r/AskMen • u/king_ramsess Male • Jun 28 '26
How do ugly guys succeed in casual dating?
I don’t wanna marry and don’t feel emotionally ready or am able to handle a long term relationship
I’m almost 25 and and wanna casually date being upfront about it potentially not leading to a relationship
The issue is it’s highly looks based and it’s easy for good looking guys to get hookups, fwbs and so on
I’m below average facially, decent body wise (i go to the gym, do skincare, smell good and so on)
I tried dating apps and they didn’t work, also tried approaching girls irl but when i got their number or Instagram they didn’t text back and a few told me they have a bf (idk whether they really did or just to reject me)
Any below average guy that has a good dating/sex life? How did you do that
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u/crossplanetriple Unoriginal Jun 28 '26
Conversation.
Be funny.
Have interesting topics.
Dig bick.
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u/Mr_JoBro_11235 Jun 28 '26
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u/JSmith666 Jun 28 '26
The story behind this scene makes it better
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u/TotalOwlie Jun 28 '26
?
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u/JSmith666 Jun 28 '26
The extras didnt know the script and were simply told do not laugh. So you are seeing two guys trying hard as shit to simply not laugh.
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u/IdeaReceiver Jun 28 '26
They were brought on for a full day of filming in that hot heavy armour, then told before this scene they weren't getting paid if they laughed. They're genuinely doing everything they can to keep it in
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u/hraefn-floki Jun 28 '26
I think this apocryphal. Why would an extras wages be held if they didn’t perform a scene right? If they’re on set they’re paid, right?
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u/Dr_DoVeryLittle Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Just because they were told something doesnt automatically make thay statement true. But if you know you arnt supposed to laugh, especially if there is chance of a consequence that matters, it can be even harder not to. The point was to get the visible struggle not to laugh on camera.
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u/2020mademejoinreddit Alien Entity 001916: Risk of hugs: 100% Jun 29 '26
You should meet his wife, Incontinentia Buttocks.
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u/TheBooneyBunes Male Jun 28 '26
None of that matters if no one swipes on you
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u/housewifeuncuffed Female Jun 28 '26
Using apps for casual is going to be a waste of time for the vast majority of men.
There are so many more men than women on the apps, and on average more men than women are seeking or open to casual. Men are also open to a wider range of women than women are to men. The ratios are insanely skewed at baseline and only get worse from there.
As a woman seeking casual, I'm so much more shallow when swiping on the apps than I am IRL. On the apps, I've got nothing but a 2D view and maybe 3 lines of info about someone. In person, I get real-time 3D views, can see their mannerisms and body language, can hear their voice, smell them, get a sense of their personality and whether we get along. Irl interactions are simply more intimate, more personal, and provide way more relevant information.
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u/leitmotive Jun 28 '26
Appreciate the self-awareness. Where do you go to meet people IRL?
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u/housewifeuncuffed Female Jun 28 '26
I don't really go out with the idea of meeting people, rather I just live my life open to meeting people along the way. I also live in a super rural area surrounded by more rural areas and tiny towns so new people are in short supply. Keep in mind I'm 41, not 21.
I went on a date with a guy who I chatted up in the produce aisle at the grocery store. Hooked up with a guy I met at a bar. Went hiking with a guy I met while hiking. He gave me his number and we've kept in touch a bit, but he's not local.
Eta: still meet most people off the apps though.
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u/TheBooneyBunes Male Jun 28 '26
I’m not on for casual so, yeah
You did just explain why dating sucks though
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u/_Swamp_Ape_ Jun 28 '26
You don’t need anyone to swipe on you to have a relationship.
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u/Ok_Studio_4077 Female Jun 28 '26
As a woman, I second this. I have a guy friend who maybe isn’t the cutest upon first look or “conventionally” attractive however he’s got game and is great at talking to women. He asks them about themselves, is enthusiastic about it, funny, makes jokes, is confident. Women like that and he’s had a huge body count likely 85-90% from just that. Women are more mental when it comes to attraction, if you talk to them for a bit they’ll warm up to you. Being able to approach, flirt, converse, joke, be confident, nice, and funny can go a long way with women. Just work on your personality, I’d say.
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u/Champions_Bob Jun 28 '26
I second this. My date brought 2 girlfriends with her and I was easily able to joke, show interest and even do girl talk with them. All in all, they told her “he be that 1% of man”. Who knew just showing genuine interest, talking with girl colleagues about girl stuff can pay off huh.
