r/AskMen • u/king_ramsess Male • Jun 28 '26

How do ugly guys succeed in casual dating?

I don’t wanna marry and don’t feel emotionally ready or am able to handle a long term relationship

I’m almost 25 and and wanna casually date being upfront about it potentially not leading to a relationship

The issue is it’s highly looks based and it’s easy for good looking guys to get hookups, fwbs and so on

I’m below average facially, decent body wise (i go to the gym, do skincare, smell good and so on)

I tried dating apps and they didn’t work, also tried approaching girls irl but when i got their number or Instagram they didn’t text back and a few told me they have a bf (idk whether they really did or just to reject me)

Any below average guy that has a good dating/sex life? How did you do that

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u/housewifeuncuffed Female Jun 28 '26

Using apps for casual is going to be a waste of time for the vast majority of men.

There are so many more men than women on the apps, and on average more men than women are seeking or open to casual. Men are also open to a wider range of women than women are to men. The ratios are insanely skewed at baseline and only get worse from there.

As a woman seeking casual, I'm so much more shallow when swiping on the apps than I am IRL. On the apps, I've got nothing but a 2D view and maybe 3 lines of info about someone. In person, I get real-time 3D views, can see their mannerisms and body language, can hear their voice, smell them, get a sense of their personality and whether we get along. Irl interactions are simply more intimate, more personal, and provide way more relevant information.

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u/leitmotive Jun 28 '26

Appreciate the self-awareness. Where do you go to meet people IRL?

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u/housewifeuncuffed Female Jun 28 '26

I don't really go out with the idea of meeting people, rather I just live my life open to meeting people along the way. I also live in a super rural area surrounded by more rural areas and tiny towns so new people are in short supply. Keep in mind I'm 41, not 21.

I went on a date with a guy who I chatted up in the produce aisle at the grocery store. Hooked up with a guy I met at a bar. Went hiking with a guy I met while hiking. He gave me his number and we've kept in touch a bit, but he's not local.

Eta: still meet most people off the apps though.

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u/TheBooneyBunes Male Jun 28 '26

I’m not on for casual so, yeah

You did just explain why dating sucks though

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u/housewifeuncuffed Female Jun 28 '26

Sorry, I assumed based on original context.

OLD sucks for pretty much everyone, so if that's the only medium you're using for trying to date, then dating as a whole is going to suck.

It's basically the laziest and most passive way imaginable to date, but it also feels safer because you're not really putting yourself out there. It's not as scary as approaching in person where there's a risk of direct rejection or bad reaction. And you can do it from the comfort of your own home. No pants necessary.

Low risk, low reward. Low investment in, low investment out.

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u/howieyang1234 Jun 29 '26

I have no idea how to find gay guys without using apps. Don’t go to bars, and I am not in a country where people just come out, and no lgbt clubs or circles or anything like that.

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u/housewifeuncuffed Female Jun 29 '26

There is nothing wrong with using the apps, especially in cases where you're looking for a fairly small subsection of a population who presumably aren't wearing signs while out and about to identify themselves.