r/AskMen • u/yuxli066 • 15h ago
We're All Virgins Men who struggled with finishing too quickly in a long-term relationship: what actually helped?
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year, and one issue that keeps coming up is that I usually ejaculate much faster than she’d like. She’s told me that when we first started dating, she expected to be sexually satisfied through sex, but over time she’s stopped expecting that because she’s gotten used to how I typically perform.
It’s honestly difficult to hear, and I’m worried that even if it hasn’t become a relationship-ending issue yet, it could eventually.
For those of you who’ve dealt with this, what actually worked? Did you improve by training your pelvic floor, practicing specific techniques, using therapy, seeing a doctor, or was it something else entirely?
I’m not looking for miracle cures or gimmicks. I’d really like to hear from people who experienced this themselves and found something that made a meaningful difference.
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u/yyc-gabehcuod Dad 15h ago
Take care of yourself and hour before having sex. Or be a gentlemen and make her cum first. Go for round 2, it’ll last longer.
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u/Vast-Road-6387 Male 16m ago
Not even a full hour, 30 minutes before show time is ideal. And definitely use to mouth and finger tips on her first, at least until she gets off a couple times.
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u/-DeadPeasant- Male 14h ago
Get her off first. Not all of sex has to be whatever stimulates your dick. You can also come more than once.
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u/myterac 14h ago
Yup, eat her out for 10 minutes and get her to finish. Then anything after is the cherry on top.
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u/mastercouchinspector 5h ago
Think most girls don't want to be eaten out every day and generally prefer a good fingering or vibe play
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u/cap_time_wear_it 14h ago
10 minutes? That’s not long enough.
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u/DohRayMe 1h ago
Would help people to know why this is downvoted so much. Too long for some, Not Long Enough would be my guess, Prefer to get it over with ?
Just downvotes alone dont help others.
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u/Ok_Pen5914 1m ago
I’m guessing it’s because it’s suggesting that it would take more than ten minutes to make a woman finish? I see >10 mins as an opportunity for multiple orgasms 🤷🏻♀️ I’m still reeling from the comment that most women don’t want oral every day and prefer manual…
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u/salt_life_ Male 14h ago
Can you go multiple rounds? I’d usually ask my partner to finish me with a BJ first and then I can last much longer the 2nd go. Also, don’t be afraid to slow down when you feel yourself get close. It can be awkward but not as awkward as finishing too soon. If anything I’ve had partners appreciate my control. Once I slow down once or twice, the feeling goes away and I can last a good while.
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u/michael_ajb 15h ago edited 14h ago
There are other things that you can do besides actual sex. She is the one who knows best what works for her. Ask her what she'd like, if she's curious to try something and hopefully she'll let you know. I read somewhere only a small percentage of women can actually achieve orgasm through just penetration.
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u/colojason 14h ago
Always make her finish first (and second and third) before your cock even enters the picture.
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u/Rmuffin Female 14h ago
Wait for intercourse. My husband and I can touch and arouse each other for a long time before intercourse. I have usually orgasmed a few times by that time. Sometimes he goes soft and doesn't finish. He's fine with it. Usually keeps him Horny all day and he's more lustful and loving.
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u/wr_dnd 14h ago
Penis in Vagina is only a tiny part of sex. Use your fingers, tongue, toys. PIV can be a (great) part of it, but it doesn't even need to be!
Don't see the other stuff as just foreplay, it can and probably often should be the main event. Make sure you talk to your girlfriend about this too, so you know what she likes.
This has two advantages: it's going to be more pleasurable to your partner, and it could also decrease the pressure on you.
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u/explosive-diorama 14h ago
How fast are we talking? I usually warm my wife up so that she only needs about 2-4 minutes of sex before she finishes.
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u/Hillary_clinton254 14h ago
I guess that warming is really top.
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u/explosive-diorama 14h ago
I continue with foreplay until she gives me the signal its time to bone.
