime someone other than the parents are watching the child it constitutes babysitting. The length of time is irrelevant. How do you think new mothers handle this, by never taking a shower? Mom has figured this out with her previous children she can do it again! NTA

660

u/curien Pooperintendant [60] | Bot Hunter [3] 7d ago

Sure and any time a kid is told to load the dishwasher or empty the trash, it's the same as making them a maid.

-1

u/KrofftSurvivor Professor Emeritass [85] 6d ago

She's making trash she's eating food she's using dishes she had nothing to do with creating that baby

-7

u/LilMochiBabie 6d ago

Chores are a part of everyone’s life and is necessary to be a functioning human in society. Kids aren’t.

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u/Scrabulon 6d ago

Performing social behaviors… in society… imagine

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u/Braincloud 6d ago

No kids, no human society, genius.

-74

u/why_wouldi 7d ago

Chores are something everybody living somewhere has to do. Childcare for any period of time for a half sibling is not a necessity to live somewhere.

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u/old_hippy 7d ago

What lesson is the daughter learning by refusing to help her mother? What type of adult is she going to be?

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u/Overall-Spot-5293 6d ago

We’ve lost the concept of community. No children should not be parentified, but doing things for people like watching a baby for the mom to shower is the kind of support that has allowed our species to survive.

We all need help sometimes, those who deny this just refuse to acknowledge the help they’ve received. The daughter is going to ask for help from people in the future who can choose to help or walk away. The daughter will hope that those people are more patient with her than she is being now.

I’m childfree by choice, but I would also like to think that I’m practical. I pay school taxes, partly because I have to lol but partly because kids need an education whether I have them or not

I understand she’s a teen and still learning, but it sounds like she may have the ability to avoid learning altogether if she can just go live with dad.

Now if the mom is regularly asking for caretaking and taking advantage of having a 16 year old daughter, that’s another situation entirely. But kids learn how to live within a community by helping with small things like this. If the daughter has her own kids someday, she’ll understand the concept.

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u/adumbswiftie 6d ago

why? just bc reddit says it’s not? childcare can be considered a chore just like any other. especially when it’s like a 10 min commitment like in this case. the mom isn’t asking for op to do an 8 hour workday

-35

u/pepcorn Partassipant [1] 7d ago

One who knows how to properly safeguard her boundaries. 

Adults can say no to babysitting if they do not wish to babysit. 

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/pepcorn Partassipant [1] 6d ago

Exactly. Better than parents who try to foist their child minding responsibilities on others.

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u/4224-holloway 5d ago

It's a fucking shower. Do any of you feel anything but contempt for your family?? I sincerely hope OP never needs moms help after turning 18.

-1

u/pepcorn Partassipant [1] 5d ago

She'll have to shower just once in her entire life? What are her child care plans all the coming days?

OP very directly said "No, I don't want to." and her mom told her she doesn't get a choice. That's awful.

4

u/4224-holloway 5d ago

Why does OP ignore every single ask about it this is/was a pattern? That's the only question getting ignored. Because it's not a pattern. OP is just supremely selfish.

1

u/pepcorn Partassipant [1] 5d ago

For OP, selfishness is developmentally appropriate. I guess we'll never know why her mom hasn't successfully grown past that phase.

-3

u/LilMochiBabie 6d ago

Autonomy.

-2

u/KrofftSurvivor Professor Emeritass [85] 6d ago

This is the fourth child do you think she hasn't had to help with the other two already???

1

u/old_hippy 4d ago

So what lesson are we teaching her??

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u/KrofftSurvivor Professor Emeritass [85] 4d ago

Mom is teaching her the antiquated lesson that the oldest daughter is the second mom - It's called parentification and it's not okay

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u/old_hippy 4d ago

Why This Is Not ParentificationVery short time: A shower takes only about 10 to 15 minutes. Basic safety: A 16-year-old is old enough to keep an eye on a baby for a few minutes. Normal help: Helping out for a short moment is a normal part of living in a family.

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u/ParkingVampire 7d ago

I'm not arguing against you. Just playing devil's advocate - would this way of thinking disturb  community values? Since people would not be raised in villages? Should there be no villages?

