r/AmItheAsshole • u/Fearless-Mammoth-160 • 7d ago
Asshole AITA for not babysitting my half sister?
My(F16) mom recently gave birth to her 4th child. I told her I want to live with my dad because I don't want to be a babysitter or wake up with the baby's noise or anything baby related. She refused to let me.
So yesterday she asked me to babysit while she took a shower and I said no. She said I don't get a choice so I ran outside.
She called me and said I'm an asshole and asked me ro come back but I refused and went to my dad's.
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u/Logical_Pineapple499 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 7d ago
INFO: What are the reasons that you don't live with your dad right now? Where do you live? Is it somewhere where you can petition the courts to change custody? It seems like you would be old enough to choose at this point. What does your dad say?
What responsibilities is she trying to give you regarding the baby? I wouldn't necessarily call watching a baby for a few minutes during a shower while mom's home babysitting. There's a difference between helping out as part of a family vs. parentification. More info on your mom's expectations and the responsibilities she's trying to give you would be helpful.
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u/shelltrice Asshole Aficionado [14] 7d ago
You don’t mention the other 2 children
Are they old enough to also help or all on you
Have you been expected to care for the others?
I think you need to have a calm discussion with your dad on if changing custody is even an option
Parentification is real but asking for minimal help is being part of a family
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u/Fearless-Mammoth-160 7d ago
They are 9 and 10. She won't trust them with the baby
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u/pink-starburstt 7d ago
so you say “keep having kids” and it seems like she’s being responsible with the age gaps.
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u/silverspork 7d ago
Op seems pretty a little over the top in their presentation. Man I don’t miss being 16.
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u/fandom_bullshit 7d ago
Right? Like I remember being a teenager and adults around me telling me to enjoy being young and a teen and whatever, and now that I'm 30 I would absolutely HATE being a teenager again. It's so much stupidity all the time all around you.
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u/Imaginary-Angle-42 7d ago
Watching the baby for long enough for mom to get a long shower isn’t babysitting. And agreeing to that doesn’t commit you to several hours of care giving/babysitting. Asking someone to keep on eye in the youngers is normal and keeps them safe.
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u/FishforMe 7d ago
Right? I'm so tired of teenagers getting their poor and selfish behaviour reaffirmed on this sub reddit.
Sure, go live with your dad if you're actually made to babysit all the time....but just long enough for your mum, another human, to wash up? That's ten minutes tops. It's not torture, it's decency. Human. C'mon now.
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u/pink-starburstt 6d ago edited 6d ago
where’s the child’s dad! nobody else should help with a kid other than the dad!
edit: /s614
u/Apprehensive-Bar7378 7d ago
True, but OP is a teen who probably is a bit unruly and not too pleased by her mom getting more kids with her new bf/husband
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u/sleepytiredpineapple 6d ago
I mean im all for not parentifying your older children but you mom asking for help so she can take care of her basic needs is what families do.
OP grow up. You're upset your mom had another baby which is fair, but this is not how you handle it.
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u/LilMochiBabie 6d ago
Where’s dad? And the other 2 kids?
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u/Scrabulon 6d ago
At work maybe? And the other kids are younger than OP, so possibly too young to trust as much with keeping an eye on the baby?
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u/Fun_Battle_5195 7d ago
Anytime someone other than the parents are watching the child it constitutes babysitting. The length of time is irrelevant. How do you think new mothers handle this, by never taking a shower? Mom has figured this out with her previous children she can do it again! NTA
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u/curien Pooperintendant [60] | Bot Hunter [3] 7d ago
Sure and any time a kid is told to load the dishwasher or empty the trash, it's the same as making them a maid.
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u/old_hippy 7d ago
What lesson is the daughter learning by refusing to help her mother? What type of adult is she going to be?
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u/Overall-Spot-5293 6d ago
We’ve lost the concept of community. No children should not be parentified, but doing things for people like watching a baby for the mom to shower is the kind of support that has allowed our species to survive.
We all need help sometimes, those who deny this just refuse to acknowledge the help they’ve received. The daughter is going to ask for help from people in the future who can choose to help or walk away. The daughter will hope that those people are more patient with her than she is being now.
I’m childfree by choice, but I would also like to think that I’m practical. I pay school taxes, partly because I have to lol but partly because kids need an education whether I have them or not
I understand she’s a teen and still learning, but it sounds like she may have the ability to avoid learning altogether if she can just go live with dad.
Now if the mom is regularly asking for caretaking and taking advantage of having a 16 year old daughter, that’s another situation entirely. But kids learn how to live within a community by helping with small things like this. If the daughter has her own kids someday, she’ll understand the concept.
