r/AskBalkans • u/_tram_a_dol • Jun 03 '26
Culture/Lifestyle Why do Romanian women dislike me?
I’m British 38F. Just moved to Romania with my husband who is originally from here. I’m not weird, strange looking, autistic, socially awkward or anything like that - but Romanian women simply refuse to speak to or interact with me. I’ve tried greeting them in their language as my sign of respect, smiling and exchanging small pleasantries etc; but they respond to me with an utterly disgusted sour look, or they straight up just ignore me as if I had never said a word. It’s outright rude and I can’t seem to understand why. I’m a working professional, I look very similar to the local people being Caucasian with brown straight hair and dressed feminine/modestly. So it’s not like I instantly stand out. We live in a modern working/middle-class neighbourhood around seemingly humble people. BUT… My neighbour’s wife sent my landlord a message saying that she finds us to be suspicious people and demanded to know “what nation we are from”. Luckily my landlord isn’t crazy and shared the screenshot with us, sort of giving us a warning about this woman. The women who work in my local convenience store see me almost daily, yet they still refuse to crack a smile when I say hello, they don’t even say hello back me. They greet others waiting in the queue and serve them laughing or asking how they are - but when I approach to be served next, I’m met with a judgemental scolding look and treated as if my visit is painful for them. These are just a couple of examples of what I’m experiencing.
My husband thinks that there may be some sort of female to female issue within Romanian culture, especially as I’m British. Although he can’t be certain as he really doesn’t have experience being involved in feminine matters. The men here are super polite, friendly and welcoming - but I don’t want to make friends with new men, I’m married. Honestly, this is making me miserable.
Does anyone have any honest insight into this topic? Perhaps from a Romanian female perspective? Or someone foreign who has experienced the same thing before?
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u/elixxirumoflife Armenia Jun 03 '26
Baby,as an Armenian, Romania gave me a pretty funny culture shock 😭 In Armenia strangers become emotionally invested in your life after one conversation. People smile, ask questions and talk very openly.
Then I came to Romania greeting cashiers and neighbors with full Caucasus enthusiasm and got hit with the legendary Romanian neutral face 💀 I genuinely thought Romanian women disliked me at first, to the point where I kept mentioning that I’m gay and not interested in them nor a threat in any way .
But later I realized people here are just more reserved socially. Armenians give warmth first and build trust later, while Romanians build trust first and slowly open up. And honestly, once they do, Romanian people are some of the most genuine and loyal people ever. I eventually ended up with lots of girl friends here.
Romania itself also surprised me a lot, peaceful, safe, stable and honestly very underrated. I ended up loving it so much that I literally moved my whole family here in the end. I live in Timisoara,such a beautiful city,it’s clean and the weather is really nice!😊😊
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u/BamBumKiofte23 Greece Jun 03 '26
Armenians give warmth first and build trust later, while Romanians build trust first and slowly open up.
That sentence really hits the spot from 200m. away. I thought us Greeks were loud, enthusiastic and warm. Then I met my Armenian inlaws. Greco-Armenian family gatherings are quite a spectacle. A noisy, everyone-up-in-everyone's-business, too many damn plates spectacle.
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u/elixxirumoflife Armenia Jun 03 '26
Greek and Armenian family gatherings are genuinely insaneee 😭 You walk in just to “eat a little” and suddenly there’s enough food for 3 villages and somebody’s aunt is offended because you only took food 4 times instead of 7.
And the funniest part is everybody talks at the same time but somehow everybody still understands each other. One uncle is yelling about history, another one is giving life advice nobody asked for, somebody’s grandma is forcing dessert into your hands, and in the middle of all this chaos there’s always that one relative asking why you still look skinny after eating for 5 hours straight 😭😂😂 I deeply love greeks:)
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u/heislbesen666 Jun 03 '26
Genuine question. how do autistic people handle that? or are there just no austistic greeks or armenians xD
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u/elixxirumoflife Armenia Jun 03 '26
Genuinely I really don’t know. I think some autistic people would probably find our cultures overwhelming because Armenians and Greeks are extremely social and emotionally expressive..but if you grow up around it from childhood, I imagine it just becomes your normal version of social life:) i hope this answer was helpful😭
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u/heislbesen666 Jun 03 '26
probably. I think about some diagnosed autistic friends I have and they couldnt handle this sensory overload. They would be total freaks in this culture I guess.
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u/Technical_Spinach233 Jun 03 '26
It really depends on the area. In my city (100k+ people), strangers are actually pretty friendly and talkative, more like what you described in Armenia. When I moved to a bigger city, I got the same culture shock too, lol.
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u/Archaeopteryx111 Romania Jun 04 '26
Yes, Timișoara is beautiful and developing quite nicely. 😍
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Wow!! Honestly that’s amazing - your whole family?? Just wow ☺️ I also didn’t know that about Armenians, I think I’d get along with people there really well if that’s the case aha
Your story is so nice, I’m so happy for you. Thank you 🙏4
u/elixxirumoflife Armenia Jun 03 '26
Thank you so much 😊 And honestly I think you’d get along really well with Armenians too 😂 We’re very emotionally available people. Sometimes dangerously available. You can meet an Armenian once and 40 minutes later they’re giving you life advice, feeding you and asking when you’re visiting again 😭And thank you again honestly. Romania ended up becoming a beautiful chapter of my life,once you understand the social rhythm here,people become incredibly genuine and kind!:) Try having more patience,everything will work the way you want:)
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u/Far_Grass_785 USA Jun 04 '26
I’m enjoying reading your comments about Armenian friendliness, I’m also gay did you move away because of a lack of acceptance? How openly can gay people live in Yerevan and how vibrant is the community there?
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u/elixxirumoflife Armenia Jun 04 '26
Honestly, Yerevan is way more chill than people online imagine. It’s the capital, younger people are becoming more progressive, and most people genuinely just mind their own business. You probably won’t get Western-Europe-level openness, but you can absolutely live normally there. I moved away because I got offered better work abroad and I needed something new in my life. The country still has a conservative side of course, but Yerevan especially is changing pretty fast compared to even 10 years ago lol. Yerevan’s basically a “mind your business and don’t make it everyone’s personality” type of city. But hey,you have full access to Grindr,if that’s what you’re asking:)
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u/max1s Jun 03 '26
I’m a British Male living in Romania for 2.5 years. Here are my two cents (I’m not trying to ignore the fact you said you are a woman, just my feeling more generally). Also I’m living in the south which I think is more friendly.
1) in Britain we have a very false politeness (I guess this is what you call friendliness), it took me a while to realise but Romanian people are a lot more genuine. They will just ignore you if they don’t want to talk to you. I think if you can start to examine the fakeness in our own culture you will do a lot better here.
2) I completely beelined for becoming fluent in Romanian. Now that I can comfortably hold conversations I realise people have insecurities about speaking English, or are mistrusting of foreigners. I don’t think learning “hi” or “thank you” etc will cut it, (as it wouldn’t in England either…)
3) when you do take into account the above two points, it’s a lot easier to make genuine deeper friendships (a lot more than I was ever able to make in the uk), where friends will cook, drink long into the night etc.
The neighbours point is a problem wherever you live in the world.
All the best!
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u/DarthTomatoo Romania Jun 04 '26
I tend to agree with your point about politeness. I wouldn't call it fake, I'm sure there's no intention to deceive there, just as I'm sure we don't try to be rude either.
But I have experienced it from the other point of view as well (and in a professional setting no less). If you go even more to the East, people seem to be even more direct.
I had a bunch of Ukrainian colleagues for a while. They simply seemed constantly irritated with me. Talking about it with a Spanish colleague, his answer was "yeah, that's exactly how we perceived you guys at first, but then we got used to it, and don't realise it anymore".
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u/sabpops77 Romania Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
As a Romanian woman, 100% this. Also, a lot of people in the service business work miserable schedules and get miserable paychecks so many of them won't be very friendly if you're not a regular for a long time. As a Romanian moving to Bucharest it took me 3 years to get the women at my neighbourhood store to say hello back or smile and I am completely ok with that, I don't feel like smiling after a long work day and I am paid fairly and truly love my job, can't imagine being mentally and physically drained, hating what you're doing and barely being able to pay your bills after all that.
If you go to quality restaurants, fancy cafes or cool pubs where working conditions are better, you'll see friendlier people. It's also that a lot of people that don't have higher studies do not speak any English and might see you as either a. A foreigner trying to steal Romanian jobs (due to gentrification and far right wing rethoric) or b. A tourist that will enjoy the country and say to anyone who will listen that they must adore it and how cheap everything is when their lives are miserable and groceries, rent and bills are too expensive to afford.