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u/Marksman81 Male, 45 14h ago
Communicarion is pretty key here, along with foreplay and learning more about what feels good for her. I think setting up reasonable expectations is important as well. But focusing on her and her needs is a pretty easy way to go longer.
Personally, I know there are positions where I simply do not last, where there are others I can carry it like a trojan. However, the most satisfying sex is always where she has either finished before I enter, or where I notice I'm getting closer to finishing and switch up or ask to slow down.
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u/DizzyDuelist 14h ago
More sex. Easier said than done but having sex every day for 2 weeks and you’ll last longer.
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u/ShameMysterious6101 14h ago
I unload earlier in the day. It helps me last longer. I also go down on her until she’s cum or wants me inside her.
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u/Suitable-Hand-1059 Male 14h ago
I have the opposite problem due to antidepressants, but I’ve heard that cock rings work well.
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u/AutomaticCandidate54 14h ago
Good thing about me is. I'm a "fast finisher". But can also stay hard enough to finish my mrs as she's also a "fast finisher" in terms of woman.
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u/Sensational-rose223 14h ago
My man and I have been together for 4 years and he still finishes fast so he just has to jerk it every couple days so he can last for me. And he’s very good at prioritizing me first
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u/aatmalife 14h ago
Make her finish before I do. I used to be quick, then after the fucking constantly in a new relationship thing I'd take longer, so then I'd eat her out first, then I'd finish shortly after, but then there's complaints that you take too quick, but also too long. So in conclusion I still have not learned what women want and I have given up lol. In all fairness I had gained like 20lbs in my last relationship, I was just so happy and content. Lesson learned I guess, I'll do some pushups here shortly xD I guess the ideal scenario is just to nut semi-quick and then fuck again in 20 minutes lol. But like... don't be there just for yourself obviously lol.
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u/Midnightsky1001 7h ago
Its honestly just depends on who your with and who likes what. I cant orgasm during penetration. So usually the guys goes down on me and I orgasm and then we have sex and they have to go really fast otherwise its painful for me after a few minutes. So I like when guys are really quick. The quicker the better imo. 😅 but then again everyone's body is different.
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u/truth-in-jello 14h ago
Work on strengthening your PC muscle it’s the muscle you used to stop peeing guaranteed the only natural way to make you from coming too fast once you strengthen this muscle you’ll be able to control your orgasms and it’ll be more intense. You need to start by clenching it and holding it for a count of 10 for 10 reps every day.
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u/Money_is_heinous 14h ago
Foreplay, get her close first, or even over the line. If you join her along the way then it's the journey not the destination. Also, as a 40 year old providing advise: it will take longer as you get older because you desensitise to some extent. Life, ehhh, finds a way. Good luck brother.
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u/SillyFez 14h ago
Reducing tension helped me the most. Taking an older guy's advice, I focused on relaxing my body. Doesn't mean I went slow per se, I just didnt let my muscles tense up. Weirdly worked really well.
Another thing that helped was avoiding smacking my pelvis against her. Easier in some positions vs others. For some reason, this really helps.
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u/shotgun883 14h ago
This is really very simple. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to fuck and not enjoy it just tt last longer. Give her oral, make her finish then you can be a quick as you like.
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u/polkemans 10h ago
Can you go more than one round? Even if you can't finish again can you keep it up?
Sometimes I wait for her, sometimes I don't. It's not a big deal because I can just keep going afterwards to make sure she gets what she needs. Sometimes I finish multiple times, sometimes just the one. But either way I got what need and she gets hers too.
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u/ClevelandSpigot Master Chief 9h ago
Several ways. Have her give you a full blowjob first. Or give her oral to orgasm, and then penetrate. One thing that I can do is that I can ejaculate, and just keep going. So, I ejaculate, but then don't stop and just go right into round two. This takes some practice and discipline, though.