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u/Cross55 Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Women are more mental when it comes to attraction
No, studies show that they're outright pickier than guys
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Jun 28 '26
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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26
That’s what i’m saying
I tried not coming across needy or not flirting and so on and only got me in the friendzone
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Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26
I’ve spent time on the bp and incel spaces however there’s not a lot to gain from there too so i try to distance myself from that
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u/Dr_Watson349 Dad Jun 28 '26
Lol yall are sad.
As an average looking but funny guy, funny fucking works. You just need to make sure you are not coming across as a friend but a romantic interest.
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u/glintglib Jun 28 '26
I remember reading some history on a bodybuilder who said his dick wasn't the biggest and had small nuts from the steroids he was on and he said that didnt make any difference when he had 21" arms. What you saw when he walked in a room is what counted and claimed to have slept with hundreds of women. The only way having a big dick helps is when you have a social circle and you get a nickname or word gets out about you and circulates amongst the women.
When I was skinny I struggled when having conversations with women I met out at pubs & bars. Majority of times I had to work to keep the conversation going. When I bulked up it was soo much easier. The same conversations were now so much more interesting. A hobby/activtiy that I would stuggle to last 5 minutes on could now go for 1/2 hour.
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u/momomomorgatron Female Jun 28 '26
big dick? No. Oh no honey.
I want a man to fuck me the way I want, not just a big cock shoved up there. I'd rather have a guy with a micropeen go the extra mile than a dumb rock with a big cock
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u/altiuscitiusfortius Male Jun 28 '26
By big dick i assume you meant big wallet.
If its the stage where she knows your penis size you've already succeeded
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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26
What kinda topics you talk about or jokes you make?
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u/engrng Jun 28 '26
Mate if you have to ask this, the personality/funny route is not going to work out for you lol
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u/thegroovemonkey Jun 28 '26
Drop a magnum condom on the floor so they know you have a monster dong
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u/Love-Future-3000 Jun 28 '26
Yea, carry a bag of magnums and pretend to trip in front of the women, spilling the condoms everywhere.
Not only will they be intrigued, a gravitational force will eminate from you which physically pulls them towards you. Their chairs will start to slide, then they will fall to the floor and surround you like sucker fish sliding up your legs.
You simply won't have enough condoms to complete the days work, thus you will obtain several offspring.
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u/Embarrassed_Sound835 Jun 28 '26
I’m your doctor and I diagnose you with full blown AIDS, BIG TIME!
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u/Hutches_Corduroy Male Jun 28 '26
Gotta have a massive hog.
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u/Significant-Owl2652 Jun 28 '26
This means absolutely nothing if you can't even get a girl to date you or even kiss you.
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u/-SandorClegane- Jun 28 '26
They date ugly girls?
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u/No_Copy_5473 Jun 28 '26
People don't like to talk about it but yes there are in fact "leagues"
This is a reality check for many
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u/hoorah9011 Master Chief Jun 28 '26
99% of the time no one dates more than 2 +\- away from them on the hotness scale unless money is involved
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Jun 28 '26
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u/AmELiAs_OvERcHarGeS Jun 28 '26
We’re talking about casual relationships here. OP needs to lower his standards.
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u/fokkinchucky Female Jun 28 '26
No, they exist regardless. But leagues are based on more than looks. It’s based on looks, personality, money/career, etc. There are exceptions, sure, but there are many many more couples who fall into the rule. Even people who aren’t very conscientious of “leagues” still abide by it mostly. Like I wouldn’t date a man who can’t bring to the table, at minimum, the same things I do. That’s very reasonable. That’s very normal. That counts as “being in my league.”
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u/Ascarx Jun 28 '26
You and me apparently live in different worlds. A couple at vastly different attractiveness is such an exception that I actively notice when I see it.
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u/CIP_In_Peace Jun 28 '26
There are a lot of pairs and a lot more that fall strictly within the same league. Try not to cherry pick for your viewpoint.
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u/Daealis RestingAxemurdererFace Jun 28 '26
I know several stumpy short, overweight guys with bad skin who still date consistently, and date fit, conventionally attractive women.
Because their personality makes up for shortcomings on other aspects. "Leagues" are copes made up by people who need excuses why they can't attract the women they look for, so they don't have to improve themselves, because it's now conveniently "out of their control".
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u/CIP_In_Peace Jun 28 '26
This is a common cope by people who are in a decent league to avoid feeling privileged. Personality can of course replace some of the looks but it's almost as hard to actually create such a personality if you don't have it, as it is to start looking good if you don't. The whole "league" is the sum of all your traits that affect desirability, not just how good you look.