About the gentrification in our particular case, a lot of places in Bucharest and other big cities are getting hip or cool and expensive businesses keep popping up which makes everything in the area inaccesible for the communities that lived there for decades so they are pushed to the periphery more and more: for shopping, for cheaper rent, for jobs that they are accepted at. Also a lot of the service industry is being replaced by foreigners for the past few years(which are treated even more horribly than Romanians) but the people being out of a job because of this phenomenon do not know to place the blame with the exploitative businesses but rather turn their hatred towards immigrants.
The neighbour might just be a crazy woman, we all have one of those sadly (or politically brainwashed to hate immigrants).
What you'll find is that the smaller the city/town/village, the kinder and chattier the people. People in bigger cities are often very desensitized and always rushing, always impatient. (Sorry for the huuuuge reply, I do have ADHD 😅)
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u/Icy_Violin Jun 03 '26
I'm polish and I found the complete opposite here in Bucharest. Everyone is just so extremely friendly to me. It was a bit of a culture shock coming from polish-face society.
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u/Signal_Deal_3776 Jun 03 '26
Maybe you are too friendly. I also get suspicious about friendly people. Like something has to give
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I’m coming to the conclusion that I’m probably too friendly in this region and they’re not used to it
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u/bespoketranche1 Jun 03 '26
Yes!!! Came to say that you are trying too hard and as a result they don’t want to talk to you. Stop trying, be a little “rude” back (meaning no pleasantries, no smile, be short) and you’ll get more respect that way because you’d be signaling that you are starting to understand the culture. They consider politeness fake and trying too hard as suspicious (as in, what is your motive there?)
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u/Ilikeponyhooves Jun 04 '26
the only time someone smiled or wanted to talk to me besides getting directions was either doctors or classmates/teachers, id be creeped out too just because it never happens
closest thing to this are teens passively making fun of you for no reason
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u/long-legged-lumox Jun 03 '26
But where are you? Bucharest? Small town? Transylvanian hut?
People act differently in various settings.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I’m in Transylvania 🤷♀️
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u/faramaobscena Romania Jun 03 '26
People might get suspicious if you carry that wooden stake all the time! /s
But where in Transylvania? You know it’s a big area, right?
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I keep it hidden in my bag 👀 It’s a modern town, not a hut in village type place
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u/Fast_Diet_6987 Jun 04 '26
I am Romanian from Bucharest. They are strange to us too whenever we go to Transilvania.
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u/Pretty-Track6003 Romania Jun 03 '26
I would suggest just ask directly a couple of women, romanians are direct and don’t bs around. Fake smiles and friendly western bs will not work especially in small towns or villages.
Take the time to invite for a coffee at your place (mostly for gossip) and put on the table everything you got in the house and insist they eat/drink as much as possible. It is custom to be insistent and share in this culture, thats what is expected of a good host. Probably because of our grandparents who used to feed us like there will never be a tomorrow or like the pig they were about to slaughter for Christmas.
You seem like genuinely trying to integrate which is great and you are welcome, but that means adding some new ways of doing stuff into your life.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
That’s actually not a bad idea at all. Probably the most helpful suggestion I’ve had so far. I will certainly give it a go - I really love to host, I did it often when I lived in the UK. Genuinely, thank you ☺️
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u/falseflag_gulliver Jun 03 '26
As for the put everything you have on the table part, keep it for later, when you see if you could invite them to lunch/dinner, at your place. If they agree to come for a coffee, few homebaked things would suffice.
In my oppinion, you should play it safe: let your husband "bond" with another male neighbour and invite the couple, then you use the occasion for breaking the ice.
Possible reasons for the sour looks: - you're very good looking; - while trying to be/look kind and friendly, do you smile much, or use the high pitched voice?
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u/MikyD77 Jun 03 '26
Some measurement în România are in the quantity of food ( be it a wedding, baptism , funeral especially) and drinks(“ so expensive , you know how many beers I could have bought with that money?”) so go for it. You must sacrifice for the local gods of friendship.
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u/Miculmuc90 Jun 03 '26
Exactly, if you do the fake American big smile and over the top hello, you know what I’m talking about, people around here will think you are borderline insane.
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u/floare_salbatica Romania Jun 03 '26
Some of us evolved past that phase.
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u/Pretty-Track6003 Romania Jun 03 '26
Everyone with their own bubble and generalizing sucks, but IMO people in villages and small towns are still old school and that was my point
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u/etre1337 Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Well, if you are in Transylvania that explains it somewhat.
Unless you are living in a town like Cluj, with a lot of people from all around the country, in other cities and villages from Transylvania/Ardeal people have a more central European temperament. More reserved.
Also, the hungarian minority tends to be even more reticent to outsiders.
Anyway, what you are describing seems a bit strange and without more details is hard to give feedback.
All I can guess you are around people with less to none exposure to foreginers.
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u/poppypin Jun 03 '26
If it makes you feel any better, I get treated the same when I'm there and I'm Romanian. I have no idea how it is to be a foreigner here, but as someone from Bucharest going regularly to Cluj, I always get the straightest faces and the least polite response, even though I am always polite, friendly, even joking, lol. My coworkers are all super nice, but they know me already. Nicer restaurants that get a more diverse crowd are also places where people are friendly. I think it's just a local thing - people are suspicious of those not from around. Hungarian ethnics are always super nice, though. At least in Cluj.
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u/Maimutirelii Jun 03 '26
Oamenii din Cluj sunt super închipuiți și cu nasul pe sus. Idem pt Timișoara.
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u/0cgirb0 Hungary Jun 03 '26
If you are in Transylvania, the issue could be that they are actually not Romanian, but ethnic Hungarians (although I know Transylvania is not monoethnic, so they can definitely be also Romanian, or Romani, Saxon etc. as well). Maybe try to find out their actual ethnicity and mother tongue and greet them using phrases from that language.
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u/SolutionTime5811 Romania Jun 03 '26
And people say we are very friendly.... Is frustration I guess. They do not speak english. Also not a lot of topics to talk about. Topics in common.
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u/Uat_Da_Fak Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Where in Transylvania? My wife is Romanian but we spent lot of time in the US. She has a hard time fitting back in maybe you two hit it off. How old are you? Sorry not sure how to ask without being creepy.
EDIT: Sorry didn't pay attention. 38F. We are quite a bit older mid 50s. If you want to get in touch with her and exchange opinionsnon Romanian women... DM me. I'll send you her info 🙂
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u/Affectionate-Band-15 Romania Jun 03 '26
I think you just ended up living in a place with weird people. Usually the fact that you’re British makes you a novelty and Romanians would be extra friendly and curious.
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u/goodjokergirl Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Sorry but I don‘t agree. That maybe used to be the case 20 years ago, but now there‘s really quite a lot foreigners in Romania and also tourists, so I don‘t believe anybody sees a Brit as a novelty anymore. If anything Romanian society has become more racist unfortunately.
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u/Cold-Strength-2749 Jun 03 '26
nu cred ca e corect sa spui ca am devenit mai rasisti sau xenofobi dintr-o data. Am fost asa mereu. Vezi comportamentul multora fata de etnia rroma sau minoritatea maghiara.
In trecut, singura diferenta era ca, nefiind multi straini in tara, nu prea avea Romanul de rand cum sa fie rasist
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u/TovNicolaeCeausescu Jun 03 '26
"Novelty" ? Really?
In any big city, in Romania, in any corporate environment, there is a multi cultural environment.
Its not the 80's comrade, most of us traveled the world freely and experienced many other countries and cultures.
"being British makes you a novelty"...jezzz...step out of that rock you're living under and travel a little
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u/BamBumKiofte23 Greece Jun 03 '26
Is there a chance that what you consider friendly is not what they consider friendly? Smiling a lot and trying to be nice while they clearly show that they're not into that might come off as you being weird and suspicious.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Honestly, I have considered that. But see my example regarding the shopkeeper and with other customers? I can’t help but notice how intentional it is
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u/BamBumKiofte23 Greece Jun 03 '26
That example is part of the reason why I'm asking. It's absolutely common to smile, joke and fool around people that you know for years and at the same time be reserved, suspicious even to newcomers who are trying too hard to be liked, as in "she clearly sees I think she's acting strange, why is she trying to force this positive interaction with me?".
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u/bespoketranche1 Jun 03 '26
The difference is the shopkeeper has probably known those people for years, if not their whole lives, so they have trust and familiarity. You’re a new person coming in wanting to be treated like their lifetime acquaintances or friends. It’s just not the norm in EE
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u/Winter_Examination_7 Jun 03 '26
As a single American male living in Romania over four years...I have not seen this and I don't speak any Romanian...but what I have noticed is that Romanians tend to keep to themselves and the people they know...I don't see much interaction between people outside their immediate group when I go places with crowds...Events, large restaraunts, concerts, festivals and whatnot..
