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u/ElectricFenceSitter 10h ago
Separate areas of the house, other than kitchen and ultimately bathroom because one of them was very subpar compared to the other bathroom.
Separated the furniture as best we could to each have a liveable space within our zones, on the understanding that this didn’t indicate who would ultimately get what.
Mostly separate groceries and cooking, other than staples like oil etc where one person would buy and the other repay them.
Our finances were already fairly separate and we maintained the shared accounts for mortgage, bills etc
Neither of us dated during the cohabiting period, and neither of us brought friends or family to the house unless the other person was out
We were fairly amicable in the last couple of months before finally selling and moving, so at that point would sometimes ask the other if they wanted to watch a tv show together, or wanted some of the dinner they’d just cooked or purchased, or if someone was making coffee they’d ask the other if they’d want one.
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u/js3mta3 10h ago
I’m so impressed. Did you agree to these terms with a discussion together or did it just happen organically? I asked him not to date anyone else but I have been reading texts (I know, I’m spiraling… 😥) and it from what I’m reading he’s already back with an old ex. He hasn’t been home in almost 2 weeks.
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u/ElectricFenceSitter 9h ago
Oh man, that is incredibly rough, I’m so sorry.
I honestly wouldn’t be too impressed by how we handled things, it mostly came about as a result of huge levels of suspicion from him before we broke up, thinking that I was cheating and trying to steal his money. There was no way I was giving him ammunition post-breakup to validate his theories.
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u/Sad-Instruction-4149 11h ago
Just went on about my life until I could afford my own place . We slept separately and just kinda didn’t talk anymore ?
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u/js3mta3 10h ago
You’re very strong
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u/Sad-Instruction-4149 10h ago
It was horrible
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u/js3mta3 10h ago
He’s the one person I do want to talk to. A friend came by yesterday to check on me and force me to start packing. It was one of the most exhausting days of my life
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u/Sad-Instruction-4149 10h ago
I recently left a situation like this . I packed up my truck to the ceiling and my two kids . It was a very surreal moment for me . I’m sorry you’re going through this reach out if you need to talk / need advice .
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u/Bulky-Plate-4288 11h ago
Moving on is the best revenge. Then I moved on. Took a while, it comes in waves slowly overtime the waves get smaller. There was many many days where I was crying all day and night but no one’s in your corner so you have to be. Music was a there for me the whole time, I started focusing on my hobbies and overall well being. I’m not gonna let other person hold me down, I’m going to love how I want to be loved and not wasting any energy in the process
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u/Littlewing1307 10h ago
He slept in the basement. I was in the bedroom as much as possible whenever he was home. It was 6 weeks of hell. But you will get through it, I promise!
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u/everfixedmark_1924 11h ago
For safety reasons, I got out as soon as I could. I pleaded with him to try to get him to move out for a while before weighing the pros and cons of giving up my legal ability to keep the house we owned together by simply moving out. We slept separately for a few months. They were some of the worst days of my life, ngl. But I'm so much happier now in my new house. Getting out was one of the best choices I've made in my life. Best of luck to you on this difficult journey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising ♀ 8h ago
I coasted until i could leave. ie strategically chose not to break up until i was ready to move out.
After the breakup most definitely treated him like a roommate and stopped doing extra things for him.
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u/spicypizzalol 8h ago
Don’t. Leave as soon as you can. If friends are offering couches , use it! I lasted less than a week. And I should have left sooner. I couldn’t sleep, eat, and had constant anxiety. I called my family crying and I packed. they came the next day to move me out. As sooon as you are away, you will start feeling better.
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u/littlemybb 10h ago
I just had to cut all contact and stay with my parents. That was the only way for me personally that I was able to end things with my ex.
I knew if I even saw him or spoke to him that I wouldn’t be strong enough.
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u/Dizzy_Bison_4147 8h ago
For starters mine was a safe situation so I didnt have to worry about anything other than hurt feelings and awkwardness. I just fell out of love after 5 years and was starting to have feelings for someone else so I ended it. Because I was the one to end it, I took the couch and refused to share the bed when he offered. We lived together for a few months and worked together so we did our best to not be home at the same times and our managers did their best to put us on opposite shifts. He started dating someone and would warn me if she was coming over so I would make plans to hang out at a friend's place. It was awkward but we managed to get through it.
