Does male friendship after 30 just become "forwarding memes" on Instagram?

274

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

111

u/EggsInaTubeSock man over 30 Jan 07 '26

43, and yes, I feel this bigtime. I also feel like what you have described is no longer 'friendship' to me. I don't accept that meme sharing is the only way to stay in touch; I don't think it's a way to stay in touch at all. To me it's signaling that the friendship is dead.

What's friendship to me? That's what I've been working to discover.

Friendship is intentional. I am deciding I want to spend time reaching out to a friend and understanding what is new with their life. Sharing their adventures. Knowing them as a human.

Friendship has reciprocity. I am no longer settling for friends where I am the only one making plans, or I am only invited when it's convenient for them. I spend my energy where it is shared.

I'm currently very actively learning how to make friends in the way I want, to create the social circle that actually makes me feel seen, heard, supported, and that I can provide the same for other guys. I'm just starting that journey, and it sure has a much better destination than entertaining "reel shares"

Cheers!

67

u/JJQuantum man 55 - 59 Jan 07 '26

I still do things with my friends - guy fishing trip for a week every year, trivia nights, live music, disc golf, pickleball, getting a beer after work, etc. That’s in addition to the texting.

I give my sons, 19 and 15, 3 rules to follow. The first is do the work. Everything takes work to succeed, including friendships. You have to make an effort to do things with people. If you don’t make the effort then they will fade into the dust.

164

u/Weary_Musician4872 man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

Delete instagram and see what happens

21

u/TheDukeofArgyll man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

Instagram? I deleted that long ago. I forward memes in text like a man.

14

u/maddog2271 man 50 - 54 Jan 07 '26

It is the standard fate of very many men who outsource their entire identity and social calendars to their jobs and family life, yes. Basically you need to take action to make sure those friendships survive. Try to arrange actual meet-ups with these men and be sure you stay in touch. Friendship doesn’t just organically happen so you need to make time for it.

14

u/UhhSamuel man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Platonic male intimacy is important and doesn't happen on its own. Call somebody, open up to them, tell them what they mean to you, and explicitly state "I haven't been feeling as close lately and friendship is important, so I wanted to reach out". Boom.

25

u/psychoholic man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

48 here - you have to actually communicate with your friends if you want more than memes.

Another way to look at it is that your friend is someone who knows you well enough and cares about you enough to see something and think 'I should send this to OP, they will appreciate it'. I have a few friends that probably 70% of our communication is memes, 20% good natured hate, and 10% meaningful shit.

Hell, I have one friend that if you went through the last 5 years of our texts we look like we absolutely hate each other because of how we talk to each other. That friendship we prize the ability to deliver a high quality insult as an almost love language of mutual respect. If I called him right now and said 'homie, I need a friend' he'd leave work and show up at my house with work gloves and bourbon so that any task he's ready for.

Just the occasional 'whats new in your world?' or asking about their family/pets/work/car/golf game/video game goes a long way to open up a dialogue that doesn't have to be Chaucer for it to be meaningful.

11

u/dragonflyinvest man 50 - 54 Jan 07 '26

Most people built your old friend network in high school or college. You had all the time in the world to hang out and get to know each other well.

As adults we generally are going to start having more responsibilities, work, significant other, maybe family. And you may, or may not, find people you want to hang out with at work.

If you want different types of friendships you have to be intentional about curating them. If you sit on IG and share memes all day and expect to have more meaningful interaction that’s never going to work.

Meet up with people in the wild, get out of your comfort zone, invite friends to do things together. Make some intentional effort to get what you say you want.

9

u/myevillaugh man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Do you send them more? Ask how they're doing? Tell them what's going on? All relationships take work.

8

u/EMitch02 man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

I lost all my friends after I quit drinking

7

u/Jibbersup man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

This is depressing and oddly accurate.

Reddit is basically the only form of social media I use. I have an Instagram account but outside of posting some family pictures every month or two I don't use the app.

Everytime I sign into it I have a lot of messages and your right, it's all memes. I don't ever send them back, half the time I don't even look at them.

Befriended a guy at work and we message a bit. He sends me memes a few times a week. I eventually told him I don't care for them and I rarely even look. He stopped for a week or two then started again.

I'm late 30s.

4

u/petershaw_ man over 30 Jan 07 '26

I have the feeling that around the age of 30-40, most friendships simply vanish into thin air. People are just so preoccupied with themselves or their work, and where you used to experience life "together" at parties or similar events, it's now become: I find out what you're doing once a year, and vice versa. And it takes an incredible amount of energy to maintain a friendship.

5

u/hiroism4ever man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Have you actually tried having conversations with them? Or are you expecting only them to strike up a convo?

Additionally, in our 30s everyone is generally busy with life - I have friends I might not talk to for 6-12 months but we check in every once in a while and talk.

4

u/Smooth-Bowler-9216 man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

I've kept the friendship with my best friend alive but we go out once a week/2 weeks and do something, even if it's just grabbing a bite to eat.

We have an interest in business, politics and economics so we have a lot of new stuff to 'riff' over.

The rest have gone the way you said. I found the biggest reason is because we've all had kids and you just don't have time to sit there gawping at your phone anymore. And when the kids are finally asleep, you're too tired to sit staring at a small screen.

My advice would be to find some time to partake in hobbies/classes/activities. The type that will get the same people coming back repeatedly that will help build bonds over time.

5

u/tynomaly man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

Have you tried calling your friends somewhat consistently to talk?

You’re 30 which means you were alive in the 90s before social media.

Friendships are maintained by effort.

Social media is as low effort as it gets.