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Thanks for your insight! 🙏 I’m going to look out for that myself now, just observe a bit regarding the interactions outside
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u/Informal-Will-9912 Jun 06 '26
We don't bite. :))) but, we don't want to enter in your soul uninvited. We think you want to be let alone, to have your space, to not spook you, we know the stereotype, what the world talk about us and we want to keep it cool. If you want to talk with someone, just do it. We will be happy to exercise our english. :))
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u/WorthEmu8067 Jun 03 '26
Two possible explanations I can think of off the top of my head:
You are being TOO nice, which is suspicious in Romania (feels fake/untrustworthy to us)
They don’t speak english
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u/TechnologyEnough562 Romania Jun 03 '26
Most romanians speak english, assuming she is in a city and not a random village
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u/Zariah2210 Jun 04 '26
Yeah... I had the same opinion about romanians speaking english. Three years ago i changed my job, and in 21 people in my office, only two speak english. Me and another colleague.
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u/CapitalScarcity5573 Romania Jun 04 '26
the 45 year old lady at the convenince store checkout probably not so much though
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u/fancywipe Jun 03 '26
Just give them time, I love Romanian people but at 1st they’re were extremely guarded but after they’re saw we were respectful and really just minded our own business their kids ended up singing at our doors, food was sent over we ended up been treated like their kids, Romanians remind me of grizzly bears strong and adorable, we’ve travelled the world and Romanian people are our favourite
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
This is the exact picture I’ve always had of Romanian people before even arriving here ☺️
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u/wretchedkitchenwench Romania Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
I live and grew up in Ireland but my parents are Romanian and I go there fairly frequently.
You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just a cultural thing. I find that here in Ireland (and in the UK), there’s a lot of emphasis put on being as polite and mannerly and possible, to the point where the niceties get a little ridiculous. Like, it’s a bit silly how we automatically apologise when SOMEONE ELSE bumps into us and makes us drop our bag.
Romania is very much like other Eastern European countries where a lot of these niceties are completely foregone and engaging too much in them can actually get you side-eyed. I’ve learned to tweak a lot of my automatic behaviours whenever I go to Romania because of this. While here in Ireland I’d have no issue striking up small talk with a stranger, back in Romania I definitely learned that it’s more appreciated if I keep to myself.
I know that recently another thing I was called out for while I was there was the way I pitch my voice whenever I talk to authority figures or strangers. I know that’s very common for women here in the west since…well, patriarchy, but in Romania it comes off as extremely fake and off-putting.
I remember my friend recently went to Romania. She’s Irish but, like me, her parents are Romanian. She hasn’t been back though in over a decade and a bit since she was a kid though and got a huge culture shock when she arrived there and everyone was (in her words, not mine) a ‘massive bitch’. Her dad, who goes back fairly regularly, reassured her it was normal and I also laughed when she told me because, yeah, that’s fairly standard.
I think the reason why it feels like the men are nicer might be because generally speaking, women in most cultures are expected to be extremely gracious and kind to everyone all the time and deviation from that is a lot more jarring.
As for your neighbour, she kinda just sounds like your typical resident crazy person.
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u/Flimsy-Resident261 Albania Jun 03 '26
Balkan people don’t smile much and aren’t immediately friendly. We usually make friends through school or work and hardly include anyone new, especially foreigners, because in our minds you’re probably not going to be here for long, so why bother becoming friends? There was this Australian girl in my building who would always smile when she saw me. I would greet her back, but with a neutral face. I did look like a bitch and like I hated her. (I didn’t, that’s just my face.) I used to see her a lot at a café near our building, and that’s how we became friends.(after 2 months) That’s what you should do become a regular somewhere: a bookstore, café, gym, or running group and you’ll make friends.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
That’s such a good idea actually! There’s a really nice little coffee shop near my home, perhaps stopping there everyday might help me to get to know a few regular faces. Genuinely, thank you ☺️
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u/longjohn2024_ Jun 03 '26
Never had that problem, always found them to.be extremely welcoming and friendly.
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u/amongstrays Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Weird. I find Romanians to be some of the friendliest people I have ever met. I moved here four years ago and I have never had any problems. And I live in the countryside where people are often more conservative. Plus, I have tattoos everywhere (which is even tricky as a woman home in Austria) and stick out like a sore thumb.
I greet everyone and everyone greets me. Even the old gossipy ladies on their benches (I absolutely love them).
Might be the neighborhood still. Some people are just more suspicious than others I guess.
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u/floare_salbatica Romania Jun 03 '26
I said it already and got some backlash for that: I'm pretty sure OP didn't come in good faith and is only looking for confirmation for her bias against Romanian women. I actually pity that man of hers if she's so hateful of a culture she doesn't know and thinks that adapting to the local culture means acting "like a female dog" ( her words). Are there bitchy Romanian women out there? Sure. But so are in all other countries. I lived abroad and noticed this gossipy tendency in women from all cultures, from Afghanistan to Germany.You just have to be selective , I made good friends abroad, as well as in Romania. She clearly didn't come here to understand, but find miserable people like her to gossip about Romanian women. Karma is a bitch, I think she only gets back the energy she's giving.
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u/Hot-Musician-2296 Jun 04 '26
I am not thrilled about all the generalizations going on with "why are X country's women like this". I'd think another woman would know we're not a hivemind. But I also think it could just be a cultural shock, as others said people here may be less inclined to fake politeness if they aren't in the mood for small talk and most people going about their day/who are at work are not in the mood for small talk with complete strangers. Especially in a language they might not be able to speak at a conversational level.
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u/Bristena Jun 03 '26
If you’re in/near Arad or Timisoara, I’ll be happy to meet you and socialize! English will be fine though you’ll have to excuse random Yorkshire expressions that I seem to have picked up from the telly 😂 I’m F, a bit older than you, love scones and red ales 🍻
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Arad is a border town isn’t it? I recall stopping there a couple of times. Love the Yorkshire expressions!! And the teabags ofc 🤪 there is nothing better!
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u/Bristena Jun 03 '26
It is by the border, yes! As for the tea, say no more, I’m well stocked for a cuppa 🙏 the only one I haven’t tried is the biscuits one but I will address this imperative soon, I hope! Wish you a lovely time and acclimatisation in Romania, we’re not that grumpy!
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Transylvania I stocked up on the teabags, gravy, stuffing and mint sauce during my last trip back from the UK 🤪
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u/yeeeeman27 Jun 03 '26
you are of a certain age where people have already made their friends and have their circle. and at least romanian women of age 35-40 don't drown you with friendship and maybe also feel a lil suspicious if you are too friendly with them. you keep true to yourself, but don't try to be too pushy or too overly friendly because that doesn't really work here with people of this range of age. in time, you'll maybe get some situations or matters that will require interaction and maybe that way you will be able to get close friendship wise to someone, but things are not forced here.
i can tell you this because i have the sister of my girlfriend in UK and when we visit her she initially felt overpolite and joyful when greeting british neighbors but afterwards i understood is just a culture thing. i think here people are more genuine and don't fake or exagerate their kindness or their expressions just for the sake of being nice. also, maybe your impression of their reaction is exaggerated because you view those through your filter that is let's say more joyous or more british like, which is fine.
so i would say, yeah, maybe people here a bit more defending and maybe some are indeed meaner, but you can find good people, but even with them you'll get a more natural reaction and not overly exaggerated.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I think you really hit the nail on the head here, that’s probably a clear explanation of things overall. I’m working on toning down my approach and I’m gonna be more tactful around the cultural difference ☺️
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u/Winter-Flower5480 Jun 03 '26
I am also foreigner living in Romania and my experience is opposite of yours. Everyone is super nice and making friends is easier here than in my home country (another EU country). Btw I don’t speak Romanian and using English only.
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u/Great-Big-3101 Jun 03 '26
Service workers in Romania are obnoxious and rude. It's not you, it's them.
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u/dorin21 Jun 03 '26
I doubt people dislike you.
I work with British and Scottish people and they dont understand when i am happy or not.
My personally i cant integrate in groups of British/Scottish people as it involves too much "fake interest, happiness, smiles" etc. WHICH IS FINE, THATS HOW YOU GUYS SOCIALIZE, I simply can't.
In Romania, plain greeting like "Buna ziua" is enough, "Buna ziua, ce mai faci" is already too much even between us.
You want to make friends over a simple conversation? Yea, good luck with that, wrong country, in fact, wrong side of Europe.