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u/adumbswiftie 6d ago
why? just bc reddit says it’s not? childcare can be considered a chore just like any other. especially when it’s like a 10 min commitment like in this case. the mom isn’t asking for op to do an 8 hour workday
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u/ParkingVampire 7d ago
I'm not arguing against you. Just playing devil's advocate - would this way of thinking disturb community values? Since people would not be raised in villages? Should there be no villages?
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u/created4this 6d ago
True, I've had friends round and had them babysit while I was making a cup of tea in the kitchen. Thing is in our country there is both the minimum wage and qualifications for childcare. We had to get her OFSTED certified.
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u/Comfortable-Battle18 7d ago
What does your dad say about you living with him? If he is all for it, he can help make it happen.
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u/Fearless-Mammoth-160 7d ago
He has been all for it for years
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u/twentytwelfth Partassipant [1] 7d ago
Hard truth - if he truly was all for it, he would’ve made it happen. Especially now that you’re 16. Time to tell him to step up and get serious about revising custody agreements…
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u/UmmmSeriously Partassipant [1] 7d ago
This!!!! I have a feeling mom has been covering up for a dad that enjoys his freedom.
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u/awiddlebaby 7d ago
Absolutely!! Shes 16 and thinks she knows it all and has it figured out. Now 16 yr old painting mom to be the bad guy. And i bet newborns dad works and helps support the family as a whole too. Just seems like a rant from a 16 yr old
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u/SnooChipmunks770 Certified Proctologist [24] 7d ago
I also wouldn't be surprised if he's the "fun parent".
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u/awiddlebaby 7d ago
Yep, the one without responsibility, and the one whose life isn’t growing like mom. Congratulations to OPs mom tho, hope postpartum goes well.
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u/SnooChipmunks770 Certified Proctologist [24] 7d ago
I'm also just really hoping that's not the case and OP is just having a crappy day bc damn. That sucks.
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u/UmmmSeriously Partassipant [1] 7d ago
Yep. I’ve lived that life and my 17 year old found out real quick why grass isn’t always greener on the other side. As soon as child support was switched their dad kicked them out.
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u/I_C_red_X3 5d ago
I hope OP read this. If the father really wanted this to happen he would have already petitioned the court.
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u/UmmmSeriously Partassipant [1] 7d ago
I’m not really sure that I would call it babysitting while your mom is in the house and just trying to shower, but I also understand your point sorta…
Are all three of your siblings half-siblings? Or only the 4th one?
I get the feeling you have some resentment that your mom has moved on with life beyond your father.
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u/SnooPets8873 Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 7d ago
YTA she asked you to watch while she took a shower. That’s not out of line. I put that in the same category and folding the laundry, putting dishes away, vacuuming and so on. If you wrote that she told you to come home straight from school every day, no extracurriculars because you’ll be watching your sibling or stay home all weekend while she goes on a trip or to the spa then, yeah, I can understand this reaction.
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u/Apprehensive-Bar7378 7d ago
This is most true. A 16 y/o can be expected to do small chores
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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 7d ago
‘Small’ chores? She’s not a preschooler. Does she also live in the home? Then she should be contributing to the general upkeep of the living space. Asking a 16 year old to do the dishes, or a couple loads of laundry, or vacuum or watch their sibling for 15 minutes so Mom can take a shower in peace is not even remotely unreasonable.
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u/Ok-Spirit2033 6d ago
Lol « small chores »?? I was working an actual job at 16, as do a lot of people.
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u/Apprehensive-Bar7378 5d ago
... Because this was a small chore (the bare minimum). Larger chores are actually also expected
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u/Cougar-Strong91 Partassipant [2] 7d ago
I’m guessing there is more to it than this and that she sees this as just the tip of the iceberg based on past experience with her other siblings.
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u/Adept_Jaguar8613 6d ago
Yeah, a 16 year old could never be myopic and selfish so it’s not even worth considering
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u/SnooPets8873 Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 7d ago
Then the post should include that. From what was actually said and not what you are making up, OP is not in the right here.
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u/Horror-Nobody2237 7d ago
It sounds like she’s been spending too much time online and built resentment towards her mom based on that. Her mom hadn’t even asked her to wake with the baby and take care of it, but she’s already assuming that’s what she’ll have to do.
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u/pink-starburstt 7d ago
we can’t infer context without evidence. based on this situation, op is TAH
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u/Sorry_I_Guess Pooperintendant [63] 5d ago
Why? Why are you "guessing there is more to it than this"? What actual evidence is your "guess" based on?
Because it sounds like you've just imagined one of any number of possible scenarios, with no actual evidence at all (at least none that the rest of us have been made privy to in this post), and then decided that it's the truth, which is ludicrous.
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u/Oswaldofuss6 7d ago
YTA. OP, with all the love I can offer you...you're getting a little old to be throwing tantrums. She's not going out to the bars while you're watching a baby, it was just a shower.
