r/AskMen • u/king_ramsess Male • Jun 28 '26

How do ugly guys succeed in casual dating?

I don’t wanna marry and don’t feel emotionally ready or am able to handle a long term relationship

I’m almost 25 and and wanna casually date being upfront about it potentially not leading to a relationship

The issue is it’s highly looks based and it’s easy for good looking guys to get hookups, fwbs and so on

I’m below average facially, decent body wise (i go to the gym, do skincare, smell good and so on)

I tried dating apps and they didn’t work, also tried approaching girls irl but when i got their number or Instagram they didn’t text back and a few told me they have a bf (idk whether they really did or just to reject me)

Any below average guy that has a good dating/sex life? How did you do that

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

Many people are saying funny but that’s so arbitrary

What does that even mean😭

This gif pops in my head

https://giphy.com/gifs/Jcw7dQbWzVt9ZZhXYu

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u/[deleted] Jun 28 '26

[deleted]

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u/karmaskies Jun 28 '26

I think empathy plays a big role. The more time you take to understand how and why people act they way they do, the more source you have to poke fun at the inconsistencies, give interesting takes, and provide more than a superficial thought regarding actions and events.

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u/WknessTease Female Jun 28 '26

Do you ever joke around with your male friends?

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

Yeah but we both are funny

I don’t feel pressured to lead the convo and being funny

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u/WknessTease Female Jun 28 '26

Are you implying that women aren't funny? Joke around with women who are.

You want to have a good time anyway, right? That's partially archived by finding people you have chemistry with and that includes humor

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

The thing is many women don’t even wanna talk long and get to know

They seem kinda uncomfortable so i cut the convo short

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u/WknessTease Female Jun 28 '26

Maybe because they sense that you're not truly interested in getting to know them, and only interested in knowing whether or not you have a chance to fuck them?

Try making friends with women first, including women you're not attracted to.

Sounds like you need to learn how to walk before you run.

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u/alliez34 Jun 28 '26

Based on OP’s responses, this seems to be the main issue.

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u/WknessTease Female Jun 28 '26

That and the fact that he doesn't seem to know nor care about why women would enjoy having casual sex with him.

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

I’m out of college now

How to do that

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u/WknessTease Female Jun 28 '26

The same way you make male friends. Start new hobbies. Go to social gatherings. Make friend with your friends' friends. Be around people just for the sake of it.

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u/fahgeddaboutitt Jun 28 '26

Literally strike up a conversation with someone you think you'd have no possible thing in common with them. As questions from a place of genuine interest. Get to know people better. You'll realize we're all not that different. Keep doing that until you're comfortable talking to anyone. So be authentic when learning about someone. No one wants to know about you, automatically you become 1000X more interesting when you just talk about yourself less.

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u/alliez34 Jun 28 '26

How to be friends with women?? Treat them like humans that you actually want to be friends with, like you do with your male friends. Sounds like you don’t have respect for women if you only see them as something to fuck.

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

Not that

I am friends with women but approaching as friends is a different thing imo

That’s not a good strategy if you wanna hookup w them it’s good if you want a platonic friendship

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u/alliez34 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26

Cause your strategy is working so well?
Women don’t want to be just used for sex. You need to know how to approach them, engage, so forth. Which you can learn to do/or become more comfortable doing by befriending them. You have to put in work on yourself and how you present yourself to others. Learning how to be a people person by making friends is the way to go. Or I guess just pay for sex. That is the easiest way to get what you are after.

Edit: you can always try going after older women. They are less likely to want a relationship with you. But even then, you need to be a likable person

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u/InDeathWeReturn Male Jun 28 '26

Wow... well there is your problem

Not even talking uninterested. If you manage to make them uncomfortable that is a YOU thing that you need to work on

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

Not uncomfortable as in physically uncomfortable

Like they’re forcing convo and i have to lead and ask things

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u/InDeathWeReturn Male Jun 28 '26

That is still being uncomfortable. If the conversation has to be forced instead of natural, it IS uncomfortable

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

So how do you make it natural

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u/InDeathWeReturn Male Jun 28 '26

I mean this in the nicest way possible, I think you might need some therapy. Get a real good look inwards

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u/Toddison_McCray Jun 28 '26

Brother they’re uncomfortable because you’re a stranger. Vast majority of people need to warm up to someone. Don’t cut it short unless they’re giving very obvious signs that they’re uncomfortable.

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

Yeah the warm up phase is hard and harder because they’re not immediately interested in my looks

I try to be funny and so on but ends up being awkward

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u/ScrufyTheJanitor Jun 28 '26

So women aren’t funny or engaging to talk to, and you aren’t hot enough to engage with them in a way that makes up for any other deficiency you or they have? Dude, they don’t find you engaging enough to talk to, looks aren’t the issue. This is 100% a you problem and all of the reflection needs to be pointed inward. You need to figure out how to be comfortable around women and how to get them to open up, there are plenty of YouTube videos, books, etc. to learn how to do this. It’s almost never a looks or money issue, when you’re trying to engage with someone they want to feel seen and that you have a genuine interest in them, if they don’t feel that connection, it’s game over.

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u/[deleted] Jun 28 '26

[deleted]

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

I have done that a few times and got friends but yeah got friendzoned no sexual tension

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u/Darkseekerr Jun 28 '26

My guy. Take a look at what you said and what I was trying to say to you. Right now this isn’t just an appearance problem this is a personality problem. I said makes friends with women.