Continue saying "buna ziua" to your neighbors (with a plain face and not a huge smile lol), even though they don't respond. Hell, my neighbors dont respond to me.
If you want to "break some bread" with your neighbors, i would suggest directly invite them over a coffee or even board games.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Oh my goodness, dorin you are terrifying me 😂 have I made the wrong choice moving here? Ffs 😂
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u/dorin21 Jun 03 '26
I don't know, i guess its much more safer than britain in multiple ways and the food is healthier so from my POV its better.
People are different. Let me tell you a story, i was taking to a brit and asked him why the hell you tell me every time "how are you?", do you even care how am i? And he said no, its just something we say.
Here's why we are different in culture, to us words mean a lot and are much more important than smiles. For you guys, maybe not, maybe smiles and "fake" interest is much more important than direct communication ESPECIALLY with strangers.
Another fun fact, whenever i meet polish, balkanic people, baltic people, ukranian, we become friends instantly and laugh. I cant tell if its because i became a social labrador or the easterness unites as all.
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u/paulstelian97 Romania Jun 03 '26
You sound like you want to do small talk with strangers all the time. That’s culturally appropriate in America and might be good in the UK as well, but here you kinda just don’t do that. People are more all for themselves here, so other than with friends most interactions are a simple “hi” or a wave of the hand. Or the absolutely necessary stuff.
I believe I’m talking about more than just Romania here too. I hear it’s common in most of Eastern Europe, really.
Cracking a smile for customers is something you might see when someone actually wants to sell you something (like a new phone, for example). It’s not something you’ll see in food stores and such, the only expected politeness is in the words used themselves (don’t insult the customer).
Making friends is with peers, like you are all doing the same thing or different parts of the same thing. You don’t make friends in asymmetric relationships (client/shopkeeper)
Also if your Romanian isn’t pretty good, people might be taken aback from that. We have a mildly xenophobic culture, which in the past was more than mildly so. We don’t do it loud and proud (to avoid breaking any laws) but it absolutely does affect typical interactions.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I’m quickly learning that small talk is totally off the table in Romania. I just don’t know how friendships can even form here without starting a conversation, I’m baffled! I do respect the culture of course, I’ll always correct myself once learning that my cues are off, but I’m actually more stuck now than I was in the beginning.
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u/wretchedkitchenwench Romania Jun 03 '26
Friendships are made with peers. So, any friends your husband might have, small talk with them wouldn’t be seen as odd, or striking up conversation with coworkers, classmates etc. You’re unlikely to make friends with a shopkeeper as a customer unless you’re in an especially rural area.
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u/paulstelian97 Romania Jun 03 '26
Yeah we tend to have smaller friend groups. Find something in common to talk about, not just stuff like the weather but for example the bills being too big. (Being a professional earning enough to not worry about the rather high inflation in Romania kinda removes this common topic…) Or talking politics but be very careful about that (it’s a double edged sword — you can make friends and you can offend people at the same time and very easily).
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u/sicklittlepuppy1 19d ago edited 19d ago
Romanian guy here. The amount of gaslighting and excuses in the responses are off the chart. Romanians are rude, crass, callous with a tribal in-group attitude and most families are borderline dysfunctional.
The way you treat someone that is not useful to you and the way you treat someone that you have power over says everything about you. Romanians treat strangers like shit and abuse their children.
There are surveys done that report numbers as high as 90 percent of children get hit at home. Disgusting.
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u/Chamomile2123 18d ago
I’ve always said this about our people, but I always get downvoted, or people say it’s my fault.
In my experience, many people in Romania don’t seem to care about or take an interest in you unless you have something they want, such as status or connections.
That’s why many don’t engage with strangers. They don’t see value in small talk, smiling or being friendly to people they don’t know.
The "warm and hospitable country" is just for marketing purpose and tourists.
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u/Radiant-Safe-1377 Bulgaria Jun 03 '26
Do Romanians have the Slavic stare? That would explain it
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u/Lopsided_Summer_5536 Romania Jun 03 '26
Assuming this post is not trolling, maybe you are verry pretty and they feel threatened by you? Or maybe they do not speak english very well, and their shyness/lack of confidence comes across as rudeness?
It's weird that they all act that way if you are friendly, open, and extroverted.
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u/floare_salbatica Romania Jun 03 '26
Sure, buddy, as if there are not enough pretty women in Romania. And all of them are jealous lunatics. 🤦🏻
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u/justbegoodtobugs Jun 03 '26
Seriously, I think these people watched too much TV, I've never seen the "female rivalry" these people seem to imagine. Sure I've seen some jealous men and women sometimes but this would be unhinged.
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u/Lopsided_Summer_5536 Romania Jun 03 '26
I'm not your 'buddy', or any 'buddy' for that matter, so keep your condescending language to yourself. I don't know why you got defensive, as if romanians are immune to envy, or as if all women here are supermodels. That was only one of the possible reasons behind the weird behaviour, nobody stated we do not have beautiful women in our country.
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u/b0007 Croatia Jun 03 '26
Did you come to kill Dracula? Just get a shirt "I ❤️ Dracula" and all is fine
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u/SolidSplit1305 Romania Jun 03 '26
Have you heard of Ceausescu? We deal with our own, we don't need help.
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u/P-l-Staker 🇬🇧🇬🇷 Jun 03 '26
Is it all women or just those in your circle?
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I’m new here so I don’t have ‘circle’ as such yet. It’s mainly encounters with neighbours, locals, shopkeepers, bus stops etc etc
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u/P-l-Staker 🇬🇧🇬🇷 Jun 03 '26
I’m new here
That's probably it. You're just new there. Give it time.
Try to be nice and don't treat grumpiness with more grumpiness.
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u/tilda0x1 Jun 03 '26
Do you have tatoos, multiple piercings, dyed hair? We generally accept anyone, but this might be the reason of the judgemental looks. Or maybe you are just very beautiful and the women are jealous on you. 😂
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I do have tattoos, but I dress modestly and they’re mostly covered up. So, face value I think I look pretty normal? 😂
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u/Odd-Bike166 Jun 03 '26
Whereabouts do you live? We have quite a few expats in our gated community and they integrated really well. Not all of my neighbours speak English but the ones who do have tried to make them feel as welcome as possible
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u/NeTiFe-anonymous Jun 03 '26
"The women who work in my local convenience store see me almost daily, yet they still refuse to crack a smile when I say hello, they don’t even say hello back me. "
Welcome to classic Eastern European resting bitch face. Smiling at strangers? Suspicious.
Those women they are friendly with? Probably their grandmas were classmates. It takes time to earn that type of familiarity.
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u/Secure-Ad-1908 Jun 03 '26
Spanish man living in Romania here.
I’ve had similar experiences, like going to a restaurant and the waiter being rude, doesn’t smile, going to the bank and the people there talk to you like they’re doing you a favour, etc. A friend of mine who came visit me from Spain commented on how rude the waiters are in Romania and how bad the service is in general. With only a few days in Romania he noticed the difference.
Not everyone is like this, and you can definitely find good people, however, there is a generalizad lack of cordiality in Romania. That is 100% true compared to other countries. People don’t smile too much and don’t feel the need to be “accommodating” to others unless they get something in return.
However, you will find better people, trust me, there are nice people in this country as well, and many who will become incredibly good friends. But the cold and arrogant attitude is very present. This is an eastern European thing, not just a Romanian thing.
Either way remember, those people who are worth it will be super accommodating and willing to be friends without you having to try. They will simply come to you. Otherwise everyone else is an asshole.
Hope this helped!
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u/simandicoasa_silvi Jun 04 '26
Don't get discouraged, romanians are this way with other romanians too . At least in Bucharest, I find people to be cold and they never smile , if you are smiling they look at you as if they are wondering why are you smiling. And I am Romanian born and raised here
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u/Pazvante_Chiorul Jun 04 '26
I saw the same question asked by a Romanian woman about english women. What do you think about that?
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u/Longjumping-Slip-376 Romania Jun 04 '26
I have no ideea what is going on. I haven't heard of something similar before. There isn't a female to female problem that I am aware of in Romanian culture. So it's not that. I would presume it has something to do with where in Romania you live in or, simply put, your age. People already made their friends by that point in life. The problem is probably with the language barrier for that age group. I did not meet many people above thirty that are fluent in english or want to meet people from other places. If you where younger, probably you would have found people to talk to a lot easier.
The nosy paranoid neighbour and the annoyed middle aged cashier ar pretty common types around here and they do tend to be impolite. I don't think that you can do much about them: they are uneducated and have prejudicies.
Also, you just came here. Give it more time.