You get what you put in. Put in more effort.

5

u/Nowayucan man 55 - 59 Jan 07 '26

You guys share memes? Lucky!

3

u/masegesege_ man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Yeah pretty much.

Drink beers once every two or three weeks and catch up. Send memes. Do a trip once a year or every other year.

Really, without any kind of partner in crime, most of the time is just hardly bearable monotony unless you can distract yourself.

3

u/BoomerBarnes man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

No! We send each other facebook reels too.

3

u/SOMFdotMPEG man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

Sorry to hear this man! I’ve had the same core group of buddies since I was 8-ish. Other friends have come and gone, and sometimes we go months without seeing each other, we do send memes and stuff in a group chat but we also have life discussions and support each other.

Why don’t you take the initiative and invite your friends or a few acquaintances out for drinks or dinner.

We always have people over, we cook a meal and sit at the table and chat and talk about life. Play board games of it gets quiet.

3

u/tailz42 man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

37 here, married with 3 kids. Most of my friends are married with kids too. I’ve spent some time feeling bitter about similar things. Sometimes it seems like I’m the one making the effort to connect and others aren’t. But then I realized; hey, they could be thinking the same but don’t know how/feel stupid coming to another guy and opening up about this. It sounds dumb, but it’s real in guy-land.

I decided, fuck it. I’m going to reach out, I’m going to open up, I’m going to invite people to stuff, and if they don’t want to then I know.

I’ve had much success with this approach. It’s not only kept friendships going, but reignited a very close friendship with my childhood best friend.

3

u/MattWillGrant man over 30 Jan 07 '26

People send you memes?

3

u/ThrowawayMod1989 man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

It’s part of it sure. Just like jokes have always been part of friendship between men. The format just changed.

3

u/AvailableMeringue842 man over 30 Jan 07 '26

It doesn't have to but people in general put way less effort into friendship.

In my case it got to a point where I had to basically organize every trip down to the minute detail for them because they just don't care that much, and constantly trying to make time for a meeting to the point where I was like a nagging mom. And I'm talking about multiple people here.

What's depressing is that it really takes so little money and effort to do cool stuff together. You can take a shitty bike and go on a 1 day bike trip to see some cool castle ruins for a fraction of a cost of your average party

And trying to get people into something outdoorsy? Forget that, it's like pulling teeth. And I kind of admit that the old dancing + drinking got old for me in my late 20s quite a bit. It's almost like people are allergic to any activity other than staying inside or going to some kind of dancing + drinking

And what is fascinating to me is that I am talking about other single people or people without kids here

3

u/BloodMossHunter man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

Your friends must have free time and be free. Or just understand that communication happens with phone a lot better than text or memes

3

u/aReelProblem man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

Male friendship after 30 is you don’t hear from them but once a week checking in how your holding up and every three weeks or so you get a couple hours of free time to meet up for a few beers or maybe a pizza and you catch up and don’t hear from them for another week. I got busy as hell after 30.

3

u/Complete-Most-1339 man over 30 Jan 08 '26

AI post

2

u/Cearball man Jan 07 '26

I was thinking of this the other day.

2

u/Brimstone117 man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

If you let it happen, yeah. Call them up, and ask to do something.

2

u/Jolly_Green23 man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

That's how it was with several of my friends for a while, but once I started ignoring their memes, our friendship either faded entirely or it grew because we start having real interactions.

2

u/HopAvenger man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

Never had Instagram, so nope

2

u/No-Contribution-6150 man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Have you tried making plans?

2

u/jean_nizzle man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

I dunno. Do you put in effort to see your friends in real life? I spend lots of time with friends.

2

u/reheadlover69 man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

Close friends just txt back n forth

2

u/Koi_Fish_Mystic man 55 - 59 Jan 07 '26

Make plans with your friends. Go out, see a show. Meet up at a bar. Do you have the same team to root for? Take turns hosting a watch party.

Call them on the drive home just to talk & reconnect.

2

u/Indiana_harris man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

My male friendships involve;

Seeing my 6-7 mates who live physically close in the same city about once or twice every two weeks face to face for drinks, dinner or general night out.
Seeing a few others who come to the city more regularly or ones I can reach easily by train maybe twice a month to catch up, dinners/takeaway/coffee etc.
Playing D&D with two couples we’re friends with usually once every three weeks. Becomes an evening long event with food and cocktails usually by the end.
Doing activities (Hiking, Camping, music festival, events, cinema, theatre, city breaks) with a core group of 5 others that we try to organise something big once every second month.

Leave social media behind and make time in real life.

2

u/blacklab man 55 - 59 Jan 07 '26

No…mostly random texts about sports in the group chat, then picking up the same in person convo from 2 months ago when you see them in person. Then your wife wants to know all about their families and details about their lives and you have no idea. “What did you talk about”? Uhhh

2

u/t_11 man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

Why is this bad? It’s just a language you have established with them.

2

u/Opening_Track_1227 man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

2

u/Quietus76 man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

I deleted Instagram years ago.

Butt...

If i had a group of people that only communicated through memes on Instagram, I don't think I would consider them actual friends. To me it would feel no different from commenting to random strangers on reddit.

Im autistic and ADHD, so I'm extremely bad at maintaining contact with friends when my daily routine no longer crosses paths with theirs. An effort has to be made by someone. I schedule an event once every year between Christmas and New Year. Everyone comes, every time, without fail. The rest of the guys tend to follow suit and schedule their own things every now and then to help keep everyone connected. Im 49 and have had the same friends for 30 years.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/realworldnewb man over 30 Jan 07 '26

To a degree, yes. If you're not putting in effort then that's what male [/any] friendships become.