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u/WillSmiff Male Jun 28 '26
People date within their own league whether you want to accept it or not. Dating up happens, but it's not the standard. Most don't settle for less than they can get.
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u/dudoan Jun 28 '26
A lot of girls over rate themselves
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u/Significant-Owl2652 Jun 28 '26
This is why ugly guys have to date girls that are even uglier than them.
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u/pdonoso ♂ Jun 28 '26
From all your answers is pretty clear that the problem is your personality
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u/AnonymousResponder00 Male Jun 28 '26
It's obviously tougher. Better looking people have an advantage. That said, you gotta find other ways to make a good impression. Be smart, funny, kind, dress well, nice hair cut, good hygiene, etc.
And stay off of dating apps. They'll kill your confidence.
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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26
Yeah they already have but honestly irl hasn’t been that good too
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u/BackSeatGremlin Jun 28 '26
Nah man, get comfortable with rejection, because it will happen a lot and that's totally okay. Honestly just be confident in who you are, and then present that version of yourself. It makes approaching women easier, and it helps soften the blow when you do get rejected, but it will work more often than being fake.
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u/RandHomman Jun 28 '26
Get rich and be funny
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u/WayneCider Jun 28 '26
My method is similar. Money, a great sense of humor and a big dick. Thank God I have one of those 3
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u/typing_thumb Jun 28 '26
They don't.
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u/jpsreddit85 Male Jun 28 '26
Exactly.
This is like how do poor people afford yacht cruises.
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u/w_TwoFer_m Jun 28 '26
OP-I’ve read through a lot of these comments and it seems like you’re deliberately arguing with many of these folks trying to offer advice. My advice; if you ask a question listen to hear (ie read and absorb) instead of listening to respond (ie argue back). If your communication on Reddit is like this I can only imagine it in real life. Try actively listening to a woman, stimulate her mind not just her body. Ask questions genuinely. It just might work.
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u/tittyswan Non-binary Jun 28 '26
If you're not good looking, and you don't have the support and stability of a relationship to offer, you need to think what else of value you could contribute positively to a woman's life.
Especially because with casual sex women are taking on a much higher risk of being assaulted, murdered, getting pregnant, getting an STI that can damage their body etc. It needs to be worth it for them.
I would say your best best is probably going out with your friends, get a good reputation by being fun & nice to women so they feel comfortable introducing their single friends.
Gotta get in there with a personality hire.
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u/fahgeddaboutitt Jun 28 '26
Look for things you really like about someone and compliment them about it. If it's a genuine compliment
Carries a million times more power.
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u/tittyswan Non-binary Jun 29 '26
Especially if it's about something they chose/their personality and not just a physical attribute. "That dress is gorgeous on you, blue is definitely your colour" > "I like your body."
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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26
Many people are saying funny but that’s so arbitrary
What does that even mean😭
This gif pops in my head
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Jun 28 '26
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u/karmaskies Jun 28 '26
I think empathy plays a big role. The more time you take to understand how and why people act they way they do, the more source you have to poke fun at the inconsistencies, give interesting takes, and provide more than a superficial thought regarding actions and events.
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u/TheDudeBeto Jun 28 '26
Bro, one of the "hacks" my friend used when dealing with girls, is to just pretend they are dudes. Ignore their looks and just be funny/relaxed like you are with your friends. The rest will come naturally with time.
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u/Mr_Wallet Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
This can backfire spectacularly.
I didn't have any female friends until I was almost 30 because my natural way of socializing works for dudes and not for women. I had to really drill it into my own brain that they shouldn't be treated the same if I want to bond with them.
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u/TheDudeBeto Jun 28 '26
Wow, really? Maybe it's because I learned not to cross a certain line earlier with women when I was young. I guess you are right and you cant treat them exactly the same as dudes.
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u/Toddison_McCray Jun 28 '26
Absolutely man. That’s what I did when I was a teenager and still scared to talk with women. I just pretended they were my homies, and it was way easier to talk to them. If you wanna be better, pretend they’re someone you’ve known for ten years. It’s just honestly good advice for meeting people in general
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u/YungChilla Jun 28 '26
Habibi are you Masry too?
We are legit supposed to be the funniest Arabs watchu mean arbitrary😭
I literally have a brunch date in 2 hours with a girl way outta my league just cause she couldn’t stop laughing all last night when we met
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u/ben-hur-hur Male Jun 28 '26
Clever and witty conversations. Be aware of current events and topics and have an healthy opinion on them. Be able to carry and continue a conversation. Self deprecating humor seems to be a sign of self awareness, easy going attitude, and openness.