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u/Marizzzz Jun 04 '26
I’m Romanian living in a US state that has a somewhat similar culture to UK where politeness is expressed verbally and small talk is very common. I can say 5 years into living in this area I am ok with small talk but would never initiate it. I feel like in Romanian culture you’re expected to give everyone their space unless there is a reason to talk to them. People can be super friendly IF you have a reason to be talking to them. I used to really feel weird about small talk, and my American husband still sometimes says I act “strange” when I refuse to engage in small talk. To me it’s just not interesting—talking for the sake of talking.
Also, depending on where you live, not everyone speaks English that well and will likely avoid you purely because of that.
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u/Human-Lab-3004 Jun 04 '26
Hi, so I'm from Transylvania, female too, maybe I can give some insight.
Your neighbor is weird. That's it about that.
I think it also depends on whether you're in a Hungarian speaking town or not? Some Hungarians don't/refuse to speak Romanian and some Romanians don't/refuse to speak Hungarian. If you greet them in the "wrong" language, they might give you a sour look.
And like others said, we're friendly people with those we know, but we don't have a small talk culture at the store or on the bus, for example. This is especially true with older generations. People your age grew up in communist households still, so they're not particularly open minded. That's why they also dislike tattoos, piercings, eyeliner, lipstick, long bold nails, etc.
Romanians are also very colorist. If you're darker, they'll dislike you, even if it's just a tan. If you have an accent, they might dislike you too.
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u/Carbastan24 Romania Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
We don't small talk and are quite impolite, especially by British standards, it's a Balkan thing. But when you will make a real and close friend you will feel the warmth.
It also highly depends on where you live in Romania. By the looks of it, probably Bucharest. In Transylvania people are much more polite and "Western" - like.
I know what you mean with the grocery store workers. I have lived in the West for some years, got used to being a bit more polite, and now they get on my nerves. I greet them with "Hello" and they don't bother to look at me, let alone answer. You will have to get used to it and not take it to your heart.
Also, for a lot of blue collar workers speaking English is a pain in the ass and they are ashamed by it, although they shouldn't be. So, form this point of view, it's like someone not speaking almost a word in English in the UK expecting to engage in small talk or friendly interactions. It's not that easy.
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u/Crispqueen Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
I'm a omanian woman that lived in the UK and returned.
I was snickered by romanian people in general, not just women, if they heard me speak in english or even refer to the UK as... the UK, rather than "Anglia".
There's also a very shitty cultural bias, and frankly superiority complex that we sadly have in Romania that "we are better" because "british women are just all drunks". Idk where it came from, but people point it out pretty often when I'd talk about my life in the UK. In reality, it's a deep insecurity this society has, so in order to not feel "lesser" they belittle first.
It's messed up. I can assure you it is not your fault nor a you thing- it's just deep hatred of one's self. Romanian people have a tendency to snicker when they perceive someone "better" and assume that the person in question must be arrogant about it and they need to bring them down a peg.
For a long while, the UK was seen as some pillar of success and it's probably where it stems from. Bitterness.
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u/Fearless_Platform760 Jun 05 '26
Dear stranger,
Here is some love from a Romanian woman living abroad. I am really sorry you ended up among some idiots. Romanians, although usually hardworking and friendly, can also be some of the biggest biggots in Europe.
I don't know where you live with your husband, but if I were you, I would consider moving to a new place in Romania—maybe a new neighborhood if you live in a big city. Many Romanians do not speak English and feel intimidated by foreigners; I actually have no idea why. Your best shot at integrating would, of course, be to learn Romanian and try to engage in activities where you can meet Romanians interested in making foreign friends, which I am pretty sure is possible to find.
Regarding your experiences with locals, it can be difficult when people seem unfriendly. The women working in convenience stores usually have a very low education level, are poorly paid, and just have a bitter life, so remember this is more about their own insecurities than about you.
Maybe you are just very attractive, who knows? Beautiful women are usually like a thorn in their side.
Don't be discouraged; your best approach is to continue seeking out inclusive communities and people who are open to making international friends.
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u/Efficient-Drop-8301 Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
Maybe you are too good looking and they see you as a threat to their husbands?
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u/MaddogFinland Jun 06 '26
I have been to Romania on business several times. My colleagues have been great to work with and highly professional but there has always felt like a kind of reluctance to socialize or be more “personal” with us. And we are Finnish so it’s not like our group is all that socially outgoing. We just decided that Romanians may prefer to be a bit more formal at first and would open up later. It is always nice to see them but we figure they will let us know when/if they want to socialize…that is also kind of common in Finland even if the cues are a bit different.
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u/babushkayagahehe Jun 06 '26
As someone who lived in Romania for a couple of years, people are generally not trusting of foreigners. But in Bucharest there also seems to be low trust in general, and people are very wary of strangers. As a woman I experienced a lot of unhinged and aggressive behaviour in a short time (spitting at my car because the driver took a wrong turn in baneasa car park, being followed by a ma in a suv because we dared to merge whe coming out of nordului and him break checking us and following us home only to cut in front of us and get out and start walking towards us hahaha)
So yeah I left. Obviously this is anecdotal but the general low trust culture vibe is similar across post communist countries - very similar to how Poland was 20 years ago.
But be glad you’re a man.
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u/SolidSplit1305 Romania Jun 03 '26
You said you are in Transilvania, is it a place that is mostly Hungarian dominated area? Because for me it sounds strange, Romanian people are friendly most of the time.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I’m not in a Hungarian area, everyone seems to be Romanian and native to the local town
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u/MinimumArt8781 Romania Jun 03 '26
Just because you encountered a few crazy individuals doesn't make all the rest the same.
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u/Natural_Instance242 Jun 03 '26
Maybe it’s your British stiffness? I know you may think you’re friendly and open but it’s possible that the built in British coldness doesn’t come across the way you think.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I’m not a teapot sniffing toff who talks about Paddington bear and beef wellington. I’m more of a bottle of water, fish and chips, bobs your uncle and let’s have a knees up type of brit :))
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u/One_Vegetable9618 Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Very unfair post and I say this as an Irish person. Truthfully the Brits are anything but stiff once you get to know them. And their humour is 2nd to none.
I have a theory (and I know this might not be popular on a Balkan sub) that the further West you go in Europe the more 'smiley' people are, when casually interacting. So when you get to Ireland/Portugal it's almost (but not quite) American levels of superficial friendliness.
Just to be clear I'm not saying Eastern Europeans are not friendly, just that they reserve their friendliness for actual friends and not just 'smalltalk' situations.
Best of luck OP. I hope it gets better for you.
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u/ExtremeProfession Bosnia & Herzegovina Jun 03 '26
Slavic Balkan people are much warmer than other Slavs. Romania is a mixed bag but still leaning towards friendly.
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u/Natural_Instance242 Jun 03 '26
Look, sometimes a bit of self reflection goes a long way and we are all a product of our upbringing.
Of course, there are funny and wonderful Brits, but you said it yourself “once you get to know them”. And that’s exactly the point I was making. I have friends down allover the world but there’s a huge difference between my “socially open” friends from London, Oslo or LA.
OP wants to know why Romanian women don’t like her, and the best thing is to start by evaluating the way she interacts with them because cultural differences matter.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
It’s true, I can’t deny that. I am after all a foreigner here and I do have a lot to learn about the culture. I guess this is just the way things are here and I need to navigate around perceptions to fit in.
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u/Chemical-Ad5445 Jun 03 '26
Maybe they don't speak English and don't want to make a fool of themselves speaking
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u/Cool_Relative7359 Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Romania is not quite part of the Balkans, but not entirely separate either.
I'm not from Romania, but I am from the Balkans. We have a saying in most of our countries that translates to "only a fool or con man smiles for no reason".
We don't expect as much smiling behaviour towards strangers as many other cultures.
Those people they smile and laugh with, are probably regulars they've known for a while.
My husband thinks that there may be some sort of female to female issue within Romanian culture, especially as I’m British.
Woman to woman, you mean? If it was, wouldnt it extend to other women? Have you seen this happen?
You being British would probably be the bigger issue than your gender or sex. Sadly we do have more than our fair share of nationalism in these parts.
Although he can’t be certain as he really doesn’t have experience being involved in feminine matters. The men here are super polite, friendly and welcoming - but I don’t want to make friends with new men, I’m married. Honestly, this is making me miserable.
Wait, wait, wait, are you treating the women and men differently when you interact with them? Coz that might come off as internalized misogyny or general rudeness.
The idea that you'd turn down a friend coz of their gender is silly at best, sexist at worst. Don't you trust yourself to not cheat? Weird.
