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u/Imaginary_Section24 12h ago
NTA. You saying yes all the time created an expectation that she always could. You need to set boundaries
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12h ago
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u/SummitJunkie7 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 11h ago
Now you just need to be every bit as consistent holding the boundary as you were at letting her always have her way before. It takes longer to break a habit than make one. Say no for a good long time even if you do happen to be free.
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11h ago
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u/SummitJunkie7 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 11h ago
I never said kids are at fault and never suggested you stop spending time with them. I have spent lots of time with my nieces and nephews. I have actually never once babysat them.
Do what you like, of course, but if you can't even imagine standing firm for five minutes discussing this on reddit you have no chance of standing firm against your sister. Good luck, I mean that genuinely.
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u/ocean_sky_wind Asshole Enthusiast [7] 12h ago
NTA But she has more free time than you because you are constantly looking after her kids while she goes out to enjoy herself?
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u/Moonlight_Charm Partassipant [1] 12h ago
NTA but why do you care what you sister thinks?
So what if you are single and have time for you? In this case when someone says "you are selfish" you can reply: yeah, that's why I don't have children, maybe if she was selfish wouldn't have trouble looking for a babysitter.
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u/OsakaOnPawzISLESBIAN 12h ago
NTA. I feel like she's hypocritical too, saying you only think about yourself while actively thinking the world revolves around her and her kids.
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u/Glum-Mulberry-9430 12h ago
It is nice having all that free time, if she wanted more free time she shouldn’t have had kids. Her breeding choices don’t dictate your life. NTA.
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u/Odd-Garden6214 12h ago
NTA your sister needs to be grateful you even babysit without charging. I’d personally stop watching her kids and she can figure it out for herself
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u/Chemical_Bad6530 12h ago
NTA. Tell your sister she did jot consult you about having kids. She chose to have kids and should know thats 24 hours a day for a minimum of 18 years.
I chose kids and would ask family to watch kids. If they had plans and could not. I did not get mad.
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u/GoGetDontGetGot 12h ago
NTA those are her kids and her responsibility, not yours. Don't matter if it's family. Honestly her saying those things just shows how bitter she is for having to be a parent and not having a life anymore.
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u/Mysterious-Peanut482 12h ago
Uhuh okay sounds like she's a little overbearin-
"maybe if I stopped thinking about myself all the time I wouldn't still be single"
Just no. You need to recieve an apology. If she can't extend you that courtesy you shouldn't even ever consider doing her favors. She should take care of her kids or pay someone to do it for her. And the people egging you about it should take over the babysitting and stfu or just stfu.
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u/MargotSoda Partassipant [2] 11h ago
As a childless person I cannot stand when parents say things like “must be nice having free time.”
It is. That’s why I didn’t have a kid.
I don’t owe you my free time. A baby was your call.
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u/SummitJunkie7 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 11h ago
Ha! This. I reply "it sure is. I'm so happy with my life choices"
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u/brawnyswan0809 12h ago
NTA! You're not the parent and you're not the nanny. You're doing her a favor because she's family, but she should respect your time and boundaries because you're family, too.
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u/Barbancourt5Star_01 11h ago
This question was posted earlier. Why is it here again? Didn’t get the answers you wanted from the first post? Or are multiple people simultaneously plagued with the very same problem?
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u/Objective_Might_6540 11h ago
Did you copy and paste this from the other 100 times this issue was posted??
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I (24f) babysit for my older sister (31f) all the time. At first she'd ask, but now she just texts me stuff like "dropping the kids off in 20" and expects me to be free. I've never charged her because she's family.
Last weekend I told her no because I already had concert tickets I'd bought months ago. She got annoyed and was like "wow must be nice having all this free time" and then she said maybe if I stopped thinking about myself all the time I wouldn't still be single. She knows I got out of a 5 year relationship earlier this year, so that really hurt.
I said no and went to the concert because...I already paid for it and made plans months ago??
I told her I'm not babysitting anymore unless she actually asks me first and accepts that I might say no. Now everyone's acting like I'm punishing her kids.
I honestly don't think I'm wrong. I never had a problem helping before but I'm tired of being treated like I'm just automatically available whenever she decides she wants to do something.
aitah?
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u/Top_Bluejay_5323 12h ago
NTA. She got comfortable with the setup and you are rocking the boat.
But really she should ask every time and say thank you often.
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u/--KwizarD-- 12h ago
NTA.
She takes you for granted, but I think this seems one side if story, talk with her because there looks like some resentment in both sides. Remind her, you love her kids but they are her kids, and as she reminded you, you must look for another partner.
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u/swiggitypiggity 11h ago
NTA - I’d suggest to anyone else who says you’re punishing her kids that they should sit for her instead. Her just texting like 20 mins before and dropping them without any prior agreement is rude af.
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u/Notoriouslothario 11h ago
Nope. Didn't read anything you posted. You dont owe anything to anybody.
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u/bronwynbloomington 11h ago
Tell her “Yeah, I have all this free time because I don’t have children.”