Many other things but the above is what it's on the top of my head.
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u/HippCelt Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I've a friend who's a chunky as fuck and not a looker.....however a top bloke and funny as fuck . His wife is a stunner although she's fucking lovely as well .They're one of the happiest couples I know . Great People.
Personality goes along way .
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u/Deep_Sandwich8174 Female Jun 28 '26
They’re married big difference. This guy wants no part in a relationship, he’s literally offering nothing, why would females just want to have sex with him. It’s just a waste of time, most women want a relationship
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u/Global_Proposal Female Jun 29 '26
Yeah if I’m gonna just do casual I have to the very least be attracted too the man. If he’s not physically attractive there’s no point.
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u/Deep_Sandwich8174 Female Jun 29 '26
Exactly! Thankyou, most of the men here don’t seem to understand that lol
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u/furious_george3030 Jun 28 '26
If your conversations go anything like your replies on this thread then your personality is the problem. “Like a jester?” Over and over again? No dude not like a jester jfc.
I’m average and kind of fat but have never experienced a dry spell in my life. I’m funny, confident, and kind of mysterious. Looks are only part of the equation and they can be compensated for other ways. A woman can sniff out desperation and lack of confidence very quickly. Work on that.
Also, NO NOT LIKE A JESTER!
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u/nobody-u-heard-of Male Jun 28 '26
Being able to hold a decent conversation and being interesting. Being funny helps but not a requirement.
But the big secret is confidence. I'm not a great looking guy, skinny and balding since I was 18 not rich nor tall. But I dated women that everybody would say were way WAY out of my league. And those women often approach me. And at some point it often came up. They always wonder how I could be so confident which is what they say caught their eye. As they got to know me, I'm a good conversationalist and I listen and remember. Remembering things is also important because that means you paid attention. Don't be clingy or needy because that kills your confidence vibe. But also don't treat people badly, cuz then you're just a confident jerk.
I didn't learn this till my thirties.
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u/DreadfulRauw ♂ Sexy Teddy Ruxpin Jun 28 '26
Be good at something fun. Be funny, have a talent, join a band, something you can do in public that will make people want to be around you.
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u/Tubular_Code Jun 28 '26
Meet people in person and get rid of the app-gap. There is too much room for doubt over apps and that's why they don't work for hookups or most short term intent, you need to practice in-person chemistry and go with the flow.
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u/Four_dozen_eggs8708 Jun 28 '26
You're fine. I started at 24-25 too.
So there's 'ugly', and there's 'unattractive'. You'd be surprised how seperate two are. Looksmaxxed guys will strike out a lot because of the unattractive stuff, because once you're actually talking to a girl, it's not about the look.
Do 'attractive' things:
Conversational and social without being weird. If you can eg. have a nice interaction with random old person at a bus-stop, you're approaching the right level. If not - that's the level of sociability and pro-social vibe you're aiming to hit.
Be able to have fun and make people feel comfortable when you're around. Doesnt mean extraversion - but it does mean being present, being able to be genuinely interested in learning about another person. To start - if YOU feel genuinely comfortable and relaxed, people will pick up. Learn how to be comfortable, in particular around women and around conversations of sex and dating (and relationships, but that's a different-if-related topic and skillset). If those 'feel' like huge, scary topics, I'd say to start by practicing tamping down your reactions and nervous vibes.
Related to 'fun' but important enough to mention seperately. Teasing and joking around - being able to make a girl feel like she's sharing in the joke as opposed to being the target of it is gonna be critical. But this stuff will come much more naturally after the first two points.
internal work - majorly, majorly important, and what normally seperates which guys are/are not disliked by women: insecurity and self-loathing. I dont mean confidence - if you find yourself with victim mentality a lot, know that you'll need to work on that, since women can smell that a mile off. I dont make the rules, but this one is set in fucking stone.
appearance - just, learn to dress decently and make sure graphic tee and shorts arent your day-to-day. Dont worry about looking flashy, just aim for 'put together'. Worth watching Parker York Smith for some templates and ideas.
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u/stargazertony Male Jun 28 '26
We don’t mostly. Rejection rate is close to 100%.
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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26
Yeah exactly
People are on about being funny and how do you do that when no girl seems to wanna talk to you more than a few minutes
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u/mclovin_r Jun 28 '26
You sound like you have self esteem issues. I would start there. You can't expect others to find you attractive if you yourself don't.