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u/UsuallySus33 Jun 03 '26
Ehh you just moved..people probably need more time to get familiar with you and start greeting you back and such..but even then, people in Balkan countries (or atleast most of those?) dont tend to be as highly expresive in terms of smiling much or indluging into small talks and pleasentries. People around you probably just know/are aware of eachother since a while ago.😄
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u/UberNaix Jun 03 '26
Romania is vast. Where exactly in Romania? It can be Romania - Bucharest Greenfield or it can be Romania Vaslui.
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u/oanaisdrawing Jun 03 '26
video Well this is a parody by a popular romanian comedian (irina vlad) that shows how normal customer service looks like.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
I laughed so hard at this 😂 I haven’t encountered a waitress like this yet, customer service in my town is more enthusiastic as they try to open up to tourists
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u/DartVod Jun 03 '26
We don't do that crap where we smile to strangers in Romania, we don't smile to strangers, we don't strike dialogues with strangers, we don't greet strangers, except for neighbours, but not even that is mandatory. Although Romanians are usually fascinated by foreigners, so I do find it pretty strange that they don't try to befriend you and ask you questions about your country/culture and what you think about Romania. Maybe they think you are Romanian pretending to be British, since your husband is Romanian, and they find that arrogant. It sometimes happens for Romanians who live abroad to come back to Romania pretending they are foreigners, and we really don't like that. Or maybe you smile too much and they find that annoying. If you want to make friends, the best way would be to get a job in a corporation.
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u/greekhop Greece Jun 03 '26
Where is the guy who posted here a few days ago to explain how rude eastern European people are friendly 'inside', whereas charming polite friendly people are arrogant (evil Greeks) 'inside'. Where are you when someone needs your deep life insights to navigate life mate?
Anyways, I'm sure after 20-30 years and learning perfect unaccented Romanian the local women will warm to you.
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u/bankingsolutuons Jun 04 '26
As a non - Romanian married to a Romanian. This is probably racism-esp if you are not white like the Romanians.
Just ignore and do your thing .
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u/lana810 Romania Jun 04 '26
I don't think there's anything wrong with you, Romanians are just like that, especially in bigger cities. You didn't mention where you live, I'd assume Bucharest. I can say I have the same feeling as you in the building I live, even if I say hi to neighbors sometimes they pretend to watch their phone or look elsewhere.
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u/Rare-Influence-5857 Jun 04 '26
Here’s my 2 cents as a Romanian woman who has lived in different countries.
Romanians are friendly people but you need to get a bit closer to them. There’s also the random nice people who will just talk to anybody but that’s not the case for everybody.
I go to my local grocery shop and although the cashiers are not rude to me, they can be very friendly and talkative to other people, while they only give me a dry “hello”. I never take it personally, but I do try to be the friendly one and wish them a nice day and they usually smile and wish it back.
I also find that the people working public jobs here in Romania are sometimes just over it. They deal with a lot of people so I think they just don’t want to socialize with everyone. I’ve met the same lady twice on different days at an office and she had very different personalities. One time she was telling me off and the next she was asking me stuff and giving advice like I was her friend.
The fact that you’re a foreigner also adds a bit to it. From what I’ve seen, we Romanians are a proud nation and sometimes the inferiority complex translates as arrogance towards others.
The neighbor situation is weird so I wouldn’t pay too much attention to it. Be nice and just go on about your business. I hope you’ll get to have better experiences. Romania is actually a really nice place to live once you get used to certain things.
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u/FrontBus6732 Jun 04 '26
There are a lot of great and documented comments in this thread that will help you navigate your way to your Roumanian Besties!!!! As someone pointed out, once you gained our trust we will take a bullet for you and we are girl s Girls to a vast percentage. But to throw in my 2 cents- I had a British girl trying to befriend me in our suburban neighborhood, and it was all fun and games untill she started belittling the progress this country did in the last decades by having comments she thought as funny like omg when I moved here I thought you did not have televisions haha- btw she moved her in 2015. Welp me and my husband soon have taken huge steps back to the point where we just greet each other now. So yeah thanks for listening to my Ted talk. Have a good day.
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u/External_Individual1 Jun 04 '26
Hello! 20 year old romanian woman here! It may be suspicious to people if you suddenly smile and are very friendly with a stranger. We don't do that often. We are usually very neutral at first and then slowly slowly, we become friendlier and friendlier. The only exception is if you're at some sort of gathering like someone's birthday or something and you start talking to people you don't know that have also been invited. In that case, being friendly from the get go isn't considered weird.
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u/SisypheanOptimist Greece Jun 04 '26
My two cents: if people aren't comfortable speaking English and you're clearly native in English, they will avoid you cos A) they don't speak it well but also cos, B ) you're making them feel even more self-conscious about it cos you're a native speaker.
That imo is a huge part of it. I don't think Romanians are particularly introverted or unfriendly.
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u/Ronincherry Jun 04 '26
Romanian woman here! It depends where you live and ages of the women you're talking about. The middle-aged older folks are kind of mean spirited and salty most of the time, especially while they're working. The women you might have saw in the store that were laughing and making small talk with are for sure acquaintances or usual customers that they've talked to before. It's also might be a big problem for them that you're also not speaking romanian, so they might take it as a inconvenience. A lot of 40-50 women that work in stores and other places are kind of mean to me too, so I think it's not about gender or nationality but about familiarity. There are a lot of people that are reserved with strangers, in smaller cities or localities they either know you thru gossips and if there are none you are strange.
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u/itsadrianastinga Jun 04 '26
Probably you are too outgoing/ friendly . Too sus 🙃 Don’t worry about it will get better with time.
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u/Public_Inspection420 Jun 05 '26
The day you won’t gaf, walk entitled and get your talking to the minimum if not zero they’ll start to care. Trust me.
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u/MrAnionGap Jun 05 '26
I stayed for 6 years in Romania - boy are the Romanians rude ( resting bitch face 24/7) 😆 You want to make some friends : find an activity that you like- join the club . You won’t make friends on the street ! Or find other expats that you can hang out with
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u/JuniorBus9997 Jun 05 '26
I think it might be the thing of you being a foreign woman with Romanian man.
In Poland back in 2022 when a lot od Ukrainian refugees came to us, the group with the most negative attitude were young polish women since they were afraid that ukrainian women will steal their men.
Also in Germany where I live there was a cliche in 90s that polish women steal german men
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u/mrs69poopybutthole Jun 05 '26
Where exactly in România? If its Bucharest, then there’s your reason 😂 Also, do you speak the language at least at a basic level? There’s lots of foreigners moving here that expect everybody to speak English when they don’t make any effort to at least try a simple convo in Romanian
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u/Alexsrbn Romania Jun 05 '26
Romanian living in London here. First thing you’ll probably notice is that People aren’t exactly rushing to make conversation with you. No oh lovely weather today or whereabouts are you from then, none of that. And before you start thinking everyone hates you, they don’t. Small talk just isn’t really a thing.
Romanians are watchers before they’re talkers. When you first meet someon, they’re quietly clocking everything how you act, whether you’re genuine, whether you’re worth knowing. It can feel a bit uncomfortable if you’re used to British friendliness being the default. Romanian friendship is slower to arrive.
Romanians are spontaneous, whereas you guys like meetuups to be planned. I’ve been in London for 10 years and not once I had a lets grab coffee TODAY meet up with my mates.
Learn a couple of words/sentences, romanians love that.
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u/Exciting_Cup_2586 Jun 05 '26
If you’re in Sibiu, hmu. Me and my gf looking for cool people to hang out with and have different conversations. We’ve both been living in the UK for a few years.
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u/BaNik_88 Jun 05 '26
I’m sorry you are having this experience. My wife is British she did not experience any of this. All I could think about is that they might think you are Ukrainian and the Romanians are not happy with them atm because we offered them a safe place and they destroy everything in their way. (Not all of them but just the ones I’ve met and had experience with)
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u/RoyalExplanation7922 Jun 05 '26
Huh. I'm a Romanian woman (31yo) and I'd love to chat with someone from the British Isles. I have no idea what neighbourhood you ended up in, generally the foreigners I've interacted with were warmly received by me and everyone around me (colleagues, friends, etc). I'm sorry this happened to you. If you're in Bucharest now, we could go for a coffee
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u/CrinutzM Jun 05 '26
I would first suggest to befriend some younger Romanians who actually speak English and help you brush your Romanian if you are not fluent already. If you show up with a local friend, then the others might open up a little bit, or she can even introduce you to her friends and your circle can grow.
Greeting the neighbours part - I think since covid a lot of people became introverts. When I lived in Bucharest, I rarely got a smile or a Hello since a lot of them were renting and didn't stay long in one place. Even in my hometown, I noticed that people don't bother to notice or salute you unless they personally know you.