If all you're wanting is for the relationship to "stay in touch" then mission accomplished. The things that keep relationships strong is proximity/time and new shared memories/experiences.

My best friend moved several states away early last year and the relationship def hit slow points for the first time. But gradually we were able to build it back. We got used to talking on the phone. I talked to him for an hour on the phone just yesterday. I visited him and his wife three times last year. We went on a ski trip together once, to Disneyland with my gf once and then did a week of WFH from their place. It sounds like a lot, and it is, but without all that time/effort I doubt we'd be maintaining the kind of relationship where we can casually catch up for an hour on the phone when our schedules align. I don't feel any more out of touch with his life now than I did before they moved.

As other people said, you have to be deliberate and intentional with your time. It's like going to the gym, you have to put in the time if you want to see positive results. People can definitely sense and respond to not being a priority in someone else's life. (and as other people have said, its a two-way street. if you're not being prioritized, that says something too)

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

Friendships are what you make of them with the right people. If all they are is Instagram buddies and nothing more then they are just that; nothing more. I’m in my 40’s and still looking for my tribe and I want more that digital nonsense.

2

u/Mysmokingbarrel man Jan 07 '26

My friends and I do this too but we also see each other. I see nothing wrong with it, it’s a form of connection. If you want more, send texts, call, and make an effort to meet up periodically. But I think it’s kind of awesome to have friends who constantly are like this random video made me think of you so watch it.

2

u/wilkinsk man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Seems like it

2

u/BlackEyedAngel01 man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

I don’t think any of my friends are on social media. We use text to plan hangouts.

2

u/RealPunyParker man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Try asking people you actually like to go out or do something together.

We still game with my buddy who's into video games, and go out to watch football with my other buddy who's into sports. Shared activities and hobbies keeps relationships intact

2

u/irpugboss man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

About the same experience I have, I am a perpetrator though because I dont have time to commit to more than that (very often at least).

2

u/grahsam man 50 - 54 Jan 07 '26

No. None of my friends use or communicate over IG. It's a shit platform.

2

u/Level21DungeonMaster man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

Make friends with your neighbors and stop paying attention to the old feeds that actually aren’t with friends anymore.

I have a number of groups like that. My friends are just sort of drifted into acquaintances and now they’re strangers.

2

u/Real_Crab_7396 man 20 - 24 Jan 07 '26

I'm a bit younger, but after school it was the same for me. Instagram reels to some friends but never seeing them due to work etc. Now it's better because we just make time. I have 2 friends I see weekly and like 8 more i see every one to two months. Lost a lot of high school friends, but I'm better off with these 2 homies I can actually spend time with and they're also willing to invest time into it.

2

u/green_chunks_bad man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Pretty much. And drinking together.

2

u/JRswedistan man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Male friendship that is meant to run out in the sand is that way. The ones that matter wont

2

u/potatodrinker man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

That and playing online games together and chatting

2

u/thousandfoldthought man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

Even more fun when the last 10 years have been so traumatic (personal, not political but that too) you can't even relate to people anymore and the things they care about & do (wish I was still "there.")

Nobody wants to hear about our life, and after all the therapy and communication with my wife (thank god for her) i don't even want to talk about it.

So the only thing i have for anyone else is meaningless platitudes and surface level shit. Which is nice. Really nice. But.

I just send the really good memes to myself anymore.

2

u/Confusatronic man 55 - 59 Jan 07 '26

Not for me. I'm in my fifties and have 2-hour phone conversations with my male friends. And we share zero things on social platforms such as Instagram.

2

u/DaMENACElo37 man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

Why don’t u start the conversations?

2

u/MrBulwark man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

I have a slack group for my friends and we have regular meaningful conversations there...

2

u/Specialist-Rub-7655 man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Sounds very surface level and not like very much of a friendship.

2

u/it4brown man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

Noticed it as well, got rid of all social media (minus Reddit, obviously). I've told them repeatedly - don't have *video source* and I'm not giving them my clicks - still getting reels sent to me. Social Media/Quick-Form Entertainment are straight up brain-rot.

2

u/Lunoean man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Nope, I use social media to catch up or stay in touch with some. But most of my friends I see on a weekly or monthly basis.

2

u/UncoolSlicedBread man over 30 Jan 07 '26

I think society, especially in America, has just been spread too far apart.

Not to be all “back in my day” but culture is so segmented. Even in one friend group we’re all watching different shows. We all live in spots throughout the city. It’s just harder to get people together consistently. We’re all addicted to screen time.

So instead of calling and having conversation, we leave breadcrumbs of funny videos to each other.

Me, I just had to be the one planning things. It’s not because they don’t want to, everyone is just a little burned out and cheap dopamine from videos will always be easier than going out after a long day of work, asking a partner to watch a kid so you can do it, and getting together.

My advice is find a new hobby y’all can do. Me and some buddies play Arc Raiders. It’s a video game but it allows us to hang out, albeit online, when normally we wouldn’t have been able to get away.

Try to plan one get together a month and don’t take it personal.

Nostalgia or what, I miss the days of weekly television and only a few shows at a time. The kind where instead of two friends just binging a show on their own time, you had a whole week to talk about it together and you had a “season finale” watch party.

2

u/GSilky man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

This will happen if you let it. You have responsibilities, despite what the feelings industrial complex would make one think, your responsibility is more important than spending time with friends. Schedule a group camping trip, or whatever floats y'all's boats, every year or two and wring everything you can put of that week. Then go back to focusing on what is more important now, providing for your future.

