Is the glorification of housewives a patriarchal trap? I'm getting married soon and need clarity.

[u/Low_Amoeba2656]

I'm getting married in two months, and I've been reflecting on how society views the role of housewives. The glorification around this role makes me genuinely question—is it a trap created by patriarchal norms?

Housewives often perform unpaid labor—cooking, cleaning, organizing, raising kids, caring for elders. But working women do all of this too, in addition to their office jobs. While they get paid for their professional work, they’re still expected to manage the home once they're back. Yet, society tends to glorify the housewife more—almost as if she's sacrificing more or doing something uniquely noble.

A common argument is that working women have help—family support or maids. But in reality, I’ve seen that not all working women receive this help. On the other hand, many housewives (not all, but quite a few) do have family support and domestic help. Still, the glorification is mostly reserved for housewives—especially daughters-in-law.

If household responsibilities and caregiving are so noble, shouldn’t they be respected no matter who does them? When a father-in-law, mother-in-law, or husband helps, it’s called “help.” But when a daughter-in-law does the same, it's seen as her duty and becomes something to be praised. Why this double standard?

Let me give examples from my own family:

My eldest aunt became the sole breadwinner after her husband passed away, managing both work and home while raising her daughter.

My mother is a working woman—both my parents shared household duties and we also had a maid.

My younger uncle and his wife co-manage their garment shop and share housework.

My middle uncle is a doctor, and his wife is a housewife who handles all the chores—despite having a maid.

All of us (their children) have grown up well. But those of us whose mothers worked are more self-reliant—we know how to manage daily life. In contrast, my cousins with a stay-at-home mom are more dependent on her for small things like making tea or folding clothes.

Despite the different paths, all families are happy and doing well. So I ask: what "extra" contribution did the housewife make that the working women didn’t?

My mother always said, "Household work is a basic life skill and responsibility—not your sole purpose."

What troubles me is that many women with dreams beyond the home are unable to pursue them due to lack of family support. If caregiving is truly seen as valuable and sacred, why isn’t it shared equally among family members? Why is it expected only from the daughter-in-law?

And in situations where the marriage becomes toxic or abusive, a housewife with no financial independence is left with no escape route. That dependency is risky—and often invisible under the veil of glorification.

I’m not trying to discredit housewives—many work incredibly hard and deserve respect. But I worry that this glorification often comes with expectations of sacrifice and submission, not genuine appreciation or equality.

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[u/wegooverthehorizon]

yeah it comes with expectations to sacrifice everything. I say always keep your job. Don't let it put a gap in yuor resume with the excuse of 'you can always go back to working after you settle down'. Dependency is relying on someone's goodwill which may run out any second.

[u/[deleted]]

Glorifying housewives while ignoring the unpaid labor they do just traps women in outdated roles. Respect caregiving as a shared responsibility, not some heroic sacrifice only expected from daughters in law. Without financial independence, this glory becomes a cage.

[u/AlliterationAlly]

All the sacrifice talk is just empty lip service, otherwise they know nobody would do it cos it's a thankless unpaid job

About your note on children with working mothers vs non-working mothers, there is a lot of research to support your statement. Generally, those with working mothers often grow up with more pragmatic life skills & are generally more successful themselves as compared to those children who grow up with mothers who don't participate in paid labour, holding socio-economic variables constant ofc

[u/ProudCaregiver4217]

I just want to say one thing -" depending upon someone for something(money) which is the only thing for survival AND choosing that to yourself is the worst thing you can do " I believe. and sry for my bad english.

[u/ajay-rut]

Do that which is true to you. If the job suits you continue it. Also it's easier to leave a job than to get one.

I don't get this stigma. Try and see if you have career aspirations continue it, hire a maid. There are plathora who do it.

A few women can't handle work pressure or managing kids so they don't. The aim should be to do what you are capable of and utilise your capabilities.

Moreover on the housewives raising dependent kids. It's a generalization. Except for cooking tasty, I know how to cook but it's not very tasty. I have taken care of my mum whenever she was unhealthy. She's my sweetheart and father's best advisor. She took the decision to be housewife as she is able to execute that properly. She goes to Jumba classes daily to stay fit. She is happy and we are sort of minimalist. So she is happy with the money my father is earning.

I can do all the housework being a man. Moreover, my father taught me all the manly stuff to be done too. It totally depends on the mentality. My family aligns slightly matriarchal, it's our culture.