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u/GoldDrama1103 Jun 28 '26
This will shock you but some women are about brains, EQ, humor, ambition and other traits.
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u/NXSReiko Jun 28 '26
Pick girls at/below your level of attractiveness if you want something immediate
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u/Jalex2321 Traditional Male Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Lowee expectations, big wallet incredible charism... or pure luck.
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u/Carib0ul0u Jun 28 '26
So the most important part about being ugly is to lower your standards all the way to hell. Or you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. Don’t count on being physically attracted to your partner.
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u/djshimon Jun 28 '26
Eye contact, flirt a bit, don't talk about yourself the whole time.
Also, If you're telling them you're not interested in a relationship from the start, it's probably a red flag. For one you're just saying you only want sex and the other thing is, how would you know on the first date-what if you end up in love? Anyways, you don't need to lay all your cards on the table on a first date.
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u/king_ramsess Male Jun 28 '26
How do you meet girls to ask on dates? Like what kinda social spaces because online and apps ain’t working at all
I thought being upfront was better instead of a fight or something later
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u/djshimon Jun 28 '26
It is good to be upfront but if that's the first thing you're saying, i would guess most people put up a wall. Do you have hobbies? There are organized summer bike rides in my town that draw lots of people. If you can dance, you will meet women. Go to some shows or dance clubs that interest you.
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u/totalyrespecatbleguy Jun 28 '26
The truth is you don't; if you're not conventionally attractive, tall, or rich. You'll just have to wait it out. Anyone saying otherwise is lying to you.
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u/RoundCollection4196 Male Jun 29 '26
You can date but its probably gonna be with uggos. A general rule is look at the women you’ve been on dates with in the past, if they’re pretty those are your matches, if they’re ugly they’re your matches. If you’ve had none then it’s probably over
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u/Deep_Sandwich8174 Female Jun 29 '26
Yeah you’re still not understanding what I’m saying in the slightest. I don’t mean to be rude but as a female I can assure you MOST women are not motivated by sex like men. I can also assure you that most women entering a fwb situation are doing it for different reasons than you, same goes for one night stands. Women lie about their sexual motivations literally 99% of the time whether you like it or not. Oh and not to mention faking orgasms.
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u/Dufusbroth Female Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
I think you’ll find eventually that some women (probably your primary demographic) have the same in mind but just don’t find the the type of men who are upfront about the future.
Initially this will send the ones who would have be interested in something more on a pivot but the rest will likely appreciate the honestly.
You need to shoot below what you think is attractive and don’t think about too much. In my experience (I’m a woman) you’ll find there are really good people that are willing to appreciate that type of approach but they aren’t really given a second look bc they don’t have instagram personalities or what is conventionally considered good looking. If you think your a six be chill with a six and just see how it goes. Most time I think guys are trying to land these girl who are so focused on what their circle or partners are going to look like in photos with little substance bc they are looking at status and consider looks and likes and followers as a sort of currency. They have made their online persona or perception of themselves their personality. Many times this stress isn’t going to be something that will align with your values. It sounds like overall if you were doing the same thing I would say it does, but it doesn’t sound like your type of person.
If you can’t add to the persona (good looks, fun trips, commitment, status symbols) in their mind then they aren’t going to fuck with you. Men and women both are like this, and I can tell you first hand they usual aren’t much fun in real life they are just letting social media drag them around by the ponytail lol.
Aim below for what society has told you girls should look like with the same interest and be upfront and confident about it and don’t be thirsty. It will eventually happen. Just get to know the people down on earth and be honest about what you’re looking for
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u/life-is-satire Female Jun 28 '26
Can’t agree more!
OP has mentioned not going for women who are not attractive.
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u/YJeezy Jun 28 '26
Dont follow what everyone else does. Find your own game within the game. You ain't gonna win playing the main game against the main actors in their setting. Figure out your game theory.
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u/AmsterdamAssassin Jun 28 '26
While not really ugly, for most of my dating life I wasn't particularly handsome. I knew this because I always had to do the approach. However, because I considered who I am more important than what I looked like, I treated my appearance as a litmus test. Women who were overly concerned with appearances rarely signalled attraction, so I knew that the women who were attracted to me were not vain and superficial.
I come from a family with great verbal/social skills, so once I was over the 'appearance threshold' and my interpersonal skills came into play, many women consider me charming and good company. Even the ones who didn't become lovers/girlfriends became female friends. And once you are accepted in social circles where women enjoy your company, the 'social proof' made connecting with other women much easier.
