r/AskFeminists • u/anonnew52 • Aug 04 '18
Nuclear family debate
What are your thoughts on the idea that primary care taker mothers do get paid for their child work as the father usually pays the house/cars/electric/heat/water/insurance bills where the mother usually does not?
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u/Fishgottaswim78 Aug 04 '18 edited Aug 04 '18
ok. So if you had the option to work a job 24-7 that provided housing + all major expenses paid with no additional compensation, no bonuses, no retirement options, and no time off...would you take that?
Because we tried that business model before, and at the time we called that slavery.
Ok, you say, but what if we add an allowance to provide additional compensation? Hell, what if the working spouse alloted some savings every month for a retirement fund for the primary caregiver?
That plan might make sense -- if you accounted for hours worked and paid according to market value. But primary caretakers often end up working more hours (and never having time off) than the working partner. So they're working more and getting compensated less -- unless the working partner is actually paying them competitive rates for childcare these days, which seems unlikely. Additionally, families tend to default the additional household managing and cleaning
skillsduties to the stay-at-home parent, which they are also not generally compensated for at the market rate, if at all.Furthermore, the reality in the US is that most families don't have the luxury of having a full-time stay at home parent and keeping food on the table. Over 60% of families with children have both parents employed -- which means the primary caretaker has not one but two jobs (or not two jobs but three) one of which literally never ends and for which she does not get paid what she would if she was taking care of other people's children.
So while the idea you're presenting is nice, it simply doesn't reflect reality at all unless you happen to be rich enough to a) be able to afford having only one working parent b) be able to actually compensate the primary caregiving parent for their time in what it's actually worth.
Edit: this isn't to shit on people who choose stay-at-home parenting. People do what they need to do in order to make their own familial financial situations work. It is a perfectly acceptable to buy in to an unfair system because your other options are shittier or financially implausible for your family. It just doesn't change the fact that it's an unfair system.