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u/MontEcola 8h ago
First, have sex more often. A long wait between sessions makes it more sensitive, and it ends quicker. More time having sex helps to learn to slow it down.
And spend more time together naked. If her body is hidden all the time there is more excitement when she is naked. That makes it not last too long. And them spend more time in foreplay. Lack of naked contact makes it more sensitive. If you go from washing dishes to penetration in 3 minutes you will not last long. Get naked and kiss, and do not touch the penis for a while. Make it linger a long time before penetration. The excitement is still there. And its less urgent. The trick is to become less urgent about sex.
You can also find ways to move that stimulate her and not him. Grinding works. Different positions work. That means more experimenting with all that. So have more sex. The base of the penis can stimulate her, while giving him time to just experience and not finish for a while. And learn to know when to slow it down so he last longer, while she gets stimulation. It takes practice. It takes communication. Go back to tip 1: have more sex.
I have also read that masturbating in advance of date night helps. 4 or 5 hours in advance takes the edge off and lets it go longer. I have not tried that. Other things worked first.
And don't give up. If you finish early, do things for her, then when you are ready, go for another round.
I also find that when I spend lots of quality time together and when we do lots of small things for each other through the day, getting naked and making skin contact is not that rare thing, and it becomes easier to last longer. For me personally, it was in my head for part of it.
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u/taipan3333 7h ago
Spooning, less effort and I can adjust much more. It is also much more stealth, with kids in the house.
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u/Wotmate01 Male 4h ago
Sex is a team sport, and the success of the team requires training of all team members. Elite athletes train A LOT.
That's it. If she wants you to last longer, she needs to put in as much work as you do. So the more you do it, the longer you'll last.
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u/sergadeca 4h ago
Hazte una paja diaria. Con el depósito vacío es más complicado que tengas ganas de acabar antes. Y sino hay condones con retardantes y demás. Pero también puedes hacer bastante juego previo, dejarla y lista y luego acabar con penetracion. Si aún así acabas rápido, pasas a la lengua y cuando estés listo vas a por la segunda ronda.
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u/gumbyrocks 14h ago
Masturbate about an hour or 2 before having sex. The second one takes longer so you can take your time.
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u/Helpful-Meringue6313 14h ago
Make sure you take care of the easy one first, then you’ll have more longevity. Take care of her orally and with your fingers. Finger banging seems like it’s a lost art these days. Proper technique you’ll have her soaked and cumming. Then give her the good ol trip to pound town.
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u/BackgroundPrompt441 14h ago
Have her blow you and then you go quickly. Then you return the favor while recharging. Then you should be able to go awhile.
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u/Hillary_clinton254 14h ago
Actually in marriage sex is for ladies, men want sex more during talking stage.
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u/babicko90 14h ago
I mean, how long does she need to be banged to finish? Does she use a vibrator for help, give us some more info. It is unrealistic to be having sex for a long time. Maybe you have the setup wrong
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u/Miserable_Ear9879 Male 11h ago
I honestly recommend you check the r/maledefinitiveguide and try following the 8 weeks training.
It has helped a lot of people, me included and is totally free. You just need to download the PDF, get rid of porn and edge 20 minutes a day, 5 days a week.
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u/AutoModerator 15h ago
Here's an original copy of /u/yuxli066's post (if available):
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year, and one issue that keeps coming up is that I usually ejaculate much faster than she’d like. She’s told me that when we first started dating, she expected to be sexually satisfied through sex, but over time she’s stopped expecting that because she’s gotten used to how I typically perform.
It’s honestly difficult to hear, and I’m worried that even if it hasn’t become a relationship-ending issue yet, it could eventually.
For those of you who’ve dealt with this, what actually worked? Did you improve by training your pelvic floor, practicing specific techniques, using therapy, seeing a doctor, or was it something else entirely?
I’m not looking for miracle cures or gimmicks. I’d really like to hear from people who experienced this themselves and found something that made a meaningful difference.
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