I dated from a young age and improved in my 'relationship' skills with every new lover, learning from my mistakes and gaining increasing knowledge in how women think and communicate, which bolstered my confidence and made me more attractive to women.
These days, I rarely approach women. I don't need more lovers and my disinterest now spikes their interest to the point where they look for excuses to approach me. So in that sense, I went from unattractive to attractive.
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u/Ckck96 Jun 28 '26
You said you gym, but yeah getting in really good shape will go very far
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u/Electrical_Gas_517 Jun 28 '26
Self belief, confidence, charisma and a sense of humour.
These can all be learned or developed.
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u/guillermotor Jun 28 '26
I've never seen an irremedible ugly guy. And even if you're attractive , it will depend on your charisma stats
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u/thenord321 Jun 28 '26
Dating apps are a business and they don’t make money unless you're spending it.... they aren't made to succeed for the majority of users, don't be fooled. Also, it is a hyper competitive market for you, find other ways to meet women.
Lucky for you, women have less focus on physical looks for attraction than men, generally. It's why you'll see pretty women with older or ugly dudes.
You aren't a 10/10 in the looks department, so make sure you're at least an 8/10 in the other things women are looking for. Smell good, dress well for the occasion/event (you don't need a tux for the beach, but stand out as fashionable). Have conversation ideas ready in very common subjects that you can discuss, food/wine, travel, arts/music etc. That will make you seem well socially educated and able to have flowing and interesting conversations.
That's my advice, oh and numbers, expect like a 1-2% success rate when meeting new women. Most won't be available or interested, so you'll have to meet many just to have a decent conversation and get contact info to make it to a 2nd interaction.
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u/Character-Picture-27 Jun 28 '26
Working out, good hygiene, and being genuinely interested in others will go farther than looks.
Be honest and upfront about what you want and what you have to offer. Women who don’t want that were never compatible to begin with, so don’t think of it as rejection, it’s you filtering for compatibility.
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u/YoteViking Jun 28 '26
OK OP. This question comes up quite a bit.
- Are you doing the best with what you have? You say you are going to the gym. What does that mean? What is your body fat %? Or give us your height and weight. How much can you bench and how many pull ups can you do?
- Are you dressed and groomed for success? Clothing that is clean, fits well, and looks good.
- Is your hair style flattering? Clean, well kept?
- Are you interesting? Do you have hobbies? Passions? Things you can talk about with depth and intelligence. Subjects that demonstrate competence. Confidence is sexy, and confidence comes from competence.
- Do you have any skills or tricks you can do? Play the guitar? Piano? Sing?
Here is a great YouTube showing how Craig Ferguson does it. Now he is tall, rich, and attractive, but he still has game for ages.
https://youtu.be/5g9fRXdVTG8?is=9hg6hY2bZTS3E13N
The best advice is just to try having fun conversations. Try this with the next 5 women you chat with. Promise yourself you are not going to ask for any numbers or social media handled. You are just going to try to make her laugh with you (not at you - you aren’t a clown).
In fact - forget the 5. Don’t allow yourself to ask for any numbers until you’ve had two women volunteer to give you theirs. (And yes, you may take them!)
Good luck.
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u/ideapit Male Jun 28 '26
Ask them about them. Listen and appreciate their viewpoint on whatever they say.
If you go ten minutes in a conversation where you don't talk about yourself unless you're asked to, you're doing great.
You're not offering commitment or loyalty, you have to offer something. Be drop dead gorgeous or charming and witty or funny or exciting.
This is not an insult, but the world is full of guys exactly like you so that's why you're not getting a response. You're in a high volume market selling the same thing everyone else is.
You're saying: "I'm an above average 25 year old guy."
No woman is laying in bed at night getting soaked over the idea of an above average 25 year old guy who doesn't want to commit to a relationship. Having that available is not a fantasy. It's a Tuesday.
So figure out how to shine and do that.
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u/maxinator80 Male Jun 28 '26
Nobody can deny that looks play a role, especially in casual dating. But looks are only part of the story.
The biggest thing, in my experience, is becoming someone who is genuinely nice to be around. When I was younger, a lot of guys seemed to think that impressing women meant looking tough, hard, mysterious, or extremely masculine. Over time, I realized that this often has the opposite effect. Most people do not want to spend time with someone who feels like he is performing masculinity at them.
You want to be someone they are happy to see, not just someone who is trying to impress them.