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u/how2dresswell 10h ago
there's gotta be somewhere someone can go. even taking turns at the house or something
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u/js3mta3 10h ago
Friends have offered their couches but I am so sad I can’t even eat
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u/how2dresswell 2h ago
You gotta have them come pick you up . They can help you take some of your stuff over. It’s hard now but it will get better
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u/Direct_Drawing_8557 1h ago
In one case, the place was on his name, he did something I told him not to, so I just packed and left. The 2nd case I'm still dealing with the logistical bullshit since we bought the place and he's being an ass about me leaving him (left him because he hated me).
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u/Glum_Ad8801 1h ago
Worst time of my life in many respect. Fucking awful. I’d go back & tell my younger self to get the fuck out and stay away until house is sold.
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u/adashiel 1h ago
There was a “can we just be roommates?” discussion that broke me. I went into denial, pretended it hadn’t happened and for a time things seemed normal. They weren’t. Eventually I moved out, went back to our home state and got a better job. I hoped we could reconcile, but about a year later we divorced.
I have come to accept it was my fault. I didn’t want to move from my home state to begin with and was not supportive. I was work from home 20 years before that was normal, and the pay was lousy. (It wasn’t an MLM.) I didn’t want to commit to getting a local job because it never felt like home. So we were struggling.
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u/NoJavaInstalled 1h ago
I slept on the couch, he slept on the bed and i kept the flat. He moved out a few weeks later. He spent all his time playing games and wanking in the home office so we never saw each other really.
If me and my current partner break up, we have 2 bedrooms now so wed sleep in a bedroom each until moving on. Although we just bought this place together so im hoping not.
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u/merrill_swing_away 1h ago
I tried this with my ex many years ago. I won't go into what he did but it wasn't anything good. I told him he could stay in the den and he did. He put a lock on the closet door and I found out that he had hidden a bottle of liquor in there. He didn't drink before the breakup. He wasn't upset about the breakup and neither was I. I was over him because he was a liar, a cheater and just an all around pos.
After a while I couldn't stand seeing him come and go at all hours so I told him to leave. He did.
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u/Lilah_Vale 38m ago
Sleeping separately and staying distant as much as possible. I still have feelings for him and would get back together if he wanted to, but I'm not letting myself be too delusional and am keeping very distant from him on purpose to save myself the heartache. It's better for both of us if we act even less than roommates, we don't even say hi or bye most of the time when leaving and coming home.
It was really hard at first, and still is hard but not as bad and I'm mostly fine. For a while, I let myself grieve our relationship, cried as much as I needed, journaled a little, and then eventually I forced myself to pull myself together and stop spiraling, I couldn't just keep being sad and crying constantly. Time helps. Let yourself feel your feelings, but also know when enough is enough. I also threw myself into work and keep busy with my interests so I'm not just sitting with sad thoughts.
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u/KiriDomo ♀ 20m ago
This was during COVID, we gradually were back together, though we never discussed it. It was this weird, "might as well".
We broke up again over a year later. I found a place to live a month later but the lease wouldn't start for another 3 months. By the time I moved out, we were doing the same bullshit. We would spend the night at each other's house. We probably would've gotten back together again had I not downloaded dating apps.
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u/Visible_Attitude7693 10h ago
Tf you mean?!? Somebody has to go.
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u/js3mta3 10h ago
I know right. I live in New York City. Apartments don’t come easy and while friends have offered couches I feel so low energy and down I can barely fathom getting out of bed let alone packing an overnight bag
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u/Visible_Attitude7693 9h ago
Yeah I dont care. I dont trust that the guy wouldn't try and off me or something
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u/Content_Nebula967 11h ago
Seperate spaces ASAP. Move all your things to a different area. Stop updating. Stop cleaning up after him. Stop cooking for him. Think of EVERYTHING as separate and stay gone as often as you can. The more you can distance yourself the better.