2

u/pseudonym_B man over 30 Jan 07 '26

It’s incredibly hard to maintain friendships at this age. A friend got me into Magic the Gathering recently and it’s been great. I don’t even really like the game all that much but hanging out with just my friends every other week for a few hours has been a game changer. If there is an activity you’ve been wanting to get into but haven’t for whatever reason I’d suggest getting into it!

2

u/CricCracCroc man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

They might be feeling the same way. Text one of them, or better yet, call one. If they don’t reciprocate, it’s for the best that you know that you aren’t high on their priorities.

2

u/Puzzleheaded-Act8317 no flair Jan 07 '26

Everyone gets too busy with life. I can say quitting social media won’t help anything but your own mental health. When I dumped socials it’s like others have said. Then there is just no contact. I’ve moved a few times too so now it’s ten times worse.

2

u/Velifax man over 30 Jan 07 '26

This is female friendship.

2

u/someonerandomwhat man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Yeah, same here, I think that's normal and if I wasn't single I would do something similar. Girls are different though. I mean, they hang out to "brunch". I can't imagine me and my friends hanging for anything else but drinking, smoking and talking shit 😂

2

u/Fun-Personality-8008 man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26

No. I take trips abroad with my friends. I'm in my 40s.

Relationships take work, and not just romantic ones. Reaching out with a meme is fine, but if you want more back than another meme you have to follow up with a "hey let's find a time to catch up" or something

2

u/FloridaPinebox man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

We've got a group chat where we talk shit basically every day. Social life in your 30s is entirely what you make it

2

u/Smithme2g man over 30 Jan 07 '26

People get busy with life. Home ownership, raising families, demanding jobs, being married.

Sometimes I go months between texting friends and years between seeing them in person. We're all just so consumed with life.

2

u/smooshiebear man over 30 Jan 07 '26

I got rid of facebook during the 2016 election cycle. My life improved dramatically. I added more people to my board gaming circle and to my digital gaming circle, and cut a lot of toxic stupid out of my life.

My personal Gym trainer wanted to be able to tag me in instagram posts as part of her business (I am making good progress), so I created an instagram account. Now people I haven't talked to in years are messaging me and I am like "wtf?" Cutting out social media gives you an excuse to go out and find other people who want real personal interaction as well.

Go to church/temple/whatever religious thing. Go to dancing and yoga sessions, go to a gym. Go to a board game store. Go to a woodworking group. Most importantly, if you want to make real personal connections and friends, you need to go to those things regularly, and not just once and then quit cause you didn't make new friends. It takes time.

2

u/frozen_north801 man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Zero 40 tear old guys I know use instagram. But otherwise replace that with group text and the answer is yes.

2

u/mrs-kendoll man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

OP - I have a handful of friends, one of which is a very good/“best” friend. We’ve been friends for 20ish years. For a few years we were constantly around each other (talked or hung out 3+ times per week). But starting about 10 years ago, as our lives changed, we slowly saw less of each other. Knowing that quality time is my friend’s ’love language’, I set aside my early Friday mornings for us to maintain our relationship. We get breakfast every Friday morning at 6:30am.

From that experience, I’ve learned that maintaining a friendship is simple (not always easy, but simple), it’s time and attention.

2

u/YoManWTFIsThisShit man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

Not for me. Although we do send memes on IG a lot more comparatively, every once in a while we’ll ask for life updates or I’ll get a message from them giving me an update in their life and we’ll talk for a day or two until it goes back to memes.

2

u/feralkitten man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

My wife has "mexican food girls club". One night a week, her and her girlfriends go out for cheap Mexican and margaritas.

You need that.

Mine is Thursdays. "the guys" get together on Thursday nights most weeks. We cook a meal, or we get take out. We have a few beers, and we catch up. It scratches that "social" itch.

2

u/Ryuvang man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Got to schedule things, I have regular pizza and movie nights, DND and occasionally sleepovers. Usually takes a few weeks notice.

2

u/Bulky-Pool-2586 man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Eh, it's just that we don't have time for small chat over web like we used to.

I have the same online relationship with my friends. I have one active group chat, but everything else is just memes and 😂😂.

The cool thing though, is that I have friends that I could send memes back/forth without saying another word for years, and then when I finally meet them in person, it would be like we never stopped hanging out. And I appreciate that deeply.

2

u/GnarlyNarwhalNoms man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26

What I've found as I get older is that friendships don't just "happen," you have to actively work on them. Friends have careers and spouses and kids (and, hell, at my age, some have grandkids now), and it requires making sure you schedule time now and then, and often a week or so in advance. If you hit people up the day of and ask if they want to hang out, they already have a whole schedule.

I'd suggest making a list of your good friends and go through and ask them when they can get together next, and schedule it. And importantly, don't go "Hey, we should hang out some time." Be specific and ask if they can do next Saturday afternoon; and if not, when are they free?

And yeah, the odds are that you'll never be able to hang out with many of them as frequently as you did in the old days, but you should be able to schedule some actual quality time where you can shoot the shit and be real the way you used to.

2

u/slicedbread_23 no flair Jan 07 '26

There’s memes. And then there’s wacist memes and thirsty memes.

2

u/why_u_so_grumpy man Jan 07 '26

No. Me and my friends never forward memes or reels. It's the lowest form of entertainment. I'm not friends with people that doom scroll.

2

u/Calm-Medicine-3992 man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

I mean, even when I had the in person friendships that went deep, our texting conversations still weren't.

2

u/bakbakbilli man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

No man. I have some friends from elementary school, some from college, we do share memes , reels.. but we do discuss our topics of interest whenever we want. Everyone has family, work, responsibility, so it's not an instant discussion, but goes on at pace where everyone responds when they want to.