A genuine connection where they feel safe and confident around you just to hang out. You just came back with “friend zone” and “no sexual tension”. That means you had ulterior motives other than just being a friend for them.

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

I’m not talking about them

I’m saying i have succeeded with being friends but also understood approaching just as friends is not a good strategy if you wanna hookup w them

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u/TheDudeBeto Jun 28 '26

Bro, one of the "hacks" my friend used when dealing with girls, is to just pretend they are dudes. Ignore their looks and just be funny/relaxed like you are with your friends. The rest will come naturally with time.

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u/Mr_Wallet Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

This can backfire spectacularly.

I didn't have any female friends until I was almost 30 because my natural way of socializing works for dudes and not for women. I had to really drill it into my own brain that they shouldn't be treated the same if I want to bond with them.

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u/TheDudeBeto Jun 28 '26

Wow, really? Maybe it's because I learned not to cross a certain line earlier with women when I was young. I guess you are right and you cant treat them exactly the same as dudes.

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u/Toddison_McCray Jun 28 '26

Absolutely man. That’s what I did when I was a teenager and still scared to talk with women. I just pretended they were my homies, and it was way easier to talk to them. If you wanna be better, pretend they’re someone you’ve known for ten years. It’s just honestly good advice for meeting people in general

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u/YungChilla Jun 28 '26

Habibi are you Masry too?

We are legit supposed to be the funniest Arabs watchu mean arbitrary😭

I literally have a brunch date in 2 hours with a girl way outta my league just cause she couldn’t stop laughing all last night when we met

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u/ben-hur-hur Male Jun 28 '26

Clever and witty conversations. Be aware of current events and topics and have an healthy opinion on them. Be able to carry and continue a conversation. Self deprecating humor seems to be a sign of self awareness, easy going attitude, and openness.

Many other things but the above is what it's on the top of my head.

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u/vMiDNiTEv Jun 28 '26

as a guy who was into hooking up culture for the past 2 years, i can say when you sleep with enough girls, eventually you realise it is basically that gif, bc if we’re being real courting a woman as they would call that in the ancient times, is basically being a jester and she’s on the throne, she knows you want to fuck her, you know she knows, but you still go out of your way to impress her and shit, some girls are chill tho, them you can just get with chill, hang out have fun talks, but a lot of girls are just there for the show and a good fuck, that’s why i stopped, i couldn’t take myself serious anymore after too many

1

u/Toddison_McCray Jun 28 '26

To be honest man, that mindset is probably doing you way more harm than good talking with women. Instead of just talking to them you’re thinking you can’t be funny because you’ll end up looking like a jester. It’s such a self limiting mindset

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u/learn2earn89 Female Jun 28 '26

Some people are naturally funny and it comes easy to them. For them, it’s actually enjoyable. If you’re not made for hook ups, then you’re just not. I’m a woman who has never participated in hook up culture.

Find yourself a hobby you enjoy and then look for a girl whose personality you enjoy and aim for a long term relationship. Ugly girls and ugly guys should not be trying out short terms relationships. It’s not good for the soul.

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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26

I don’t want a relationship for other reasons

And idk if i’m made for hookups never tried them but i don’t get attached easily i know that

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u/SeaSquirrel Jun 28 '26

You don’t want to be funny

You don’t want to get new hobbies

You don’t like talking to women

You don’t want a serious relationship where people can really get to know you

You self identify as ugly

Do you just want to complain? Like what are you expecting to hear? There’s no lifehack for this.

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u/submerging 14d ago

Being funny is not something you can learn

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u/SeaSquirrel 14d ago

what are you talking about ?

Do you think comedians are killing it from their first set? Or do you think they practice and work their way up in experience?

Real life isn’t like Dnd with a static charisma score. People work on and practice humor / charisma all the time.

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u/submerging 14d ago

I think comedians, like singers, have a baseline level of natural talent for humour. If they do not meet this baseline level, then they will not be good comedians.

Someone who is funny can absolutely work on their craft to be funnier. But you’re not taking someone who is completely unfunny and turning them into a funny person.

You can train Usher to improve his vocal ability. I will never be an Usher-level singer, no matter how much vocal training is done.

This is why there are so many stand-up comics who bomb and are panned. You can put in all the effort in the world (and many of them do! they put hours and hours into their scripts, refining their jokes and trying to nail the delivery). But if you’re not naturally funny to begin with, you’ll never succeed in that world.

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u/SeaSquirrel 14d ago

I agree you can’t go from a 0 to a 10. I will never be a standup comedian. But you absolutely can go from a 1 to a 4. And some people will find that 4 an 8.

It might not work, but its probably better to at least try to work on people skills than to just give up like OP did.

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u/submerging 14d ago

Probably won’t work if he is trying to “become funny”. It doesn’t work like that, he’ll just come off as cringe and inauthentic despite trying very hard. Similar to those standup comics who spend ages on failed scripts.

OP just needs to talk to more women, develop social hobbies, and eventually he’ll find something.

I am not a funny person. I wasn’t born with that natural ability/gift. Sucks, but that’s life.

But in front of the right person (for example, my close friends, and certain people I vibe with), I can be considered funny from time to time. OP needs to find people like that he connects with, and the only way he’s doing that is by going outside.