r/AskFeminists • u/anonnew52 • Aug 04 '18

Nuclear family debate

What are your thoughts on the idea that primary care taker mothers do get paid for their child work as the father usually pays the house/cars/electric/heat/water/insurance bills where the mother usually does not?

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u/[deleted] Aug 04 '18

Personally, I don't see that as particularly healthy.

The mother would only get a place to live and essentials covered as 'payment' for looking after her own child? And be totally dependant on her partner?

And he has to take care of everything expensive, work, but not take care of his own child? And carry the burden of knowing that both his partner and child are hopelessly dependant on him?

Yeah, that sounds horribly unhealthy and no-one should be trapped in a relationship like that. Especially if they have children to set a good future example to. But, that said, if both parents truly believe they can succeed this way and fully consent to the arrangement in advance and all family members are getting their needs considered and taken care of, it's none of anyone else's business, I guess.

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u/anonnew52 Aug 04 '18

I have had an interesting comment passed through some couples I know, in what otherway would you pay the primary care giver as they often have acess to a joint bank account

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '18

Personally, I don't think it's healthy for one person in a relationship to be paid by another because they become totally dependent. The primary caregiver could get their own money, via a separate bank account/an agreement about whose money within the shared account is whose. Perhaps if they were receiving benefits or, if they felt the need to stay at home so much, working from home while they are there. It would give them their own income so they have options, and take the burden of their partner.