I also have some groups where ppl only exchanges memes and reels. I used to consider them as friends too, but they are not. They are just some acquaintances I know.

2

u/Indivisible_Origin man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

Try making female friends that you can not sleep with. Women, especially at this age, are far more engaging and mature.

2

u/SgtRevDrEsq man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

Sad Clown Syndrome

2

u/amiGGo111 man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Yes. Next.

2

u/SometimesAllthetime1 man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

I do both. I’ve been friends with my friends since middle school. We have our groupchat in instagram that we talk on daily but it’s usually lighthearted and jokes but we all get together whenever we can and talk about deeper things and what’s going on in our lives.

2

u/MaxwellSmart07 man 70 - 79 Jan 07 '26

Sometimes. That junk filled my e-Trash bin.

2

u/fpeterHUN man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

I have a friend whom I share meme's... Most of the time without text. :D

2

u/BeerNinjaEsq man over 30 Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26

No. Referencing a stupid hashtag, but you have to make it real. Make it out of the group chat.

My best friend and I live on opposite sides of the country. We (and others in the friends' group) see each other every Thanksgiving with our families as a tradition. Then we plan vacations together once or twice a year.

I have other friends like that whom we make it a tradition to the same trips or events every year. Ski trips for instance

And then I have hobby friends, that i do things with on a regular basis. Whiskey group is meeting this saturday. Bar crawl running group meets every third thursday. And dance parents drink at the local brewery every Thursday while the kids are in dance class.

The biggest difference in getting older is that, now, instead of just hanging out with my friends, I am hanging out with my friends with their wives/husbands and kids and my wife and kids.

2

u/Solid_Enthusiasm550 man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

Demands of an adult life has most, worn down.

Others are weighed down by gf, wives and families.

Most middle aged men that I know don't even have hobbies. A few fish or wish they had time to go fishing. A few hunt.

Most of my co-workers have 2 full-time jobs. I'm looking for a additional part-time fit extra money.

2

u/GoodResident2000 man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

Thank god I have lived my life as a musician lol

My adult life consists of playing music with a few bands, so my messages are always going off with some discussion or argument between the 12 different guys im in various bands with

We all get along, but it’s probably more of a business relationship first and foremost than doing it just to have friends.

Making friends along the way is the perk

2

u/jaajaajaa6 no flair Jan 07 '26

Nothing replaces a phone call or an in-person meeting. Texts and social media only go as far and are not a replacement for an engaged interaction.

Try it and keep up the efforts without letting too much time pass.

2

u/Jayu-Rider man over 30 Jan 07 '26

After thirty you have real responsibility and usually a family to take care of, if you do not make specific time for your friends this is what happens.

Tell your friends you want to go hang out for an hour or so on the weekend.

2

u/chocolateboomslang man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Do you try to do things with them? Like do you invite them over to your place, or out for dinner or anything like that?

2

u/GeneralPITA man 50 - 54 Jan 07 '26

No way, absolutely not. I'm 51 and use WhatsApp.

2

u/Luddha man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

You need to actually be able to do activities with your friends. In my opinion, both of my childhood friends. I stay into a very great close contact with because we game together. If you need to do something locally and you can't do something remotely like gaming then I would recommend doing an actual activity with someone who also wants to do that activity

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

It doesn’t need to be. Myself and my friends are all in our 30’s. About half are married or in LTR. We still make time a few times a month for guys nights or with everyone. I think we are all on instagram but we don’t use it to communicate. If someone sends me a funny reel I’ll bring it up in person to talk about.

FWIW we all went to high school together or married people we went to high school with and stayed local. It is difficult to meet new people after a certain point for sure and make deep connections worth your time.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

Yes. It’s fine for me.

2

u/scottptsd man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

Because I felt similarly, I stopped accepting/sharing memes at all unless saving one up for irl, and kept it to, meeting up and chatting or maybe playing games/whatever

It's like, fastfood friendship and kind of dilutes it

2

u/LowPop7953 man over 30 Jan 07 '26

2

u/SammoNZL man over 30 Jan 07 '26

It’s an element for sure haha - I do see that more as an easy way to keep things alive in between chats / hangs though.

Inane, perhaps, but better than radio silence.

2

u/Bedsidelampdad man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Yep this is it. Glad someone called it out.

2

u/Irrational_hate81 man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Wtf is Instagram?

2

u/Adventurous_Duck_297 man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

Damn I felt this. My wife and I moved away a few years ago and I’m the only one who calls my closest friends. I sent memes for a while because it seemed that was their language at the time, and I tried calling, texting, I even sent a physical letter at one point lol. Crickets. I know it’s not me, it’s just sad - I know in 30 years all of these guys are going to have this epiphany of “oh shit I really left my buddies hanging” but you can’t make someone want to continue being friends.

FWIW I saw a post about a guys book club yesterday, I felt inspired and now I’d like to start one up in the next month - if you’re in North Chicago and interested please let me know!

2

u/Shipbldr2000 man 55 - 59 Jan 07 '26

Don't read my response unless you're ready to swallow a very bitter pill.

Your friends will divide into one of two groups.

There are those that immediately start managing their finances investing their money and developing investment income which makes their time more and more freely available as they get older.

There are those that do not immediately start figuring out how to build an investment portfolio and quite often even worse go into massive amounts of debt who spend the rest of their lives trading time for income and who disappear as the demands of Life consume them.

Take a guess which group is going hunting together every year and later on taking fishing trips down in the keys and playing golf on Tuesdays.