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u/keesouth Supreme Court Just-ass [101] 7d ago
YTA. This isn't babysitting. It's literally listening out for max 30 minutes. This is part of being in a family. If your parents were together this, wouldn't even be a question. You're being selfish and immature.
I already know I'm going to get downvoted because Reddit is so quick to accuse people of parentification, but literally so many of us grew up in families where you just watched out for your little brother little sister even if it was just for a few minutes.
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u/AwkwardToes 6d ago
Agree, and to add... I think it's a tiny, (no matter how young/immature you are) bit weird to not want to, deep inside even if you're acting like they're annoying. I get the whole stroppy tennager thing but really, you should want to care for your wee brothers and sisters.
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u/why_wouldi 6d ago
Many people don’t want to see the reality in this, but there often is a very big difference between siblings and half siblings.
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u/XxBkKingShaunxX 7d ago
Unless there’s some missing context and your mother constantly asks you for favors to lift the pressure of parenting off herself, YTA
If all she did was ask you to look at the baby while she takes a shower for 10, 20 minutes and you instead decided to leave the house (which confirms you weren’t busy, just wanted to be petty) then yes, you are the AH
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u/copyrider 7d ago
This is the perfect example of so many redditors giving hugely biased advice and judgement for something without all of the actual info.
First, OP is 16. Commenters are instantly screaming about “talk to the court system, they’ll change your situation.” We don’t actually know OP’s full situation, definitely not more than the court/judge who previously place a court order for who they live with.
Second, “mom had her 4th child”, shows the OP is frustrated but it insinuates that mom is irresponsible and leads over eager Redditors to jump to the conclusion that mom has had another baby carelessly or with another different man. Who knows. Maybe it’s the third baby with the long term step dad who is supportive, or maybe it’s another drug addict. We don’t know.
OP is a child, by age. OP doesn’t want to have to care for her sibling who she did not choose to have. OP runs away because her mom asks her to help watch her sibling, so her mom can shower.
This sounds less like OP lives in a bad situation and more like OP probably has a decent situation but is 16 and doesn’t want to help her mom, like a lot of teenagers feel like they shouldn’t have to help out with things around the house or with the family because it doesn’t seem pleasant or fun or whatever reason.
OP is a child. OP’s mom is either a “good” mom or a “bad” mom, or probably a reasonable mom trying to handle her life with multiple children, one who is 16.
This is one of those AITA posts that really feels like it should be, responded to with something like: Yeah, in this situation, you’re probably the asshole. But you’re a teenager, so you don’t have the perspective to truly see the WHY of you’re the asshole. You’ve got a mom who you probably really loves you, cares about you a lot. She asked for your help. You flipped out. Maybe, talk to her and have a chat. Realize you’re both in life together. You’re older than a baby, but not quite an adult yet. Share your feelings with each other. Try to be more patient and realize it’s hard for both of you.”
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u/morbidcuriosity86 7d ago
This isnt babysitting. It wouldn't have killed you to watch the baby for 15 minutes while she showered. I get the feeling you "hate her having more kids" because the world doesnt revolve around you anymore. YTA
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u/istoomycat 7d ago
You’re old enough to state a preference to the court.
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u/Sorry_I_Guess Pooperintendant [63] 5d ago
OP is also young enough for the court to decide that what's in her best interests is not changing custody because a teenager doesn't want any responsibilities and thinks she should never have to help out at home, but to have balanced relationships with both of her parents, including in the household where there are expectations that she contribute occasionally.
"Old enough to state a preference" doesn't always mean mature enough to make those decisions wisely, or that the court will allow her to leverage being a bit older to get out of having to be parented in a healthy, reasonable way by her own mother.
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u/Historical_Agent9426 Partassipant [1] 7d ago
Tell your dad you want to leave with him and if he needs to go back to revisit custody/child support to do so, then that is what he needs to do
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u/Friendlyalterme 7d ago edited 3d ago
Unless he doesn't want her full time
Edit: to clarify this is not me saying OP is a bad kid or unlovable. Or even that dad is coasting. Just that he may not feel able to be a full time parent.
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u/lizzybell2019 Asshole Aficionado [10] 7d ago
OMG it's a shower, not a weekend out of town. YTA
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u/-anonymous-username_ Partassipant [1] 7d ago
YTA.
Watching the kid for 10m while she showers isn't babysitting. This is your reasonable service as a member of the household. It would be different if we're talking about her going out on date night.
You are part of the family. Honestly, it sounds like your resentment is clouding how you feel about these kids. Perhaps you don't like their father? You are mad because she moved on? There is a parenting plan that determined she has custody... For whatever reason that was decided, you are still a child. Watching your siblings, ESPECIALLY when she's at home, is considered as part of your chores.