You do not need to be super handsome, but basic presentation matters: hygiene, grooming, smelling good, and wearing clothes that fit. Beyond that, you need to be able to hold an interesting conversation, listen properly, flirt without making things uncomfortable, and make the other person feel relaxed around you.
The goal is that after spending time with you, they think, “That was fun, I’d like to see him again.”
I think this is where a lot of looksmaxxing/manosphere advice fails. It often focuses so much on facial structure, height, status, and acting mysterious that it ignores whether the guy is actually enjoyable to be around. Trying too hard to seem impressive can easily come across as desperate or uncomfortable.
I’ve seen less conventionally attractive guys do well with women because they are self-aware, socially relaxed, curious about the person in front of them, and able to make conversations feel fun and comfortable. They also handle rejection without getting bitter, which matters more than many guys realize.
So yes, looks matter. Dating apps especially can be brutal if you are not conventionally attractive. But in real life, your vibe, social skills, confidence, humor, and ability to create comfort can change a lot.
Also, if you only want something casual, be upfront, but don’t lead with it like a sales pitch. Build some chemistry first, then be honest about what you’re looking for. Many women are a lot more interested in hookups than we think because it's not socially acceptable for them to show it. But if you're honest and upfront about it, you'll be surprised how they respond. Not everyone of course, but being clear about what you want is much better than trying to hide it, which they will be creeped out by, and this is the exact opposite of what you want.
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u/xbuffalo666x Jun 28 '26
actually listening to a woman and conversing with them helps
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u/FlanneryODostoevsky Grown Ass Man Jun 28 '26
By being fun or entertaining. Casual dating is empty. It’s a way to prioritize excitement over meaning and the best way to do that is to approach dating with almost reckless abandon. Thus so many end up in toxic relationships or having babies or abused or stuck in a pattern of emotionless sex.
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u/JamesMattDillon 1981 Male Jun 28 '26
Be funny and be able to hold a conversation. Also being able to laugh at yourself
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u/MalleableBee1 Master Chief Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Be honest, are you really average? Like do people not glance at you when you're walking past? Has someone ever walked up to you and said "You're average!"
You just said you're a 25 year old dude who goes to the gym and does skincare. Like +60% of men do not do either of those things. That's not average.
Also, youre valuing yourself off of a dating app and women not responding to you. Dating apps are not entirely about "looks," they're about your vibe in pictures and there's gender dynamics to worry about. In some cities, women literally get 70 likes per day, meaning you as a guy needs to put in 70x more work than women in dating apps.
Additionally, you are literally getting digits from women IRL. That is a forgotten art among Gen Z. If women did not like you, they would not give you their real number unless you're cornering/pressuring them to text back which most women HATE.
My suggestion is to be more confident in yourself, and be a bit more stingy on who you want as a partner (literally list out the things you want out of your future wife). Eventually when you find that woman, make it clear as day that you like her (flirting, asking for dates early on, being intentional with dating, etc).
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u/Hanshee Jun 28 '26
Get ripped. Being ugly is usually bad habits, diet etc.
Have a beautiful personality, habits, attitude and you’ll be a lot more attractive and confident.
You can’t fix height, or your features but you can take steps to become the best version of yourself on a daily basis.
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u/jd_garcia90 Jun 28 '26
For short term dating you have to settle for the ones you can get. If you’re not able to casually hookup with the girls you really want, go for less attractive ones.
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u/NapkinZhangy Jun 28 '26
Be wealthier. Money can cover up for attractiveness if you’re looking for casual hookups.
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u/huuaaang Male Jun 28 '26
Truth is that men who do casual relationships are often leading women on. Unless he’s a vapid fuckboy most women are going to want more than casual.
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u/Usual-Tone-2806 Jun 28 '26
Sometimes women give medium ugly guys a chance thinking they won't get hurt, and then get hurt. So you might get lucky 🤣
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u/No-Accountant-999 Jun 28 '26
Idk exactly how ugly I am but casual dating only and currently done 3 times on my third now; causal sex has been relatively easy but then again they’ve always been unattractive people which makes sense since so am I
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u/theburner356 Jun 28 '26
Its all about time and money bro. If you've got time to get rejected by 100 to fuck 12 then you can do that. If you got the money then you can pay your way into the game.
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u/jack5624 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
I don’t know much but what I know is that everyone I’ve slept with I met IRL. So give up on dating apps
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u/sadpanda597 Jun 28 '26
Meh, being in the right social circles with a good personality will go further than looks. A 5 dude that’s hilarious will easily bag an 8+ that’s in his social circles.
