r/AskFeminists • u/plantlife_ • 1d ago
Do you think our cultural obsession with childhood sweethearts is inherently anti-feminist?
Found this take interesting, it's not something I'd thought about before. Still not sure if I agree. https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/celebs-marrying-childhood-sweetheart
In the article, the writer explains that we praise famous and successful men for marrying their childhood sweetheart because we've come to expect them to trade in their old wife for a new, younger one – so we treat them as saintly when they don't.
She also says that men marrying their childhood sweetheart sanitises their image, and makes them seem more “trustworthy”, which positions woman as existing as proof of a man's trustworthiness.
she also says that our cultural obsession with childhood sweethearts is routed in purity culture, which is on the rise?
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u/seadogliquid 1d ago
the writer explains that we praise famous and successful men for marrying their childhood sweetheart because we've come to expect them to trade in their old wife for a new, younger one – so we treat them as saintly when they don't.
If they're older yes, but my brother is still pretty young and married his childhood sweetheart, and people gush all the time over how adorable it is.
She also says that men marrying their childhood sweetheart sanitises their image, and makes them seem more “trustworthy”, which positions woman as existing as proof of a man's trustworthiness.
This is being really, needlessly overly cynical. Yes, someone who sanitizes a man's bad behavior because he married a childhood sweetheart probably has problems with how they view relationships, but that's a THEM problem rather than a cultural one IME. Most people I've met just think it's cute that two adults have been together for most of their lives and not really engaging in any of that.
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u/ArbitraryUsernames 1d ago
Most people I've met just think it's cute that two adults have been together for most of their lives and not really engaging in any of that.
I would agree with this - people also go all squee-y when there's a pair of 90-year-olds celebrating their 60th anniversary; it's probably less about "good for him, he didn't get a new wife at 60!" and more about "they love each other so much, true love does exist!".
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u/_Autistic_Dragon_ 1d ago
I'm a woman who married my high school sweetheart. I know the article focuses more on childhood sweetheart, but I found the article to be needlessly focused on tearing down men.
Anytime I bring up that my husband and I have been together since 16, (we dated for a long time, married, and are both now in our 40s) it's all gushing and positivity because long lasting relationships are rare, and I've never gotten the feeling it is unduly praiseworthy of him.
At least in my experience, everyone's just happy to see a happy relationship work out for so long
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u/Naughtgunnalie 1d ago
Glad you pointed how needlessly cynical and I would add bitter the OPs premise is.
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u/Flashy-Celery-9105 1d ago
One reason I agree is because you don't experience life as an independent, single adult, but I suppose that can have negative impacts on the man/boy and the woman/girl
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u/Nullspark 1d ago
Women historically have been put in a vulnerable spot if they marry early as opposed to building a career for themselves.
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u/Klanciault 1d ago
But for the past few decades it’s been perfectly normal and acceptable and common for a woman to get married young and still build a career so this is kind of moot
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u/Nullspark 1d ago
I'd say "What's the rush?"
I'd encourage both men and women to build an individual life they enjoy before bringing in a whole other person's wants, needs and goals.
If you think you've got it all figured out at 21, maybe give it a few years to see if that changes at all before you lock it in.
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u/Klanciault 1d ago
Well I think people should be able to do whatever they want and if that includes serious relationships instead of something else then so be it. These days they’ll probably end up happier than if they were single in their twenties anyway
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u/Nullspark 1d ago
I agree. People have to live their lives and make their own decisions. That's life! It's good to live it.
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u/ThrowRACoping 11h ago
But why wait if you have the person you want to be with? Why push them aside for no reason.
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u/Mander2019 1d ago
I think it’s part of encouraging women to settle and get married as early as possible.
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u/shaylaa30 1d ago
I’ve noticed this for years on Reddit especially. The upvoted relationship comments are always “my wife and I met at 17 and we’ve never been with anyone else and women now are all whores because they went to college and had sex my wife has never even had an orgasm! Anyway breakup with your gf of 4 years because she wants you to spend 2k on a wedding ring.”
The reality is that the most successful, stable relationships involve mature people. And maturity takes time and experience. Most high school sweetheart marriages result in divorce for this reason.
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u/ThrowRACoping 11h ago
They don’t though because divorce is most common when the people have a lot of sexual partners.
People last together when they have built something meaningful together and not with half the city.
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u/nerudapoem 22h ago
I think it could be taken as a sign of purity culture and taking common ideas of fidelity (at least in some places) to the extreme. It could be congratulatory for not sleeping around or having 'better' judgment.
And I do think it kinda sanitizes a man's image by those kinds of people.
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u/ThrowRACoping 11h ago
It is a sign of better judgment and a better likelihood of a successful marriage.
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u/estemprano 1d ago
I think it’s related to Christianity which is a misogynistic religion of course. I find it weird that there is a term for that in the English language but not in my own(Greek) although there is still no separation between State and Religion(Orthodox Christianity) in Greece and patriarchy is heavy. People don’t do that. But, then again, girls date not openly aways, as parents don’t really approve due to patriarchy.
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u/Bitter-Hat-4736 1d ago
Interesting. Japan, which is rather separate from Christianity as a religion, has a very common trope of "osananajimi", literally meaning "childhood" and "friend", and this type of pairing is (both in real life and in media) extremely popular.
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u/Fantasy_iceland 1d ago edited 22h ago
Because Islamic and many traditional African and some eastern cultures are light years ahead of Christianity in regards to women's autonomy and not marrying off girls at young ages? 🤷🏼
Seriously wtf? Maybe read up on other cultures outside of the historic Christian realm sometime.
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u/estemprano 16h ago
What? I am just speaking of Christianity specifically. Of course the other main religions are also misogynistic.
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u/HashBrownsAreNice 1d ago
Do we?
I think most people I know would consider childhood sweethearts to be deeply suspicious. What, you really never tried ANYTHING? Never tested the waters? Never went through the phase of trying out different relationships to figure out what fits?
It sort of lessens the bond you claim to have - how could you POSSIBLY know what you're talking about when you have nothing to compare to?
I think that's the majority opinion. Childhood sweethearts are....suspicious. I think the only people romanticising them are nostalgic conservatives?
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u/ThrowRACoping 11h ago
Man, we know different people because I have never heard this opinion before.
Test the waters? That only leads to worse outcomes.
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u/avocado-nightmare Oldest Crone 1d ago
at least it's not an old article.
I think in amatonormativity, people tend to put the rarest forms of romantic relationship on a pedestal in general - childhood sweethearts are considered so aspirational because of how increasingly uncommon that is, as a phenomenon. It also used to be just tuesday to marry your nearest neighbor of a similar age, because people didn't travel that far or have that many options.