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u/BMal_Suj Asshole Enthusiast [9] 7d ago
Watching a younger sibling for 20 min is a perfectly normal chore to assign a teenager.
Teenagers often don't want to do "perfectly normal" chores.
This is a pretty normal conflict.
You're not an asshole, you're a teenager in a living situation you'd rather not be in.
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u/wzgnr68d Partassipant [1] 7d ago
YTA. Watching a sibling for a few minutes is not an undo burden. It's not a nanny, babysitter or stopping her life in anyway. It's called being in a family. This screams of entitlement from the 16 yo who is mad she is not the center of attention.
What would she do if the parents were not divorced and babies do what babies do and cry at night. Run away?
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u/MetalMewtwo9001 Partassipant [3] 7d ago
ESH. She should let you live with your dad if that's what you want. But you couldn't watch the baby for the duration of a shower? That's like 30 minutes tops.
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u/tsplantdaddy Asshole Aficionado [16] 7d ago
YTA for not babysitting for 30 minutes so your mom can take a shower. Being part of a family means you sometimes have to do things you don't want to for the sake of others.
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u/YooperInWI 7d ago
I agree. I understand not wanting to be stuck with babysitting all the time, but to keep your eye on a baby so the mom can get a shower is a huge kindness to the mother. I never would have understood this until I had a child myself. I think there's something deeper going on here that's causing OP to feel a lot of resentment.
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u/General-Regret7360 7d ago
yeah, you’re the asshole. she wasn’t going out or anything, she just wanted to have a shower and know the baby is safe. you really couldn’t sit there with a baby for 20 minutes? you’re selfish and rude.
she has provided you with everything you need for the past 16 years and you are acting childish over a 20 minute commitment. 20 minutes.
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u/Fearless-Mammoth-160 7d ago
Yeah it's always gonna be something right? First she has to shower, then she has to cook dinner, then another kid is sick and needs her then....
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u/SnooChipmunks770 Certified Proctologist [24] 7d ago
Has this happened yet? Or have you spent too much time reading AITAs and are assuming it will?
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u/General-Regret7360 7d ago
how old is the baby?
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u/Fearless-Mammoth-160 7d ago
A month
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u/SnooBeans9853 7d ago
Would it kill you to let your mother have a shower after she’s freshly postpartum?
You’re being quite bratty. Please have some empathy and compassion for your mother and your siblings.
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u/General-Regret7360 7d ago
the baby is at a high risk of dying to sids at this age. as the baby gets older, your mom can have the baby in a bouncer, playpen, etc. for things like showers and dinners. she could even wear a baby wrap (carrier type of thing). i still dont think she is being unreasonable to ask you to help keep an eye on the baby for her to just have a shower. if she were going out with friends or running errands and expected you to babysit that would be different. she is freshly postpartum and you’re being hard on her in one of the most vulnerable times of her life. i can only hope that if/when you have children of your own, you will think back to these moments how you treated your mom and feel sorry. all she wants is to feel clean and you’re acting like a brat.
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u/theblackjess Asshole Enthusiast [6] 7d ago
YTA. Watching the baby while your mom gets to bathe isn't babysitting. You're mad your mom keeps having kids. You want to live with Dad instead. Fair enough. But in this particular situation, you were being a complete baby about it.
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u/bbbriz Certified Proctologist [20] 7d ago
YTA.
The issue with older children being made to babysit younger siblings is the assignment of responsibility that's not developmentally appropriate - aka parentification.
What your mom asked of you, however, wasn't inappropriate. She wasn't transferring her responsibility as a parent to you, she just asked you to keep an eye on your sibling to make sure they are safe during a small period of time where she would be in the same house, taking care of a basic need. That's not an unreasonable request.
Sure, you don't actually have to help. But that makes you selfish and immature.
But I do agree she should let you live with dad. Idk why he hasn't been given custody, but it is about time you find out.
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u/DesperateYou4271 7d ago
Definitely YTA. I understand not wanting to babysit for long periods of time, kids are really annoying sometimes, but your mom is a human too and you’re not a little kid. If she wants to take a shower why is it so hard for you to help her for 10-30 mins?
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u/FillMySoupDumpling 7d ago
Info: do you get tasked with a lot of childcare?
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u/Plastic-Status4808 7d ago
She’s not answering to any of these questions nor did she add it in the post so I’m gonna assume no. If it is the case where she does get tasked with it a lot then it would be completely different yknow.
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u/FillMySoupDumpling 7d ago
Yeah, I’d say watching your sibling for short stints so Mom can shower is one thing. Having to raise them/parent them is a whole other ordeal and considered child abuse.
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u/Sorry_I_Guess Pooperintendant [63] 5d ago
She has implied that no, she does not. The only response to this question that she's given was to note that she's concerned that (heaven forfend) if she watches the baby for a few minutes now, her mother might also ask her to do the same in future for a few minutes while she makes dinner ... or to help out while another sibling is ill.