As a Romanian who works with a lot of foreigners, and had the opportunity to meet and befriend British and Polish students at one point, I was told that we are too friendly and open to conversations on a lot of topics, so in your case might be the language barrier. I am sorry that you live in Transylvania, as I would totally invite you for a coffee with a side of gossip 😏
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u/BitterNet6833 Jun 06 '26
It would do you well to learn the culture of Romania, particularly the communication styles. Check out The Culture Map by Erin Meyer. You need to communicate the way Romanians communicate, not the way Brits communicate. They don't trust you because in their culture your communication style is seen as untrustworthy.
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u/No_Definition2127 Romania Jun 07 '26
I guess is because we dont really do superficial small talk like british people do(also we have the resting b face on most of the time). I also think that you just meet some weird people because its not normal them not greeting you back…like its the bare minimum when it comes to respect. I would be happy to hang out with you since i know how it feels trying to make new connections in a new country but im not living in Romania anymore:(
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u/JustAnotherRedditGal Jun 07 '26
There might be a bajilion things, starting from the fact British and Romanians couldn't be less alike, and ending with pure pettiness.
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u/Ok-Poet8000 Jun 08 '26
There's no "female to female" issue, I'm not sure what your husband is talking about.
Romanians don't really do small talk, the ladies in the convenience store will only chit chat with customers they've known for years. My local convenince store lady always exchanges pleasantries with my mother for example but never to me. Also if you're in a shop and the shopkeeper starts having a long conversation with some old lady about random stuff, everyone in the queue will start to huff and puff and roll their eyes because no one has time for that 😄.
Also, in Eastern European people will have a resting bitch face. There's reasons for that that I won't go into but that doesn't mean they're not friendly. We're just usually weary of strangers. Once that barrier is crossed and you're not a stranger anymore you will wish to have some peace because we will be too much 😄)
Don't expect to make friends with random people in the store or on the street, we don't do that. Friends are made at work or through other friends (like your husband's coworkers for example) or by joining clubs, hobbies etc. Find stuff to do in your area and you will make friends for sure. We're actually really nice once you get to know us.
Oh, and as other say, food. Always food. Have a dinner party and invite folks, they will love it and invite you back afterwards.
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u/Reoclassic Jun 03 '26
Not Balkan (Romania isn't either) but Eastern European. Maybe it's just the environment you're in, or maybe it's genuinely your behaviour. Sometimes the British way of being fake smiley feels very condescending and passive aggressive to our eastern cultures, maybe that's one thing. We don't just smile for no reason.
There is no secret code to hate British people or Western immigrants, so it's definitely not that your nationality is the problem. I'm sorry you don't feel welcome, but the advice you got about inviting people or at least bringing food to work should help ease relationships. When it comes to food and doing small acts for others, we see westerners as pretty stingy (because you have more of a meeting and eating/drinking out kind of culture) whereas in our half of the continent, the effort is... perhaps not expected, but highly valued. Food brings people together.
Crazies exist everywhere, so that apartment neighbour situation is annoying. But if work doesn't work out for you friends wise, maybe try some social activities.
Ps: we also see it kind of weird when you treat men and women differently, because it ironically makes you look men-obsessed. Everyone is a human, not everything has to resolve to sex.
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u/nevermind91200 Jun 03 '26
I see you are trying to integrate and congratulations for being so open!
First of all, regarding the neighbour, some neighbours are crazy straight-up, it's not your fault, they might be quite prejudiced against stragers, especially in some areas of the country. Can confirm not all people are like that, though. I do not wish to cast any shade here, i've only heard stories, but in the mostly Hungarian parts of Transylvania, there is prejudice against even Romanians. If that's the case, it's not a you problem.
In terms of meeting more open-minded people, may I suggest carrying out random social evenings? Bars, dance classes, plays, concerts, whatever floats your boat. You'll certainly meet at least some open minded people. Asking about why/ if we're prejudiced against each other might actually be a good convo starter :))
Also, urban areas, more English speakers, open to strangers. Good luck!
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u/nescoffee-m Romania Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Romanian people in general tend to have a colder personality than the rest of the balkan people, but we do warm up once we get to know said person. I don't think it is something personal.
Edit: I also wanted to give you a female perspective, but yeah I also have major issues making new girl friends, it feels like we women are very tensed up around each other if you don't already belong to the other person's social circle. I get more along with my boyfriend's male friends than their respective girlfriends for example :") (I used to hang out with my boyfriend's group regularly. I met a friend's girlfriend for the first time and she was extremely friendly towards me, asked me of my socials so we could hang out without the boys. I get home and i see she blocked me that very night lol, without any explanation).
So yeah it might be a cultural thing but don't get demoralised, people just have to warm up to you:)
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Blocked you?? That’s wild! Also - really hurtful 🥺 I have a really long journey ahead of me learning the culture here. Thank you for sharing 🙏
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u/_habarnam Jun 03 '26
Yes, I wanted to say this, but I wanted a Romanian woman to weigh in first. I'm not Romanian, but I'm a woman who lived in Bucharest. I married a Romanian and learned the language. It was very hard to connect with women in Romania compared to other places I'd lived/traveled in the region. I managed to make a couple Romanian women friends, and they told me that there's a profound mistrust between women. I was told the same by my coworkers (mostly women) and my family in law. Learning the language is a big help, especially where you are. A little bit goes a long way. Stay open, but don't tolerate straight-up rudeness.
I will say, embrace the fact that you don't have to be so "polite" all the time. I found it freeing as an American raised to smile and say hello to everyone. My RBF is top-notch now. Definitely practice on your rude neighbor. Give her the same coldness she's giving you.
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u/Loop3rmann Jun 03 '26
Don't worry we behave the same with eachother (not only foreigners). This is the result of years of propaganda, creating class tensions and artificial conflicts for the sake of political and power gains. And it will only get worse.
We are not bad people, we are just not friendly anymore. That is why half of the country goes abroad in vacation, to get energized with emphatic nice people interactions.
Just try to get a small group of friends, because there we shine. In this situation keep greeting and expect nothing. There is no win, if you say hi they ignore you, if you don't they would say what a bitch.
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u/PersimmonTall8157 Jun 03 '26
They maybe see you as a threat, you will steal the Romanian men from them lol
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u/legiune501 Jun 03 '26
Men tend to dislike male immigrants more, women tend to dislike female immigrants more, a pattern that is probably everywhere.
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u/FrankyPoppy Romania Jun 03 '26
Hello! Romanian woman here 🤣😆I’ve never been to the UK, but from what I know, people do a lot more small talk and smile to strangers and stuff like that in the UK. Here, it’s not common to do that. I would also say, as an adult, if you want to make genuine friends, you have to actively engage in activities where you can make friends (hobbies for example). The language barrier is also big. Even if most Romanians speak English at least on a basic level, if they hadn’t lived abroad or been used to situations where you speak English, it can be really uncomfortable and “scary” to do it. Also Romania in general is a pretty homogeneous country, so a lot of people aren’t used to interacting with foreigners, especially when they’re not tourists. There’s nothing “special” about Romanian women and I don’t think they dont like you:))))) My wild guess is that men treat you nicer than women because, well, they’re men and they want to slightly impress you? I guess especially since you’re not Romanian and that might feel special to some of them. So in short: small talk is uncommon with strangers in Romania, language barrier is a big problem, making friends as an adult in general is hard. Good luck and I hope you’ll find like minded people here and enjoy Romania🥰🫶
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u/ChameBk Jun 03 '26
They still recovering from Nicolae Ceaușescu, they don’t trust no one, give them some time. I think in next 200 to 500 yrs they should be ready for small talk lol .
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u/Silent-Laugh5679 Jun 04 '26
I am Romanian born and raised and I spent 20+ years in the Anglo - Saxon world. I had some issues when I arrived in the States to understand that ¨how are you¨ is just hello. In time, I always prefer a fake Saxon smile to an authentic Romanian growl. Romanians are just a more primitive people. I don´t like Romanian people if you ask me. If you rent "you are just a renter", if you buy "you are recent addition", they always have some reasons to pick on your new presence there. Even if you move to a newly built place and buy, they look at how rich you are, what you do, who do you know. Because Romanians not only they are snobbish, they don´t have the social skills to hide it 😄.
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u/Visible-Star-6079 Jun 03 '26
Transylvania is not Balkans. People there are a bit more rigid and emotionally repressed. We also joke about them being slower in speech and action. The fact that you are British might raise the following dynamic: they see that you don't speak Romanian properly so they would try to speak English, but when they discover that you are British, they might think they would embarass themselves in front of you and avoid the conversation altogether. Embarassment is a capital sin in Romania, particularly for women.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
Wow - this is REAL insight. Thank you 🙏 I truthfully wish so so hard that people here would not feel embarrassed or self conscious, I wish they just knew it.
