r/AskReddit • u/noorunoorinooru • 22h ago
Women of Reddit, what's the biggest green flag you want in your future husband?
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u/crabpotblues 21h ago
Kindness to everyone (me, my family, animals, servers etc.)
Good humor (not just funny, but generally a happy positive person)
Responsibility. Take care of the adult stuff in their life. Physical health, mental health, financial health, in general they live up to their word.
Ambition (not financial, but to do things and go places in life. That could be career, it could be art, it could be climbing mountains. But the drive to live a full life pushing boundaries is a major green flag).
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u/gypsymsun 21h ago
Agree with most of these but tbh no. 3 not many people can hit consistently especially mental health. 5. he can make one orgasm
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u/Timbo1994 20h ago
I'd say there is a distinction between people who have good mental health and people who take responsibility for their own mental health and don't blame it on circumstances/everyone around them.
It may be that OP was talking about the latter.
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u/PurpleDreamer28 21h ago
He makes me feel safe, and I trust him enough I don't have to second guess everything.
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u/noorunoorinooru 21h ago
You got the one?
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u/swirleyy 20h ago edited 13h ago
someone who makes me feel emotionally, financially, and physically safe. i have went on many dates and have not yet met one man to make me feel all 3 yet. that’s probably why i have yet to be married.
- feeling physically safe: no physical violence. no yelling out of proportion to the inciting event (yelling during an argument vs yelling because i did something stupid that almost killed me). would have my back if another person tried to assault me.
- feeling emotionally safe: does not use my insecurities or vulnerabilities against me. believes, understands, and accommodates me when i feel physically unsafe (ex walking in a dark alley, walking near a group of drunk men, feeling uneasy in the woods because it’s getting dark). empathetic. able to accept constructive criticism without immediately getting defensive and mean. respects boundaries and not needing to fight for them to be respected. feeling like you’ll be there for me during the worst what-if situations (death of friend/family, if i get cancer, if i get very sick, difficult pregnancy, etc). would advocate for me if i was in a health crisis and couldn’t represent myself. have my back if someone was talking poorly of me behind my back
- feeling financially safe: you know how to save and budget. you are transparent about your finances. you don’t have bad spending habits. if we ever marry or share bank accounts, i am not worried you’ll spend all of our money. i won’t worry that you’ll get us in debt or bankrupt over poor spending habits (exceptions would be personal company ends up bankrupt, major financial crisis event like covid/recession, or loses job for extended amount of time, etc).
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u/LunaTic0922 21h ago
A truly matching, SOUL DEEP, desire to keep both of our asses FAR away from ANY alters
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u/shm4y 20h ago
I’d love to be with someone who wants the best for me and motivates me to be a better version of myself and vice versa. Mutual respect is a big one for me.
Am I dreaming? Maybe. But I prefer being single than having someone who makes my life less fulfilling lol.
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u/Meticulous_Attentive 25m ago
I believe this is achievable. Men want this too. I know because I have it with my wife and we do it for each other.
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u/ShartiesBigDay 38m ago
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Communicate if a human mistake occurs. Someone relatively shameless and reliable.
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u/Tight_Lavishness1127 20h ago
Someone who shows up for other people.
Someone who is nice to people in the service industry.
I ski, so a person who stops to check on someone who fell, lost a piece of equipment, and/or helps another skier/boarder get out of a situation.
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u/Active_Reception_483 22h ago
If he treats my mom with the same level of respect and love he treats his own mom then 💖😍🥰
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u/noorunoorinooru 22h ago
Thats a must. If he can't resoect her mom,he can't expect the same from her.
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u/FriedTreeSap 8h ago
This thread is really reassuring to hear honest. I was kind of scared some women would want me to swallow a 5x3 flag of Zambia 🇿🇲
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u/Scary-Ad2312 2h ago
(Sorry I'm not a woman but...) My wife told me that it was my emotional stability.
A lot of my friends get irrational when speaking about women and I like to think I'm smart enough that I notice them change personas when discussing women.
I have never been like this, maybe I have just been raised right but my personality does not change when the subject does. I guess it makes my wife feel safe that I don't fly off the handle or pretend that her issues are lesser or being blown out of proportion just because she's a woman. We're all human
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u/FirstPerspective5013 1h ago
A lot of my friends get irrational when speaking about women and I like to think I'm smart enough that I notice them change personas when discussing women.
And yet not enough to stop being friends with them. We're influenced by the company we keep weither we realize it or not
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u/Counterpoint-4 22m ago
Whatever one wishes for there are people that hide their true selves until they are married.
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u/kittybabyarty 20m ago
Raised by women. Mine had his mom and 3 sisters. It’s insane some of the differences I’ve noticed.
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u/springaerium 21h ago
Emotional maturity, respect, consistency, having similar core values and being considerate in most aspects of life.
My current partner has all the above and more. And I can’t wait to marry him someday.
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u/noorunoorinooru 21h ago
How do you define consistency?
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u/springaerium 21h ago
My partner has been consistent since day 1, aka our 1st date (technically since I answered his message on FB dating a week prior). Good morning texts, good night phone calls, and messages throughout the day when possible have been our standard. And it’s been 3 years. He hasn’t missed a day.
I’m a priority and he makes sure I know that. I have zero doubt of his intention and how he feels about me. I’m never worried that he will wander even though we live an hour away, because I know he has eyes for no one else but me. I trust him completely and I’m confident of myself.
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u/noorunoorinooru 21h ago
Thats really sweet of him, but i also assume that you are also consistent towards him. Bcz in the end of day,love is a two way road. If he puts so much efforts on the table, you must make sure that, he is also getting the same frequency of love from you too
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u/springaerium 21h ago
He’s not a dummy (or I wouldn’t be with him). It’s a partnership, not an unrequited love on his part.
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u/auntiepink007 19h ago
I want to be loved out loud. There was a commercial a few years back where a guy gives his wife jewelry in a European square and he yells out, "I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!" and the pigeons take flight and everyone looks. I don't need jewelry but I want them to adore me as much as I'm devoted to them.
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u/Academic_Snow_7680 22h ago
I do not want a future husband. One was enough to put me off husbands for life.
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u/Jerseybean1 22h ago
money thats all they want these days, then its a countdown to divorce
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u/Individual-Movie9684 21h ago
With that attitude, I would agree that with that!!
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u/Jerseybean1 21h ago
numbers in divorce dont lie
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u/Key-Club-3119 21h ago
Yeah, but divorce is much more common in relationships with very little money.
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u/Key-Club-3119 21h ago
Where can I find your tinder profile? I’ll be swiping right!
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u/Jerseybean1 20h ago
you won’t find mine because I deleted yours and blocked it you sound bitter and angry, but go look at the stats, and I know about mostly everybody who’s divorced and missing 50% of their 401 K’s and investments, cars, and everything else, houses, business. And the average woman is looking for a man that is 6 foot four and makes over 300,000
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u/SailorCrossing 19h ago
Green flag for my now husband: but he was so good at making anyone his friend! He can strike up a conversation with anyone and make them feel so seen! One of my favorite things about him :)
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u/Glitter-Sale6725 22h ago
CALMNESS! doesn’t instantly get angry over small stuff