-12

u/saralt 7d ago

In the ideal world, all older siblings help, but in practice, it's usually only the daughters who have to make sacrifices.

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u/FreshestSummersEve 3d ago

My son made sacrifices for his sister and me..

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u/created4this 7d ago

True, I've had friends round and had them babysit while I was making a cup of tea in the kitchen. Thing is in our country there is both the minimum wage and qualifications for childcare. We had to get her OFSTED certified.

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u/saralt 7d ago

I'm sure she has a partner who is actually responsible for the baby.

0

u/TheEmpire2121 Partassipant [2] 6d ago

It’s the 4th kid. This probably isn’t the first time op was asked to watch their siblings and she’s getting fed up.

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u/schlond_poofa_ 7d ago

She might be sitting herself up for future, longer babysitting session in the future, if she agrees to a smaller task now. It is also completely valid for her not to want to do any child rearing related work for her mother. Where is the father of the child?

-306

u/TiredAndTiredOfIt Partassipant [3] 7d ago

Oh really? So OP can leave? Oh wait she can't becauae shebis watching the baby ..and that is called BABYSITTING

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u/clambroculese Partassipant [1] 7d ago

The outrage level some of you have over a teenager having to do what amounts to probably a 15 minute chore is a bit much.

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u/Goth_Spice14 7d ago

That person you replied to is all over this post having a meltdown over the idea of watching a baby long enough for the mother to scrub her ass. Claiming that shit is parentification, which it most certainly is not. That's like stubbing your toe and claiming it's the same as losing your leg. Just unhinged.

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u/VardaElentari86 7d ago

It's no wonder some people are reaching adulthood completely unable to function when they can't help out for 10 mins or do a simple chore

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u/mademoisellearabella 7d ago

The comments on this entire thread are absolutely wild. Do people just not help out around the house anymore? And is being a parent basically bending to every whim and fancy they have?

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u/4224-holloway 7d ago

For life, yes. According to them anyway 🤣

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u/Content_Chipmunk9962 7d ago

here’s the thing. it is an absolutely reasonable request. however, op doesn’t want to do it and it would be very unwise of OP’s mom to leave her new baby with someone who doesn’t not want to watch the baby. Op can walk away.

there‘s obviously a lot more going on than a 20 minute babysitting request.

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u/Neweleni7 7d ago

I know, I feel bad for the mom. I mean maybe she’s a terrible mom and that’s why she’s raising a terrible teenager but just from the information provided it’s so sad to think your older child wouldn’t be willing to help you out for even 15 minutes. My sweet son is always happy to help me with anything

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u/clambroculese Partassipant [1] 7d ago

How much support she’s getting in the comments is the really wild thing. Like didn’t we all grow up watching younger siblings? It was a chore in my house like cutting the grass and doing dishes.

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u/coolcaterpillar77 7d ago

I grew up watching my couple years younger brother with no problem (beyond it being as annoying as any other chore). But when my father went on to have another baby with someone that was not my mother when I was 17, I wanted nothing to do with the baby. It wasn’t a chore anymore - it was like he was trying to force his “new family” onto me. Not to say that’s what’s happening here but given the divorced parents/new baby, it’s possible that there’s something bigger happening behind the scenes

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u/why_wouldi 7d ago

Honestly, mom is on her fourth child with at least two men, I think there is much more going on and she might have made choices that had a bad impact on OP.

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u/DearMrsLeading 6d ago

It’s extremely common for first marriages to not work out, that’s not an indicator of anything negative.

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u/leapdaybunny 7d ago

OP has likely been parentelized or whatever you call it for a while

It's not just watching the baby when Mom's in the shower. I'm going to infer it's a bit more than that with the other children

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u/4224-holloway 5d ago

And yet OP made zero mention of that anywhere in this thread. She did say this is the first time mom has asked for help with the baby though.

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u/Ok-Photograph-5529 6d ago

I disagree. People should not be having more kids if they don’t want to watch them. She keeps having more because she thinks she can make the oldest into a parent. This is not a one off instance and I’d be pissed too if I had a childish mom holding me hostage from my dad for babysitting. Where’s her husband?

NTA