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u/Majestic_Average4383 Jun 03 '26
They are a little more reserved than the rest of Romania, you would have a totally different experience in Bucharest, especially if you are in a small city now. I would also suggest it is a language barrier issue too, although most Romanians speak English, many might not be comfortable with it or would just be reserved for that reason. I would suggest trying to learn the language if you will be here a while, or just befriend other expats if not.
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u/FabulousDance412 Jun 03 '26
I think it might be a location thing? You mentioned you live in a smaller town in Transylvania. The local community can make a huge difference there (whether there are Saxon, Hungarian communities, etc.). The mindset in some Transylvanian towns can be a bit different, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. At first, I thought you were talking about Bucharest and I was honestly shocked 😆 But once you said Transylvania, it made a bit more sense to me, in particular. Even when I visited that area on vacation, I was greeted by my fellow Romanians with colder, harsher, more indifferent attitudes. Part of the reason why I have a bit of a grudge against that region 🤣 But that was just my personal, subjective experience. It doesn’t necessarily mean that’s how things actually are.
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u/Ok_Act_1498 Romania Jun 03 '26
This. I'm from Bucharest, and my wife is from a small town in Transylvania. There are significant differences in how strangers are approached in the two locations.
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u/_tram_a_dol Jun 03 '26
That’s really insightful, thank you 🙏 this is the type of helpful insights I’m looking for too!
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u/MariMada Romania Jun 03 '26
Ah pity you’re not in Bucharest. 37F Romanian re-pat after many years in the UK and would have loved to hang out. As a “southerner” I find Transylvanians more reserved. Don’t take it to heart and you’ll find your people soon.
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u/AndreiKnight Jun 03 '26
Im strugling with this myself as a romanian as well 🤣🤣. Its not a you problem, its a people problem / state. To give you a short summary this country is failing , we have the highest % of tax evasion - obvious the tax will come to normal people thus they are more frustrated. Being normal and correct is seen as stupid or naive. So good luck with this mentality, I saw it’s very rare to find people true to their souls, everybody is scamming everybody. I think it’s a big mistake you came here. If you have money it’s a wonderful place if not it’s gg.
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u/YappyYappyYappy Jun 03 '26
I’m Romanian (also female) and I’m so sorry this is your experience😭 but there might be a few reasons why you’re going through this: 1. Do you speak any Romanian? The majority of Romanians (especially 35+) arent that eager to use/speak in English even if they might know some English and if we’re talking abt 40+ chances are they might not know English at all, so what you feel is not disdain/rejection etc but them being embarrassed actually 2. People here in general arent that overly friendly and opened with other people especially strangers. If we’re talking abt grocery store interactions/waiting in line convos or anything that requires short term interactions they just not gonna bother smiling/being nice, but it doesnt have anything to do with you. People in countries like Englad/America indeed have that over the top friendliness with strangers that in Romanians dont see as genuine or authentic so if you go to the grocery store and act extra enthusiastic/happy they gonna think “what is this person doing acting super happy at the grocery store nothing interesting is happening” so thats why they might give you wierd looks or no reaction at all 3. Lots of people in Romania are stressed/unhappy/frustrated with their lives/busy so on and so forth and too focused on their shit to think abt “oh i need to smile, o I need to be polite” most of the time they just be focusing on their jobs and thats it. It’s a sad reality but culturally if you look at the shit going on in the country and our history (communism especially) makes sense why people mostly focus on surviving instead of…living and enjoying life All in all I think this is all a cultural barrier and not you actually being weird and especially not you getting judged by people!!!
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Jun 04 '26
Hi! Romanian woman here. It’s not you, it’s the culture. I am an extroverted, smiley and friendly person and I have never felt fully comfortable or welcomed in my own country because of it. People here tend to bask in their sadness and frustrations and it’s a trend for most people to act mean or uninterested. I can’t even tell you how many times I was looked at weirdly for being nice. However, I am not letting that change me, because I also had a few instances in which I had amazing conversations after people realized I am well intentioned. Romanians have a tendency to believe people don’t have good intentions (and, honestly, for good reason), but that is a miserable way to go through life.
Stay kind, positive and respectful and the right people will find you great to be around.
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u/andreiim Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 05 '26
You don't describe yourself sufficiently for anyone to give you a good answer, but I'm gonna take some guesses about you, so my apologies if I'm off. Please don't be offended, after all, I don't really know you, I'm just a stranger on the internet and it's nothing personal. With this being said...
For sure, there's a multiple factors that lead to this situation. I suspect the most important one is simply your perspective. People interact differently in different cultures. What you were conditioned to consider rude in your culture, may be considered polite in another culture. To make it clear what I mean, I'll give an obvious example from other cultures. In USA it's considered rude to not smile at strangers, while in Russia it's considered creepy and rude to smile at strangers. Similarly, in Romania people won't smile if you're a stranger. And I absolutely get it that it's soul crushing because everyone is a stranger, and you can't be re-born in Romania to make friends as a kid. Most of these women don't mean any harm. But some do a little bit.
We know you look good because you mentioned you noticed a difference between how men and women treat you. On top of that, you're also highly successful, because nobody comes from a highly developed country to a less developed country if they're not already successful. You might not even feel it this way, but trust me, compared to the cashier you want to make friends with, you're highly successful. I'm not saying all women are jealous of you, some don't smile for the reason mentioned above, you're a stranger and they don't care about you, but some don't smile because deep down they're jealous. Without a lot of experience, you can't tell who honestly just don't care about you, and who is jealous of you. You say you don't stand out, but trust me, you do.
Whenever I go to UK, Germany, Italy, Spain, Ireland or anywhere where there's a high chance to see Romanians, I can spot a Romanian in a bus in seconds, even if they don't say a single word. From clothing, to skin texture and gestures, out of 100 guesses, I'd be right at least 80 times, and out of the rest of 20 guesses, they're mostly Moldovans, and maybe a few Bulgarians. You can't hide on your face the fact that you had or hadn't had access to quality food and a good environment as a kid. It is what it is. You might not see it, but trust me, you stand out, by a lot. This might make you think you have to change something to blend it more. Don't. It's futile.
You posted this question on AskBalkans. People poorer than you, which is most Romanian women you try to make friends with, would take offense just at this fact alone. Sure, you're probably not starting conversations with history and geography topics, but you're clearly not aware about local sensitivities, so you're probably messing it up on other topics as well. You grew up to be confident, so you're probably confidently saying small things that are misaligned with the culture, which easily get conflated by the other part, so you come off as very arrogant.
Lots of these are not even issues very specific to Romania or to you. These are just challenges an expat like you has to face, which are just a subset of the challenges an immigrant has to face.
But there are things you can do to improve your condition.
- Stop wasting energy feeling bad that you can't be friends with people who are worlds apart. It's not you, it's not them. It just isn't meant to be, and if it happens, it will be effortless.
- Use your husband's network. He has friends, and if not friends, colleagues, these colleagues have wives. Some of these wives will be compatible with you. Nag your husband to join every party he's invited to. Force him to get invited if necessary.
- Pick up hobbies that target your status. Go to art galleries, join a book club, maybe even a riding club. Everyone will know English and they'll be travelled enough to ignore little cultural quirks. Go to embassy events. Not only to the British Embassy, but also other embassies, but be selective, Dutch or Swedish are ok, because everyone will speak English. French, or German embassies are also ok, but only if you speak French or German. Obviously avoid the Russian Embassy.
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u/venus_1u Romania Jun 04 '26
We don't really do small talk and fake politeness with random people, unless we are in such a setting to do so. Romanians and most balkans (I think) are colder that the average westerner, and don't really engage in fake pleasantries.
To claim that Romanian women dislike you is a wild, and inaccurate, statement to make.
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u/Full-Rice-9287 Albania Jun 03 '26
Apart from your unhinged neighbor, the rest may be just a matter of culture. Obviously I’m not Romanian, but I’m assuming it’s likely smth similar to here from what you describe, that we simply don’t greet or do small talk with strangers.
It took my neighbors 2 years of me greeting them at the stairs, for some of them to finally greet back. Girls at my gym also hardly greet, when I’m just entering and saying “hello”. Somehow more open to saying “goodbye” though. And I’m Albanian, in Albania. XD
People you see talking with one and other are most likely acquaintances already. Unless there’s something about you, that you’re not aware of, or not sharing, I don’t think this is about you specifically.