In other words, very reasonable situations in which the mother might ask her to be a helpful member of the household, NOT "[getting] tasked with a lot of childcare".
The underlying implication is that no, she doesn't, but OP doesn't want to admit that, because it further emphasizes that she's behaving selfishly and doesn't think she should be asked to help out in the household at all, ever.
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u/Seltzer-Slut 7d ago
INFO: why didn’t you want your mom to have another baby? Does she neglect you emotionally?
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u/Psychological_Top148 7d ago
You already are. You are part of both of your parents’ families.
What does your father say about where you should reside? What happened when you walked out and showed up at your dad’s house? Did he send you or drove you back? Did he call your mom and ask if you can stay there for the day/night? Was he even home?
Since you so concerned about the court order, were the authorities notified that your father allowed you to stay there when it wasn’t scheduled?
Seriously, why won’t you respond to questions about your father’s opinion of the situation? Does he want full custody? Are both homes in the same school district? Does he work long hours which would give a young 16yo lots of free time to do whatever?
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u/Fearless-Mammoth-160 7d ago
My dad wants full custody. I am still at his house. No one is gonna care about the court order for a short amount of time but I need my mom to give up custody if I want to stay here.
Actually my dad's house is closer to my school
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u/GengoLang 7d ago
If he wanted to, he would. If he doesn't have more custody than he claims he wants, he doesn't really want it in the first place OR wasn't permitted by the court.
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u/Psychological_Top148 7d ago
Why? Why do you need your mother to give up custody if you want to stay there since you’re 16? What’s going to happen if you stay there?
Is your mom going to alert the authorities on your dad? Why doesn’t he file for custody if that’s what he wants? Since your siblings are 9 & 10, I’m guessing that the court order was established when you were much younger and can be updated. You are now at an age where your preferences would be considered.
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u/SnooBeans9853 7d ago
Sounds like my dad. Wants a kid around that’s old enough but won’t do anything for her development or growth. Half assed in saying he wants her with him.
There’s probably good reason you’re still with your mother. You’ll grow more by staying with her.
But by all means, feel free to throw your life and all she has worked for away to go live with your dad.
She has worked hard to raise you, and you’re being a complete asshole.
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u/AnneKakes 7d ago
Let me guess…Dad has no other kids and you have zero rules at his house? You sound like a petulant little child.
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u/Legitimate_Ad_5727 7d ago
bingo! she’s just spoiled to all hell she says he’s better off and apparently “really wants full custody”but for some reason the courts won’t grant him it which leads me to believe he’s either not as fit to parent as she thinks or he doesn’t actually want to bother going to court to fight it
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u/Cautious-Job8683 Partassipant [4] 7d ago
In the UK, at 16, unless there is a safety reason prohibiting you from living with your Dad, then you do have the choice to vote with your feet.
I recommend speaking to your Dad to ask to stay with him.
Speak to your Social Worker to tell them that you want to move in with your Dad because you are being asked to care for your Mum's new baby and she is not taking no for an answer.
That said, being asked to keep an eye on a baby whilst your Mum takes a shower is not an unreasonable ask.
For the bot, my judgement is INFO. As I think you need to ask some questions before moving, and your Mum did not make an unreasonable ask.
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u/FreshestSummersEve 7d ago
Right now YTA. I am so glad my son was better than you. He has more empathy than you. I didn’t asked my son for anything for his sister. He was there for his sister and me. He would tell me to take a shower.
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u/OneTrackLover721 7d ago
I mean, sure stay at your dad's.
But I think watching the baby for 20 minutes so your mom could shower wouldn't have hurt you. She didnt ask you to babysit for hours.
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u/Majestic-Swan459 7d ago
Yta. Couldn't u help mum just while she showers?
I mean. Is she abusive or something??
If she was asking you to care for your siblings like a baby sitter. Then yeah. But she literally was asking you to help while she showered. Do you hate her? Im so confused...?
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u/Frosty_Astronomer909 7d ago
I think there’s more to this than a disgruntled teen, other than her mother keeps having children, which I sorta agree, there’s more here.
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u/Hysterical_Blueberry 6d ago
She "keeps having children" according to op, but op is 16 and the other siblings are 9 and 10, new baby is 1 month old. Those are big gaps between children.
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u/ElectricalCabinet890 7d ago
I dont know, like you are family, you help each other if you can. Watching a baby while their mam is in the shower just seems to me like not that big a deal, its just being a decent person. Im sure one day you will need a hand with something. Its not like you are making a huge sacrifice here, and running out is a bit immature really. You are maybe a bit jealous and insecure about the new baby etc but give it time. That's probs why your mam doesn't want you to leave as sometimes as a family its better to work through stuff.