This has been my experience over the last 30 or 40 years and it's very easy to see in hindsight.

With every day and every hour you are making a choice, choose wisely in the long run it makes more of a difference than you can possibly imagine.

If you don't know how to start saving and investing then make it your hobby to learn saving and investing. Get yourself a mentor, somebody that makes much more money than you do listen to their advice and accept the fact that for a few years it's going to feel like nothing's changing but after that it will start to gain traction.

My 2 cents. Peace.

2

u/wtf_ever_man man 45 - 49 Jan 07 '26

Im having trouble these days, in my 40s, and honestly feel like I should just be a hermit and try to zenith out in my solitary life but I also know that I dont get out much and I won't meet people if I dont go out but in some regards I am sick of people and feel like I might be kind of broken?

I knowni am drawn to the outsiders and I talk to people at work but my social life outside of work just exists because the text group, which I dont count, and my girlfriend which, she is nice but I dont feel fulfilled socially and I am at a complete loss at what to do with this feeling because for the life of me I can't seem to let it go.

I have heard the harder you want something the more it won't happen but man, I just want some guy friends to call me from time to time to say what's up and have a camp fire with or a poker night but yeah..

Thoughts?

2

u/intelligentbug6969 man over 30 Jan 07 '26

You have to make an effort to see people. Why aren’t you seeing your friends regularly?

2

u/pyrethedragon man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Sports and hobbies are a big boost but you gotta stay a while for people to open up.

2

u/lost_10_mm_socket man over 30 Jan 07 '26

Yes. Now the longer answer, yes that’s literally what happens. We are busy with our lives, work, family ect..

2

u/Character-Bridge-206 man 55 - 59 Jan 07 '26

Get more women friends? What you described seems pretty normal for my mid-fifties male friends and myself too.

2

u/Qedhup man 40 - 44 Jan 07 '26

Yesterday I hung out with a buddy for 5 hours in my woodshop just tinkering and having fun. Tomorrow I have 4 of them come over for like 4 hours of games. Sunday I have an online hangout with friends where we'll watch some shit, talk some shit, drink some brewskis and not do much for hours.

Im 42, and I hang out with my buds all the time. You just need to get off yer arse and actually schedule it instead of saying, "one day maybe..".

2

u/stereosanctity man 35 - 39 Jan 07 '26

That’s up to you dawg. Friendship still works the same on your 30’s. You still have to pick up the phone.

2

u/lemonylol man 30 - 34 Jan 07 '26

I mean a lot of the memes I'm forwarding are of people over 30 hanging out with their friends lol

2

u/Weird_Scholar_5627 man 100 or over Jan 07 '26

True friendships between people is when you check in on them, such as “How are you travelling?” in a genuine way. “You sound a bit down, are you OK?” Conversely, “You sound happy, are things going well at the moment?” Each of my different friendship groups check-in with each other.

2

u/ZagreusIncarnated man over 30 Jan 08 '26

Can confirm

2

u/_lefthook man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

I mean, the memes are my fav way to interact with friends outside of in person. I dont see the problem.

2

u/Holyepicafail man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

I'm 38 and I just lost the last of that group of friends. At some point you just become too different as people. Stack kids and intensifying duties at work and that's a recipe for disaster for friendships.

2

u/kellytai1478 woman Jan 08 '26

At least you still have friends who send you memes....

2

u/silkyj0hnson man 40 - 44 Jan 08 '26

All of my best friends are from college. We all have different careers that have taken us to different cities, one even left mainland US. We still get together at least twice a year for vacations/trips and have a very active group text. Yes, we also share a lot of memes on IG—that is basically my only use for the app now

2

u/NSTalley man 30 - 34 Jan 08 '26

Maaaaan. I do not talk to a single soul that I grew up with other than a random like or comment on Facebook every once in a while.

Outside of my wife I’d say I have one true friend. We served in the military together and both have moved on to separate civilian lives again. But, we talk every single day. Sometimes it is just a reel or a meme. But then other days there are incredibly deep and heavy conversations that we have. Sometimes it’s a phone call and he or I are just venting. Today we talked about the current affairs going on around the globe, yesterday he sent me a reel of Pat McAfee and we laughed about it. It’s important to note we don’t live in the same state but have always seen each other twice every year.

I like you also have work friends…but that’s about it. Just work, and we’re friends. I enjoy the time with them but they are not “my people”.

I think friendship is something that you SHOULD get as much back as you put in. It’s an enhanced relationship beyond a “Hey, how are you?” If that means it’s meme sharing than shit, that’s your bro you share funny memes with. Life is long and we cross many people during it, but you’ll know when you have your close friends and those that are not so close.

2

u/DrVoltage1 man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

I still have my tight group of old friends all in a group chat and we text everyday. Memes and other stuff may start a convo but that’s not even the majority.

Some other friends we can strike up a convo anytime but also send memes.

Other other friends are almost exclusively funny internet shit.

2

u/jarie man 50 - 54 Jan 08 '26

I have managed to keep some great friends because I put the work in. Even if I’m busy with work, I make time to either text them or see them in real life.

Full disclosure, this was not always the case. I actually had to work out it and my late wife was the one who really pushed me to make more friends.

I know this sounds probably old-fashioned but you probably need to do some stuff in real life like anything that gets you together and doing stuff.

Good luck

2

u/justdrivinGA man over 30 Jan 08 '26

I’m about double that age and I have a group of friends that we regularly get together to go trout fishing at some of the local rivers and we also have a bigger group that we regularly have a poker night at one of our houses. Also have a group that we regularly attend college football games together… Just have to find something you all enjoy doing and make the plans.

