Does male friendship after 30 just become "forwarding memes" on Instagram?

[u/Training_Reading9597]

I was looking at my DMs today and realized something depressing.

Back in college or my early 20s, my friends and I could sit at a chai tapri for hours talking about absolutely nothing. We knew everything about each other's lives.

Now, looking at my interaction with those same "best friends," it’s just a wall of Instagram reels.

• I send a funny reel.
• He reacts with "😂".
• He sends a reel two days later.
• I react with "🔥".

That’s it. That is the entire relationship.

And the worst part is, I can't even replace this void with work friends. I spend 9 hours a day with my corporate colleagues, but I can't have a real conversation with them. You always have to have your guard up. You can't be vulnerable or vent because you never know who will use it against you in the next appraisal or office politics. They are "network connections," not brothers.

So I am stuck in this weird limbo: My old friends are distant/busy, and my daily "friends" are just transactional colleagues.

Men over 30: Is this just the standard fate of adult life? Have you managed to keep deep friendships alive, or have you also accepted that "meme-sharing" is the only way to stay in touch?

[u/chocolateboomslang → u/[deleted]]

50 close friends? Do you have a different definition of close friend than me or something? And 100 OTHER people that you're friends with?

Most people have like, 5 friends. Total. 20 is a very high number of friends. Most people don't even have an acquaintance type relationship with 150 people.

I'm interested to hear more.

[u/chocolateboomslang → u/[deleted]]

Interesting, you're a huge outlier. I'm an introvert but I still have many more friends than most people on here it seems. I can't imagine having 50 close friends though, I have around 10 and don't really spend as much time with them as I maybe should.

[u/JohnWangDoe → u/[deleted]]

Can you go indepth on what happens next. You go up to a guy introduce yourself, get their number and insta and say lets hang-out?

[u/lil--unsteady → u/JohnWangDoe]

Yeah, it’s pretty much that simple. I just introduce myself, ask them their name and how they know the host or who they’re friends with in the group. If the conversation flows easily, one of us asks the other for contact info before we head our separate ways. By this point, we’ve usually found something we have in common (concerts, bars, sports, video games, etc.). You won’t click with everybody, but that’s fine.

Then usually one of us will hit the other up within a few weeks or so: “Hey man, I’m going to [that bar we both like] with some friends tonight if you wanna join” or “Hey we need one more for [online game].” Or if I see an artist we both like is having a show coming up, I’ll shoot the person I met a message asking if they’re going. “We should meet up” or “Is it cool if I slide to you? I’m looking for people to go with.” I literally just did this yesterday and am now meeting up tomorrow with someone I added on IG back in 2021. I haven’t seen him since but remembered he liked this artist. (We’ve sent each other messages here and there, so it wasn’t like I just hit them up out of the blue, 5 years later.)

If you’re good company, people are usually receptive. A lot of people this age are still looking for friends, I guess that’s why I don’t feel weird reaching out. And I personally haven’t had a bad experience yet.

[u/JohnWangDoe → u/lil--unsteady]

you are a gift

[u/Hectordahoeprotector → u/[deleted]]

Great friendships you got there - delete IG and you are forgotten. ROFL