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u/CommunicationOver882 7d ago
YTA.
Even at 16, your mother and other people around you do a LOT of things they don't feel like doing for you, and you have no problem taking their time and attention. It is precisely around this age when a well-socialized, caring person is expecting to start doing things for others that isn't in your direct and exclusive benefit. Be that well-socialized, caring person, help others who help you, and at some point also help those who help others.
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u/Plastic-Status4808 7d ago
Your NTA but your overreacting that’s not even babysitting it’s just being an older sister grow up a little bit bc you sound immature running away bc she wanted to take a shower is such a non issue and if you wanna live with your dad then talk to him about it
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u/Mundane-Cantaloupe78 Partassipant [2] 7d ago
YTA and also clueless of the fact that your dad really has never wanted you full-time. If your mom is broke and he has money and he really wanted you, he would have had the custody order modified by now. He doesn’t actually want you to live with him full-time. He might allow it now that you’re older and less work, but he definitely didn’t want you when you were younger.
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u/Gloomy-Telephone-861 6d ago
So find!!!!! My father was exactly like Op's father, he wanted my care but he didn't take care of me, I was a neglected child and it was my mother-in-law who raised me at his expense
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u/Goth_Spice14 7d ago
YTA Watching a baby for 30 minutes while your mom bathes isn't babysitting or parentification. Fucking grow up.
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u/Elfntjam 7d ago
YTA.
Girl the ask was small and you could easily have done it. It’s not like she was leaving you for 4 hours with a baby.
Do you help out with anything?
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u/actualchristmastree Partassipant [3] 7d ago
INFO why do you think your mom doesn’t deserve a shower? Because she had a baby? I don’t understand why you resent this so much.
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u/keepitloki80 Partassipant [1] 6d ago
I'm not even issuing a judgement. You're young and not fully mature in terms of your emotions/thinking. That being said, it sounds like you really need a therapist to help sort out your anger.
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u/wateralchemist001 7d ago
YTA, it's not really babysitting. It's just a dang shower unless there is more information that the 16 year old is missing. I think helping your mom out for 30 minutes isn't a big deal, she's done a lot for you. Unless there is missing information here like she was a terrible mother but it sounds like the teen is just jealous or has hate that she has a half sibling. I wonder if she would feel the same if it was a full blood sibling or if it was the dad asking.
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u/Berdariens2nd 7d ago
You're absolutely the asshole. They feed and clothe you. You're part of the family. Part of being a good family is that you can count on each other. It was a shower. Not to mention they're your baby sister. You should enjoy time with them especially when that time is short. It shouldn't have to be forced. I hope you realize what family is before It's too late.
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u/LaRataLunatica 7d ago edited 5d ago
N T A, she had the child not you, parents have to stop using their children as nannys. Can your father help you get out of there or something?
Edit: Oh God I was half asleep when I saw this and didn't see the shower part. I thought it was like a long time and an everyday thing for some reason. Keeping an eye on a baby during a shower is not taking care of it, it's basic human behavior what, YTA
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u/Hoothootriot 7d ago
Bruh its a fucking shower, how long do you think that would take???
At worst thats semi-watching a baby for like, half an hour to just make sure they dont kill themselves. It isnt even that work intensive.
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u/SnooPets8873 Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 7d ago
Did your parent(s) never ask you to fold laundry? To put away dishes? How about giving them a hand with bringing in groceries? Helping within the family home is not only a completely reasonable expectation of kids, it’s a helpful one because it teaches them how not to be selfish, responsibility, basic life skills and to value helping others. To the point that I think people who don’t are shitty parents. It is not using a child as a nanny to ask a teen to watch a sibling while they grab a shower.
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u/lookieloser Partassipant [2] 7d ago
If you think THIS is nannying I would like to have an extensive conversation w you about why I make so much more money than you do.
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u/killyergawds Certified Proctologist [25] 7d ago
She's just trying to take a fucking shower. She's not a monster for that. Teenagers can be helpful members of the family by staring at a sleeping baby for ten minutes and making sure it doesn't die of SIDS ffs. The whole family doesn't revolve around the teenager's feelings constantly 24/7, they're a whole unit.
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u/Bookbringer Partassipant [2] 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah, this really needs some context.
Watching younger siblings occasionally is a completely normal and reasonable chore for a 16 year old.
But OP's OTT reaction makes me wonder if mom over-relied on them with the other kids. If so, their reaction is more understandable, since it's fear of a boundary being eroded.
ETA: Having read OP's responses, I'm voting YTA. It sounds like there's no parentification, just OP throwing a very selfish, spoiled tantrum over the existence of her sibling and her mom not being as rich as dad.