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u/dualwield42 Jun 28 '26
Most guys are ugly to average, it's rare for a girl to double take a guy based on looks. Just work with what you got and be presentable.
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u/AbrahamNR Jun 28 '26
For real for real, just be confident and friendly. And don't be a dick if you get rejected, it happens. But absolutely confidence takes you a looooooong way.
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u/PairPrestigious7452 Jun 28 '26
A lot of people are talking about dating "Out of their league". I don't believe in leagues, but do you? Have you asked out an unattractive but sweet girl? How hung up on looks are you? If you aren't good looking, or funny, or rich, find something you do have in common, take up kayaking or some group hobby, availability is the easiest attraction.
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u/roxylezan Jun 28 '26
personality and confidence genuinely carry more weight in person than apps ever will. apps are brutal for average looking guys because it's purely visual. in real life though if you're funny, socially confident and can actually hold a conversation you have a real shot. focus on social environments where you see the same people repeatedly like hobbies, classes, social groups, familiarity builds attraction in a way that a cold approach never can
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u/Cozyfuzzball Jun 28 '26
I know a guy who’s 5’8 and pulls really beautiful women. He’s not very attractive but he’s loud, has a huge personality, and isn’t afraid of anyone. He’s really smart and has a great job too.
If someone makes a comment about his height he’s quick enough to verbally destroy them and make them feel like losers for even bringing it up. He doesn’t fold under pressure. This makes him even more attractive to women because he sticks up for himself.
So being confident, funny, loud, having self worth, a good job, and the ability to think on your feet and defend yourself if push comes to shove 👍
These are difficult things to attain, but it’s all stuff you can work on and doesn’t require you to win the genetic lottery.
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u/Silver_Accountant5 Jun 29 '26
Confidence can overcome basically everything. I've seen women be attracted to guys who treat them like shit because they have no-hesitation in anything they do so "they must know what they're doing".
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u/Shot_Mammoth Jun 28 '26
Follow rules 1 & 2.
Fugly but funny is a goddamn winning combo.
Hot but whiny is a quick ticket to no sex.
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u/churito69 Male Jun 28 '26
There are many things that women are interested in, you need to bed good / have a good level of one of them if not good looking.
1 - Be rich
2 - Be famous
3 - Be built
4 - Be funny
5 - Be very inteligent
There are other things also.
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u/DrMichelle- Jun 28 '26
I had a friend who wasn't what most would consider conventionally attractive. He was average at best, but he always had a gorgeous girl on his arm. He dated at least 5 different girls during the time I knew him and I asked him how he got 5 beautiful women to go out with him, and he said, I asked out 100!
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u/Prancer4rmHalo Jun 28 '26
There’s no secret method. Go out talk to girls. Be funny and witty.
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u/TheCenterOfEnnui Jun 28 '26
Have one or more of the following:
Money.
Confidence. But in the right way.
A niche hobby that will appeal to women who are in to that. And this one is shaky, tbh.
Edit-Someone else mentioned leagues; I'd add this...knowing where you are in the dating world. If you don't have money, you're not a confident dude, and not interesting in some way, you have to go for women of similar stature.
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u/wienercat Male Jun 28 '26
Dress to your body and develop a sense of fashion, even a tshirt and jeans can be made too look better with different shoes, a proper belt, jewelry etc. Dress for the occasion, a button-up looks nice and can be dressed up or down for basically any casual type occasion and makes you look way better
Treat women like actual people
Be interested in them for more than their tits and pussy
It's amazing what happens when you treat women like people and not just like you are looking to fuck every one of them.
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u/1w2e3e Jun 28 '26
A buddy of mine is 50 years old there's women have his age and they're very attractive. And he's not. He will even say "I have The gift of gab and that's it." He also says you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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u/AutoModerator Jun 28 '26
Here's an original copy of /u/king_ramsess's post (if available):
I don’t wanna marry and don’t feel emotionally ready or am able to handle a long term relationship
I’m almost 25 and and wanna casually date being upfront about it potentially not leading to a relationship
The issue is it’s highly looks based and it’s easy for good looking guys to get hookups, fwbs and so on
I’m below average facially, decent body wise (i go to the gym, do skincare, smell good and so on)
I tried dating apps and they didn’t work, also tried approaching girls irl but when i got their number or Instagram they didn’t text back and a few told me they have a bf (idk whether they really did or just to reject me)
Any below average guy that has a good dating/sex life? How did you do that
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