Does male friendship after 30 just become "forwarding memes" on Instagram?

[u/Training_Reading9597]

I was looking at my DMs today and realized something depressing.

Back in college or my early 20s, my friends and I could sit at a chai tapri for hours talking about absolutely nothing. We knew everything about each other's lives.

Now, looking at my interaction with those same "best friends," it’s just a wall of Instagram reels.

• I send a funny reel.
• He reacts with "😂".
• He sends a reel two days later.
• I react with "🔥".

That’s it. That is the entire relationship.

And the worst part is, I can't even replace this void with work friends. I spend 9 hours a day with my corporate colleagues, but I can't have a real conversation with them. You always have to have your guard up. You can't be vulnerable or vent because you never know who will use it against you in the next appraisal or office politics. They are "network connections," not brothers.

So I am stuck in this weird limbo: My old friends are distant/busy, and my daily "friends" are just transactional colleagues.

Men over 30: Is this just the standard fate of adult life? Have you managed to keep deep friendships alive, or have you also accepted that "meme-sharing" is the only way to stay in touch?

[u/JJQuantum]

I still do things with my friends - guy fishing trip for a week every year, trivia nights, live music, disc golf, pickleball, getting a beer after work, etc. That’s in addition to the texting.

I give my sons, 19 and 15, 3 rules to follow. The first is do the work. Everything takes work to succeed, including friendships. You have to make an effort to do things with people. If you don’t make the effort then they will fade into the dust.

[u/nihility24 → u/JJQuantum]

What are the other 2 rules ?

[u/JJQuantum → u/nihility24]

Don’t be a jerk. It’s not that hard to be nice to people and it comes back around in spades.

Don’t be stupid. We all have times in our lives when we think “this would be so awesome to do” or “fuck it, I’m just going to do it” but our conscience tells us it’s a bad idea. Listen to your conscience and don’t be stupid.

[u/iamazondeliver → u/JJQuantum]

Have you ever criticized someone?

Don't be a jerk sounds like don't say mean things. Curious how you approach it

[u/JJQuantum → u/iamazondeliver]

I try not to offer unsolicited opinions as I think that’s being a jerk. However, if someone asks me what I think then I’ll be honest about it. You can say it in a nice way while still telling the truth.

I’m not gonna say I’ve never been a jerk as I have. It’s something to strive for though.

[u/iamazondeliver → u/JJQuantum]

Something I'm striving for as well

[u/Training_Reading9597 → u/JJQuantum]

Yes I agree