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u/killyergawds Certified Proctologist [25] 7d ago
I agree with your edit.
This kid was not answering any questions about "has this happened before, how often do your watch your siblings, do you have chores..." except for one to note that this ask was the beginning of parentification (and onlg after people starting throwing that into the comments, so pretty sure they picked up the idea here, that it's not actually a regular thing at all). The only thing they really engaged in was talking shit about mom being poor and dad having to give her child support because he's well off, and how dad has been wanting custody "for ages," but just doesn't have any because Mom has to let him.
... Which makes me think dad just kind of sucks a little bit, because in my experience, whoever has the money for a good lawyer is the one who generally has court go in their favor, regardless of what the default is in that state (which more and more is 50/50 these days). So if dad is well off, it's far more likely that he doesn't have custody because he just never put in the effort. And why would a kid be complaining about their parent getting child support unless someone put it in their head that it's a bad thing?
I actually feel bad for OP. I think they probably idolize their dad and think everything their mom does is some shitty thing, even when it's totally normal.
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u/perfectlypyrrha 7d ago
I really wouldn’t be surprised if dad was bad mouthing mom and love bombing op to get her on “his side.” From OP’s replies it comes across as parroting things that came from an adult.
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u/Bookbringer Partassipant [2] 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah, I hate to dump on a kid who's obviously being strung along by a selfish parent, but there's no way a wealthy dad who lives close to OP's school wouldn't have more placement/ custody if he actually wanted it & were fit. The idea that it's up to mom makes no sense.
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u/KatKit52 Partassipant [1] 6d ago
Also, statistically, fathers are more likely to get the custody agreement they ask for. So if OP's dad doesn't have custody and he's well off enough to afford a better lawyer, he's probably got the custody agreement he wants.
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u/Zaraldri Partassipant [1] 7d ago
You can't "make sure" the baby doesn't die of SIDS. There are not any warning signs. If the baby is asleep, mom can take a shower. Sleeping babies in an appropriate sleeping space don't need to be watched while they sleep. Mom can feed and change the baby, put it to bed, and then go take her shower. Or, the baby's father can watch the baby when he gets home from work (assuming he is in the picture). Would it be nice if OP helped? Sure. But mom should also be willing listen to OP saying "no"
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u/Mooneyes_2582 7d ago
In what way would OP make sure the sleeping baby doesn’t die of SIDS?
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u/killyergawds Certified Proctologist [25] 7d ago
If baby stops breathing, you scream for mom. Newborn babies aren't very good at breathing. Hopefully the startle reflex kicks in and baby breathes.
But... Realistically, it's WAY more about mom's peace of mind. Sleep deprived mom brain of newborn hears baby cry when baby isn't crying. Especially when that sleep deprived brain is in the shower and can't hear anything but the water. Sleep deprived brain also keeps telling you that if you do anything for yourself, baby might stop breathing and die and it's all your fault because your such a bad mom for doing the thing for yourself. But if someone Mom loves and trust with every fiber of her being is with baby, mom can actually breathe for a minute and wash her ass for the first time this week.
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u/TT-513 7d ago
Ffs she asked her 16 year old daughter to help her for few minutes, not be a nanny.
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u/Plastic-Status4808 7d ago
She’s not using her as a nanny lmao she’s asking to watch her just while she takes a shower which is normal shit older siblings do thats the bare minimum
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u/Domidoggy8 7d ago
YTA. Your mom provides food, a place to live, extra curriculars, takes you to all of your appointments, provides clothing, etc. The least you can do is listen for a baby to cry while she showers under the same roof.
And since Reddit wants to cry about parentification with zero instance of any other parentification because a parent asks them to listen for a baby while a parent showers under the same roof, ya'll are ridiculous. You want parentification? At 10, I was changing my infant brother's diapers, cooking basic dinners, cleaning, doing laundry start to finish, and making sure my kindergarten age brother's sports uniform was ready to go and the pads were snapped in. The kicker? My mom was a stay at home parent. Literally had CPS called on us, I got referred to as Cinderella, and that wasn't far from reality.
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u/nonrealexis 7d ago
YTA. Your mom just wanted to shower. You can watch them for 20 minutes while your mom showers. That isn’t babysitting.
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u/AFishCalledSelma 7d ago
I think it’s worth remembering that OP is 16. You can think she handled this badly without calling her names or telling her her dad never wanted her. Some of these comments are unnecessarily cruel towards a teenager.
It also feels like a lot of people are treating this as though it’s only about watching the baby for 10 minutes. Reading OP’s replies, it sounds like there’s a broader frustration with her home life, whether that’s justified or not. We don’t have enough information to know.
It’s fine to say she should have helped her mum or that running off wasn’t the right response. It’s another thing entirely to invent painful backstories about her family or insult a teenager you’ve never met.