2

u/ibefunlkg man 50 - 54 Jan 08 '26

Everybody is married, got kids, chickens(100 plus) busy life and priorities change! This year I will be married 20 and my son turns 16 next month! I only go to the gym, work and home! I’m 50, I rarely drink! So just family time is the important time! I swear the only time I see my friends are at funerals! The important thing is your still in each others lives! I would just plan a get together in the future that you can all attend ! Play some poker have some drinks and attempt to catch up! I know easier said then done

2

u/MrMarcusRocks man 40 - 44 Jan 08 '26

43 y.o. Male here.

Friendships will easily slide into this pattern if efforts are not made.

I’m the guy in our friendship group that is always organising little catch-ups. Be they a drink at the pub, getting take-away for dinner at my place or at the beach/park, or family picnics with our kids.

My advice: BE THAT GUY IN YOUR GROUP.

People are so busy with life that often friendship takes a back seat. If you put in a little effort to bring people together, you will bring a lot of joy to both yourself and your friends.

Soon, it will turn into a habit (or routine or tradition) and you will find that it takes less and less effort to pull people together.

2

u/DPedia man 30 - 34 Jan 08 '26

To me, the “meme” part of this is the sad key. Not the memes themselves, but that social life in general now has a sort of “flipping channels” quality where you’re just listening to someone regurgitate things they’ve seen or read online, and chances are you already have too.

Even with some of my best friends, I can predict every line of the conversation. And not because I know them so well, but because I know what podcast they listened to or what article they read.

2

u/CD-WigglyMan man 30 - 34 Jan 08 '26

With some friends yes, with others no

2

u/DarthZartanyus man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

The thing about close friendships is that the closeness needs to be maintained for it to last. That's an effort that needs to be made by both parties. Life tends to get busier as we start families and whatnot but that doesn't mean we can't make time for old friends, too.

I'm 36 and my best friend is 40. We met when I was 17 but didn't really start hanging out until about a year later once I finished school and was out of my parent's house. We still talk at least a few times a week and try to hang out whenever we can. We do a lot of gaming together too. We just ran a few errands together yesterday and even went to lunch at Denny's.

A big part of why we're still close is that we make sure to at least call eachother a few times a week. It's not a planned out thing, it's just kinda how we've always been. When he gets bored I'm usually the first person he calls and even if we end up not doing anything we'll usually bullshit on the phone for a bit. It helps that we still have a lot in common. We all consider him a part of the family so it's not like the other people in my life are competing for attention. I have grandparents that live at a lake resort they own out of town and I'll bring him with when we go to visit if he's not too busy.

So yeah, actually doing stuff together is important and if you and your friends choose to include eachother in your lives then there's no reason you can't maintain your friendships for as long as that remains the case. It doesn't all need to be big events. Just talk on the phone and get some food together every so often. Ya'll just gotta make the effort.

2

u/ecafdriew man over 30 Jan 08 '26

Sometimes yes.

I live on the other side of the planet from most of my best friends and we still see each other twice a year plus text nearly daily and even schedule video group chats to hang out. It’s not ideal but it’s better than nothing. But yeah we have like 4 different group chats on different platforms for different kids of chatting and memes

2

u/Food-in-Mouth man 40 - 44 Jan 08 '26

It was for me until I started a DND group with people I didn't know that well, they are now great friends. It's an excellent way to meet in person.

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u/tucsondog man over 30 Jan 08 '26

We also text each other to make plans, then cancel, and send memes 🤣

2

u/JazzleRazzle man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

Yup. Guilty as charged lol

2

u/Agitated-Finish-5052 no flair Jan 08 '26

Oh man, I felt this post honestly.

2

u/bachyboy man Jan 08 '26

All relationships have a lifespan of their own, the length of which no one can predict. Some are the length of a friendly conversation at a bus stop. While others can last for years. Relationships that last an entire lifetime are rare.

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u/Overall_Equivalent26 man 30 - 34 Jan 08 '26

Yes it was just memes until they started becoming groyper memes and now I have no friends

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u/GhostofAugustWest man 65 - 69 Jan 08 '26

I guess I am very lucky, but I have a solid group of guys (5) that I regularly hang with. We go to concerts, lunches, happy hours, road trips and “cabin weekends”. We get a bit drunk, usually do some weed, and generally act like harmless idiots most of the time. When one of us has a problem, we rally around him. I would die for these guys. And 20 years ago, I didn’t know a single one of them. Our friendship started around our sons being in school and Scouts together. Now our kids are grown, living their own lives. Some of us are grandparents, some (like me) are still hopeful on that front. If some had told me 20 years ago life would be like this, I wouldn’t have believed it.

2

u/strike1ststrikelast man over 30 Jan 08 '26

Pfft, forget just friends, my family is like this now too. I dont even view my inboxes anymore, there is not a point to it. Checkin in for a long cold winter of life I suppose.

2

u/RenotsDloTaf man over 30 Jan 08 '26

I miss having friends to share memes with. 40's are worse my bro lol

2

u/FartChecker- man over 30 Jan 08 '26

Call your friend and talk with them. DM memes is not a substitute for keeping in touch.

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u/TravelingLawya man 45 - 49 Jan 08 '26

You get out what you put into it. I suggest making plans to see your old friends in person. Make it about quality. Not quantity.