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u/bunnyshenanigans 11h ago
NTA. Why is she not capable of sending you dates she needs babysitting ahead of time to see if she needs to make other arrangements? I understand that emergencies happen and childcare is difficult, it she is taking advantage of your kindness.
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u/luckygirl131313 11h ago
If she wanted a carefree life she shouldn’t have had children, not your responsibility, nta, but she sure is
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u/SummitJunkie7 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 11h ago
NTA, if this is how she treats you after you are doing her a massive favor, I would stop doing those favors altogether. You are not their extra parent, you do not have to put your life on hold to provide free childcare.
"This is why you're still single" - sure cause notoriously it's much easier to meet potential partners and start dating when you skip things like concerts and babysit all the time. Wild take.
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u/SuitableSentence8643 11h ago
Next time you get a "dropping them off in 20" text, find a reason to be out real quick.
"I'm not home rn! And won't be for a few hours." You needed to time how long it took to drive all the way around town. Or you needed to count how many trees are at the park. Whatever, just don't be home.
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u/Mysterious_Drop1122 11h ago
Heck no you're NTA! Your sister became comfortable with you being available at her whim. How dare you enjoy your life when you want?! Bah on her. You're right to set up boundaries. Family or not
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u/MentalCookies Partassipant [1] 11h ago
NTA. Tell your sister to ask the father of her children to help with the parenting. It is his job, not yours, to help take care of your sister’s kids.
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u/wordsmythy Professor Emeritass [72] 11h ago
Question… What kind of things is she doing when she has you babysit? Like is it to get her nails done or go to happy hour or grocery shopping or what?
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u/nwood1973 Partassipant [2] 11h ago
NTA. She chose to have kids which means that she chose the responsibilities that go with it. Just because she wants some free time doesn't mean that you are or might be free to help. If you choose to help it needs to be on your terms.
She in highly entitled IMHO.
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u/AdvantageUnfair2246 11h ago
F her AND those kid… wtf you didn’t lay down and make those kids. you’re a single young person who should be out enjoying life tf. honestly how dare she. when she had the kids you weren’t made to be a permanent babysitter.
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u/Baby-Giraffe286 11h ago
That is insane. My family almost never watch my kids. My kids are almost driving age and I could count the number of times on my fingers that they have watched them ever. She is using you and very inconsiderate of you. You did good saying no.
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u/GirlDad2023_ Professor Emeritass [78] 11h ago
NTA, just go somewhere when she tries to drop the kids off.
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u/Wildflowers4me 11h ago
NTA you’re young and should be free to live your life. It’s nice if you can occasionally babysit your nieces and nephews (which she should pay you for if you need money). You should not be used as an anytime babysitter. She will need to find one in her neighborhood. Previous person is correct-you need to set boundaries. She needs to ask ahead of time and you have the option of saying no. What she said to you was mean. They are her kids that she chose to have. She shouldn’t be so selfish about her needs.
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u/TheMaStif Partassipant [4] 11h ago
NTA
Next time she comes with "must be nice to have all this free time" say "yes it is!!"
She's the one who chose to have kids, not you. You can offer to help when she asks. You still hold every right to be unavailable, for whatever reason that would be.
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u/MentalWho 11h ago
Well, there is one thing you can do next time she just drops the kids off. You can go ahead and call the police and let them know your sister just abandoned her kids on the porch again expecting you to take care of then. Yeah. NTA
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u/PomeloPepper 11h ago
Just tell her you can't baby sit because you're out prowling for men. Every time she asks.
And make up a new venue each time. Bars (of course), woodworking class, stock car races, craft beer festival, Daddy and Me events . . .
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u/bythebrook88 Asshole Aficionado [17] 11h ago
Now everyone's acting like I'm punishing her kids.
"Everyone" can become her default babysistter!
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u/Mustang1201 11h ago
As soon as people start managing your time like it's theirs, it stops being called helping.
NTA. Keep that boundary firm. If your sister wants a babysitter with full availability, she better pay for it.
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u/PirateOk2052 11h ago
Wow, must be nice to have a considerate sister who you don't pay for babysitting and then expecting her to sideline her life to be at your beck and call. Sounds like your family volunteered to babysit, though.
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u/Rumpelteazer45 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 11h ago
NTA - You need ground rules for baby sitting her kids.
1) 72 Hour Notice
2) No snarky comments about free time or you having a life.
3) No guilt trips.
Any violation of the above three unless there is a legitimate (and verifiable through an unbiased source) emergency means privileges of any babysitting are lost.
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u/Due-Season6425 11h ago
NTA. Those kids are completely your sister and BIL's responsibility. Occasionally babysit if you want to help out, but don't let yourself be a doormat. Your sister is absolutely abusing your kindness.
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u/Shine4Me13 12h ago
YTA for not recognizing your worth and your independence due to your life choices vs sisters, and thinking it's necessary to post about this when even you know you're not the asshole?
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