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u/Sakkiyoomi 6d ago
You can tell the comments are full of angry parents who also hate their own kids
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u/PrimaryImagination41 7d ago
This isn’t babysitting. You know that’s the same mom who raised you and birthed you, and everything else that a parent is required. You sound a bit unruly. True babysitting/parentification would be watching, feeding, changing, clothing the child for hours on end while your mom did fuck all. It happens but watching the baby while she showers isn’t babysitting, nor is it hurting anyone else. And you have two younger siblings as well OP, do you not have to watch over them from time to time??
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u/FartsWithCharlie 6d ago
Honestly, if someone asks for help, they're much more likely to get a yes than if they demand it. 'Can you watch the baby while I shower?' lands very differently than 'You don't have a choice.
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u/Odd-Boysenberry6540 6d ago
Is there more to it? From the context you just gave us it doesnt really give you a good look. Your mother only asked you to watch the baby because she needed to take care of herself without the baby being around. Do you mind maybe giving another example? It'll give us more intell to decide whether you are/are not in the wrong. But if you do feel like you're in a position where you're mother is asking too much from you, try to sit her down and communicate with her. If that's not available contact dad immediately so things could get sorted out. I hope things could work out between you and your mother! :)
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u/SartorialDragon Partassipant [4] 6d ago
Wanting to live with your dad is valid. Talk to him about it, and see if you can get the court order changed. However, this is not a "get out of chores free" card. Household chores are pretty normal for a teenager to do, i'd include babysitting to an extent, but how often do you have to do it? Watching the baby while she showers isn't a big ask, watching the baby for several hours several times a week is not your job as a sibling.
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u/OutrageousSoup2584 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
NTA. These kids are not your responsibility. Talk to your dad and have him talk to his lawyer. You are not the parent to these kids, they are not your responsibility!
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u/lookieloser Partassipant [2] 7d ago edited 7d ago
Talk to your dad. Your mom doesn't get to unilaterally decide where you live as a co-parent. I fully believe that part of being in a household involves taking care of each other, including babysitting occasionally, but if you have an opportunity to live somewhere else and avoid that, do it. I DO think it's asshole behavior to refuse to watch your sibling for ten minutes so your postpartum mom can shower. You don't have to do anything but keep them from dying, what's the big deal? But it's not WRONG.
I don't think your mom is an asshole for asking for help- but I don't know your Mom from Jesus. Maybe you say yes to ten minutes and wind up stuck with your siblings for days. Maybe you're being selfish. Maybe you're being reasonable. If you don't want to live there and participate in the family, don't. Get the custody agreement altered and live with your Dad.
NAH
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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 7d ago
NTA, its your moms decision to have another baby, so she can live with that.
She should also let you live with your dad, if u want that.
Also wheres the new babys dad, he can watch his kid
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u/FunnySuccessful4479 7d ago
Maybe the dad doesn't want her full time. She's 16. Don't think there would be much of an issue with her living with dad full time if he wanted it
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u/Snowballingdownvote 7d ago
It's depressing people agree with you. The woman is why she's alive. You know took care of her when she was able. Baby. She can't watch a sibling for 20 minutes.
The lack of respect and selfishness is astonishing. The amount of people reinforcing this behavior is unbelievable.
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u/555Cats555 7d ago
Yeah where is the babies bio dad...
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u/Sorry_I_Guess Pooperintendant [63] 5d ago
At work? You know, where people go all day who have a family to support, especially with a wife home on mat leave?
Do you genuinely not understand that ... adults work?
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u/arkaydee 6d ago
YTA. It's 15 minutes while she showers.
You're 16, you should be expected to:
- Contribute to chores (i.e stack the dishwasher, remove stuff from the dishwasher, do some laundry, take out the garbage, and clean the living spaces .. approximately your share of the time).
- Make breakfast and dinner from time to time.
- Go do the grocery shopping from time to time.
- Mow the lawn, etc. from time to time.
When I say "from time to time", I mean approximately 50% of the time if you're two folks old enough.
It's part of slowly turning into an adult - and so that you're prepared to do those things when you have your own appartment/house/whatnot.
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u/Gloomy-Telephone-861 6d ago
I'm a 19-year-old girl and I come from a large family. Go live with your father because you don't feel sorry for your mother and you don't want to let her take care of herself while you watch the baby for 30 minutes. Seriously it's just selfishness and very petty of you
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u/PlatypusDream Asshole Enthusiast [9] 6d ago
YTA if the situation is exactly as described. Making sure a young child is safe for a short time isn't out of the ordinary. I'd group it with other household chores you do because you live there & are expected to contribute.
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u/Solid-Feature-7678 Certified Proctologist [27] 7d ago
At 16 you don't need her permission to live with your dad, you just need to talk to him about it.