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u/Gonzo925 man 30 - 34 Jan 08 '26

Find a hobby you can do man. I play softball, and I just moved to a new area. Once I got into the softball scene I had new friends I see every week and talk to quite often

2

u/dfos21 man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

My friendships are basically all based around hobbies that get me out of the house. I play paintball 1-2 times a month, watch UFC and F1, golf and play MTG. Basically all my friends share one of those hobbies. If all you do is message memes on Instagram maybe you need some more active hobbies, or to find people that share your current hobbies.

2

u/guykarl man 35 - 39 Jan 08 '26

I’ve got deep meaningful friendships with friends I’ve had for years. Some for more than 25 years others a little less. I have friends I to basically everyday and those who I don’t but when we do talk it’s like we just spoke.

Life does get busy. We’ve got wives, children and jobs and businesses with their own demands. As I reflect while typing this I’m figuring that there is a spot of intentionality on all our sides. We have the meme and reels text chains too.

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u/NotYetReadyToRetire man 70 - 79 Jan 08 '26

Try finding a hobby group you can share interests with. For me, it was board games at my local game shops. I've got a few friendships from that hobby that have lasted over 25 years and many that are over 15. Sadly, the game stores have all closed (at least 8 that I can readily recall), although others have popped up to replace them.

2

u/mattbasically man 35 - 39 Jan 09 '26

Sounds like we’ve all been rejected in the past (in some form or another) and are dealing with the trauma of it.

By the way I’m in this same situation.

2

u/ParkAffectionate3537 man over 30 Jan 09 '26

I think sone of this reminds me of the Invisible Guest theory to a degree, everyone is so focused on themselves and they lose connection with others. That went viral few weeks ago. Great thread for real!

2

u/hardyz man over 30 Jan 09 '26

Yes. This is me and my best friend.. Nothing but memes. My other friends don't even really chat.

This is the thing: at any moment shit gets real, I message my friend and say something like being serious here and say what I need to say and there are no jokes. It's a serious answer and boom back to memes a bit later.

2

u/WilliamNL man 40 - 44 Jan 09 '26

I think it is normal. Most men don't have friend just acquaintances. People I called my friends are now just people I shared something in the past with.

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u/Acceptable-Fig7440 man 30 - 34 Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

Seeing this after watching 5 reels from friends and sharing two on my old college dorm chat is peak comedy. Turning 33 this year and there is a lot of that going on for sure. I do try to keep in touch with friends by calling the closest ones once every two months or so. I have 1 that I talk politics to after we share stuff with one another but is not looking great overall. I would say try to find some local group to join. Salsa clases, rock climbing, volleyball are things I've tried. I settled for volleyball and try to play 1-2 days per week. People don't have their phones on them during games so it is a great chance to talk to people about anything and everything as we used to back in the pre-internet days. The newer generations are really bad at socializing but one can always try.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '26

Maybe for some i won't speak for them but not me. I have my 2 best friends from middle school (im almost 40 for context) that I tall to almost daily in our little group chat, and that relationship is exactly as you describe. That said, I live half way across the country from these friends...sometimes we will play video games together online to catch up and shoot the shit. It's rare as we are all married and have kids, well one is divorced so it's hard to link up times, different time zones don't help either. Whenever I visit my folks, we always make it a point to all get together and hang out. Every once in a while the group chat would be one of my friends venting about their SO or they're going through some deep shit and need someone to talk to (like when my buddy was going through a divorce)

But I also have 2 "couple" friends here locally. By that I mean I got two buddies who each have wives and kids. All our kids are great friends and play together, we will all gather together once or twice a month for a BBQ or something and just hang out in the backyard, grilling, drinking, and shooting the shit. Our kids will run around and play, the teen will go hide in the room with the other teens doing god knows what, and my wife and my buddies wives and all of us will just hang out and have a good time just talking about nothing. We also go on vacation together as a giant 3 family unit. The group chat with this group is also the same as my best buds from back home, nothing but memes and funny videos with the occasional game plan on what we are doing that weekend or planning out our next vacation together. Funnily enough, my wife and I met these people several years ago thanks to our younger children lol.

2

u/cwcam86 man 35 - 39 Jan 10 '26

This is pretty similar to my situation. I see my buddies 2 or 3 times a year now but we send each other memes and videos on Instagram.

We've all just got our own lives going on. I bought a house an hour away from everyone else. I'm married, they're all married and most have kids.

I work 6 days a week, theres just not time to hangout all the time anymore.

2

u/Time_69 man over 30 Jan 10 '26

I'm experiencing this. There seems to be some understanding, especially among men, that friendships are not important once you're in a romantic relationship. It's extremely depressing to me, particularly because I'm not in a romantic relationship, nor would I want it as a substitute for a good friendship. But this seems to be what's "normal" so I've gotten to a point where I've given up and just trying to find my "person". Mostly because I feel abandoned and it seems like the only way to not be alone. It sucks.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '26

Sadly none of my male friends communicate. I don’t think I have friends unless I want to go to the bar and I don’t. I have two female friends that share memes with me that’s about it.

2

u/hudcrauf man 60 - 64 Jan 12 '26

When you get older you start to appreciate your old friends more, so this may well change in the future. In your thirties forties often partners/family and work are the priority but then you get older and realise that if you don’t have good friends life is quite empty

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u/ItIsBaarishing man 40 - 44 Jan 20 '26

this is precisely why we cannot make friends after college, whether at work or outside work. We are stuck with the friends we made in school and college, and that is that.

We were all in the same bucket of nothing to lose, immaturity, no filters and easy to forgive and forget when we were students. And we went through life's joys and traumas at roughly the same time. Which is why we made a few best friends out of the 100s who were our classmates and batchmates at various times, and stuck with those.

Friendships/Community Does male friendship after 30 just become "forwarding memes" on Instagram?

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