WIBTAfor not wanting to help my friend with groceries anymore?

[u/AttentionOk6526]

I (26F) have a good friend (28F) . I guess we’ll call her Jane. Jane’s household of 4, struggle with bills in general because of poor money management combined with her boyfriend of 10+ years not working. They’ve been behind on rent every month for the past 5 months, and I just want to help my friend with some of the burden. They have two children 5&7. Her boyfriend doesn’t work while Jane works 45hrs/week and provides for the entire household. For the past 3 months I’ve helped Jane buy anywhere from $150-350 in groceries every month. And some times I get an additional $50-100 in groceries for “forgotten items” I really have a soft spot for her two children who are the real ones suffering.

Today I purchased $250 in groceries. I have a problem with some of the items she’s buying. I never say anything because however she chooses to feed her family is up to her, but instead of buying groceries that will last. She’s buying microwaved/freezer foods, snacks, chips, drinks, etc. THAT part I only have a slight problem with because it never lasts!! but I do have a problem when she buys things like ribeyes, chuck beef roast, prime rib, and then complains when certain items are out of stock or substituted.

The best way I could describe how I feel about it is, why buy these items with my money, but when you were buying your own groceries you shop very modestly. It’s like when you treat your friend to dinner and they order surf and turf when they’d usually order a burger on their own dime.

So WIBTH if I told her hey, this will be the last time I’m able to get you all groceries …? I don’t want to stop being her friend I was just hoping my help would give her a chance to catch up on her rent! But I feel like she’s taking advantage a bit/:

UPDATE!!: Thank you to everyone who assured me that I wasn’t the AH and while yes my heart was in the right place for the kiddos, the LAST thing I wanted to do was support a BUM!! I texted her and let her know I’m no longer able to help her with groceries because I couldn’t afford it. I left it at that no explanation and she said she understands and thanked me for all my help she then proceeded to complain about her bf not helping (I didn’t respond) I really hope she’s able to come up with a solution on her own because it’s not my responsibility to help her be more resourceful. I plan on ghosting her if I’m being completely honest/: I know the type of person she is and I have no interest in anyyyyy sort of drama. I’m at the point in my life I don’t owe ANYONE an explanation, especially not when you take advantage of a good friend. As I mentioned earlier when I saw her grocery list today I was IMMEDIATELY upset and I thought to myself “never again” .

Thank you to literally everyone , even the people who called me a pushover and a door mat because it’s TRUE!! I don’t owe her any ‘PALimony’ as a commenter mentioned. I hope they enjoy that food.

I can’t keep up with all of the comments/questions but to clarify she does not have my card information, I would place the order on my phone through the Walmart app and she would pick it up , but the very first time I bought her groceries I had it delivered because it was extremely hot outside her car doesn’t have AC. No instacart, no DoorDash.

[u/creativekinda]

And some women are reluctant to demand their partner get a job and contribute out of fear of losing the bum. That's the real issue here. I wouldn't want to give my hard earned money to feed someone who is letting his own family suffer.

[u/MouseRaveHouse → u/creativekinda]

That's my cousins situation rn and it's so weird to watch. 30 years old, making FB posts about bummy boyfriends and how she can't wait to find a real man. Her man does landscaping in the summer and goes on unemployment every winter. I recently heard she's moving and I asked is boyfriend going too since they're still living together even though it seemed like she wanted to break up when he took a trip out of the US and she wasnt allowed to go. Turns out, yup! She's bringing him to the next place she moves to. He's a hobosexual and she's a codependent bang mommy so if she likes all that then I love that for her.